Curtain Jerker 1/30/13: Use Your Illusion

26 Submitted by on Wed, 30 January 2013, 08:00

Forgot to set one of these up before bed, so I’m on my smart phone to ask this:

What common spot or custom in wrestling takes you out of the illusion?

For me, when an opponent removes the monitors from the commentary desk before putting an opponent through. Wouldn’t you WANT them to injure your hated rival?

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
26 Responses to "Curtain Jerker 1/30/13: Use Your Illusion"
  1. Inorbaj says:

    Wrestlers automatically compelled to run after being bounced off the ropes, the old criss cross was particularly stupid.

  2. Goldash says:

    More of a pet peeve on commentary, but when the play-by-play announcer or color commentator (especially in contemporary WWE) states a match is “over” after a particularly dangerous spot…there’s usually a kick out that follows.
    I’m all for planting seeds of doubt in your audience, but it starts to get silly when it happens on nearly every show.

  3. Superstarl says:

    The worst one for me is when they throw someone to the ropes and then bow to try to flip them. Why would you do that? It inevitably ends in your opponent bouncing off the ropes and then kicking your silly bowing self in the head, since you aren’t even looking to see what they are doing! Silly.

  4. VDM says:

    Rey Mysterio in his entirety.

    - All his opponents must attempt a powerbomb while he always counters, even if they never do powerbombs at any other time.

    - All his opponents land on the second rope for a 619. Lately he’s been head-scissoring them into place, but often they just have to fall that way on their own, even though it’s yet another thing that never happens outside his matches.

    - The 619 is a dropkick with absolutely no weight or muscle behind it. Seriously, he’s spinning in place, people. Yet everyone has to sell it like a car wreck.

    - His finisher is having a 90 pound man fall on you. It takes out the Big Show.

  5. The Gold Standard says:

    I think my biggest, “REALLY” Moment was when the face had the heel by the hair, holding up a fist, and then asked the crowd, “Should I hit him?”. Between that and the face has both legs of the heel (who’s laying on the mat) and asks the crowd if he should stomp the guy. To the face, be glad it’s theater and not a real fight

  6. JR says:

    False Finishes and Finisher Exchanges… basically the hallmark of all indy matches

  7. N Frey says:

    Whenever commentator Tony Dawson says “For the cover!!” when someone makes a pin attempt. This doofus also had to ask Regal what a move was (it was a side headlock) on NXT. Regal responded with “If I have to tell you that, you shouldn’t be sitting here.”

    • N Frey says:

      And just when I thought he couldn’t get worse, Dawson has started saying “For the PIN!!!” This guy makes Adamle look like Joey Styles.

  8. Peter Santellan says:

    The whole “Hulking Up” bit when an opponent kept hitting Hogan as he started his routine. Use a chair, low blow, anything except trying to hit him with punches to the head.

  9. DeweyDTruman says:

    Any time the fans are called the universe, or to a lesser extent when the wrestlers are called the “superstars.”

  10. Earpaniac says:

    Absolutely, positively for me has to be when wrestlers go over their “secret plans” and fail to notice the large camera and the six people on the crew working it. And they ALL do this week after week. You’d think just once somebody would notice.

  11. Nick Nutter says:

    Most commonly used: When they throw the guy outside the ring and you KNOW they’re about to go to commercial. One of the side effects of a 3 hour Raw is that I look for this on PPVs now.

    Most aggregious offender: Any electrified cage, tazer, cattle prod, electric chair or whatever. It looks SO fake. (Unless it was on Wrestling Society X; then I let it slide.)

  12. Brandon says:

    I have three big ones:
    1. When a wrestler misses a dropkick and acts hurt, despite the fact that they would land the same way whether they hit it or not. Very minor, but I nitpick.
    2. Any time someone’s finishing sequence depends on the actions of the opponent. By which I mean that at this point, people should know better than try to clothesline Cena after the two shoulder blocks etc.
    3. The fact that backstage a wrestler can be knocked out by one or two good punches, but in the ring they require everything in an opponent’s arsenal.

    • hobu0 says:

      2. Any time someone’s finishing sequence depends on the actions of the opponent. By which I mean that at this point, people should know better than try to clothesline Cena after the two shoulder blocks etc.

      I was gonna bring that up. Thats a new irritating trend these days perhaps taking over for another big one, which is the…

      dancing around while the opponent has to lay there and wait for you to hit a move (People’s Elbow, The worm, 5 Knuckle shuffle etc…) which has two sub-categories

      a. the fact that 2 of those were/are actually finishing moves (being as how the Rock just won the title from a guy who had epic battles and kicked out of just about everything for well over a year with his)
      AAAAND my biggest pet peeve right now…..

      b. the opponent has to lay there for 30 seconds while Cena does his stupid dance, but after Cena actually HITS the move, the opponent immediately jumps to his feet ready to be hoisted up for the A.A.

  13. Cucch says:

    Anytime two wrestlers blow a spot and then proceed to repeat it.

    • Dice Ezail says:

      OH GOD THIS!!! Holy hand grenade, guys, learn some improv, will ya?

      Same Crap, different color? When a setup gets blown, and they stand there, stalling. Sure, they edit it out on the tape, but it is so stupid live.

      See: Mark Henry can’t break the chain, so Batista enjoys whats his names head in his crotch for a full minute while Mark’s at the door….

  14. Christopher says:

    When a wrestler is “distracted” by another individual on the entrance ramp so that his opponent in the ring can sneak up on him from behind. I find this especially irritating when the wrestler in the ring is staring RIGHT AT THE TITANTRON which is usually the same camera angle we are seeing on TV. If we can see his opponent sneaking up on him, how does the wrestler not see that on the Tron?! I agree with most else that has been written here as well.

  15. Dice Ezail says:

    I actually disagree with Justin, as far as that being a universal thing that kills disbelief–if anything, it’s probably because of some smart announcers when I was younger filling in commentary to the effect of “yeah, you better move those monitors unless you wanna pay for em!” Fixes that snafu real quick. And man, that was YEARS ago, still works for me.

    One I haven’t seen here? The “never goes up top guy” jumping off the top, and landing on his feet, taking a boot to the jaw. The knees to the gut works. That one? Not so much…

  16. Josh F says:

    I like high spots as much as the next guy, but some of them are ridiculous. As somebody mentioned previously, it’s similar to the “lay down for 30 seconds as you dance around the ring” thing. I hate when a guy is knocked to the ground, or is standing on his feet staggering for 10+ seconds while some scrawny acrobat slowly climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and hits him with some flippermajig.

    To a lesser extent, flippy stuff on the whole kills my suspension of disbelief-a man jumping on you from 10 feet up and landing on his belly is a man jumping on you, I don’t see how the flipping/spinning/whatever makes it hurt more.

  17. downwithOPC says:

    Any time the ref gets knocked out, especially for an extended period of time. Why would WWE, or any decent promotion, allow refs who barely get hit and knocked UNCONSCIOUS, to continue reffing these matches? These guys are fighting each other in the ring, you should be able to take an occasional blow. I realize that this is done to make the wrestlers look even more superhuman (and of course to allow stuff that would normally get someone DQ’d), but it’s been way overdone too.

    On the topic of moving the monitors out of the way…shouldn’t those have been replaced with HD flat-screen monitors by now? My friend put it like this: “It’s like the TV my grandpa has in his garage”.

  18. Escape says:

    Almost every match involving the Big Show, and that’s going back to his Giant days. He should be steamrolling and killing most opponents, especially guys that are half his size. Instead, he’s doing exaggerated falls and sells. It kills me every time. I’ve fast forwarded through more of his matches than any other wrestler. He’s much better against believable opponents like Sheamus who stand a chance of actually going toe to toe with him. Same thing bugs me with other giant wrestlers against much smaller opponents.

    Also, hot tags that lead to the opponents running into the ring and taking non-stop dropkicks, clotheslines, whatever, and continuously bouncing back up to take another. Just stay down for five seconds!

    And the fact that no one’s sold a punch since the mid 90s.

  19. Bone White says:

    Very poor attempts to get up ladders or out of cages

  20. Rob Brown says:

    Superplexes.

    They look cool, but every time I see one I get reminded that I’m not watching a real fight. Because you can’t take a superplex unless you stand up from your previous sitting position, lift up one foot from its resting place on the middle rope and step onto the top rope with it, and then lift the other foot up and do the same with that one.

    The first time I ever saw a superplex, I remember thinking “Why is that guy helping his opponent by climbing to the top rope just so he can get thrown off?”

  21. Peachmeister says:

    For me, its got to be the referee down for overly dramatic time period. My two year old daughter could take more punishment and count quicker than they do! For that matter, in a real sport, if the referee counted slow or missed the count at all, wouldn’t it just be thrown out and made no contest or ruled in the rightful winners favor?

    Yeah – its wrestling, but try explaining THAT to someone who isn’t a fan.

  22. apestench says:

    Why is it that sometimes they make a big deal out of contract signings for a championship match and other times a championship match is made on the fly by the GM against the will of the champion? Do title matches need a contract or not?

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