Headlies: Actor Joaquin Phoenix Set To Become The New Doink

3 Submitted by on Mon, 24 September 2018, 08:00

Los Angeles, CA – Actor Joaquin Phoenix has announced that he will become the latest incarnation of Doink The Clown in WWE.

Phoenix, famous for his roles in movies such as Signs, Walk The Line, and Gladiator, set the entertainment world ablaze this week when pictures of him dressed as a clown surfaced. While many believed the pictures were from a new movie about DC Comic’s The Joker, it was revealed to be a new promo to be aired tonight on Monday Night Raw.

“The Joker? It’s been done before,” said Phoenix. “I wanted a complex, multi-layered character I could really sink my teeth into. A character with the ability to bring out absolute terror or sheer joy out of the audience. I needed to be Doink The Clown.”

Phoenix has been training in secret for several months at the Harley Race Wrestling Academy in Missouri. “He’s shown a lot of grit and determination,” said Race. “Reminds me of ‘Wildfire’ Tommy Rich, but a lot weirder.”

Phoenix has taken to the ring very well, notching several wins on the independent scene. He has earned high marks for his psychology, unpredictability, and permanently wet-looking hair. His ability to stay in character long after the matches have garnered praise from WWE officials.

“Phoenix is a true student of the game,” said Triple H. “I really believed that he was hitting some poor shmoe with an arm cast. You could feel the bucket of confetti he tossed into the crowd. Everyone at Titan Tower knew that was genuine fear pee running down Kevin Dunn’s leg when I showed him clips. That’s how you sports entertain like a pro!”

Rather than starting in NXT, the new, edgy Doink The Clown will be fast-tracked to the main roster where he will naturally feud with Bray Wyatt.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: Actor Joaquin Phoenix Set To Become The New Doink"
  1. Kev says:

    Real talk, it’ beats whatever the hell they were going for with Jared Leto, but I’m still not feeling it.

    • Don townsend says:

      I’m surprised they havent tried to roll out a new Doink honestly. Whatever they were going for with Jared Leto…….good question. I guess they were trying to be too edgy but also wanted him to be hot while randomly interspersing him in the movie.

      At least Phoenix can act.

  2. Thomas R Mossman says:

    I don’t think we’ll see a newer, grittier, Joker-esque Doink, because it’d probably seen too much like Joker Sting.

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