Text By Jed Shaffer

What if...Rikishi Wasn't the Guy Who Ran Over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series 1999?

Part V

Raw: Dec. 11, '00

The music of Linda McMahon kicks off Raw; the announcers speculate on Linda's decisions as she enters the ring and is handed a microphone. "Before I address the issues today, I need to request the presence of three people, so I may address them personally. So, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Undertaker and Mick Foley," she says, "would you all please join me in the ring?"

 

Austin, Foley and Undertaker come to the ring, each carrying microphones. As they do so, Linda continues; "I would also ask my husband and The Rock to join us, but for safety concerns, I've asked to watch on a monitor in back. Vince, however, is unable to be here, as he is still in the hospital due to injuries sustained at Armageddon last night." Only Austin goes over to shake Linda's hand; Undertaker leans back in a corner, watching the CEO with a cool detachment, eyes hidden by sunglasses; Foley, sporting a bandage over the head wound received from Austin's chair shot the night before, timidly bows but keeps his distance. "However," she continues, "he is watching on a television from his hospital room.

 

"The board of directors and I have deliberated over two issues in the past four weeks: namely, the investigation into the assailant of Stone Cold Steve Austin at the 1999 Survivor Series, and the condition of the World Wrestling Federation itself. It is the determination of both the board of directors and myself that the evidence clearly justifies the suspicion of The Rock as the perpetrator of the attack." Foley launches into a tirade, but Linda dismisses it with an upraised hand. "Mick, the evidence speaks for itself. Your refusal to acknowledge the evidence, and your continued pursuit of Undertaker and Shawn Michaels, in light of the evidence, is worrysome at best. We are not prepared to take official action against The Rock as of yet, as we have not consulted with you, Steve, on how you would prefer to proceed."

 

"Linda, this is--"

 

"Mick, please. You have no logical argument against the facts, and your impassioned pleas for your friend only highlight the second, and larger, problem: your failure in the office of the WWF Commissioner. Mick, in the past two months, you have let corruption and prejudice cripple your tenure as Commissioner, granting special consideration to friends, the employ of hired thugs as in-ring enforcers, and turning the WWF into a police state with armed guards." Mick opens his mouth to counter, but Linda steamrolls on. "You have turned a blind eye to the evidence in the Austin investigation because it implicates a friend in the attack of another friend. And worst of all, Mick, your lack of attention to other matters has enabled the WWF to sink into absolute chaos. If you'd turn to the TitanTron ..." Videotape rolls on the TitanTron, a highlight reel of barbaric assaults featuring Triple H, Chris Jericho, The Rock, Steve Austin, the RTC, The Radicals, Undertaker and virtually everybody else in the federation. "The World Wrestling Federation has lost advertising dollars, lost public image and confidence from the public, lost credibility within the industry, and perhaps most important ... the roster of men and women who work for us are all working in fear, Mick Foley. You've turned away from them and let anarchy become the norm, forcing everyone to live in fear." Linda takes a deep breath. "It is, therefore, the decision of the board of directors that, based on your failures to keep control of the WWF Superstars and to properly conduct the Austin investigation in both a timely and unbiased manner, Mick Foley ... you are hereby fired as WWF Commissioner."

 

Foley barely has time to register the fact before turning to Austin and Undertaker. "I want to apologize to both of you--"

 

"You can't do this! Vince won't stand for this!" screams Foley. "I won't let this stand! The Rock is innocent, and if it kills me, I will prove i--"

 

Austin walks up to Foley, kicks him in the gut and drops him with a Stunner, popping the crowd. Linda puts forth a half-hearted "Steve ...", but her heart is obviously not in it. Austin says; "As you were saying, Linda?"

 

"I was saying that I wanted to, on behalf of the board of directors and myself, apologize to the both of you for the past two months. Both of you have been through a tremendous amount of stress over the past few months. If there is anything I can do for you ..."

 

Undertaker steps up first. "Well," he says, "you can gimme what I think I deserve: a shot at Kurt Angle and the World Wrestling Federation Championship."

 

"Well, I'm going to leave that decision to tonight's interim Commissioner." Linda turns to look at Austin and adds; "Well? Does he deserve it?"

 

Austin raises an eyebrow. "Me? I'm Commissioner?"

 

"For tonight only, yes.Ó

 

"So I'm in charge. I make the matches."

 

"Yes."

 

A crocodile smile spreads across Austin's face. He looks at Undertaker and says; "Undertaker, you want your title shot, you got it. Tonight." Austin looks at Linda and says; "Linda, you and me, we're gonna have to discuss me and Rocky later. Just promise me that I'll get my shot, and you ain't gonna pick another piece of crap like Mick Foley and we're good." Austin offers his hand again, which Linda accepts. Austin remains in the ring after Linda and Undertaker leave for the back, ready to address the crowd. "So ol' Stone Cold is Commissioner for a night." Austin's toothy smile is both humorous and frightening. "How many folks wanna see Latino Heat Eddie Guerrero get his ass whipped tonight?" The crowd responds heartily. "How's about Eddie Guerrero ... against ... hmm ..." Austin snaps his fingers. "How about The Dudleys?" The crowd cheers at first, then starts chanting for tables. "Tables? Well, that's a damn good idea! Eddie and The Dudleys, a tables match!" When the crowd settles down, Austin asks; "Hey, I got one more idea. Who wants to see Rocky get his ass whipped tonight, too?" When the audience responds a very strong affirmative, Austin replies; "I think it's a damned good idea myself. If y'all think Rocky against the WWF Tag Team Champions, William Regal and Chris Benoit, sounds like a good idea, gimme a 'hell yeah'!" The crowd gives the desired reply, to which Austin gives an "Oh, hell yeah!" to punctuate the moment.

 

Eddie Guerrero's handicap tables match against The Dudleys follows, but before he makes it to the ring, Austin stops him and his Radicals stablemates in the back. "I don't know if you know," says Austin, "but I'm Commissioner for the night, and I wanna see this be a fair fight." Austin ignores the slack-jawed faces of the Radicals at the idea of a "fair" handicap tables match and continues. "So if I see either one of ya mealy-mouthed little bastards down by that ring, I'll fire the whole damn lot of ya." Austin claps Guerrero on the shoulder and points to the curtains. "You're late for your match, Eddie," he says obnoxiously. Guerrero skulks off to the ring and, despite a valiant effort, succumbs to the predictable outcome of being put through a table with the Dudleys' 3-D. Malenko and Saturn nearly come out of their skin during the match and are all but through the curtain when the closing bell rings, but Austin clears his throat to remind them of his edict, which brings them back with their tails between their legs while Guerrero lays in the mess of a broken table in the ring.

 

In between matches, Angle finds Austin in what was Mick Foley's office, kicking back and drinking beer. "Steve. I need to talk to you."

 

Austin grins big. "Hey, you wanna beer? Course ya do!" Before Angle can answer, Austin leans to the side, opens a cooler, grabs a beer and tosses it at Angle; Angle catches it and looks at it as if it came from a foreign planet. "Crack it open! What can I do ya for?"

 

Angle looks at the beer a moment, then sets the beer down on the desk; Austin tracks the beer, staring at it as Angle paces and talks. "Steve, I ... um ... I'm kinda confused on a couple things. There's this whole problem with Chris Jericho and Triple H and the number one contendership. And then there's me wrestling tonight, after having a steel cage ... match ..." Angle stops and suddenly notices Austin staring at the beer. "Is ... um ... Steve?"

 

Austin looks up at Angle, his eyes almost forlorn. "You ... don't want the beer?"
Angle leans on the desk, brow furrowed. "Steve, were you even listening to me? I have some real problems here! How can you expect me to wrestle tonight after the hell I went through last night? And how am I supposed to sleep at night without knowing who the number one contender is?" Angle suddenly grabs the beer and pops the top. "This ... this is stressful, Steve! A guy can't live like this! Maybe I do need this beer!" Angle swigs the beer, then freezes when the taste hits his tongue; he swallows what he has with some effort, then gingerly puts the beer down and backs up a step.

 

Austin blinks up at Angle. "You don't ... you don't like the beer?"

 

"Steve! Could you please focus?"

 

"Kurt, bein' WWF Champion means a hard schedule. Way I see it, Undertaker deserves a shot, and since he ain't got nothin' to do tonight, and you don't neither, might as well put ya together." Angle opens his mouth, but Austin cuts him off. "As for your little worries 'bout Hunter and Jericho, they're gonna be wrestlin' tonight to settle who gets the shot at Royal Rumble, so you can rest your gold-medal-wearin' head." Angle tries to get out a yeah-but, but Austin again stops him cold. "Cool. Good to see ya, Kurt." Angle pouts for a moment but leaves without lodging a protest.

 

The usual swagger and bravado is missing from The Rock as he limps out to the ring for his handicap match. Soreness and bandages aside, The Rock's _expression is more one of resignation, a man knowing a dreaded date with destiny is nigh. Regal and Benoit utilize the bandages on Rock's body as bullÕs-eyes, zeroing in on them with surgical strikes and submission holds. Victory looks assured with Benoit locking Rock in the Crippler Crossface until The Radicals come down to the ring. With Guerrero providing the distraction for Regal and the ref, Saturn comes off the top rope and plants an elbow in the small of Benoit's back. Malenko and Saturn put the boots to Benoit, drill him with a double-team DDT, then put Rock on Benoit; Guerrero lets the ref get back to the match, but makes sure to trip up Regal behind the ref's back so Rock can get the three-count. The Radicals celebrate their moral victory over Benoit & Regal, but Austin comes out on the stage to ruin their fun.

 

"In case you didn't notice," says Austin, "your buddy, Mick Foley, ain't in charge no more, and Vince is at the hospital, gettin' Band-Aids on his boo-boos, and I ain't gonna tolerate your crap another damn minute. Next Monday on Raw, since you three jackasses like breakin' the rules so much, I'm just gonna put you in a match where you don't have to worry 'bout it anymore; you done bought yourself a hardcore match next week against The Dudley Boys ..." Austin pauses to look out on the crowd and grin, then goes serious again and looks at The Radicals. "And me!" Austin drops the microphone and rushes the ring as Regal and Benoit get to their feet and attack The Radicals from behind; Austin helps Regal and Benoit clear them out of the ring, but when Austin turns around to get a piece of The Rock, he finds the ring empty, The Rock having taken a timely powder in the middle of the chaos.

 

Chris Jericho limps down to the ring, bandaged and stitched together from the previous night's hellish encounter, along with the indignity of the crowd's venomous hatred. Jericho, however, shows no fear as he gets in the ring; in fact, he looks more defiant and resilient then ever, even as Triple H hobbles out. Hunter eschews his normal entrance and marches down the ramp as fast as his injured frame will allow, making a beeline for Jericho. The two immediately collide and trade fists, spilling out the ring and onto the mat. Triple H pounds Jericho's head into the steel steps, then goes to fetch a steel chair to crush Jericho's head with, but Jericho rolls out of the way. As Triple H shakes off the stinging in his hand, Jericho gets to his feet and the fistfight begins anew; neither man, however, notices that the referee has ordered the timekeeper to ring the bell and signal for a double count-out. Jericho and Triple H continue trading punches until Triple H misses with a wild swing, giving Jericho the opportunity to kick Triple H in the crotch. Jericho pushes the timekeeper aside and grabs his bell hammer, but officials cover the area and escort Jericho away, ruining his opportunity to use the hammer.

 

Before Undertaker's shot at the WWF Title, Michael Cole approaches him backstage; he is barely able to get a word out of his question before Undertaker's glare scares Cole away. "They say the Golden Rule is that he who has the gold makes the rules." Undertaker chuckles. "That don't apply here. Ya see, it don't matter if the champ is The Rock or Kurt Angle or Triple H ..." Undertaker pauses and grins maliciously. "Or Vince McMahon. That out there, that's my yard. I'm the big dog that runs it. And last night at Armageddon, Vince, why, I proved that right to ya. I don't take no crap from anybody, Vince, not from any of the boys, not from anybody, and especially not from you. In that ring, that's my world, and I make the rules there. Nobody does a damn thing there without my say-so, and that includes you, Vince. So tonight, I'm gonna go out there, and I'm gonna punish little Kurt Angle; I'm gonna beat him, I'm gonna bloody him up, I'm gonna break bones and tear muscles ... and if he pisses me off, I'm gonna show him my darker side, just like you done seen last night Vince. You see, last couple months or so, you done awoke a sleeping giant, Vince. You woke him up on the wrong side of the bed, he's hungry for blood, and he got an appetite that don't stop. So now I'm gonna use the monster you made, Vince, and I'm gonna bust up Angle and take the title. And then, I'm gonna get me another piece of your boy Rocky, and I may just track down where your pet Commissioner--oh, former Commissioner--lives, and I may get me a piece of him, too. And then maybe I'll come to your private hospital room, if you're still in it, and pay you a visit, too, Vince; maybe get a little bit of what's left from ya. But right now ... right now, I'm 'bout to go and give you the worst nightmare you can think of by cripplin' your all-American hero Kurt Angle and puttin' that belt where the hell it belongs: around my waist."

 

The chilling promo had an immediate effect on Undertaker, as his reception by the crowd is cool at best; Jim Ross speculates that while Vince may be a monster at heart, Undertaker has shown his monstrous side can be turned on and off, and fears for the safety of Angle and the rest of the Superstars if Undertaker has decided to embrace his darkness for good. Angle shows no sign of discouragement in the ring, approaching it like he does every other match, and brings his trademark athleticism to the match, trying to ground Undertaker with sound mat skills and takedowns, working over Undertaker's leg bit by bit. Undertaker, however, is interested in none of that, and brutalizes Angle every chance he gets. The ref has to interject himself to keep Undertaker from strangling Angle in the corner, an intrusion Undertaker takes none too kindly to; he intimidates the ref into the corner, then goes right back to abusing Angle until the champ manages to get a shot in on Undertaker's leg. Angle matches the ferocity and bloodlust of Undertaker and zeroes in on the leg, but a figure-four is reversed by a blatant choke; when Undertaker won't release it, even after standing up and out of the leg lock, forcing the referee to intercede again. This time, the ref's actions earn him a chokeslam. A second ref races out and is dispatched with a soupbone to the jaw. Angle gets a glancing blow off on Undertaker when he turns his attentions back to Angle, but Undertaker is fresher, and mauls Angle with a chokeslam of his own. A third referee slides in, but rather then counting the expectant Undertaker's pin, he signals for a disqualification, enraging Undertaker further. By the time Raw fades to black, two more referees and a handful of officials have been assaulted by Undertaker, and the dead man is being hauled away in cuffs, glaring back at the ring with cold, killer's eyes.

 

Smackdown: Dec. 14, '00

 

Smackdown opens in the ring, with The Rock coming down for a Royal Rumble qualifying match against Rikishi. Kevin Kelly catches up with Rikishi right before he walks through the curtian and asks him his thoughts on this huge match. "Well, Kevin," says Rikishi solemnly, "part of me is excited. The winner of the Royal Rumble is guaranteed the main event at WrestleMania, and I'd bet the people would love to see me back dat ass up at WrestleMania!" The crowd cheers an affirmative. "But, out in that ring, that's my brother out there. We both Samoan. Blood is thick, Kevin Kelly... but with what Rock did to Stone Cold Steve Austin, I don't know what to think about Rock anymore. I just hope someday he can see the light and realize the mistake he made."

 

Rikishi steps away, but Kevin Kelly asks another question; "Rikishi, one more question: Stone Cold Steve Austin is dead set on getting revenge on Rock every chance he gets. What will you do if he comes to the ring tonight looking to screw The Rock out of his shot?"

 

Rikishi turns back, taking a deep breath. "I hope Stone Cold don't cross dat line. I don't want no tainted win. If I can't beat The Rock, I don't deserve the shot at the Rumble. But I hope Stone Cold will let the match take its course before he comes up and gets in Rock's business. I don't got no beef with Stone Cold, and I don't want one, but I won't let it go if he makes one." Rikishi walks through the curtains and to the ring, into an uneasy, tense silence between the two. Rock offers a handshake, but Rikishi hesitates, and Rock sullenly retracts the hand. With a Rumble slot on the line, both men give it their all, scoring many near falls. But the deciding factor ends up being, not surprisingly, Steve Austin, as Rock is preparing to hit Rikishi with the Rock Bottom; what does surprise everyone, though, is that Austin attacks Rock, giving Rock the DQ victory. Rikishi recovers enough to shove Austin in anger, to which Austin responds with a Stunner. As Austin stomps up the aisleway, giving the people in the ring a pair of fingers, Kevin Kelly runs out to meet him.

 

"Stone Cold! Do you realize you just helped The Rock get into the Royal Rumble?"
Austin's stare runs right through Kelly. "Do you think ol' Stone Cold is stupid? You think I'm some kind of idiot? You're 'bout two seconds from me snappin' that roll of fat you call a neck if ya keep mouthin' off to me. Yeah, I know what I did, and that's what I wanted to do. Linda McMahon won't discuss a match for me and Rocky at the Royal Rumble until she gets the business with the Commissioner settled, so if that can't happen, then I want Rocky in that Rumble, Kevin Kelly. I want him in the Rumble, so I can be the one to throw him over that top rope--and make no mistake about it, I will open up a six-pack of whoop-ass on every single son of a bitch that tries to do it before me. I want him in that Rumble so that, when I toss him over the ring, and he looks up at me from the floor with them stupid little bug-eyes and that stupid eyebrow raised up, he will know that while he made a year of my life a living hell, I will ruin every single damn day from now until the day he dies, and that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold said so!"

 

A message from Linda McMahon airs, with the CEO seated at her desk. "Good evening. The World Wrestling Federation is currently in a state of crisis, and this is something I and the board of directors do not take lightly. Personal issues between Superstars have become so heated that criminal charges could be considered. The WWF needs strong leadership, something it has lacked for months now. To that end, the board of directors and I are debating numerous candidates, but I can unfortunately not name a new Commissioner tonight. However, next Monday, on Raw, I am confident we will be able to name the new WWF Commissioner. Tonight, however, I have left the security of the WWF in charge to the hardworking staff of officials and road agents we have under our employ. Once the transition of power is complete, we should be able to move forward as a company and resolve some of our more devisive issues that threaten the security of everyone in the WWF. The one issue we can address tonight is the disputed number one contendership between Chris Jericho and Triple H; to resolve the issue, both men will face WWF Champion Kurt Angle in one-on-one matches, starting tonight with Chris Jericho. Should Jericho or Triple H defeat Kurt Angle, that person will compete for the WWF Title at Royal Rumble."

 

The sirens of the Right To Censor cut the air; Steven Richards, Val Venis and Ivory represent the obnoxious group, and Richards makes sure to grab a microphone. "It is our sincere hope that Linda McMahon sees the light and appoints me as the new WWF Commissioner!" bellows Richards to a chorus of boos. "The WWF has been mired in a sea of debauchery and unnecessary violence, and in the past few months, that sea is threatening to drown this company alive! When you have homicidal maniacs like The Rock, or sexual deviants like Chris Jericho, or even plain old thugs and bullies like Stone Cold Steve Austin and Undertaker running the company, it is a sure-fire way to corrupt the moral fiber of this country!" The crowd's hatred gets louder, but Richards is undaunted. "If I am elected, I vow to clamp down on the rampant carnality and violence ... I will outlaw any female clothing that does not button at the collar and skirts that do not extend to the knee ... I will outlaw punching and kicking ... and I will do away with bra and panty matches and hardcore violence! I--"

 

Undertaker roars out of the back on his bike; behind him, walking down the aisle, is his partner, Hardcore Holly. Undertaker parks his bike, gets in the ring and snatches the microphone from Richards' hand. "You're gonna make rules." Undertaker nods. "You. You're gonna make rules around here. Let's get one thing straight, boy: I make the rules 'round here, and I am the judge, jury and executioner." Undertaker suddenly throws the mic in Richards' face and starts pummelling him; Venis tries to get Undertaker off him, but Holly comes in and clotheslines Venis out and down to the floor. The ref rings the bell for the match to begin as Undertaker lays into Richards, breaking out the heart punch. While Holly and Venis fight around the ring, Undertaker goes outside, grabs a chair and slides in; the ref tries to stop Undertaker, but gets pie-faced. A chair shot to Richards' back draws the DQ, and for signalling the DQ, the ref gets his wig split as well. Undertaker tears the turnbuckle cover off one of the turnbuckles as Venis manages to get away from Holly and tries to attack Undertaker; the ambush fails and earns Venis the pleasure of being dropped Snake Eyes-style onto the exposed steel bolt. Undertaker adds a few more chair shots to the RTC members, and, when Holly comes in to celebrate their moral victory, Holly gets laid out with the chair as well. Undertaker finds the mic again, picks it up and says; "Until I get me another shot at Kurt Angle and that title belt, I'm gonna put the hurt on whoever I come across. It's what I'm owed, it's what's fair, and it'll happen because I said so."

 

Eddie Guerrero comes to the ring for his hardcore match against Steve Austin, ever the picture of cocksure arrogance. Guerrero immediately arms himself with a chair before Austin arrives, but Austin surprises Guerrero by coming through the crowd behind him, pulling him out of the ring to take the brawl through the arena. Every kind of item, from the obvious chairs and garbage cans and cookie sheets, to the unusual, like a potted plant, gets used as a weapon by one of the two fighters. But when the fight moves out to the parking garage, a horrific scene of deja vu unfolds as, in the distance, a pair of headlights come up, focusing their beams on Austin. Austin turns to face them, daring the unknown driver to try and hit him; instead, Perry Saturn bashes Austin in the back of the head with a beer bottle. Dean Malenko gets out of the car and joins his stablemates in time for Guerrero to get the pin on Austin, then make a quick retreat when The Dudleys show up.

 

Kevin Kelly catches up with Angle right before he heads to the ring and asks the question on everyone's mind: "Do you have a preference who you face at Royal Rumble between Triple H and Chris Jericho?"

 

Angle blinks, looking absolutely astonished. "Are you, like, slow or something? Sheesh! You think I want to get in between these two lunatics? I don't want either one of them!"

 

"So what's your gameplan, then, Kurt?"

 

"To win, duh! If I beat Chris Jericho tonight, and I beat Triple H on Raw, it'll make Linda McMahon or Mayor McCheese or whoever's gonna be in charge on Monday pick somebody else."

 

"Do you have someone in mind you'd like to face?"

 

Angle pauses a second, mulling it over. "You know, I still haven't really gotten a chance at a rematch against Chris Benoit from WrestleMania. I mean, the guy won a title off me and I didn't even get pinned. I mean, how freakin' silly were those rules? Triple threat? The champ can lose without being pinned? Who thought that up?" Angle walks away before Kelly can ask another question.

 

Angle makes good on his pre-match statements, fighting like a man determined to upset the apple cart and keep both of the potential contenders out of the running. With memories of his spoiled chance at Survivor Series ringing in his mind, Jericho also brings his A-game. With their recent shared history and their shared desire to win, the match becomes a series of new counters and feints as each second-guesses the other's arsenal and has to reinvent themselves on the fly to get the upper hand. In another moment of deja vu, Triple H gets involved, except that, unlike Survivor Series, Triple H's plan falls apart, and the chair shot meant for Jericho hits Angle instead. With the ref's attention the other way, the chair shot goes unnoticed, and Jericho is allowed to seize the moment, nailing a Lionsault for a three-count, securing a rematch with Angle at Royal Rumble. Triple H slides into the ring, grabs the exhausted Jericho and drills him with the Pedigree, then, for good measure, hits Angle with it as well, leaving him the odd man out but the only man standing as Smackdown closes out.

 

Raw: Dec. 18, '00

 

The announcers run down the night's match line-up--including the Angle/Triple H match, the Radicals/Dudleys & Austin hardcore tag match, and a huge Survivor Series rematch pitting The Rock against Undertaker--as WWF CEO Linda McMahon enters the ring. "Tonight," she begins, "I am pleased to announce that, after an exhaustive search, we have chosen a new WWF Commissioner, and he is--"

 

The music of her husband cuts her off. Vince swaggers to the ring like he's just won the lottery. "Linda, I have two major announcements. Do you mind if I have the floor?" he asks, then continues before Linda can answer. "Firstly, I'd like to announce that, in light of the chaos that has engulfed the World Wrestling Federation of late, I have taken the liberty of implanting a special entity to ensure the Royal Rumble match comes off without a hitch, a special competitor that I feel will be able to keep everything on the level." Vince beams and grabs his lapels. "Me!" The crowd murmurs with dissension, but Vince is quick to attempt to counter it. "Please, please! I will merely be present to ensure the safe passage of my Superstars into and through the match. Despite harboring a desire to compete at WrestleMania since I invented it, if I find myself one of the final two competitors, I will gracefully eliminate myself, so as not to steal the thunder of one of the WWF Superstars."

 

Linda has to shake her head to regain composure. "You can't be serious."

 

"Oh, I'm serious, Linda."

 

"This wouldn't be some misguided attempt to assist The Rock, since he might conceivably be in the Rumble at the same time as Stone Cold Steve Austin, would it?"

 

Vince steps back in a comical show of offense. "Linda! That you would suggest such a thing! I have nothing but the best intentions for the World Wrestling Federation at heart!"

 

"Well, if you want to enter the Royal Rumble, you'll have to take that up with the new Commissioner--"

 

"That's not necessary," Vince says with a smile. "I've decided to dispose of the office of the WWF Commissioner and oversee operations at the event level personally."

 

"You don't have the authority to do that, Vince. The board of directors has voted on this issue."

 

Vince now looks genuinely offended; his brow furrows, his lip curling up in a snarl. "The hell I don't, Linda. This is my company. I bought it, I own it, and what I say goes."

 

"If you want to fight that way, Vince, Shane has concurred with the decision. That's fifty percent ownership in favor of the board's decision. You can't beat that."

 

Vince stews a moment, then retorts. "I'll file an injunction! I'll initiate a hostile takeover of your's and Shane's interest! You don't want to screw with me on this, Linda. I'm going to be in the Rumble and there is no Commissioner, and that's final."

 

Another theme music comes over the PA, charming and decidedly British--the music of William Regal. Vince looks from Regal to Linda, back, and back again. Regal offers a hand, but Vince just stares at Regal. "What the hell are you doing here, William?"

 

Linda taps Vince on the shoulder. "That's the new Commissioner, Vince."

 

"Yes, Mr. McMahon," says Regal. "And, according to a precedent established by former WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels, the Commissioner has jurisdiction over all active WWF Superstars." The crowd makes the logical leap; so does Vince, who gulps melodramatically. So does Linda, who grins. "And since you participated in a match at Armageddon, and are petitioning to participate in this year's Royal Rumble, this can be construed as the action of an active Superstar." Regal lowers his gaze to a sneer. "Don't try to out-scoundrel a dirty, rotten bastard of a scoundrel such as myself, Mr. McMahon. You've made your bed, now lay down in it. You will compete in a qualifying match against the opponent of--"

 

Vince wheels around and puts a finger in Linda's face. "You'll see me in court, Linda. I will not acquiesce to this usurping of my authority--"

 

Regal grabs Vince by the shoulder and wheels him back around; Vince's jaw drops so far, it practically falls off his skull. Even the crowd gasps in surprise. "You'll bloody well listen to every damn word I have to say," Regal barks, "or I'll see to it you'll dine on your dental work tonight!" Vince is too stunned to even formulate a reply, let alone get one out. Regal, however, is not finished. "In fact, if it's a fight you want, Vincent, it's a fight I shall give you. Since I'm already busy tonight with a fatal four-way, we shall fight on Smackdown. If you should win, I'll not take the Commissionership, and you can run this bloody company into the dirt, as you seem intent on doing. But if I should win, I will be Commissioner." Regal now puts a finger in Vince's face. "And you will kneel at my authority, and you will take part in a qualifying match for the Royal Rumble." Regal gets up real close to Vince, keeping the finger just centimeters away from Vince's eyes. "And if I so much as sense some sort of collusion between you and that toerag hooligan The Rock to steal the victory in the Royal Rumble, I'll have no hesitation in putting the both of you out on your arses." Regal extends a hand to Linda, kisses hers delicately and escorts her out of the ring without giving Vince a second look, leaving him agog in the ring.

 

Regal's opponents are introduced first for the fatal four-way: Edge, who comes out with Christian, Matt Hardy, who is escorted by his brother, and Bull Buchanan, who has the RTC in tow. Regal does the prudent thing and has his partner, Chris Benoit, come down to the ring with him. Predictably, the extra people around the ring clash, and it doesn't take long for the overflow of opposing personalities to boil over into violence, which quickly hits the ring. In the confusion, Saturn slips into the ring and clocks Regal in the back of the head, allowing Edge to steal the victory. Vince comes out on the stage and claps as his hired thugs put the boots to Regal and Benoit.

 

But before The Radicals can celebrate too much, Austin and the Dudleys rush the ring and start brawling with Vince's enforcers. The rest of the ring clears out as the Dudleys and Austin take to pounding down The Radicals. When Guerrero, Malenko and Saturn are tossed to the floor, Austin grabs a microphone and asks; "If y'all don't wanna wait to see Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Dudley Boys beat the ever-lovin' crap out of Vince McMahon's three little jackasses, gimme a hell yeah!" The crowd enthusiastically, and, when Raw comes back from commercial, the match is on. The Radicals' technicality and speed is no match for the brute strength and brawling of their opponents, and the hardcore nature virtually locks in The Radicals' doom. Vince watches on the stage in horror as The Dudleys eliminate Guerrero and Malenko with 3-D's (Guerrero's 3-D through a table), while Austin scores the pinfall on Saturn with a Stunner.

 

Undertaker enters the ring in anticipation of his big Survivor Series rematch, gnashing his hands together as he waits for The Rock. But when the music hits, nobody comes out. The music plays again, but instead of The Rock, Vince McMahon comes out to a tidal wave of boos. Undertaker's face twists with rage as Vince cilmbs in the ring. "Listen, Undertaker. I can't risk you doing to Rock what you've been doing to other people," says Vince. "The Rock is a huge commodity in the eyes of the WWF. We can't risk you injuring or disfiguring him in any way. So, I took the liberty of sending him home." Vince claps Undertaker on the arm; Undertaker's head snaps toward Vince's hand. "You can have the night off, too, big guy." Undertaker's head snaps back again to pierce Vince with an evil glare; suddenly, his hand snatches Vince's and starts to crush it. Vince buckles at the knees as Undertaker crushes his hand and twists his arm, asking Vince if he didn't get enough at Armageddon. Vince cries and whines as Undertaker cranks on the pain until Undertaker kicks him in the chest. Undertaker drags him out of the ring, hoists him up and drops him through the announce table with a chokeslam. As he walks up the ramp, paramedics start to file out of the back; Undertaker floors one with a punch to the face. The second freezes in his tracks and gets decked as well. The stunned crowd has virtually no reaction as Undertaker poses triumphantly, fists in the air, then gestures a belt over his waist, at the top of the ramp.

 

Triple H comes out for his match against Kurt Angle, but with Chris Jericho having secured his Royal Rumble title match, speculation runs rampant as to what, if any, impact the match will have. Triple H fights like everything is still on the line, forcing Angle to switch from a more laid-back gameplan to a more aggressive stance. When Chris Jericho comes down to ringside, you can almost hear a collective groan from the crowd, but Jericho stuns everyone by pulling on Angle's leg as he bounces off the ropes. Angle turns and starts yelling at him, but Jericho responds by jumping up, grabbing Angle's head and pulling it down across the top rope. Triple H is perplexed, but not enough not to take advantage, spiking Angle with the Pedigree for the victory. Jericho slides in and jumps on Triple H. Angle rolls out of the ring and backs away, leaving the carnage behind, only to get smashed in the back with a steel chair by Undertaker. Undertaker steps over the fallen Angle, slides into the ring and waffles Triple H in the back with the chair. Jericho stands with mouth agape at the sudden development, only to get his brain rattled by his own chair shot. Undertaker drops to the floor, grabs the title belt from the timekeeper, gets back in the ring and holds it aloft, pointing to it and mouthing "It's mine, Vince, it's mine".

 

Smackdown: Dec. 21, '00

 

With Regal's confirmation as Commissioner hanging in the balance of his main event match against Vince McMahon, Kurt Angle enters Smackdown with no real clue as to whom the number one contender is, and to add insult to injury, scheduled to partner with the increadingly violent Undertaker against Triple H and Chris Jericho.

 

Steve Austin opens the in-ring action, taking on Rikishi in a grudge match, even though, due to Austin's actions in Rikishi's match with The Rock, Rikishi was granted entry to the Rumble. While Rikishi's size creates a disparity in strength, Austin's fire and rage are enough to propel him to victory. As Rikishi rolls out, Austin grabs the microphone. "Just like I just did Rikishi there, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna roll into the Royal Rumble, get into that ring, and it don't matter if I'm number one or number thirty, cause the result's the same; I'm grabbin' twenty-nine pieces of crap, throwin' them out of the ring and goin' to WrestleMania!" The crowd cheers, but Austin isn't finished. "But there's one piece of trash I wanna get my hands on more then the rest, and that's The Rock. I'm gonna get my hands on him in the Rumble, but as far as the Texas Rattlesnake's concerned, that just ain't enough." Austin gestures to the stage. "So, I'm here to ask real nice for Linda McMahon to let me have The Rock one-on-one at the Royal Rumble."

 

Linda comes out onto the stage. "Steve, I thought we discussed this."

 

"Well, I know we did, Linda. But I figured ... you're the CEO ... I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin ... surely, between the two of us, we can work it out. There ain't no reason to wait for this whole little Commissioner stuff to get done. All you have to do is say 'Yes, Stone Cold, you can face The Rock at Royal Rumble', and that's the end of it."

 

Linda cocks her head, her lips pressed together thin. "Steve, you know it's not that simple."

 

"Sure it is! Linda, I ain't askin' for much. I ain't asking for a title shot. I ain't askin' to go out with your daughter. I just want a match. One little match."

 

"But, Steve, it isn't little. This is a very big match you want me to authorize. Quite possibly the biggest non-title match in WWF history, and you want me to agree to it on the spur of the moment."

 

"You've had plenty of time to think about it, Linda. You've had since last Monday. I think I deserve an answer.Ó

 

Linda blinks, considering the situation. "Fine, Steve," says Linda. "You're right. I've had time to deliberate long enough." She takes a deep breath, exhales and says; "I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to work both the Royal Rumble and what would likely be the most physically contested and violent match in this company's history in the same night. As you've already committed yourself to the Royal Rumble, I have to decline your request." The crowd lets Linda know of their disappointment in her decision; Austin is frozen in shock, his eyes wide, his mouth slack and hanging open. "Perhaps we can discuss having the match at No Way Out in a few days, but, I'm sorry, Steve, I just am not comfortable granted your request." Linda leaves the stage, leaving a stunned Austin to try and process the denial of his dream.

 

Chris Benoit defends his Intercontinental Title against Saturn and Dean Malenko from The Radicals in a triple threat match, which is really a glorified handicap match. Benoit exploits critical mistakes by the duo and manages to pick up a roll-up pinfall on Saturn, but gets a royal beatdown afterwards. Regal arrives in time to scare them off, but not enough to spare his partner from the beating. Malenko and Saturn back up the ramp, taunting belts around their waists and pointing, proud of their punishment of Benoit.

 

Angle approaches Linda's office, the WWF Title in his hands like Oliver asking for more porridge. "Mrs. McMahon?" ehe asks, peeking his head in the door. "Can I come in?"

 

"I'm terribly busy, Kurt," says Linda, not looking up.

 

Angle pushes the door open and comes in anyway. "Mrs. McMahon, I just wanted to ... well ... I'm concerned about the number one contendership for Royal Rumble. I mean, sheesh, it's like there's number one contenders coming out of my ears or something!"

 

Linda looks up and sighs. "Yes, Kurt. It's something we're discussing. We'd prefer to leave the issue until the situation regarding the Commissionership is resolved."

 

"Yes, but, if I could maybe, you know, get an idea of what you're thinking? I mean, if I just look at it like how you got me booked tonight, against Triple H and Chris Jericho, teaming with Undertaker? Yikes, man! I mean ... come on, it's like you're trying to kill me!"

 

Linda sighs again, folds her hands on her desktop and adorns a somewhat irritated tone of voice. "Being WWF Champion isn't a cakewalk, Kurt. Should you make it to WrestleMania with the belt, you're going to find yourself against possibly the toughest opponent of your life, under the harshest spotlights, in the toughest situation you'll ever face. I can assure you you're not being persecuted. Sometimes, champions do face adversity. By competing for, and winning that belt, you agreed to face that adversity. I am sorry you feel under the gun tonight, but recent events demanded some sort of pairing of the four of you, and this was the best pairing we could come up with. We will discuss the number one contender next week." Angle tries to formulate an argument, but a phone call comes through that Linda has to take, leaving Angle in silence. Angle petulantly stomps out of the room, looking back in scorn.

 

Angle is introduced first for his tag team match; he stands in the ring, shaking nervously, as Undertaker roars down the aisle and around the ring on his motorcycle, like a vulture circling a dead body. As soon as Undertaker parks his bike, Angle moves to the opposite side of the ring, trying to put as much distance between himself and his maniacal partner. Triple H and Jericho, meanwhile, start arguing right away, allowing Undertaker and Angle to get the jump on them. Triple H and Jericho struggle to get on the same page, and when they manage to get an advantage, they blow it with oneupsmanship and petty jealousy over who gets the pin attempt. Finally, Jericho has enough of Triple H and, when he goes for a Pedigree on Undertaker, Jericho clips Triple H's knee and leaves ringside. Undertaker recovers enough to nail a Last Ride on Triple H and scores the pinfall for his team. No sooner does Undertaker get the victory then he switches gears and focuses on Angle; Angle quickly drops to the floor and makes tracks down the aisle, while Undertaker pantomimes a belt around his waist and points at Angle.

 

Vince approaches the ring with his normal bravado and cocky stroll, puffing his arms out like a peacock would its tail. Regal, by comparison, is all business, looking across the ring grimly as Vince has a stern chat (complete with finger-waving) with the match's designated referee, the notorious Earl Hebner. As soon as the match begins, it becomes obvious that the fix is on; Hebner jumps all over Regal, threatening DQ's on elbow strikes and European uppercuts and demanding breaks on simple moves like chinlocks and sleepers, while Vince gets the rulebook almost disposed of. Pinfalls are also counted with a glaring discrepancy; Regal's counts are deliberately slow, while Vince's (all gotten from blatant cheating that would give another ref cause to call for a DQ) are hummingbird quick. The ref problem is wiped out, though, when Regal accidentally whips Vince into Hebner. With the ref out, Vince nails a low blow and goes for the plunder. Before Vince can blast Regal with a chair, though, Shane McMahon, wearing a referee's shirt, slides in and yanks the chair out of his hands. While the McMahons argue, Regal recovers enough to get up, drag McMahon down to the mat and clamp on the Regal Stretch. Vince isn't in the move long enough for Shane to get down on the mat before he taps; Regal gives a couple extra jerks just to add injury to insult. Shane signals for the bell and raises Regal's hand as the crowd cheers; all the faces in the locker room pour out and celebrate Regal's victory, including Austin, who comes out, shakes Regal's hand firmly and says; "Come Monday, we got business."

 

Raw: Dec. 25, '00

 

The Christmas edition of Raw kicks off with Regal coming to the ring, the ring announcer proclaiming him the new WWF Commissioner; Regal is welcomed warmly, especially in comparison to his predecessor. "Thank you," he says, "you're too kind. Tonight is my first night as active Commissioner of the World Wrestling Federation, and there's a terrible amount of business to get to, so let me start off with--"

 

Breaking glass and a heavy guitar riff bring Austin down to the ring. After his normal four-corner salute of the fans, Austin grabs a mic and gets up close to Regal. "William. You and I, we gotta have a talk about me and Rocky," says Austin. "I been waitin' for months, and I'm tired of waitin', and I figured, since it's the holiday season, you might consider, you know, givin' me a little present."

 

Before Regal can get out a single syllable, the Olympic flourish ushers out the WWF Champion, proudly wearing all his gold. Angle comes down and approaches Regal with cold determination. "Commissioner Regal," says Angle, "I know you're busy, but I won't wait any longer. I'm the WWF Champion, I'm an Olympic gold medalist, and I deserve to know who the number one contender is."

 

Austin pushes Angle aside. "I been waitin' a year to get my hands on the son of a bitch who ran me over, Kurt. I think I come first." Austin turns back to Regal and says; "So, how 'bout it? Me and Rocky. You gonna make the match or what?"

 

Now Angle pushes Austin aside with an incredulous look on his face. "Excuse me? WWF Champion here. I think my problems are just a little bigger, right?"

 

Austin shoves Angle aside, almost sending him to the mat. Angle responds with a shoves of his own, and before you know it, they're bumping chests and barking at each other. Before Regal can interject himself, Vince's music cues up. The Chairman stomps down to the ring, his face twisted in a mask of rage. Before Vince can even get in the ring, though, Shane comes out and starts bumping chests with his father. Regal stands and watches, shaking his head as Vince and Shane, and Austin and Angle, snort and huff like pairs of mountain goats ready to butt heads, when yet another person, Regal's partner, Chris Benoit, comes down to the ring and gets in the faces of both Angle and Austin in defense of his friend.

 

Finally, the bickering and the almost-fighting is too much and Regal blows his stack. "Shut it! All of you, shut it!" Immediately, everyone stops and stares at Regal as if he's grown a third eye; then, the group fugue breaks, and all of them start talking at once, pleading their case. Again, Regal barks at everyone to shut up, which they do. "You're bloody giving me a bloody headache! I've got half a mind to put all of you out on your backsides and not even put you on the Royal Rumble pay-per-view!" Vince starts to talk, but Regal jumps right on. "You'll do well to remember, Vincent, that by wrestling at Armageddon and insisting on taking part at Royal Rumble, you've placed yourself under my jurisdiction." Regal barely pauses long enough for Vince to inhale. "I know you're about to object to your son administering the decision in our match last week on Smackdown. May I remind you that, not only is Shane McMahon an executive in this company, you threatened Earl Hebner's job if he did not call the match in your favor. Your wife has already stated the decision will stand. And before you ask," adds Regal, getting closer to point a finger in Vince's face, "if you want to be in the Rumble, you'll be wrestling tonight to qualify, against young Crash Holly in a hardcore match."

 

Regal then fixes his gaze on Angle. "As for you, Kurt, and you, Steve; I've no intention of letting either of you wait any longer in your respective issues. However, I also have no intention of letting you push me around. This office has had enough damage done by corrupt and inept individuals, and if I am to make a successful go of it, I cannot be bullied about by anybody who can't keep a lid on their mouth."

 

"I'm not just anybo--"

 

"That's enough, Kurt!" Regal snaps. "You want to know your opponent for Royal Rumble? You have three: Triple H, Chris Jericho and Undertaker. And as for you, Steve," he continues, turning to Austin, "I understand your need to square up debts with The Rock. However, you have only been active for a short period of time, coming off a horrific injury, and I cannot in good conscience allow you to wrestle twice in one night, especially when the first match will be the Royal Rumble." Regal gives them both stern glances and adds; "And since I can see neither of you are happy with this decision, you can meet Christopher and I in the ring later on tonight and work out some of that aggression. If that's all, you can all get the hell out of my ring now!"

 

Shane steps forward, head bowed, hands laced together. "Commissioner, can I make a request?" he says respectfully.

 

Regal sighs. "What?"

 

Shane turns to glare at his father. "I don't believe that my father's intentions in the Rumble are anything other then to protect his 'investment' in The Rock, at the expense of Stone Cold Steve Austin and the rest of the WWF Superstars. I can't let him get away with such blatant favortism." Shane turns back to look Regal in the eye. "I want a qualifying match, too. If the only way to keep my father honest in the Rumble is to be in it myself, then so be it."

 

Regal takes a deep breath, holding Shane's gaze for a long moment. Finally, Regal nods, slowly. "Fair enough. You'll have your match tonight." Almost everyone leaves the ring exchanging sneers with the new Commissioner, which Regal returns in kind.

 

Shane's qualifying match comes up first, squaring off against the RTC's Val Venis. Being an untrained wrestler, Shane is put through the ringer against the much more experienced Venis. However, Venis' cohorts get greedy in trying to ensure the victory for their partner, and in trying to interfere, accidentally cost their own man the match. In the back, Vince nearly has a heart attack watching on a monitor as his son get the three count. Eddie Guerrero lays a hand on Vince's shoulder, which he retracts when Vince shoots him a glance that could stop a clock. "You just make sure there's no screw-ups in our plans for the rest of the evening," Vince growls, "or you'll find a pink slip in your stocking for Christmas." Guerrero nods and leaves Vince to stew.

 

As Rock prepares for his match against Raven, Guerrero pays a visit to the former People's Champion. Before Guerrero can even get a word out, Rock is there to meet him, hand up in his face to silence Guerrero. "The Rock doesn't want to talk to you, Eddie Guerrero. The Rock doesn't want you near him."

 

"Holmes, esse, c'mon--"

 

"The Rock knows why you're here, Eddie Guerrero. Vince sent you to protect The Rock, to watch over The Rock, to have The Rock's back. Well, you know what that's gotten The Rock in the past two months? The Rock is a hated man. The Rock is spit on by the fans, and by the rest of the WWF Superstars. Being associated with Vince McMahon has made the people turn against The Rock for something he didn't do. So The Rock is going to break this down for you, 'holmes': The Rock doesn't want help from Vince McMahon or Vince McMahon's little pets tonight, The Rock doesn't want help at the Royal Rumble, and in case that isn't perfectly clear, you tell Vince that The Rock is done with Vince McMahon. As a matter of fact, The Rock is about this close to being done with the whole damn thing. So you run and tell Vince that, Eddie Guerrero. You tell him The Rock says he needs to know his role, shut his mouth and stay out of The Rock's life." Guerrero gives Rock a curious glance, then leaves without another word spoken.

 

The Rock's match against Raven comes off quite surprising, as not only does Raven dictate most of the match, but Rock's attempts at offense and defense are feeble at best, leading the commentators to speculate on his mental state. Despite his prior warnings, Guerrero comes down to help Rock by trying to take Raven's head off with a chair on the outside, but Rock stops him and lays him out. Rock manages to reverse a Raven Effect attempt into a Rock Bottom for the sudden pinfall, but as he stalks off without posing or accepting the referee's attempt to raise his hand, it becomes plainly obvious the stress is getting to The Rock.

 

As Undertaker sits on his bike, waiting on his music to cue up to the proper spot for his entrance, his opponent, Kane, comes at him from behind with a shovel; Undertaker falls to the ground in a heap, clutching the back of his head. Guerrero steps out of the shadows, barking orders at Kane to continue the beating. Kane grabs a steel chair and places it over the head of Undertaker, then uses the second chair to strike his half-brother, sandwiching Undertaker's head between the steel and the concrete. Guerrero tells him not to stop; Kane swings again, this time murdering Undertaker's torso with uncountable shots. To put the exclamation point on it, Kane wedges Undertaker's head into the chair, with the backing around his throat, and stomps on it, Pillmanizing Undertaker's throat, making him cough up blood. Kane and Guerrero back off, laughing madly as medics load Undertaker into an ambulance.

 

Crash uses his knowledge and experience in the hardcore division to get the advantage on Vince when the Chairman enters the ring, ambushing him and battering the boss with trash can lids and cookie sheets. Vince takes a pounding with the plunder, but kicks out of Crash's pin attempts. A nutshot stops Crash cold, though, and after Vince gives the ref a dirty, menacing glare, a hyper-quick three-count gives Vince the victory and a slot in the Rumble.

 

The main event tag match divides the loyalties of the crowd, between the new by-the-book Commissioner and his partner, and the perennial favorite in Austin and his partner, the seemingly besieged WWF Champion. Everybody gets a chance at to tee off on someone from the other side, but the balance of skills from everyone keeps the match a see-saw battle. The match ends up being thrown out when Vince sends out The Radicals and Kane to annihilate everyone, only to see his plan come undone when Angle, Austin, Regal and Benoit all get on the same page and drive their attackers away. Vince's thugs vow revenge, but as they jaw-jack with the foursome in the ring, Shane McMahon comes out and tackles his father on the stage; officials are close on his heels to pry apart father and son, and to keep Vince's henchmen away from Shane. Vince and Shane exchange words over the shoulders of the group of men keeping them apart while Austin, Angle, Benoit and Regal look on and laugh.

 

Smackdown: Dec. 28, '00

 

A huge eight-man tag headlines Smackdown, pitting The Radicals and Kane against the unlikely foursome that squared off in a tag team match three days prior of Angle, Austin, Regal and Benoit. But to lead off Smackdown, The Rock is slated to square off against Steve Blackman for the Hardcore Championship. The Rock enters the ring first, but before Blackman can come out, Rocky grabs a mic. When he speaks, his voice is low, contrite, a far cry from the normal bombastic, over-the-top attitude he normally displays.

 

"The Rock isn't out here to talk trash, or to make challenges or anything like that. Tonight, Vince McMahon got Steve Blackman to put his Hardcore Title on the line against The Rock." For a moment, a light perks up in Rock's eyes as he stares down the camera. "Vince, let The Rock make one thing perfectly clear; being associated with you has cost The Rock everything he has. The people, respect, the WWF Championship ... personal safety ... Because The Rock listened to Vince McMahon, The Rock lost everything that matters to The Rock. So The Rock is out here to deliver a simple message to Vince McMahon: Vince, leave The Rock alone. Don't do The Rock any favors, don't pull any strings for The Rock, don't do anything for The Rock. Steve Blackman, you can stay in the back; you won't be facing The Rock tonight; The Rock forfeits."

 

The stunned crowd stirs to life again quickly when Steve Austin's music hits the speakers. The Rock doesn't even go into a defensive posture when he hears Austin's music; he merely looks to the entrance with resignation. Austin, however, surprises everyone by only coming out to the stage, ready for talking instead of fighting.

 

"That's real movin', Rocky," says Austin snidely, walking back and forth across the grated steel of the stafe. "The problem is, it's also a pile of crap! Everybody in this damn building knows that you been duckin' Stone Cold Steve Austin for almost three months. You been hidin' behind Vince's skirt because you're afraid; since you didn't get it done at Survivor Series last year, now, you gotta reckon with one pissed-off Texas Rattlesnake who's lookin' for blood." Austin stops pacing, giving Rocky a glare of evil intentions. "I ain't out here to threaten, Rocky, because I think you damn well know that one day real soon, I'm gonna catch up with you. You know that, one day, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna get the jump on you and I'm gonna get revenge on you for stealing a year of my life! So if you're tired of being in my crosshairs, Rocky, if you wanna get on with it like I do, then you need to do something." The Rock cocks his head, squinting as Austin continues. "You need to go up to your buddy, Vince, and say you want to get this done at the Royal Rumble. You need to go up to your buddy and use this stroke you got to make something between us happen. Because the longer this goes, Rock ..." Austin flashes a toothy grin that looks like a crocodile about to eat something that fell into his pond. "The longer you drag this out, Rocky, the more time I got to think of new ways to get you back!" Austin throws down the mic and disappears behind the curtain, leaving Rock in the ring to contemplate Austin's words.

 

With his head hanging low, Chris Jericho approaches the free-standing door that represents the entrance to the APA's "office". Faarooq barks out permission to enter, but when he and Bradshaw see their visitor is the reviled homewrecker of the WWF, both recoil. "We don't do business with your kind," says Bradshaw. Faarooq agrees and orders Jericho to hit the bricks.

 

"Please! I need your help!" pleads Jericho.

 

"We do business with you, and we won't get any more business ever again," says Faarooq.

 

"I have nowhere else to turn! I didn't do it and I need your help to prove it."

 

Faarooq and Bradshaw look at each other and laugh. "Do we look like private detectives?" says Bradshaw. "We're in the protection business, Jericho."

 

Jericho won't relent. "I can pay you. Money. Title shots. Whatever it takes."

 

Faarooq waves him off. "Buddy, nothin' you got can make us want to take your business."

 

Jericho closes his eyes, sighs, and steps up to the table. "How 'bout I fight you for it?"

 

Bradshaw and Faarooq bust up in laughter again. Through subsiding laughter, Bradshaw asks; "Who the hell's gonna partner with you?"

 

Jericho stands resolute, looking both of the APA in the eyes. "Nobody. Handicap match. I win, you do some investigative work for me." He pauses for effect, then adds; "Unless you're scared of getting your butts kicked by me, all by my lonesome."

 

Bradshaw and Faarooq exchange glances for a moment, considering the idea. "You feel like fightin'?" asks Faarooq.

 

Before Bradshaw can reply, Jericho takes the initiative of giving the APA some incentive, and slaps Bradshaw's head, then flips over the poker table. Bradshaw and Faarooq are up on their feet in Jericho's face in a heartbeat. "So, we got a deal?" Jericho asks.

 

Bradshaw stares a hole through Jericho. "Boy, I don't know when you went so stupid, but I'm gonna enjoy beatin' the stupid right outta ya. You got five minutes to make your funeral arrangements before we meet you in the ring."

 

Jericho comes out to the ring alone, as promised. When the APA enter the ring and Jericho doesn't run away, everyone expects a surprise partner or ambush; to everyone's surprise, Jericho pulls no surprise and fights his own battle, taking a hellacious pounding as a result. Jericho manages to get in some very minimal offense, but the two-on-one advantage allows the APA the opportunity to take the advantage at will. Victory looks assured for the APA after Jericho eats a Dominator from Faarooq and a Clothesline From Hell from Bradshaw, but the surprise appearence of Stephanie McMahon draws the APA's attention. Stephanie pleads for the APA to talk with her; Faarooq and Bradshaw drop down to the floor as Stephanie pleads for them to take Jericho's job request, regardless of the match. Stephanie begs for their help to prove her innocent, which the APA listen to politely if with measurable disinterest; however, Stephanie's pleas for service keep the APA out of the ring long enough for a ten-count, giving the match to Jericho by count-out. Bradshaw and Faarooq cuss and fume over their inattention costing them the victory as they stomp back to the locker room, leaving Jericho hurting but victorious in the ring.

 

The TitanTron comes up on the bowed head of Triple H, alone in a darkened room. "This has been the worst year of my life," says Triple H without lifting his head. "It was supposed to be the culmination of a career. I was supposed to reign supreme atop the World Wrestling Federation, my wife alongside me, running the company while I held the WWF Title in a stranglehold. I retired Mick Foley, the man behind the hardcore icon known as Cactus Jack ... I main-evented WrestleMania against three men and made history as the first heel to win the main event ... and what do I get for it?" Triple H's head whips up to gaze harshly into the camera's lens. "I lose my WWF Championship in a tag match when my father-in-law gets pinned by The Rock. My marriage disintegrates, first because of Kurt Angle, and then because Chris Jericho takes advantage of my wife. My brother-in-law tries to cripple me and put me in the hospital, and my father-in-law allows it to happen." Triple H takes a breath, his lip turned up in a snarl; he exhales, letting the snarl dissolve. "We're four days from 2001. A new year. A new beginning for me. At the Royal Rumble, I step into the ring against three other men with the World Wrestling Federation Championship in the balance: The Undertaker, the man who says he makes people famous, the man who has been on such a path of destruction, Vince McMahon had to turn to Undertaker's brother just to slow him down, a man who wants the title to stick it to Vince McMahon. Chris Jericho, a man who slept ..." The snarl comes back on Triple H's lips; he has to pause to collect himself, lowering his head again. "A man who set foot where a man should never set foot: in the sanctity of another man's personal life." Triple H looks up again, his eyes cold as steel and narrowed to slits. "And Kurt Angle. The supposed champion of the people, the man who diverted a woman's attention from her man and gave her all the reason in the world to look for affection from another man. Every one of you has been running your mouth about how someone screwed you or framed you. None of you have anything to complain about compared to me. But at the Royal Rumble, I'm gonna give all three of you something to complain about: how all three of you were beaten to a bloody pulp and defeated by The Game, Triple H."

 

Michael Cole announces, as the Radicals and Kane come down the ramp for the main event, that the duo of Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn have been granted a WWF Tag Title shot against Chris Benoit and William Regal at the Royal Rumble. The news, no doubt, accommodates for their swagger as they approach the ring, in addition to knowing that their team is much more a cohesive unit then their opponents, which is rife with strain and animosity. The Radicals and Kane exploit the lack of cohesion to dissect the team, relying especially on Kane to physically overpower the opposition. But an attempt at a Tombstone on Benoit is reversed when Benoit floats over and nails a hard German. Benoit gets the tag to Austin, who unloads on the opposition with rights and lefts, but a thrust to the throat from Kane stops Austin's progress; he staggers back to the corner and gets the tag to Angle, although the entire team comes back in, causing a full-scale brawl. With everyone in the ring at once, the ref loses track of the match and, therefore, doesn't see Triple H come in and clock Angle in the back of the head, sending him stumbling into the hands of Kane, who plants him with a chokeslam. With everyone busy brawling, Kane makes the cover and gets the pin. Triple H celebrates his costing Angle the match with a chuckle as he backs up the ramp, not seeing that Undertaker has come out of the back with a sledgehammer; Triple H turns around and takes it between the eyes, then charges the ring, making a beeline for Kane. Jericho takes the opportunity to go after Angle as the brawling spreads out, bringing the last WWF program of the year to a chaotic close.

 

Raw: Jan. 1, '01

 

The first Raw of 2001 kicks off in the ring, with Malenko and Saturn taking on The Dudleys in a tag team tables match. The scientific Radicals are obviously out of their element, both in light of the relaxed rules and trying to manhandle the much larger Dudley brothers. Benoit and Regal come down to ringside and hang out, making the atmosphere all the more awkward, keeping Malenko and Saturn from acquiring any foriegn objects they could use to even the odds. The distraction of having their Rumble opponents at ringside proves the final nail for The Radicals, even though Benoit and Regal keep their hands off their opponents, as Saturn gets nailed with a 3-D through a table after taking time out to talk trash at his opponents. Benoit and Regal help set up a second table so Malenko can taste lumber, and shake hands with the brothers afterwards.

 

As Regal walks back to his office, he crosses paths with Austin. "Steve," says Regal studiously, as Austin stares a hole through him, "is there something I can do for you?"

 

"Yeah, you can gimme The Rock at Royal Rumble," Austin says flatly.

 

"Steve, we've been through--"

 

"What do I have to do to get Rocky at the Rumble, huh? You want me to beg? You want me to wrestle twice in one night, show you I can handle it?"

 

Regal shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Steve, it's just not a risk neither I nor Linda are comfortable taking." Regal starts to walk away, but Austin grabs his shoulder. Regal turns around, flashing his trademark sneer. "Listen, I've had just about enough of you. I don't want to be cross with you, Steve; we are old friends, and I'd like to keep it that way. But you made a commitment to the Royal Rumble, and I cannot allow--"

 

"What if I buy the match?"

 

Regal blinks, absolutely stunned. "I'm sorry?"

 

"I'll buy the match. One month's pay, in exchange for the match. You don't even have to sanction it. Just gimme a place to have it. That's all I ask."

 

Regal pauses to consider, then says; "I'll have to discuss it with Mrs. McMahon, but I honestly don't think she'll agree, Steve. Now, please, excuse me." Regal walks away quickly, leaving Austin alone in the hallway.

 

Funaki comes out for his match against Scotty 2 Hotty, but the match barely gets past a lock-up before Undertaker barges in on the proceedings. Funaki gets a chokeslam for not moving fast enough to get out of Undertaker's way, while Scotty gets one for sticking up for Funaki. Scotty's partner, Grandmaster Sexay, tries to stick up for his buddy, eats a big boot and gets tossed for his troubles. Once the ring is cleared, Undertaker speaks. "In three weeks, I'm rollin' into Royal Rumble to take the WWF Title," he says, pacing the ring. "In my way, you got some scrawny little punk, some stringy-haired fool who can't keep a hold on his old lady, and some cross-eyed dork who thinks he's in the Olympics. Them's my opponents, and they're supposed to be my only opponents." Undertaker pauses and points a finger to the back. "But that son of a bitch, Vince McMahon, he's had it out for me since day one, and he don't want Undertaker wearin' his gold. He don't want no fire-breathing, bike-riding, ass-kicking American badass bein' his WWF Champion, so he sends his monkies, and he sends my brother to come knock me out the game before Royal Rumble rolls around. Vince, when are you gonna learn that this here, this is my ring. You don't got--"

 

The lights go out and red flares explode from the turnbuckles. Kane comes down the ramp, ready to fight; Undertaker drops down to the floor to meet him. The two giants trade punches, neither one willing to be the first to take a knee, until Chris Jericho runs out and clobbers Undertaker in the back. Jericho's appearence draws out Triple H, who shoves aside Kane to get at Jericho; Kane takes none too kindly to this, grabs Triple H by the throat and chokeslams him on the steel ramp, then joins in stomping down Undertaker with Chris Jericho until officials clear the scene.

 

The APA begin their investigation (grumbling about it the entire time) by going into the production truck and cornering the director of Raw, drilling him about where they got the tape. The director says he got it by mail (the address on the envelope indicating a post office box), and was contacted by phone on when to play it. Faarooq and Bradshaw leave the truck discussing on whether the post office or the motel will get better results.

 

Regal checks on Triple H in the trainer's room to see if he's ready for his match, the first of two huge matches for Raw. Triple H grumbles about Regal not doing any better a job at keeping the peace then Foley did, which Regal brushes off.

 

"Can you wrestle tonight?" Regal asks. "If not, I perfectl--"

 

"Oh, I'll wrestle tonight," says Triple H, dropping off the trainer's table with a noticable wince. "But ... I want Kane on Smackdown. No disqualifications."

 

"Fair eno--" Triple H leaves the room before Regal can finish his sentence.

 

Triple H hobbles down to the ring, his ribs taped from the beating from earlier; he skips his normal water spitting and posing on the turnbuckles and stands in the ring, staring at the entrance ramp as his opponent, Chris Jericho, comes out. Jericho hangs back until the third participant in the match, the special referee, comes out; it is Kurt Angle, who looks nervous as all get-out to be stuck in the ring trying to officiate not only two people whom he is facing in three weeks, but two people who have a blood feud raging. No sooner does Jericho slide into the ring then Triple H pounces, but Jericho stops Triple H cold with a blow to the ribs. For a while, Angle relaxes as the two bitter enemies try and tear each other limb from limb. Their indifference to their referee disappears, however, after Jericho disputes a near-fall as a three-count; Angle insists upon it having been two, which leads to a shoving match between the two. Triple H manages to nail a low blow and a roll-up which draws two, and the fact that it didn't draw three causes Triple H to get in Angle's face. Angle barks back at Triple H, reminding him who the ref is (and, unnecessarily, who the WWF Champion is), which sends Triple H's temper over the boiling point; he swings at Angle, but Angle ducks. Jericho, now up on his feet, spins Triple H around. Angle suddenly grabs Triple H from behind and drills him with the Angle Slam. Jericho looks on, stunned for a moment, then springs into action and lands the Lionsault. Angle, seeing Jericho's plan, moves into position, and when Jericho lands and rebounds to his feet, Angle snaps him up and plants him with an Angle Slam as well, then signals the timekeeper to ring the bell for a no-contest. Angle gets in some unheard taunting on Triple H and Jericho, putting the belt in their faces to remind them who wears the belt and leaves them lying in the ring.

 

Benoit and Regal go to the ring for the main event, a tag title defense against unnamed opponents. Regal and Benoit mill about for a few moments in the ring, waiting for their opponents to come out. Instead, Vince McMahon comes out. "William, Chris," says Vince, beaming a little too happily, "you're probably wondering why I'm here. Well, I'm here to introduce your opponents. You see, it was me that scheduled this title defense for you because, frankly, you two hold altogether too much power together. So allow me to introduce the next WWF Tag Team Champions ... first, Eddie Guerrero!" Guerrero saunters out, taunting the crowd and his opponents as he walks down the aisle, motioning a belt around his waist and pointing at Regal and Benoit when he climbs in the ring. Guerrero looks back to the stage at Vince. "And now, Eddie's partner," continues Vince, "he is the People's Champion, The Rock!"

 

The music plays, but nobody comes out. A second go-through gets nothing. On the third playthrough, as both Vince and Eddie are getting nervous and twitchy, The Rock finally comes out, but fully dressed in slacks and a shirt. He walks right up to Vince and takes the microphone out of his hand. "What did The Rock say last week?" he snaps. "Did The Rock say, 'Oh, Vince, please do The Rock favors, please give The Rock title shots'?" Rocky takes off his sunglasses and gets right in Vince's face, speaking very slowly. "Listen ... to ... The Rock. The Rock says you and"--Rocky points at Guerrero--"your jabroni in the ring and the rest of your pieces of monkey crap in the back, your Uncle Jimmy Jack, your tax accountant,  your fifth grade teacher and anybody else you got are going to ... no, need to ... no, will get a four-star check-in to the Smackdown Hotel's luxury suite if you don't stay the hell away from The Rock!" Rocky hurls the microphone to the ground and walks back through the curtain, leaving Vince slack-jawed and flummoxed, and more importantly, leaving his partner in the lurch. Regal gets the ring announcer's microphone and says; "As WWF Commissioner, I will not allow these paying customers to be let down by cancelling an advertised match. And since we cannot defend the titles against a single opponent, and you are in need of a partner ..." Regal looks from Guerrero to Vince with a deliciously evil grin; Vince gulps and shakes his head. "And since you, Vince, are, by virtue of your participation in the Royal Rumble, an active WWF Superstar ... either you will report to the ring immediately and act as Mr. Guerrero's partner, or you will forfeit your slot in the Royal Rumble." Vince stammers on an objection, but Regal says; "Five seconds, Vince."

 

By four, Vince takes off his sport coat and starts stomping angrily down the aisle, loosening his tie. The crowd explodes as Regal works over Vince with stiff forearm shivers and European uppercuts, while Benoit and Guerrero try and chop each other into oblivion. Predictably, Vince proves a weak link and, when Guerrero has to tag him in after Regal gets the hot tag to Benoit, Vince's talent in the boardroom don't cross to the ring, and he falls apart under the blizzard of offense. Regal holds off Guerrero while Benoit gets the Crippler Crossface on Vince, drawing a tap out in what seems like the blink of an eye. Everyone holds their breath, waiting for The Radicals and Kane to come pouring out, but cameras in the back show their progress halted by a whole host of disgruntled WWF Superstars, including Undertaker, Austin, the Dudleys, the Hardys and Shane McMahon. Guerrero limps back to the back, forgetting about his boss, who sits on the mat in the corner of the ring, grumbling and cursing at Regal and Benoit. Regal grabs a mic, a devilish grin on him.

 

"Vince," he says in between deep breaths, "you can bet your last bloody dollar that your attempt to not only play mind games with us, but to subvert my authority by booking a tag title defense will not go overlooked. Not by me ..." Regal takes another breath and looms over the fallen owner. "And certainly not by your wife!" Regal and Benoit leave the ring as Vince mutters obscenities at and vows revenge against his enemies.

 

Smackdown: Jan. 4, '01

 

A limo pulls up as Smackdown begins; the door opens and out steps Linda McMahon, escorted by William Regal and Shane McMahon. As they walk through the parking garage towards the arena doors, they come across a production assistant. Shane approaches the young man and asks; "Is my father here yet?" The young man nods and the trio continues on their way.

 

The in-ring action begins with the Hardys taking on Malenko and Saturn. The Hardys fight back from the Radicals' dirty tactics and technical wizardry and look to be on their way to a victory, but Malenko and Saturn signal to the back, calling out Guerrero and Kane, who help decimate the young high-flyers. Guerrero makes sure to add a verbal warning to punctuate the physical one just provided to their Rumble opponents, Undertaker, Triple H, Austin, and Guerrero's opponent later on in the evening, The Rock, that they, coupled with the endorsement of Vince, is the real power in the WWF.

 

Linda, Shane and Regal approach the ring and immediately request Vince to join them in the ring. Vince comes out, obviously perturbed as he stomps down the aisle. "How dare you demand my presence!" he barks when he gets in the ring. "Do you forget who I am? I'm Vince McMahon, dammit!"

 

Linda smiles in response. "No, Vince, I haven't forgotten who you are; you're an active WWF Superstar, which puts you under the jurisdiction of Commissioner William Regal," she says smugly. "And that's why we've summoned you here, Vince. Because of your blatant disregard for the chain of command. You granted The Rock and Eddie Guerrero a WWF Tag Team Title match on Raw, without consulting with Commissioner Regal or myself, and without consideration for the numerous other teams which have valid claims for contendership. Your flagrant abuse of power, and disregard for the proper authority--"

 

"Are you finished yet?" Vince snaps. "Because I've heard just about enough."

 

"Not at all, Vince. I--"

 

"I couldn't care less what you have to say anymore, Linda. I mean, my God ... I can't believe, after all the humiliation I have  suffered in the past couple months, that you come out here and publicly embarrass me by demanding I come out here and bend to your will like some common piece of street trash? How much ... how much can a man take? How much can a man give? My God ... I've given my life to WWF fans ... God ... I care for my family. How much can a man take?" The crowd starts chanting "asshole"; this time, Vince doesn't let it slide. "Shut up! I said how much can a man take? Dammit, I'm not gonna take it anymore! I'm tired of giving! I'm not gonna give anymore! From this moment on, the hell with WWF fans! From this moment on, the hell with my family! And as far as my marriage is concerned ... as far as my marriage is concerned ..." Vince lets the sentence hang in the air as Linda's face runs through a range of shock, horror, fear and sadness. Vince gets up right close to Linda's face when he delivers the bombshell: "I want a divorce!" Linda stands so shellshocked, she can't move; Shane puts his hands on his mother's shoulders, while Regal looks around nervously. "I said I want a divorce. Get out of my ring! This is my ring! This is my house! This is my arena! Get the hell outta here! Walk out! Walk out! Walk outta my life, and, dammit, keep going! And don't you ever come back! You were never ... you were never good enough for me! Dammit, I'm Vince McMahon! I'm Vince McMahon!" Linda leaves the ring, stumbling away, bawling, while her son helps her to the back. Regal steps forward on Vince, who is shaking with fury; Regal slaps him hard across the face and walks out of the ring, leaving Vince in the ring to quake with rage and bellow over and over again that he is Vince McMahon.

 

The first of three main events for the evening never even really begins, as Undertaker ambushes his opponent, Chris Jericho, as he comes through the curtain. Jericho takes a five minute beating down to and around the ring, tasting the steel steps, the barricade and a chokeslam through the announce table, but Jericho manages to get a breather when he kicks Undertaker in the crotch. Jericho finds a chair and splits Undertaker's wig, busting him open. When Undertaker, bleeding and weakened, manages to get to one knee, Jericho swings for the fences, tattooing Undertaker in the face. Again, slower and bleeding more heavily, Undertaker gets to a knee; Jericho drops the chair and retreats to the back.

 

The TitanTron shows a video detailing the APA's trip to the hotel where Stephanie's drunken liason occured. An interview of the hotel owner reveals the room was paid for ahead of time, reserved under Stephanie McMahon's name, and never saw the gentleman she was with when she turned in for the night. Faarooq and Bradshaw check out the room, including where the camera was positioned. The search, however, turns up empty in both clues and leads and ends with the APA leaving the hotel, frustrated at being cornered into the investigation.

 

Angle joins the announcers at the remains of their table for the no-disqualifications match between Kane and Triple H. As Kane comes out, Angle drops the bombshell that, starting next week on Raw, Angle will take on and defeat all three of his opponents, starting with Chris Jericho. Triple H comes out, sledgehammer in hand, giving Angle a murderous glare before entering the ring. Triple H and Kane dispense with wrestling almost entirely and go for brawling and weaponry. After slamming Kane's head into the guard rail, Triple H walks up to Angle and cheap shots him; when Triple H turns his attention back to Kane, however, Angle comes up from behind and tosses Triple H into the stairs. Kane takes exception to Angle's involvement and nails him with a shot to the throat, then tosses Triple H back into the ring. When Kane goes for a chokeslam on Triple H, Angle slides in and clobbers Kane in the head with his title belt and leaves. Triple H manages to get an arm draped over Kane for a pinfall attempt, but Guerrero comes through the crowd, climbs the turnbuckle and comes crashing down on Triple H's back with a frog splash. Guerrero puts Kane on Triple H, and the ref is impotent to do anything but count the pinfall for Kane.

 

As Guerrero walks backwards up the ramp, taunting Triple H, The Rock comes out behind him and clobbers him. When Smackdown comes back from commercial, the main event for the night, Rock versus Guerrero, has begun, with Rock taking it to Guerrero. Guerrero gets the upper hand with his usual devious tactics, dissecting Rock with speed and precision. But Guerrero's attempt at a frog splash ends up with him kissing the mat, giving Rock the opening he needs to take back the match. Guerrero tries to fight back, but a Rock Bottom plants Guerrero firm on the mat. Rock stands over Guerrero, takes off the elbow pad and is about to bound off the ropes for the People's Elbow when the face of Steve Austin fills the TitanTron and catches Rock's attention. For a few long, cold seconds, Austin's serial killer glare leaps off the screen and right into the souls of everyone watching; this isn't the "Oh, hell yeah!" Stone Cold the WWF fans have loved for years. This Stone Cold is just that: stone cold.

 

"Rock," he says with a snarl, his words more spat out then spoken. "I don't know what you're doin' right now, and I don't really give a rat's ass. It took me a year to get back to the World Wrestling Federation after you ran me over like a dog in the street, and the WWF officials can't see fit to let me beat the crap outta the man who did this to me! I asked nicely, I played by their stupid little rules, I even offered money, and I keep gettin' told the same thing: 'Now's not the time, Steve. Maybe next month, Stone Cold. We gotta wait till this or that happens.' Well, it's a bunch of crap, and you know it, I know it, and the whole damn world knows it! You took away a year of my life, Rock, and you been hidin' behind everyone you can like some little girl, cause you scared to take what's comin' to ya. I'm done waitin', and I'm done playin' games; I want a piece of your ass at the Royal Rumble, and if I gotta raise some hell in a way I ain't done in years to get it, then you can bet your ass that's just what's gonna happen!"

 

The camera zooms out from the hard close-up; behind Austin is a nice house, all the windows closed and dark. Rock's face goes sheet white when he sees the house. "You took a year of my life away from me, Rock, and now I'm gonna start takin' things from you until you give me what I want. And I'm gonna start ..." Austin reaches into his pants pockets and produces a lighter; he flicks the flint wheel, producing a brilliant red flame. "By takin' away your sense of security. Oh, I'm sure you're there, babblin' like the stupid son of a bitch you are, Rock. This ain't no conversation; I can't hear a damn word you say, so you can beg and plead till your stupid little voice gives out. Brian Pillman couldn't stop me from breakin' into his home, and neither can you." The satellite feed breaks off as Austin turns and starts walking to the house. Rock leaps out of the ring, knowing it won't do any good, but runs up the ramp and through the curtain.

 

Raw: Jan. 8. '01

 

Once again, the show kicks off with a limo pulling up in the parking lot. This time, it is Vince inside. Upon stepping out, he turns and offers his elbow to someone else in the vehicle; a feminine leg peeks out under the door as a womanly arm takes Vince's. The owner stands out of the limo; it is Trish Stratus. "Come, dear," says Vince. "We have business to take care of tonight."

 

Benoit kicks off the in-ring action on Raw with a non-title match against Dean Malenko. For three short minutes, the two engage in a fantastic chain wrestling exhibition, but the match quickly goes to seed when Perry Saturn interferes, drawing the DQ. Regal comes out on stage, dressed for combat and says; "If you two are so bloody anxious for a fight, then we'll just have our match right now!" Regal races down to the ring to aid his partner, and the new match begins immediately. Benoit comes back from the beating he suffered from the duo, and with Regal, they manage to send dominate the opening moments of the match, but Malenko and Saturn manage to exploit a crucial mistiming between Benoit and Regal to their advantage, pounding on Regal in an attempt to draw the submission. Regal, however, proves too tough and gets the tag to Benoit, who clears house. Victory seems assured until Eddie Guerrero comes down to ringside and uses misdirection to draw the ref's attention away from Kane coming in and obliterating Benoit with a chokeslam, then dragging Regal to the floor as Malenko goes for the cover. Guerrero lets the ref get back to his duties and, not seeing Kane pummeling Regal, counts the pinfall, giving The Radicals the WWF Tag Titles.

 

The APA use the postmark from the envelope that the videotape was shipped in to visit the post office from which it was sent. The postal clerk is unable to give much in the way of helpful information, describing the sender (as best as he can remember) as dressed in a hoody and sunglasses. As they leave the post office with their hands empty yet again, a guy in a heavy coat and hat bumps into Bradshaw. The stranger speaks in a whisper, his words bringing Bradshaw and Faarooq to a halt: "Meet me in the parking garage at the arena for Smackdown. I can break your case wide open." The stranger slips a card into Faarooq's hands; Faarooq reads the card, on which is written the time and date to meet.

 

"No Chance In Hell" signals the arrival of Vince McMahon, who saunters out with Trish Stratus on his arm and his soldiers walking behind, Malenko and Saturn proudly displaying their Tag Team Title belts on their shoulders. "Not that it's the business of any of you," says Vince, "but I'd like to publicly introduce the new first lady of the World Wrestling Federation, Trish Stratus!" The crowd boos, but Vince and Trish ignore it. "I understand, you idiot fans just aren't able to cope with change, but change can be good. In this case, the WWF was being poisoned from the top down. I've now taken steps to rectify this; I've filed divorce papers against Linda, and I've purchased my daughter's stake in the company. Once the divorce is finalized, I expect a seamless transition of power, and the restoration of order, back to the rightful ruler of this company, me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon!" Vince beams for a few moments, but then his _expression turns glum. "Now, speaking of law and order, one thing Linda said a few weeks ago when she unjustly fired Mick Foley was that he had let the inmates run the asylum. I reference this because, on Smackdown last week, we all witnessed one of the most blatant examples of disregard for the law that I have ever seen when Stone Cold Steve Austin trespassed on the private property of The Rock with every intention of setting fire to The Rock's private residence. This is intolerable behavior for a WWF Superstar, especially one that has--"

 

The Rock's music interrupts Vince's passionate defense of the former People's Champion. Vince, Trish and the Radicals all applaud Rocky as he enters the ring (Kane stands perfectly still), even as he strides with obvious purpose--and anger--towards Vince. Rocky holds up one finger in Vince's face; Vince remains unfazed. "The Rock wants to one thing, Vince, just one. Do you have a hearing problem?"

 

Vince blinks, all the pride suddenly washed away with confusion. Vince shakes his head. "No, I'm fit as a fiddle. Why?"

 

"Let The Rock ask another question. Does The Rock ... stutter?"

 

"Why, no, Rock. What's this--"

 

"Well, that puzzles The Rock. Because The Rock explicitly--explicitly--told you to stay out of The Rock's business. In fact, The Rock swears he told you that just a week ago, and yet, here you are, sticking up for The Rock, trying to get involved in The Rock's business, trying to do favors for The Rock."

 

"Rock, please," pleads Vince, "I'm doing this for you. I sent a camera crew and private security to your house to ensure your family's safety. You're a key component in this company, and you need to be protected from common thugs like Stone Cold St--"

 

"The Rock is sick, sick of saying this, Vince. Does The Rock have to tell you with a boot in the ass?" Immediately, Vince's troops step forward, Kane gnashing his hands together. Rocky remains undaunted, getting up close and personal with Vince. "The Rock is going to tell you one more time; if you don't understand after tonight, The Rock will show next time how The Rock feels about your help. Don't do anything for The Rock. No security. No help. No bodyguards. Don't even offer The Rock a stick of gum in the hallway. Just ... stay ... aw--"

 

The TitanTron suddenly comes alive with an outdoor shot, peering down a long road. Off in the distance are a pair of headlights, coming closer rapidly. The camera swings around to the familiar sight of Rock's house; walking up the path to the front door is Rock's wife. Voices are heard yelling warnings to Rock's wife as the car screeches to a halt on Rock's lawn. The security guards immediately converge on the car, but Austin dispatches with both, the first being thrown into one of the car's windows, and the second getting his lights punched out. Austin stomps up to Rock's wife, who has fallen on the stoop and is screaming in fear. Austin looms over her as she screams for mercy. "Shut up! Shut up!" Austin hunches down, pointing a finger in her face. "You tell your husband I won't stop until he fights me," Austin says, his voice as cold as the grave. "You get Rocky to fight me at the Rumble, or I promise, I will come back." Austin walks back to his car, gets in and takes off, leaving Rock's wife sobbing on her front stoop.

 

Rock snaps his head back to Vince, getting right in his face; Vince's storm troopers brace themselves, but Vince holds his arms up to ward them off. Rock's chest bumps against Vince's. "You listen to The Rock, Vince, and listen good: stop provoking Stone Cold Steve Austin, and stay out of The Rock's life. If The Rock sees you or any of these jabronis near him, The Rock will do to you what Stone Cold thinks I did to him." Rock shoves Vince in the chest, putting him on his backside. Rock levels a finger at him and adds; "Give Austin what he wants before someone gets hurt," then leaves.

 

Triple H approaches Undertaker right before they head out for their tag match against Guerrero and Kane, with the intention of putting aside tensions, if only for the night. Unfortunately, Triple H's confrontational approach quickly puts Undertaker's hackles up, making their task for the night all the harder. And when Guerrero and Kane work together as if they've been tagging for months, the schism between the current partners/future opponents becomes a gaping chasm, and they come to blows. Kane and Guerrero let their opponents do some damage to each other before Undertaker finally clotheslines Triple H out of the ring and walks into a Kane chokeslam. Guerrero comes off the top rope with a frog splash which gets a stunning three count to silence the crowd.

 

After the deflation from Vince's thugs defeating Undertaker and Triple H, the hopes of the crowd to provide a happy ending are on Angle to up-end Jericho in their one-on-one preview match. After their Survivor Series encounter, the two know each other's offense even better then before, and spend a good part of the match dodging, feinting and countering each other. However, it is a simple mistake and not a reversal that scores the win, as Angle misses a moonsault and Jericho quickly pounces, locking in the Walls Of Jericho for the tap-out victory. The crowd, already in shock from the prior match, is absolutely floored by seeing the WWF Champion tapping out to his Rumble opponent. Despite their beating in the previous match, Undertaker and Triple H hobble out and brawl with Angle and Jericho to close out Smackdown as everyone is left to wonder if the champion's days are numbered.

 

Smackdown: Jan. 11, '01

 

Smackdown kicks off with a Tag Team Title match, pitting the new champions against The Dudley Boys. The Dudleys outbrawl the tag champs and look to be taking the titles from Vince's troops. Malenko and Saturn manage to tread water with some cheats, but the Dudleys press their size and strength advantage and are moments away from taking the belts when Saturn uses one of the belts to clock D-Von, drawing the DQ. Long time Dudleys nemeses Edge & Christian race down to ringside, followed by The Hardys, quickly followed by Regal and Benoit. Edge & Christian are run off by the combined efforts of the Hardys and the Dudleys, with the Hardys chasing Edge & Christian down the aisle. Regal and Benoit keep the champs pinned down as D-Von and Bubba get the tables; Saturn gets put through a table with a 3-D, but Malenko manages to escape courtesy of Guerrero pulling him out.

 

On the big screen, the first part of a two-part interview conducted by Jim Ross with The Rock's father, Rocky Johnson. The WWF legend opens up about the shock he felt when he heard about the evidence against his son, having a hard time reconciling what he's seen and heard with the boy he raised and loves. When Jim Ross asks him point blank if Johnson thinks his son is guilty, Johnson can't bring himself to answer, save to say that if The Rock is guilty, he would like to see his son step forward, admit his guilt in it and face the consequences of his actions.

 

As Regal gets back to his office, he finds Shane McMahon waiting on his sofa. Regal sighs as he moves to his desk. "What is it, Shane?"

 

Shane stands up and approaches the desk. "I want your assurance that when it comes time to draw the lots for the Rumble," says Shane, "that my father won't receive special treatment."

 

Regal recoils. "I hope you're not implying that the office of the Commissioner is for sale, young man. I won't stand for such baseless--"

 

"I'm just making sure all the bases are covered, Commissioner. I don't trust my father. He has his own interests at heart, not the WWF's, and I'm afraid he'll somehow try to rig the drawing if he can get away with it."

 

"Well, you can rest assured, that won't be happening. Now, if there's nothing else--"

 

"Actually, there is." Shane pauses, takes a seat at Regal's desk. "I, um ... I was wondering ... um, have you spoken to my mother lately?"

 

Regal hems and haws, stalling for time before finally breaking down and saying; "I, I don't know how to tell you, son. I'm surprised you weren't told by your family. Your mother ... sheÕs taken a leave. Perhaps you should speak with your father; I wasnÕt given details."

 

Shane stands up, fuming. "Oh, I'll talk to him all right," he says and takes off.
Benoit steps into the ring for an Intercontinental Title defense against Kane, showing no nervousness over Vince's pet wrecking machine. The collision of the rabid wolverine and the big red machine proves to be even more high impact then one could've guessed, as Benoit refuses to stay down for Kane's overpowering onslaught, and Kane fights to stay up against Benoit's mechanical dissection-like offense. Predictably, Kane's new running buddies come to his aid when Benoit's victory looks within grasp; with Eddie Guerrero attacking Benoit from behind. Regal comes out for the assist, but the numbers game spells doom for the Commissioner and the IC Champ, who are left lying broken on the mat, victims of Vince's continued meddling in the business of others.

 

The APA stand around in the parking garage, waiting for their mysterious informant to show up. Faarooq comments that they've wasted enough valuable whiskey-poker-and-cigars time and they should pack it in when the person signals from the shadows.

 

"Jericho's innocent," says the person through a voice decoder. "I can get the proof."

 

"You came all this way and you don't have it," says Bradshaw matter-of-factly. "C'mon, man, let's--"

 

"I need your guarantee first."

 

"Guarantee of what?" asks Faarooq.

 

"Protection. Bringing this out will make me a wanted man."

 

"By who?"

 

There is a slight pause. "I can't say. All I can tell you right now is there are people who don't want this to come forward. The damage it will cause when the truth co--"

 

The voice is cut off when the Right To Censor explodes on the scene, hammering the APA down to the pavement. The mystery man runs away, dropping something that clatters on the ground as he runs; Richards orders Goodfather to chase him down. Richards directs traffic as the APA are thrown into concrete pillars and manhandled in a way totally unusual for them. Richards bends over and scoops up the dropped item, a videotape. When officials finally drive the RTC away from the scene, Bradshaw and Faarooq are bruised and bloodied, with nothing to show for it.

 

Shane barges into Vince's private quarters, only to find that Vince isn't there. In his place, however, is Vince's new associate, Trish Stratus. She saunters up to Shane, tracing a finger down his chest. "Whatcha doin', Shane?" she asks playfully. "Lookin' for someone?"

 

"Yeah, my father," he says, taking her hand and moving it off him. "Where is he?"

 

Trish pouts at being shut down and plops herself on the couch. "He sent me tonight to watch over Smackdown. Is there something I can help you with?"

 

Shane laughs incredulously and turns to leave, then pauses and turns back around. "Yeah, there's something you can do for me." Shane walks up to Trish, looming over her, his face a mask of anger. "You can stay the hell away from my family, you little tramp. I see what you're trying to d--"

 

Shane chokes on his words as Kane bursts into the room, grabs Shane and launches him into the wall. Trish gets up and screams for Kane to annihilate Shane, and he does so with great zeal and without a shred of mercy. Trish gets in a couple cheap licks and adds insult to injury by telling Shane he could never have her anyway before she and Kane leave him in a broken heap.

 

When Guerrero enters the arena for an actual match, the crowd almost riots with hatred for Vince's lieutenant. Guerrero riles up the crowd even further by getting on the stick and reminding the crowd how he's helping Vince McMahon get rid of the scum like Steve Austin, Undertaker and Chris Benoit, and that tonight, he'll put the dagger in Triple H's heart and eliminate him before he can get to Royal Rumble. But Guerrero's bravado melts when Triple H comes out armed with his sledgehammer and a murderous glint in his eyes. The match never even gets started, as Triple H wallops Guerrero in the gut and Pedigrees him into oblivion. The assault draws out Guerrero's cohorts, who all hang back when Triple H picks up the hammer and dares them on. Undertaker comes up from behind and blindsides his brother, which draws the attention of the Radicals; with their attention drawn, Triple H blasts them from behind, leaving Triple H and Undertaker to beat down the Big Red Machine. The crowd cheers as the two opponents get on the same page for the effort of downing Vince's pet killer, but once Kane is sent packing, Undertaker quickly clocks Triple H and goes after him, only for his opponent for the night, Kurt Angle to come out and join in the fight. Undertaker and Angle brawl into the ring and, when Smackdown returns from commercial, the ref has rung the bell to start the actual match.

 

Angle's sneak-attack gives him an early-on advantage, which he uses to zero in on the perennially weak legs of Undertaker, going for early submission holds and wear-down moves. Undertaker fights back with his newfound vicious streak, blundgeoning and manhandling Angle like he were a man half his size. Angle and Undertaker go back and forth, technical prowess versus raw strength, until Triple H comes back and jumps into the fray, drawing the DQ ending as Angle, Undertaker and Triple brawl until they are pulled apart. In the back, Jericho watches on a monitor, visibly confident.

 

The second part of the interview concludes the program with the header by JR that the interview's contents will shock viewers. The second part has JR bringing up Stone Cold Steve Austin, his bloodthirst for The Rock and his anything-goes campaign to get a match for the Royal Rumble with Johnson's son. Johnson admits that, while Austin has every right to a match if his son is the guilty party, and that the WWF officials shouldn't stand in the way of the match to protect his son, Austin's tactics are vile and reprehensible. Johnson goes so far as to call Austin, after watching a videotape of his verbal intimidation of Rock's wife, a monster and no better then the man who ran him down. It is then that the shocking content comes to pass as Austin barges in on the closed-set interview and assaults Johnson. Austin punches and stomps Johnson to the ground, yanks off his belt and whips Johnson as crew members and JR yell at Austin to stop. As Austin beats on Johnson, Austin yells out over and over again; "I want your boy! I want your boy!" Finally, Austin stops and gets up close to the lens of the camera, panting and almost frothing like a rabid dog. "I'm sick of waitin', Rock," he says as he gasps for breath. "I will have your ass at the Rumble, Rock, or I will destroy your life piece by piece. You hear me, Rock? You hear me? Make the match, Rock! Make the match!" Austin quickly snaps around and puts the boots to Johnson; JR tries to get Austin to calm down and gets pushed down for his efforts. Austin gets in a couple more stomps, gets back in the camera and gives Rock one more warning to make the match or else, and then leaves the set as medics come to check on Johnson.

 

Raw: Jan. 15th, '01

 

The final Raw before the Royal Rumble is stacked with big matches, including Undertaker, Regal & Benoit against The Radicals in six-man action, The Rock facing Kane, and Angle facing Triple H.

 

But the evening starts off with Jim Ross and William Regal welcoming a bandaged Rocky Johnson to the ring. Johnson comes out limping but receives a warm reception. "Thank you for coming here tonight," says JR a tad shamefully, "after the incidents of last week."

 

"Indeed," says Regal, shaking Johnson's hand, "on behalf of the World Wrestling Federation, I would like to extend our deepest apologies for the actions of Stone Cold Steve Austin. I--"

 

"I'm not here for apologies," Johnson says sternfully. JR and Regal look confused, almost insulted. "I'm here to kick Stone Cold Steve Austin's ass." JR and Regal have a hard time keeping their jaws from swinging loose; likewise, the crowd doesn't know how to react to this. "I know Steve Austin thinks he has a problem with my boy, and they need to square it up on their own. But a man ain't much of a man if he can't stand up for his own self, and for what Steve Austin did to me last week, I ain't much of a man if I don't give him a receipt."

 

JR and Regal trip over each other trying to talk Johnson out of this course of action, but the sound of breaking glass clinches them all on their current course. When Austin jumps in the ring, JR and Regal both jump in between Johnson and Austin. Austin smiles humorlessly and steps back. "So you want a piece of Stone Cold Steve Austin, right here tonight. Am I--do I have that right? Well, hell, son, I ain't dressed to go yet, but if you got an itch you need scratchin', I ain't gotta wait to get my trunks and boots." Austin throws down his microphone, takes off his vest and gestures for Johnson to bring it. Johnson takes off his jacket and looks ready to push Regal and JR aside when the music of The Rock stops the powder keg from blowing. The Rock comes to the ring without his bravado or swagger, approaching Austin with neither fear nor respect, getting nose to nose with the Bionic Redneck. For a few tension filled seconds, it seems as if the entire federation is balanced on a knifepoint, until The Rock finally speaks, never taking his eyes off Austin.

 

"If this match can be signed before the end of the night, does The Rock have your word you'll leave The Rock's dad alone?"

 

Austin takes his time answering, smirking just a little. "Sure. You got my word. One hour, or beat the living crap out of your old man."

 

"Make the match."

 

"I-I-I don't know--"

 

The Rock's head whips around to look at Regal. "The Rock doesn't care about the how. Just get it done." The Rock turns around and leaves the ring. Once Rock is through the curtain, Austin turns to Regal, points at Johnson and says; "You got one hour, or I'm comin' to this ring lookin' to beat his sorry ass into a hospital bed." Austin leaves the ring, leaving Regal with JR and Rocky Johnson, trying to figure out how to authorize a match that has been expressly forbidden by the higher-ups.

 

A 10-man battle royal featuring Superstars who will compete in the Royal Rumble goes on. Both members of Too Cool, Rikishi, Steve Blackman, Raven, Tazz, Test, Albert, and Al Snow all band together to target the person whose destructive behavior has him labelled as one of the favorites to win the Rumble: Kane. But the Big Red Machine fights off the band, single-handedly tossing six of his competitors. When the dust settles, Kane and Steve Blackman are the last two in the ring.  As Blackman breaks out the martial arts skills, Eddie Guerrero comes down with another referee; Kane catches Blackman's leg, grabs him by the throat and chokeslams him, then, for good measure, does it again and pins him. The second referee counts the decision, making Kane the new Hardcore Champion. As soon as the ring announcer has finished the announcement, Kane picks up Blackman and tosses him for the victory. Guerrero celebrates with Kane on his Hardcore Title victory, a championship that, with Kane's dominance, doesn't seem stoppable.

 

Earl Hebner pops into Regal's office as Regal hangs up the phone. "Earl, is this pressing?" asks Regal.

 

"Sir, it may be," says Earl sheepishly. "Have you made a decision about the Steve Austin/Rock situation?"

 

"In fact, I was just speaking with the board of directors, Earl. They've decided that, in the interest of safety and legalities, they will allow Steve Austin and The Rock to fight at the Royal Rumble in an unsanctioned bout."

 

Earl's face grows dark. "I was afraid you'd say that."

 

Regal raises an eyebrow. "Is there a problem?"

 

Earl takes a deep breath, steeling himself. "The other refs and I have spoken, and we've decided that none of us are willing to take the risk of officiating a match between those two. It's too dangerous. I'm sorry, Commissioner." Earl leaves Regal's office, leaving Regal with his head in his hands as his timely negotiations go up in smoke.

 

Steven Richards accompanies Bull Buchanan & The Goodfather to the ring for a match with the Holly Cousins and grabs a mic before the cousins come down. "I know a lot of people are wondering why we attacked those thugs, Faarooq and Bradshaw, last week on Smackdown," proclaims Richards to a hailstorm of boos. "Everything we do is to protect you stupid people from seeing or hearing what you shouldn't, and the APA was about to make a deal with someone to procure what is most assuredly pornography!" The crowd renews their hatred, which Richards yells over. "Your protests only show how deep the virus of depravity has eaten into your bones, that you would actively cheer for two beer-swilling rednecks to acquire an uncensored videotape of a, a, a carnal, adulterous moment between two adults! You people don't know what's best for you! You people--"

 

The music of the APA busts into Richards' mindless ranting; Bradshaw and Faarooq step out onto the stage, looking as angry as ever. "Hey, Stevie!" Bradshaw yells, which prompts an off-mic rant by Richards that his name is Steven, not Stevie. "Yeah, you, pencilneck. You and your nerd friends ... we got a job to do, and you idiots got in the way. So we can either come down and beat the living snot outta you right here and now and leave your carcasses for those dancin' kids to finish off ... or, you and your buddies can meet us on Smackdown for a six-man tag, and if we win, we get the videotape!" When Richards doesn't answer right away, Bradshaw turns to Faarooq; "Well," he says, "if they ain't gonna answer, you may wanna put out that stogie."

 

"I's plannin' on puttin' it out in the middle of poindexter's forehead," says Faarooq.
Bradshaw nods. "Good plan."

 

"Wait! Wait! Fine! You got it! You got your match!"

 

Faarooq elbows Bradshaw. "Gets 'em every time," he says with a hearty laugh as they disappear backstage, leaving the RTC out of sorts as the Hollys come down for their fight.

 

The top of the hour rolls around and, right on time, Austin heads to the ring in his wrestling gear. Austin grabs a chair on the way in, unfolds it in the middle of the ring and sits down, looking at an imaginary watch. "Y'all got ten seconds to come out here before I come back there, Regal, grab ya by your skinny little tie and beat ya like a dog. And then, I'll beat Rocky's daddy even more." Austin starts the countdown, barking out the numbers. Regal comes out at three.

 

"Steve!" gasps Regal. "I need more time! I can give you the match, but I need more time! The WWF officials won't referee your match out of fear."

 

"I gave you all the time in the world, William Regal. So either gimme the match or gimme Rocky's old man!"

 

Regal is about to plead again when the music of Undertaker cues up. Undertaker saunters onto the stage. Regal looks at him with equal mixtures of fear and confusion. Before anyone can ask what he's doing here, Undertaker speaks. "It seems to me, the two of you, you got yourself a problem." Undertaker gestures to Regal. "You can't get your britches straight," he says, then points to Austin, "and you won't give the man time to do it." Undertaker chuckles. "You need an official, someone to make this happen? Keep the peace? And you wanna get your hands on The Rock?" Undertaker points at himself. "I can make it happen."

 

"What the bloody hell are you talking about? If I don't provide an official, the board of directors won't approve--"

 

"That's the problem with you suits, you ain't got no brains beyond your little balance books and whatnot. You want a match with Rock, Stone Cold? Here's what I can offer ya. I can offer you the place, I can offer you the time, and I can offer you the official."

 

Austin leans on the top rope, directing his gaze at Undertaker. "I'm listening."

 

"In the circles I roll in, two men got a beef they can't settle, they take it to the Iron Circle. The boys circle 'round on their bikes, and the guy who can't stand up no more loses the fight. I'll provide the circle, I'll be the official." Regal starts to speak up, but Undertaker cuts him off. "But I ain't doin' this for nothin'. I gotta git somethin' in return."

 

"Well, what do you want?" asks Austin.

 

"I want two things." Undertaker looks at Regal. "I want a guaranteed title shot down the line. My choice when to cash it in." Undertaker looks to Austin. "And I want you to leave a little bit o' scrap for me with The Rock, cause I still ain't got enough of him yet. You just leave a piece for me, Stone Cold, and you and me, we're square."

 

"I don't appreciate being put over a barrel like this," opines Regal. Austin and Undertaker look at him as he mulls it over a second longer, then says; "But I have no choice. Your terms are accepted." Austin's music kicks in immediately as the announcers speculate on how either Rock or Austin will be able to compete in the Rumble if they have to square off in such a hellacious, unregulated environment as an Iron Circle match.

 

The Angle/Triple H match, for all the technical ability possessed by them, degenerates into a fist-swinging bar brawl from the word go. Wisely, the ref stands out of the way and lets the rules go lax as they bend, break and outright destroy rules left and right in their quest to eliminate one another before Royal Rumble. When Triple H decides taking Angle out within the confines of a match is just too much trouble, he seeks out his sledgehammer under the ring, but Angle dodges the potentially lethal blow, kicks Triple H in the gut and goes for a Pedigree; Triple H low blows out of it, goes for one of his own, and promptly gets low blowed back. The ref starts the out-of-ring count, and when neither men makes it back in, both are counted out and the match is tossed, completing Angle's run of his Rumble opponents, with not a real successful moment to point to from any of the three matches.

 

The six-man tag main event also degenerates into a fist-swinging fight, as Regal and Benoit go after Malenko and Saturn with a fury and Undertaker, ever in the mood for a fight, manhandles Guerrero at will. But Vince's troops, nor Vince, will let his enemies slide so easily; Vince leads Kane to the ring, Kane going after Undertaker while Vince goes after Regal. The interference draws the DQ, and also draws out Shane McMahon, cane in hand. Shane goes right after his father, but Guerrero manages to cut off Shane and put him down before Shane can take his father's head off with the cane. By the time Smackdown comes to a close, Vince's troops have put down their opponents and stand triumphant.

 

Smackdown: Jan. 18th, '01

 

The final Smackdown before the Royal Rumble is loaded with both big matches and big events: in addition to Shane McMahon stepping into the ring to face Eddie Guerrero, the APA/RTC showdown and other matches, Commissioner Regal will draw the lots for the lucky person to get #30 in the Rumble and the unlucky duo who get the first two slots.

 

But the show starts off with a table set up in the ring, with chairs on both sides of the table, set up for the official public signing of the divorce papers for Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. Shane escorts his crying sister down to the ring, as does her lawyer. Triple H comes out with his lawyer, but stands on his side of the table, staring a hole through Stephanie, looming over her like the shadow of death. Jim Ross, handling the announcing duties in-ring, suggests Triple H sit down; when Shane echoes the sentiment snidely, Triple H starts to come around, but stops when his lawyer restrains him. Once Triple H is seated, his lawyer produces the final documents to certify the dissolution of marriage and presents them to Stephanie, who makes one more impassioned plea to save her marriage; Triple H's response is to glare menacingly. Shane picks up the pen and hands it to his sister who, reluctantly, with a shaking hand, signs the document.

 

But as Triple H gets set to sign it, the music for Vince McMahon hits the PA; the Chairman, as well as his "associate" Trish Stratus and Eddie Guerrero come down to the ring. JR almost throws the microphone in disgust, while Shane and Triple H unwittingly get on the same page, staring at the unwelcome elder McMahon with antipathy. As Trish hangs on Vince's arm like a groupie and Guerrero makes lurid gestures to Stephanie, Vince addresses the soon-to-be-former couple. "You know, as elated as it makes me to finally have you out of my life and my family, Triple H, I can't help but be a little sad. Yes, a little sad, and a little envious. You see, it's going to take some time for the courts to work out the divorce proceedings for your mother and I, and I just wish we could fast forward to the point where your mother is cast out into the street, penniless and destitute, just like she was when I first started dating her!" The crowd gives Vince a piece of their mind, but Vince ignores it and presses on. "And yet, I also find myself sad, because, considering how much shame you've brought to the McMahon name, there isn't a legal way for me to remove you from my life as you are from Triple H's. I mean, to restore pride and dignity to the McMahon family name, I'm going to have to become a father again sometime down the line with"--Vince turns to Trish, stroking the line of her jaw, glaring at her luridly--"a woman of much better stock."

 

Guerrero sidles up next to Stephanie, blowing kisses and winking. "Hey, mamacita. I hear you like to party," he says. "You wanna come out with me after you ditch this gavacho and get a little Latino Heat?" Shane shoves Guerrero, who reacts with non-chalance. "Hey, esse! Just cause your sister is the partyin' type, don't mean you gotta get on my case!"

 

"Stay the hell away from my sister, you sick--"

 

Stephanie puts a hand on Shane's arm and asks him to sit down, which he does reluctantly, never taking his eyes off Vince, who just smiles at him. "Yeah, that's it, Shane. Sit down. Do like you did when they benched you in little league, like when you got that B instead of an A in college. Do like you've always done and back down. That's why your appearing in the Royal Rumble to stop me from protecting my investment won't matter, Shane: because you don't have the grapefruits to do what it takes, and you never will. Not like me." Vince now turns to Triple H. "Now sign the damn document. I want you out of this family once and for all."

 

Triple H snatches up the pen and signs. As he finishes, Vince leans down and says; "And now that you're no longer staining the name of McMahon, I want to wish you the best of luck this Sunday in your World Title match. Because it's going to be the last one you'll ever get." Triple H stands up so fast, he kicks the chair out from underneath himself. "Oh, threaten me all you like, Hunter. With my wife on a leave of absence, and my having purchased my daughter's interest in the WWF, all I have left to do to consolidate my control over this company once and for all is to get my divorce finalized, which should happen by WrestleMania. And when I finally have what I built back in my control, I'm going to make sure you're out of my company as well as my family!"

 

Before Triple H can do anything, Guerrero sucker punches Triple H. Shane goes for Guerrero, but gets kicked in the crotch by Trish; Guerrero, meanwhile, puts the boots to Triple H, then sets him up on the table, climbs the turnbuckles and frog splashes him through it. Vince, busy getting in a few kicks on his son, stops to laugh in Triple H's face and leaves with his escorts, laughing while his daughter cries amidst the mess of her fallen brother and now ex-husband.

 

Steven Richards and the RTC escort Bull Buchanan & The Goodfather to the ring as they prepare for their match against the APA, with possession of the Stephanie McMahon sex tape on the line. Richards is reluctant to relinquish possession of the tape, but the referee forces him to abide by the stipulations. Not surprisingly, the four fighters, not adept at catch-as-catch-can wrestling, dispense with formalities and get to brawling. When the APA start their late-match comeback, Richards, seeing his team is on the brink, starts to slide in. Val Venis slides in with him, but the crowd is stunned to see Venis clock Richards, kicking him down to the floor. Bradshaw and Faarooq get over the surprise faster then Venis' former RTC teammates; Bradshaw almost takes Goodfather's head off with the Clothesline From Hell and scores the winning pinfall. Together, the threesome send the RTC packing and seize control of the videotape.

 

Steve Austin enters the ring for his match against Raven. Unfortunately for Raven, Austin's too keyed up to be toppled, and Raven goes down in under a minute. But on the stage watching is Eddie Guerrero, grinning like a crocodile. Guerrero gestures a throwing motion, the message behind it clear: Austin is a target on Sunday. And in the back, watching on a monitor is The Rock, an opponent of Austin in both the Rumble and in their unsanctioned Iron Circle fight; Rock watches with an _expression of sad resignation.

 

Shane McMahon, still smarting from his beatdown, bumps into Commissioner Regal as he is escorted through the halls, on his way to the ring with the kitty to draw lots for the Rumble. "Regal--"

 

"I really don't have the time, Shane," Regal says hurriedly.

 

"All I want is a match tonight."

 

"You already have one, against that toerag Eddie Guerrero."

 

"I know. I want you to change it. Eddie and my dad."

 

Regal shakes his head. "I'm not sending you out there to die, young man."

 

"Then pick a partner for me. I don't care. Just give me the both of them. Please."

 

Regal dismisses Shane with a wave. "Fine, I don't have to argue. You'll get your match. Excuse me." Regal pushes Shane aside and heads for the ring, with attendants carrying the gold spinning tumbler behind him. When Smackdown comes back from commercial, Regal is turning the tumbler, ready to draw the first number when "No Chance In Hell" brings out Vince and his entourage again. "And just what can I do for you?" asks Regal without bothering to hide his irritation.

 

"Oh, I'm just here to bear witness to the proceedings." Vince's smile drops away. "I don't trust you, Regal. You're a stooge for Linda. Until I have control of this company, I have to tolerate you, so since I have to put up with you, I intend to make sure you run this company aboveboard."

 

Regal ignores Vince's rantings and addresses the public. "As is tradition, the WWF shall be conducting random drawings for the bulk of the Royal Rumble slots in secret, to be revealed as the Rumble proceeds. Tonight, however, I shall be drawing the names of three of the thirty Royal Rumble competitors," explains Regal. "One of these three men will be the lucky participant who draws number thirty, while the other two will have the bad luck to start first and second. I shall draw the lot for number 30 first." Regal stirs the kitty a couple more times, opens up the hatch, pulls out a ball and cracks it open. "The WWF Superstar who will come in thirtieth is ... Rikishi!" The crowd gives a warm cheer for the dancing Samoan's good fortune, although it's obvious the reception would be bigger were the name drawn someone like Steve Austin. "Now then," Regal continues, pulling out another ball, "the person who shall come out as the number one entrant is ..." Regal pauses, his _expression darkening. When he speaks again, his voice is somber. "The number one entrant is Shane McMahon." A ripple goes through the crowd as the ramifications of Shane going first hits--his whole purpose, safeguarding against Vince spoiling or tilting the results of the Royal Rumble by his presence, gone. Next to Regal, Vince and company laugh heartily. Regal takes a deep breath and draws the third bubble. "And the person entering as number two is ..." Regal cracks the ball open, sees the name, blinks, reads it again, then looks up, a devilish grin on his lips. "The number two participant will be ..." He turns to his left and says; "you!"

 

Vince's laughter stops abruptly and is replaced with slack-jawed silence. Regal puts the slip of paper in Vince's hand, but he is too shocked to move; Trish grabs it out of his hands and looks at it, confirming that it indeed does say Vince's name, condemning him to face off against Shane, alone, for two long minutes, his master plan reduced to ashes. Regal grabs Vince's limp hand and shakes it, snidely adding; "Best of luck, Vincent. You'll need it," and leaves the stunned Chairman in the ring.

 

Kane comes to the ring for his match against his half-brother, Undertaker, but before the match starts, he grabs a microphone and makes a statement; "I have defeated and dominated almost everyone in this company. I want what is coming to me. Next Monday, I want Kurt Angle and the World Wrestling Federation Title!"

 

Angle comes out immediately and gets right in Kane's space. "So Mr. McMahon has it out for me know, huh? He sends you, this big, goofy looking guy in red footy pajamas to come take his title? Geez, after a steel cage match with The Rock and a fatal-four-way this Sunday, you'd think I'd made someone mad!" Kane remains non-plussed by Angle's rant. "No. I'm taking next Monday off. And you haven't done anyth--"

 

Just as quick as a hiccup, Kane grabs Angle by the throat and goes for a chokeslam; Angle somehow floats out of it, slips behind and nails an Angle Slam, but Kane sits up on impact. Angle stands there, mouth in an O, unsure whether to fight or flee, when Undertaker comes out, shoves Angle aside and goes after his brother. Angle, however, upset at Undertaker for pushing him aside and more upset at Kane for getting up after the Angle Slam, gets behind Kane and nails another one, stopping the match almost as quickly as it started. Kane again sits up out of Angle's finisher, but a little slower this time; however, he stands up right into a chokehold from Undertaker, who drills his brother with a chokeslam. Kane rolls out, fazed but not defeated, staggering up the ramp, swearing vengeance on both of them. As Undertaker trades insults with his brother, Angle comes up behind the American Badass and plants him with the Angle Slam. Like his brother, Undertaker gets up from it, scaring Angle so badly, he drops out of the ring and starts running up the ramp until he sees Kane is still there. Angle hops the barrier and leaves through the crowd instead.

 

Jericho meets up with the APA in their office, where the duo has a TV and VCR set-up, watching the tape. "Well?" asks Jericho. "What's going on?"

 

Faarooq and Bradshaw look at each other, both apprehensive. Bradshaw stumbles over his tongue, so Faarooq speaks up. "I, uh, think you better look at this." Jericho takes a seat and watches the video, his jaw coming unhinged as it plays out. Faarooq puts a hand on his shoulder. "If you need a minute ..."

 

Suddenly, Jericho's face becomes steely, resolute. "All I need is that tape." Jericho grabs Bradshaw's and then Faarooq's hands for handshakes. "Thank you. I owe you both."

 

Upon getting in the ring, Vince shows that he has been spending more time in the weeks leading up to the Rumble flirting with Trish Stratus and sitting around then training, as he is easily outmatched by his son, who shows he's taken the business of being in the Rumble very seriously, beating up on his father at will. Guerrero makes sure to bail out his boss, his expertise outweighing Shane's rookie exuberance. Shane eventually gets the tag to Triple H, who cleans house on Guerrero, but Vince sneaks in and gets a timely crotch-shot to fell the former WWF Champion. In the ensuing melee, Guerrero and Triple H end up brawling to the outside, where Triple H gets ambushed by Guerrero's fellow soldiers, while Vince utilizes another shot to the groin to drop his son and get the tainted victory. But, as much as seeing the older (and more cavalier) Vince get the pin on his son is a surprise, the bigger shock comes from Triple H's three opponents at the Rumble all coming down and siding with each other to fight back Vince's army. When the smoke clears, the four opponents drive Vince's army back, only to realize who they're standing next to in the end; Smackdown fades to black as the foursome start to brawl with each other.

 

Royal Rumble: Jan. 21, '01

 

After the introductions and rundown of the card, cameras immediately cut to the parking lot, where a bunch of cars and motorcycles, manned by barking, smoking bikers, are gathered in a circle in the parking garage by the arena. Inside stands Stone Cold, still in his street clothes, and Undertaker, patiently waiting the arrival of The Rock. Austin stands perfectly still, eyes on the only path into the Iron Circle, while the bikers hoot, holler and whoop it up. After a few minutes, though, it becomes obvious Rock isn't coming just yet, and they cut away to an undercard match. When it ends, they cut back to the parking lot, only to find the situation unchanged: Austin, standing as still as a statue, Undertaker conversing with his biker friends, and no Rock.

 

After almost two whole months of taunting, attacks, deceit, avoidance and the stealing of their titles, Benoit and Regal enter their WWF Tag Title match with a raging fire in their bellies. Malenko and Saturn are caught off guard by Benoit's and Regal's fury, and even cheap tactics and shortcuts don't do enough to swing the momentum in favor of The Radicals. But as Benoit is looking to cinch on the Crossface on Malenko and score the victory, the TitanTron changes from in-ring action the Stephanie McMahon hotel video. The scene, so familiar from repeated airings, plays out, only this time, it continues past the cut-off point everyone is familiar with ... which is when Stephanie's "guest" turns around and winks at the camera, providing a clear shot of the face: it is of Chris Benoit. The revelation brings the match to a standstill; Regal looks dejectedly at Benoit, who can offer no defense or rebuttal. Without saying a word, Regal drops off the apron and walks away, leaving Benoit alone with The Radicals, who quickly seize the numbers advantage to pound Benoit into unconsciousness for the victory. Michael Cole catches up with Regal in the back, but Regal brushes off his questions and locks the door to his office.

 

Another check on the Iron Circle match shows the same unfortunate scene as before: no Rock. Austin gulps down a beer (and, judging from the cans around him, not the first) and paces inside the circle. Undertaker approaches Austin, but Austin's hostile glare encourages Undertaker to take a step back. The cameras go back to another undercard match, and when they come back, a WWF official approaches to inform them that the WWF Title match is next, and then the Royal Rumble, and if they don't report to the backstage area immediately, they will both forfeit their matches. Relucantly, both men leave the Iron Circle with a grim sense of disappointment.

 

The WWF Title match comes on next, the last regular match before the Rumble. With well over a month of pinfalls, ambushes and taunts between them, the heat amongst the four Superstars is off the charts; Triple H and Undertaker start brawling before either Jericho or Angle get to the ring, and when they do, the fight looks like a mini-Rumble, with shifting allegiances forming and dissolving at the drop of a hat. The only new dynamic comes from the evening's earlier revelation of Jericho's innocence, which turns the Triple H/Jericho rivalry on its ear; no longer does Triple H go after Jericho like a homicidal maniac. In fact, Triple H proves so distracted by the ramifications of the videotape's evidence, it ends up costing him the match, as Triple H gets nailed with an Angle Slam for the pin while Jericho, with his back turned to the action, fights Undertaker for a Walls Of Jericho. Angle eschews his normal in-ring celebration, knowing that lingering will earn him a beatdown from the irate Undertaker; he quickly heads for the back, leaving Triple H and Jericho in the ring, the tension between them palpable. Triple H, dejected and visibly disturbed, leaves the ring first, his head hanging, while Jericho takes in the apologetic cheers of the crowd. Undertaker tears up the ringside area, frustrated with his failure, before leaving.

 

The evening concludes with the Royal Rumble, which has father and son squaring off as the first two entrants. Shane attacks his father like a man possessed, tackling him and raining down blows on his head for two solid minutes until the horn blows for the third entrant. The crowd's happy mood goes right down the tubes when #3 is Vince's chief lieutenant, Eddie Guerrero, who mauls Shane and tosses him. Guerrero and Vince shake hands in the ring and wait out the remaining time on the clock until the fourth man is announced, being Al Snow. Snow gets beaten down and tossed by the duo. The fifth entrant, Funaki, gets tossed almost as quick as he comes in, sending the crowd into a tizzy. A sixth entrant, Scotty 2 Hotty, gets dumped quick, and the crowd is almost ready to riot; when the seventh person comes out and it's The Rock, cups and garbage start flying. Guerrero and Vince offer their hands and Vince assures the Rumble is all but in his hands. Rock takes Guerrero's hand, then pulls him in and drills him with a Rock Bottom. Vince stands, mouth agape, as Rock picks up Guerrero and launches him over the top, leaving Rock and Vince. Vince stammers and backpedals, hoping for mercy; instead, he gets right hands that back him up to the ropes. The last punch, Rock's trademark spit-in-the-hand punch, sends Vince up and over the top and to the floor. Test comes out as the eighth man, and Rock dispatches with him quickly and with a minimum of fuss. The ninth entrant finally turns the Rumble into a real contest: it is Kane, Vince's one-man wrecking machine. Slowly but surely, the ring fills with entrants. Kane gets numerous eliminations, but none of them his primary target, The Rock, while Rocky fends off all sorts of comers to keep in the match. It isn't until the twenty-eighth entrant that things suddenly explode: it is Stone Cold Steve Austin. The ring, stuffed with 9 people already, parts like the Red Sea as Austin makes a beeline for The Rock. Only Kane gets in the way, who eats a quick Stunner; when Kane sits up from one, he gets a second and tossed unceremoniously. The rest of the entrants maintain their distance from Austin and Rock as Austin takes Rock down and starts whaling on him. Steve Blackman makes the mistake of trying to stop Austin from going overboard and gets tossed for his efforts. As the last of the entrants are brought in, and one by one, the participants thin out, the two favorites to win are Rock and Austin, although Austin makes no attempt to eliminate Rock and focuses on inflicting pain, while Rocky works more on trying to put Austin down long enough to catch a breather. And when the final horn blows to usher in the last participant, it is only Rocky and Austin in the ring, trading punches; Jim Ross makes the announcement to the home viewers that Rikishi is not present for unknown reasons, and that he will be replaced by a surprise entrant named The Golden Warrior. The mystery participant comes out in a full gold body suit, covering arms, legs and torso, with a golden mask covering his head. With Rock and Austin busy clobbering each other into submission, neither notice the entry of this unusual and unknown entrant, who sneaks up behind the both of them as they get near the ropes and dumps them both. Rock and Austin sit on the floor, stunned, looking up at the mystery man as he celebrates his unprecidented and unbelievable victory. The crowd reacts with a mixture of revulsion and shock as the realization that, as long as Kurt Angle makes it through the next two months, he will face a total unknown in the main event of Wrestlemania, while Austin and Rock will be left out in the cold.  

To be continued....