Headlies: 205 Live Roster To Fight Over Money In The Bank Coin Purse

5 Submitted by on Mon, 25 June 2018, 08:00

San Diego, CA – At a locker room meeting with the wrestlers from 205 Live, WWE CEO Vince McMahon announced that they would be participating in their own Money In The Bank Ladder match.

The locker room buzzed with excitement, the possibilities of incredible high spots and daring aerial moves flying through their heads. The Luchadores huddled together immediately while Gentleman Jack Gallagher lovingly embraced his umbrella, William III.

“We wouldn’t want you little fellas feeling left out now would we?” asked McMahon rhetorically while slapping Noam Dar on the back.

“That’s right boys,” said Triple H. “You’ll be fighting for the whole kid’s-size enchilada. This is your chance to win a contract for a Cruiserweight title match at any time. All you have to do is climb the ladder and grab this!”

Triple H reached in to his pocket and removed a tiny coin purse.

“What is that?” asked a squinting Tony Nese.

“It’s a coin purse!” said McMahon proudly. “Perfect for when you need to buy penny candy, ride a trolley, or buy a newspaper.”

The cruiserweights looked at each other in confusion.

“New-spay-per?” asked Lio Rush trying to understand what McMahon was talking about.

“Look, it’s the same thing as the briefcase, just, yknow, you-sized,” said Triple H making a short motion with his hand.

“Plus we get to make all sorts of ‘coin purse’ jokes for the entire year,” said McMahon. “Like ‘Oh! Gran Metalik just got his in the coin purse!’ or ‘Ariya Davari is dipping his coin purse directly in Kalisto’s mouth!’” laughed McMahon uproariously.

“This is a great opportunity for all of you,” said Triple H. “This is your chance to shine and show the WWE Universe what 205 Live is all about!”

“On the WWE app,” said McMahon under his breath.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
5 Responses to "Headlies: 205 Live Roster To Fight Over Money In The Bank Coin Purse"
  1. John C says:

    Gentleman Jack would pick up the victory after using his umbrella to unhook the diminutive satchel from the hook. He would then refer to his prize as Pursey Galore.

  2. Jim says:

    Years ago, some wonderful genius vandalised the WWE Light-Heavyweight Championship Wiki page to describe the title as a division for junior high school wrestlers. Christian apparently retired as champion at the age of 14 to concentrate on his exams. It was one of the funniest things I have ever read, and I regret not finding a way to preserve it to this day.

    Vince apparently thinks that page was real.

  3. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I can just see it – 7 of the 8 competitors to compete announced and as the bell sounds to start the match there are still only 7. Deep into the match all 7 men are wiped out when suddenly a diddley-diddley-diddley-dee tune begins, the crowd groans as two time Gooker of the Year winner Hornswoggle runs to the ring much to NOBODY but Michael Cole’s delight and climbs the ladder to ruin the match and everybody’s night…

  4. MistaMaddog says:

    So what kind of contract can fit in a coin purse? Must be a raffle ticket for a “chance” at the Crusierweight Title…

  5. Jay says:

    The ‘coin purse’ contains a spider ring, 5 Chuck E. Cheese tokens, and a gift certificate for Archway oatmeal cookies.

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