Someone Bought This Classic: WWF Valentines

29 Submitted by on Fri, 13 February 2015, 15:00

WWF Valentines!

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, odds are there are some WrestleCrap fanatics out there who have yet to get their sweety pie a gift. Well, FRET NO LONGER! Your old pal RD Reynolds has searched high and low to find the sweetest, sappiest, most fantabulous gift under the sun, one that is sure to net you a BJ (broken jaw)! And who’d have thunk that it would come from your favorite wrestling monopoly and mine, the WWF?

And what better way to celebrate VD than with Nipple H herself! In fact, I dare say she’s the hottest Diva on the roster, so let’s replace the outdated Too Cool card with an SMH one!

 Another fun thing about these cards is that on the back of each, there are fun puzzles for your significant other to enjoy. Odds are, though, that anyone who would date someone who would buy these isn’t too bright, so I’ve made some modifications to make sure everyone comes out a winner!


And tell me…what would Valentine’s Day be without the People’s Champion, the Rock? I argue that the WWF would do far better to appeal to the “Horny Senior Citizen” demographic, and unearth Mae Young from the mothballs. Puppies for everyone!


Finally, let’s end with my favorite wrestler in the whole entire world, Triple H. With the recent wave of nostalgia in the WWF, it only seems fitting that we create a card based on one of the true legends of the squared circle, a man whose mere name is synonymous with ring psychology (and massive amounts of liquor and drugs).

Guys, if you really want to score with that special lady, I urge you to give her the one and only OFFICIAL Jake “The Snake” Roberts valentine!

Because let’s face it fellas…if the sight above doesn’t get your lady hot and ready to party, nothing will.

Happy VD!


Written by

Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
29 Responses to "Someone Bought This Classic: WWF Valentines"
  1. Bone White says:

    Tha Mae Young picture will give me night terrors you know

  2. DeweyDTruman says:

    I could swear when I was younger I had a box of WCW valentines cards. And they were just as silly as, well, every other valentine’s card I ever saw, if not moreso.

    Apparently I can get a box of them off ebay for $11, what a steal!

  3. Lee says:

    Rat poison or ipecac would have pretty much the same effect wouldn’t it?

  4. Jr. says:

    I one time gave a Disco Inferno Valentine to a girl i liked. Surprisingly enough, i got a kiss for it. Who says WCW was always bad?

  5. "The Legendary" Thud Mackey says:

    What about a Valentine’s Day card of Kane burning Jim Ross?

    “Baby, you set my heart on fire.”

  6. Wrestlecrap's Janitor says:

    The Mae Young one is going to haunt my dreams.


  7. bobbyknightmare says:

    Is Mae Young an Abzorbaloff from the planet Clom?

  8. Wilson Foote says:

    {In reference to Mae Young}

    My Eyes, My Eyes
    It Burns, It Burns

    Damn you RD

  9. Becky says:

    i have these… got them stashed in with my other wrestling stuff

  10. thinksojoe says:

    I had older ones. In fact, I still have an Ultimate Warrior one floating around somewhere.

  11. twilite_rider says:

    Hmmmm… what a nice V day give to someone you really don’t like. Its either that or the Rat Poison.

  12. RD Reynolds says:

    Amazing blast from the past. My favorite is the maze.

    • John C says:

      How disadvantageous for your plebian readers that inhabit this site. They will not procure a solution to this childish puzzle you concocted. Sincerely yours, Mr. Bob Backlund. p.s. that Jonathan Taylor Thomas kid is still a prick.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Were any of these actually ever made? Like the non-insane ones?

  14. dizzy_hogan says:

    I have those I also have the WCW and nWo ones, I bought them and had no plans on giving them away

  15. Tyler says:

    im pretty sure i bought these

  16. George from Dudleyville NY says:

    I’m with Jimbolian on that. I spent Christmas and Bday money on my $300+ ticket to RR2000. So I paid to watch maybe the worst actual rumble match and Mae Youngs hound dogs. Fake or not it’s still a haunting image. At least I got a ommemorative chair to take home and two good matches of memories .

  17. John C says:

    Every freakin’ time I think those Mae images will finally go away in my mind…ahhh the pain. I almost feel my face could melt like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. That would be a good finishing move to have though…face melt and head explosion. Cena no sells it and hits you with the five knuckle shuffle. Damn with his head gone he really couldn’t see me now.

  18. Thomas says:

    They need to save the Mae Young card for Halloween, that was the most horrifying image I’ve seen in a long time.


  19. E-Squared says:

    I will say this, I am glad that I was out of elementary school after I became a wrestling fan. In hindsight, and if this were to have happened, I would have been embarrassed giving these out. I know wrestling was hot at some point and I was into it during that time, but there are some things that I cringe about in hindsight.

  20. Drew says:

    Ya think Triple ….uhhhh …. H left one of his Valentine’s in Katie Vick’s casket?

  21. Mike says:

    I got one of these in the 5th grade! Had Jericho on it and it said “You’re the best valentine eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveeeeeeer!!!!”

  22. Mister Forth says:

    Taker in 1999 needed a where to Valentine one.

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