Headlies: Alberto Del Rio Beats Up Ninja Turtle At Child’s Birthday Party

13 Submitted by on Mon, 09 January 2017, 08:00

Las Cruces, NM – Former WWE Superstar Alberto Del Rio is once again in trouble with the law after assaulting another person in a Ninja Turtles costume.

Las Cruces Sheriff Benjamin Munoz described the scene, saying “It’s just awful. I can’t recall ever seeing such a random and senseless act of violence. There were foam sais, nunchucks, and bos everywhere.”

The police department are still trying to piece together exactly what happened, but it is believed Del Rio, along with his fiancee, current WWE wrestler Paige, were driving to the airport from an independent wrestling show when Del Rio made an abrupt stop at Kidz Zone Mini Gold and Party Palace.

An employee at Kidz Zone who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being put in the cross armbreaker said, “Del Rio just came barging into the building. He had a wild look in his eyes and said something about his ‘perro sense’ tingling. He ran into one of the party rooms where one of our employees was performing his Ninja Turtle routine for an 8 year old’s birthday. Del Rio screamed ‘Are you looking at my woman?!’ and starting pummeling him.”

It took over 10 police officers and deputies to subdue the former World Heavyweight Champion and take him into custody. The Kidz Zone employee, 22 year old David Zalinsky was taken to Memorial Medical Center where he was treated for a broken orbital bone, a broken nose, a swollen jaw, and a dislocated shoulder.

When asked for comment, Paige said, “Whatever. I love my Alby-walby and he loves me. No Ninja Turtle, Battletoad, or Street Shark will ever come between us.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
13 Responses to "Headlies: Alberto Del Rio Beats Up Ninja Turtle At Child’s Birthday Party"
  1. Jay says:

    I don’t know the backstory on this, but picturing Paige saying “Alby Walby” makes smile on this cold Monday morning.

  2. ThatsGottaBeKane says:

    How about a card featuring Lucha Underground vs TMNT?

    We can call it Teenage Lucha Ninja Tortillas.

    main event could be a Survivor Series style match featuring Del Rio, La Parka, Rey Mysterio, Prince Puma and Paige vs the TMNT & April O’Neill.

    Shredder vs Mil Muertes
    Splinter vs Konnan
    Bebop & Rocksteady vs Brian Cage & Hernandez

  3. John C says:

    Imagine the hilarity that could result from Dr. D David Schultz out and about ” lookin’ for a woman” and seeing Paige (soon to known as Pay-Ge on the indy circuit) and having Alberto yell at him for “looking at his woman”.

  4. We know that Alberto Del Rio can take on Ninja Turtles. Question is can he take on Ultraman?

    Pic (link) https://twitter.com/t346fire/status/818050399563190273

  5. Geoff says:

    Yes. Yes he can.

    Another question is: can he take on Optimus Prime and win.

  6. Vealchop says:

    Street Sharks? Jawesome.

    • ClawsomeMan says:

      And as Robot Chicken told us, there was minimal difference between the Ninja Turtles and the Street Sharks.

  7. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    That last line is amazing.

  8. Sawney says:

    ‘Foam sais, nunchucks and bos everywhere.’
    I had no idea Mr. Dallas was involved.

    I’m sorry.

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