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What if...Mankind had been Vince McMahon's choice for the Corporate Champion?
Part I
Our
story begins in the closing moments of the finals of the
World Title tournament at Survivor Series '98. The Rock
has defied overwhelming odds—including risking his
own job—to get to the finals of the tournament. His
opponent, the confused Mankind, believes he is Vince McMahon's
favored son, but the match is not going in his favor ...
Nov. 15th,
1998
The Rock stands above the prone body of Mankind, sucking
air and barely moving. Rocky scans the crowd, giving his
shoulders that familiar jerk; he has no elbows pads left
to strip off and throw, but the crowd doesn't care. It's
still The Most Electrifying Move In Sports Entertainment
Today. Rocky waves his arms in and out—the preamble
to The People's Elbow—then bounds into a run; first,
off to his right, then a hop over Mankind and to the left
side, then, as he approaches Mankind's body, he slows long
enough to give Vince McMahon—who is at ringside—a
two-fingered salute before dropping the elbow square on
the heart. The crowd counts along with the referee, but
the three never happens.
Instead, Vince springs up, screaming and pointing at the
referee. Only the people nearby can hear it, although microphones
pick it up in the background for those at home: Earl!
Make the three-count and kiss your job goodbye! Earl
stops, then stands up. The Rock waits a second more, then
when what would've been the winning third slap doesn't happen,
he springs up and is in Earl Hebner's face. Earl's hands
are in the air in an "I surrender" gesture and
he shakes his head. Anger overrides Rock's judgment, and
he gives Hebner a shove. Hebner still shakes his head, but
offers no verbal argument; instead, it is Vince's voice
Rock hears.
"Hey, Rock!" Vince puts up a thumb, then slowly
turns it down. Rock's eyes go wide with rage, but he has
no time to do anything else. He is wheeled around by Mankind,
who quickly drives his hand into the mouth of The Rock,
and Rock is barely on the mat before Vince is screaming
at Hebner to ring the bell. Reluctantly, Earl signals the
timekeeper, and the bell rings. The energy of the crowd
turns nasty and Mankind's theme song is drowned out with
the boos of the crowd. Vince tears the belt from the hands
of the timekeeper and carries it (along with a microphone)
with pride into the ring, presenting it to Mankind like
an Academy Award. Mankind takes the belt and cradles it,
while Shane McMahon joins them and Vince brings out the
microphone.
"What you've just seen is the completion of a Machiavellian
plot, a conspiracy that could only be brought forth by someone
like me, Vince McMahon!" Vince beams amidst the visceral
hatred coming from the crowd. "I'd try to break it
down for you inbred Missouri rednecks, but it's—"
The Rock finally gets up, and immediately gets into Vince's
face. "What in the hell do you—" is all
he has time to get off before Vince screams for help from
his new pet Champion.
Mankind clobbers The Rock in the back of the head with the
belt, and Rocky drops to the ground. He gives Shane McMahon
the order to pick him up; Mankind backs up across the ring
while Shane gets Rock to his knees. Mankind bursts forward
in a mad, scrambling run, winding up as he comes forward,
then blasts Rocky in the face; the crushing blow sends The
Rock tumbling backwards and out of the ring. Refs and trainers
scramble out of the back to check on the now-bleeding Rock
as Vince announces all will be explained tomorrow on Raw.
Nov. 16th, 1998: Raw
Raw
opens with Vince McMahon, along with his son Shane and the
Corporate entourage of Boss Man, Pat Patterson and Gerald
Brisco, all beaming with pride. "Thank you for that
warm Kentucky reception!" says Vince. The crowd boos,
but he ignores it, the smile on his face so big, it's threatening
to cut his head in half. "Last night at the Survivor
Series, my son Shane and I proved that whoever it was that
said Ôyou can't fool all of the people all of the time'
was a damn fool. A damned fool is someone who insists on
doing things the hard way. A damned fool is someone who
embraces middle class ethics and values." The crowd
chants for Austin, but Vince plods on. "And a damned
fool is someone who doesn't pucker up and kiss the boss'
ass. Now, now, now, wait a minute; now don't tell me all
of you don't kiss the boss' ass, I know you do, you probably
don't just kiss it enough—that's why you're a bunch
of backwater Kentucky hicks, and I'm the owner of the most
powerful wrestling company on earth!" The crowd boos
again, but Vince continues without missing a beat. "Even
though you don't deserve it, right now, I would like to
introduce you to someone who certainly is no damn fool,
oh no. Ladies and gentlemen, the World Wrestling Federation
Champion—the Corporate Champion—ladies
and gentlemen ... Mick Foley!"
Jim Ross insists that this is all a bad dream, and that
the Mick Foley he's known for years would never do something
like this, but indeed, Mick Foley comes through the curtain,
the WWF World Title slung over one shoulder and a large,
lumpy garbage sack in the other. And this time, the corporate
sell-out is complete—gone is the straggly, unkempt
hair, now trimmed down to a military buzz-cut. The beard
is gone, replace with a well-trimmed, respectable goatee.
Gone are the dingy brown rags, the tie-dyed shirts and the
smelly leather mask; in its place is a nice suit and tie,
and a new bridge of false teeth to fill in the holes in
his smile. And if the appearance didn't do enough to push
the sell-out, the graphic on-screen lists him as "New
WWF Champion, Mick Foley". Mick enters the ring, shaking
hands with everyone (and getting a manly hug of congratulations
from Vince). Vince then introduces Mick with; "Ladies
and gentlemen, listen to Mick Foley!"
"Thank you, Vince" Mick says. "Ya know, every
since last night, people keep asking me why I sold out.
Why I'd be crazy enough to trust the McMahons after everything
they'd done to people who got in their way. Why I'd turn
my back on the fans who had come to accept this pudgy kid
from Long Island as a genuine WWF Superstar." Mick
glares out into the crowd; a handful of boos breaks the
silence, but for the most part, everyone is waiting, listening.
"But every time someone asked me that, all I could
think of was how the fans of the World Wrestling Federation
have treated me over the past two and a half years. I gave
you Cactus Jack—I even brought in Terry Funk—and
instead of showing us the respect and gratitude we deserve,
you chant for Steve Austin. I bear my soul to Jim Ross,
and what does he do? He mocks me, and browbeats me. I get
stuck in a cage with a lunatic like Ken Shamrock and a pompous
son of a bitch like The Rock, and who do you cheer for?
The guy who couldn't care less about any one of you."
Suddenly, Mick's face floods with rage, and his voice turns
into a blood-curdling yell. "I was thrown off and through
the Hell In A Cell, and what kind of response do I get for
that? You cheer for a goddamned sock! So you ask
me why I've aligned myself with Vince McMahon and his Corporation?
Because the fans of the WWF put me there!"
Mick sets the belt and the bag down, then opens the bag
and pulls out the contents; first, the tie-dyed shirt and
tights of Dude Love. Next, the brown vest and tights of
Mankind, and followed up with the ring attire of Cactus
Jack. Lastly, he pulls out a book of matches and a can of
lighter fluid, which he uses to douse the pile of clothing.
"You sick bastards put me in this position, so I feel
as though it's my duty to punish you. You'll never be seeing
Mankind, or Dude Love or Cactus Jack ever again." Mick
lights a match, holding it front of him and laughing like
a madman. He dangles it above the pile of clothing, ready
to drop ...
And the sound of breaking glass makes his head swivel in
the direction of the entrance. Austin is no further then
the ramp before Vince is yelling over the music. "Whoa,
whoa, whoa, Austin, stop right there! Cut his music, dammit,
cut his music!" The music shuts off (to another chorus
of boos), and Vince says; "Need I remind you that your
new contract specifically states you cannot lay a hand on
me without prior provocation? In case your beer-addled brain
can't process those big words, Steve, allow me to simplify:
you can't hit me unless I hit you first, or your ass is
fired!"
"Oh, I know all about what kind of rules and laws Shane
wrote in that stupid little contract," Austin says,
pacing back and forth. "And since my beer-addled brain
is too stupid to use them big words you like to throw around,
I got a real simple way of telling you what I think of your
contract." Austin gives Vince the two-fingered salute,
much to the delight of the crowd. Vince steams and stews,
which makes Austin's smile that much bigger. "But I
also know," he continues, "what else is in that
contract. It says that Stone Cold Steve Austin is legally
bound to get a title shot the night after Survivor Series."
The crowd, and the Corporation, both go into overdrive,
although in much different styles. Shane tries to calm down
his father, whispering something to him. Finally, Vince
says; "There is no way that clause is in there. And
even if it is, there's no way you can back that up."
"Oh, it's in there, Vince. One title shot, for ol'
Stone Cold, right here tonight. I even took my case to a
legal expert."
Above Austin on the TitanTron, the image of Judge Mills
Lane appears. "I have reviewed the contract for Stone
Cold Steve Austin, and determined that it indeed does contain
a guaranteed match for the WWF Title on the night of November
16th, 1998." The crowd blows up, but Mills
has more. "If WWF owner Vince McMahon does not adhere
to this ruling, he will be in breech of contract. I expect
a good, clean fight, Vince ... or I'll see you in court."
Austin's music fills the arena, but instead of celebrating,
Austin's gaze is directed and locked on the gaze of the
"Corporate Champion", Mick Foley, whose eyes are
quite possibly even more cold and hostile than Austin's.
As the night continues, McMahon continues to spread his
Corporate doctrine, interrupting a scheduled Ken Shamrock/Boss
Man Intercontinental Title match with an offer for Shamrock
to join the Corporation. It doesn't take long for Shamrock
to make his decision and cast his lot with McMahon's team.
Overtures are also made to Women's Champion Sable, but she
declines.
When Team Corporate escorts Mick Foley (outfitted in plain
black tights, and a sleeveless flannel shirt over a plain
white t-shirt) to the ring, the hope that Austin can stick
it to Vince and his Corporate stooges starts to vanish.
Austin makes sure to give Team Corporate a dose of birds
on the way into the ring, but is blindsided by Foley before
he can do his usual pose on the turnbuckles. Austin takes
a few blows before getting a block and turning the tide,
putting fists and feet into Foley's doughy body. Vince and
his lackeys are horrified to watch Austin completely dominate
Foley with a barrage of strikes, which Foley can only stop
with a low blow. Foley backs up and takes a breather while
Shane hops up on the apron to argue with the referee about
Austin's supposed use of closed fists; it is an obvious
distraction ploy so Shamrock can come in and put the hurt
on Austin. Foley cues Shamrock to leave after the damage
is done, and Shane drops to the floor in time for Earl Hebner
to see Foley make the cover. But Foley only gets two, and
is angry. Foley picks up Austin and uses his old Cactus
Jack finisher, the double-arm DDT, but only gets two. Foley
is livid, and argues with the referee. Hebner argues back,
even going so far as to shove Foley backwards, right into
a roll-up by Austin, which only gets two. Foley is up before
Austin, and when Austin gets to his feet, Foley clamps on
the Mandible Claw. Austin fights the pressure Foley puts
on him to lay back with a kick to the gut. A second kick
is enough to break the hold, and a third sets up the Stunner,
but as Austin is getting in position to deliver the finishing
blow, Foley slaps the claw on again. Suddenly, the crowd
explodes at the sight of The Rock exploding from the backstage
area. Boss Man is the first to meet Rock, and he gets a
stiff clothesline on the jaw for his troubles. Hebner has
completely left the action in the ring to monitor The Rock's
incursion, but Rocky is dead set on one target: Vince McMahon.
He stalks Vince, pointing a finger and giving him a piece
of his mind before Shamrock, who had circled around the
ring to end up behind Rocky, waffles Rock in the back of
the head. Shamrock holds Rocky back, allowing Vince to talk
trash and slap him around (and, when Boss Man comes around,
to put the boots to him). All the while, Foley has abandoned
the Mandible Claw and gone after his title belt; Foley swings,
but Austin ducks, plants a kick in the gut, then gets the
title belt and hits a homer on Foley's skull. Austin barks
at Hebner, who comes back in time to see Austin make the
pin. Hebner gets to two, but the three is interrupted by
the emergence of The Undertaker, who uses a shovel to blast
Austin in the head. Hebner has no choice but to call for
the DQ bell, sending Austin's title shot up in smoke. Undertaker
continues to abuse the bleeding Austin with the shovel,
and the Corporation takes the opportunity to get the hell
out of dodge, leaving Rocky unconscious on the arena floor,
laughing at the destruction of Stone Cold as Raw fades to
black.
Nov. 23rd, 1998: Raw
Raw, once again, opens up with Vince, Shane and "the
stooges" (minus Shamrock, Boss Man or Foley). "I
know some of you probably think that I was behind the brutal
attack last Monday when the Undertaker leveled Austin with
a shovel. Well, let me tell you I categorically deny
those accusations, and as you all know, I don't lie. I've
never lied to you before, and I never will. When I guarantee
something, you know you can take it to the bank. That's
not to say I'm not happy that The Undertaker did
that, because it saved me a lot of grief, but I would never
condone or seek out such a blatant, horrific attack to be
perpetrated on an employee of this company ... even against
Stone Cold." The crowd boos this to show their disbelief,
but Vince is unfazed. "Right now, though, I am a very
special and important announcement. Commissioner Slaughter
has graciously decided to resign, so that the World Wrestling
Federation can be the leadership it deserves—an independent
freethinker who does not answer to Vince McMahon. This commissioner
will have full rights and privileges to treat each and every
WWF superstar with equality and dignity. The only
exception to the rule will be Stone Cold Steve Austin—he's
mine. I will make all decisions as it relates to Mr. Austin.
So without further ado, the McMahon Family proudly presents
to you, the new WWF Commissioner—the only Grand
Slam winner in WWF history—he is the Heartbreak
Kid Shawn Michaels!"
Michaels comes down the ramp to a standing ovation, dressed
in a nice blazer and slacks, and a cowboy hat to complete
the Texas sheriff look. After he does his trademark poses
(with fireworks), he shakes hands with Vince. "Well,
Vin-Man ... or is it Mister Vin-Man?" Vince
raises an eyebrow, but lets Shawn continue. "Regardless,
sir, I'd like to thank you for this opportunity. The Heartbreak
Kid is thrilled to be back in the ring, even if I
do have to wear a suit to do it. Now, as a token of my appreciation,
and as the new commissioner of the World Wrestling
Federation, I'll be the only one issuing guarantees
around here, and I can guarantee you"—Shawn points
to Vince, whose expression is showing he is beginning to
regret his decision—"that things will never
be quite the same around here. Now, in an effort—JR,
if I may steal a line of yours—in an effort to add
a little bit more sizzle to tonight's steak, Mr. Vin-Man,
may I book a few matches, right here, right now?" Vince
nods, his skepticism growing more by the minute. "Firstly,
that Hardcore Title your Corporate Champion has ... somehow,
I doubt you want such a ..." Shawn chuckles mockingly.
"... fine, upstanding man like Mick Foley to be involved
in a brawl for such a lowly title. So, Mick, consider yourself
relieved of the Hardcore Title; tonight on Raw, a triple
threat match for the Hardcore Title, with Ken Shamrock,"
(boos to that), "the Boss Man," (more boos), "and
The Rock!" The crowd bursts at that, while Vince's
jaw hits the floor. He tries to say something to Michaels,
but Michaels holds up a hand as if to say "shut up
and back off." "And furthermore ... ladies and
gentlemen, right here in this very ring, for the World Wrestling
Federation Championship—the current Champion, Mick
Foley, will defend against ... D-Generation X member X-Pac!
Now hit the music!" Vince can't hide how appalled he
is, and tries to question Michaels, but he is already leaving
the ring. Shane and the stooges confer with Vince, who is
still too rattled by Michaels' rulings.
The first match of the evening sees The Godfather against
Tiger Ali Singh; as always, The Godfather tries to use his
ho's to call things off, but before Singh can make a decision,
the sound of breaking glass cuts all proceedings off. Austin
stops to the ring and dispatches Singh with a Stunner; Tiger's
manservant Babu flees in terror before Austin can execute
him as well. The Godfather tries to calm Austin down a selection
from his stable of ladies, but gets a Stunner for a reply,
which sends the ladies scurrying for safety. Austin demands,
and receives a mike. He fires his words off like bullets
from a machine gun, pacing back and forth across the ring.
"Last week, I got royally screwed by The Undertaker
cracking me in the head with a shovel. Left me so messed
up, I passed out in the ring on Saturday." Austin pauses
to take a look around, a little bit of paranoia on his face.
"I don't care what the hell Vince McMahon says about
he didn't order the attack. All I know is that I got a splitting
headache, and the only thing I'm fixin' to do to make it
better is to find The Undertaker, stomp a mudhole in his
dead ass, and walk it dry!" Austin looks directly at
the entrance, as if expecting the ÔTaker to come out. "I
know you're back there somewhere, you piece of crap, and
if I can't find you back there, I will ruin every single
match on Raw tonight until I get a piece of his ass!"
The second hour kicks off with the triple-threat match for
the vacant Hardcore Title, and immediately, the plan becomes
obvious: eliminate The Rock for good. Shamrock and Boss
Man take turns pounding and wearing down The Rock, never
bothering to try a pin. But Rock utilizes the liberties
of the hardcore rules, and manages to even things up by
dropping both guys with shots to the groin. Rocky rolls
out, grabs a chair, and swings for the fences on Shamrock's
head. Boss Man tries to take away the chair, but Rocky buries
his boot in Boss Man's gut, and drops Boss Man onto the
chair with a DDT. Rocky puts the chair on Shamrock's chest,
then signals for the People's Elbow ... but Foley comes
down to the ring and pulls down the ropes, sending Rock
tumbling to the floor. Foley sends Rocky shoulder-first
into the steps, then runs at Rocky and crushes his head
between the steps and his knee. In the ring, Shamrock and
Boss Man start to stir, but Austin comes through the crowd
and drops both of them with Stunners (to the delight of
the crowd) before going after Foley. Foley and Austin start
to brawl, but Austin's rage is more then Foley can handle,
and Austin beats him to the floor. Austin stomps away at
Foley, taking pause only to talk smack and flip Foley the
bird. But Austin's barrage comes to a sudden halt thanks
to The Undertaker coming up from behind and subduing Austin
with a chloroform-soaked rag. Undertaker drapes Austin over
his shoulder and carries him around the ramp to a waiting
hearse, leaving the match to continue (even though all it's
participants are various states of unconsciousness). Finally,
the Boss Man stirs enough to drape an arm on Shamrock—the
plan all along, despite the unwanted interference—for
the three count.
The main event—Foley vs. X-Pac—starts off with
Commissioner Michaels sending away the two wrestlers' escorts
(Shamrock & Bossman and the New Age Outlaws, respectively).
X-Pac brings his A-game to the match, using his speed and
agility to run circles around Foley. But pretty soon, the
weight and strength of Foley prove too much for X-Pac, and
methodically picks apart the young high-flier. Using his
eclectic high-impact offense, Foley wears down X-Pac, but
the youngster's heart keeps him kicking out of everything
Foley can dish out. But Foley's penchant for dishing out
pain costs him when he sets up X-Pac in the corner for his
trademark running knee into the turnbuckle. X-Pac brings
up his feet, and Foley runs right into the legs, sending
the wind out of him. X-Pac gets to his feet and rallies
the crowd to cheer (with Jim Ross going into hysterics about
beating McMahon's "puppet champion"), and unleashes
with a volley of lightening-fast kicks. Foley is driven
back into the corner, and X-Pac hits his Bronco Buster.
Foley slides out of the ring as the match is joined by Vince
& Shane McMahon, who walk down to the end of the ramp.
X-Pac goes over to the ropes and gives them a couple crotch-chops,
and the referee follows, admonishing them for coming out.
The distraction is enough for Foley to grab a chair and
slide in the ring. Michaels dives in and intercepts him
taking the chair away. X-Pac turns and sees the confrontation,
but Michaels turns and swings at the same time, connecting
right between the eyes splitting X-Pac wide open. Michaels
quickly gets out (taking the chair with him), and Foley
makes the pin in time for the McMahons to back off. The
referee turns, sees the pinfall attempt, and makes the three
count. The ref's hand hasn't even hit the mat before the
New Age Outlaws are running down the aisle, but right behind
them are Shamrock and the Boss Man, who utilize the Boss
Man's nightstick to choke out and beat down the Outlaws,
while X-Pac is decimated with chair shots, and the McMahons
look on, with now virtually all of their top enemies vanquished
in one night.
It is the fate of Austin, though, that closes the show.
Camera crews follow the hearse to a cemetery. Paul Bearer
and The Undertaker get out of the hearse and open up the
back door; inside is a body bag that is writhing. The Undertaker
tries to pick it up, but Austin wiggles and fights too much
to pick up; The Undertaker drops Austin on the ground and
stomps him until he is still, then picks him back up. Paul
points off in the distance and tells Undertaker he has had
a grave already prepared (the camera zooms in the direction
Paul is pointing, and picks up a fresh grave with a headstone
already placed). Undertaker hefts Austin's carcass to the
gravesite, then drops it down. One on side of the grave
stands the dirt and a shovel driven into the mound; on the
other, a closed casket, ready and waiting. Undertaker orders
Paul to open the casket while he pulls Austin out of the
body bag and gives him another couple stomps for good measure.
Paul starts to pull open the casket, only for the lid to
coming flying open. Paul jumps back in horror to see Kane
sit up, then get out of the casket. Kane grabs Paul by the
throat and is about to choke slam him into the grave until
The Undertaker saves his mentor. The Undertaker and Kane
start to brawl, but The Undertaker gets the upper hand and
drives Kane back to the edge of the empty grave. This time,
it is Austin who makes the save, breaking the shovel on
The Undertaker, who falls in a heap. Kane recovers and adds
a couple shots in on his brother. Austin grabs the body
bag, and then goes after Paul. Paul tries to run, but trips
over his own feet; Austin hauls him up and punches him out.
He whistles over to Kane, who helps him stuff Bearer in
the body bag; the two toss it in the back of the hearse,
get in and drive into the night.
Nov. 30th, 1998: Raw
The next Raw has Austin showing up at the arena with the
body-bagged Paul Bearer, dragging him into the ring. He
brings a shovel with him, which he uses to poke and prod
and generally scare the living hell out of the pudgy manager.
He demands The Undertaker come out before he breaks another
shovel, but instead of The Undertaker, Austin gets Vince.
"The Undertaker isn't here tonight, Stone Cold,"
says Vince, "so you might as well go home. You're not
scheduled—hell, you're not even medically cleared
to wrestle tonight!"
"Stone Cold wasn't talkin' to you, Vince, so shut up!
I want The Undertaker, I want that rat bastard Mankind or
Cactus Jack or whoever he thinks he is this week, and I
want my World Wrestling Federation Title, and if I gotta
go through every superstar on the roster, you're damned
sure I'll do it! You go back into the back and you talk
to your stupid little lawyers and sign me up against The
Undertaker at Have A Nice Day, and once I'm done with him,
you might as well put me on the list against that piece
of crap Mick Foley!"
Vince glares at Austin in silence, considering his options.
The familiar evil McMahon grin spreads across his face.
"Well, Stone Cold, I'm not very inclined to let you
anywhere near Mick Foley. I remember exactly what
kind of hell you put this company through as champion the
last time you had the belt, and it'll be over my dead body
that that happens again."
Austin takes the shovel and puts the blade under the neck
of Paul Bearer. "Your dead body, his dead body, I don't
give a rat's ass, Vince. You make the matches, or ol' Stone
Cold is gonna raise hell like never before, and ain't no
contract or stipulation or nothin' is gonna stop me!"
Vince's panic is plain for all to see; he runs his fingers
through his hair, his jaw clinched as tight as a drumhead.
Suddenly, his frustration breaks; inspiration has struck.
"I'll tell you what, Austin! I can't give you Foley—he's
busy with The Rock at the next pay-per-view, and he has
some vacation time coming after that. But I will
give you The Undertaker at Have A Nice Day! You'll make
history, Austin, for you'll be competing against The Undertaker
in the first-ever Funeral Match; if you can beat the Undertaker
into unconsciousness, seal him in a casket and bury him
and the casket in dirt, I'll even allow you to enter the
Royal Rumble. But if you lose ..." Vince's laughter
is maniacal, chilling; his eyes have the wide-open glare
of a psychotic; he is the devil in a business suit that
JR constantly refers to him as. "If you lose, you will
never get another shot at the WWF Title again. Do
we have a deal?" Austin accepts without hesitation
and leaves Paul Bearer trapped in the body bag for authorities
to deal with, thus setting up the second half of the double-main
event for the pay-per-view.
Dec. 13th, 1998: Have A Nice Day!
Have A Nice Day! opens up with the New Age Outlaws defending
their titles against the Corporation's duo of Ken Shamrock
and the Boss Man. The Corporation manages to isolate the
Road Dogg for the bulk of the match, using every dirty tactic
they can think of to weaken him and keep him from tagging
out to Billy Gunn. The tag titles look to be in danger,
and when Shane McMahon comes down to ringside to watch the
proceedings, the surety that the Outlaws on their way to
losing the belts goes through the roof. The ref sees Shane
and gets into an argument with him over his presence, and
the dirty tactics get worse ... until Triple H comes through
the crowd and pulls Shamrock off the apron. Shamrock's head
bounces off the apron; Triple H hurls him into the guardrail,
then slides into the ring. The only people to notice anything
is amiss are Gunn—who's not saying anything—and
Shane, whose protests keep the ref tied up even longer.
Triple H grabs Boss Man, delivers a boot to the gut and
plants him with a Pedigree. Triple H slides out of the ring
and starts fighting with Shane, and the ref lets that go
in favor of the match, just in time to see Road Dogg struggle
to make the tag. Boss Man goes for a tag as well, but when
Shamrock tags in, he's still feeling the effects of his
beating, and the Bad Ass has no trouble in polishing off
Shamrock for the victory. Gunn helps the Road Dogg get to
his feet and out of the ring, while Triple H chases Shane
out of the arena.
The double-main event kicks off with the World Title rematch
of Mick Foley (accompanied by Shane and Vince) and The Rock.
Neither man even attempts a wrestling move for several minutes,
as both are more content to just pound the living hell out
of one another. Eventually, it is Foley who gets control,
thanks to a well-timed mule kick to the groin that Vince
makes sure goes unseen while he distracts the ref with instructions:
"Feel free to disqualify The Rock for anything you
feel is appropriate." Foley pounds on Rock for a while,
using blatantly illegal closed fists, running knee blasts
and everything else in the Foley playbook to wear down the
challenger. Foley hurls Rock outside and starts to tear
off one of the turnbuckle pads, which distracts the ref
enough for Shane to put the boots to Rocky. Foley turns
his attention back to Rocky after he gets the pad torn off,
and goes for a baseball slide, but Rocky dodges; Foley slides
out to the floor without making contact, and ends up in
perfect position for Rock to hit the Rock Bottom on the
floor. Rocky breaks the count and rolls back out to toss
Foley (still on the floor, grabbing his head) back into
the ring, but Shane intercepts and starts to sass him. Rock
takes it for all of a couple seconds before blasting Shane
with a right to the jaw. Rock tosses Foley back in, hits
a spine-buster and sets up for the People's Elbow, but Vince
pulls down the ropes, and Rock tumbles out. The Rock is
right up and gives Vince a taste of what he gave Shane,
then gets back in the ring ... but Foley is waiting, and
slaps on the Mandible Claw as Rocky gets in. Rock fights
it a moment, then swivels around it, bringing up an arm
across Foley's chest, and hits another Rock Bottom. Rock
goes for the pin, and when the ref counts to three, the
places explodes ... until Shawn Michaels comes out.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute," says the Commissioner.
"I hate to break up your party, but as your fair and
impartial Commissioner, I have to break the bad news to
you, Rock ... Vince and Shane McMahon ... they're registered
WWF officials. You struck not one but two WWF officials
in the course of this match. I can't let that kind of you
display such flagrant abuse of authority and reward you
with the WWF Title. The referee's decision is overruled—your
winner, as a result of a disqualification ... and still World Wrestling Federation Champion ... Mick Foley!"
The crowd turns on the decision, unleashing a volley of
hatred at the Commissioner (and a few people unleash their
soda cups). The Rock fumes for a moment, looking from the
man he just rightfully pinned to the Commissioner, standing
in the aisle, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Rocky hops
out of the ring on the announcer's side, at the head of
Vince McMahon, and demands a microphone. "The Rock
suggests you watch very closely, Shawn Michaels, cause The
Rock is fixin' to show you some abuse of authority."
Rock drops the mike, then starts stripping the Spanish announce
table of its monitors. He tosses Vince on the table, then
gets on it himself, stands him up and puts him in position
for the Rock Bottom. Rock looks to Michaels, who is shaking
his head; Rock points to Michaels, then to Vince, and sketches
a one-handed crotch-chop, and then drives Vince through
the table (to the delight of the crowd). Shane finally stirs
enough to try and defend his father's honor, but Rocky ducks
the swing and gets right into the Rock Bottom position,
and dumps Shane with it, right on the floor. Rocky springs
right back up and marches toward the aisle; Michaels bids
a hasty and cowardly retreat.
The event closes out with the bloody brawl that is the Undertaker/Austin
Funeral match. The two men do not hesitate to use the lack
of rules in the match to beat the living hell out of one
another. Austin wins the duel of fisticuffs and stomps the
Undertaker down to the ground. Austin wastes little time
in breaking out the hardware, going for a chair, but ÔTaker
is up and hits a big boot into the chair, driving it into
Austin's face. ÔTaker methodically works over Austin with
chair shots, punches and blatant choking. Austin tries to
mount a comeback after being tossed into a corner and dodging
a clothesline, but ÔTaker is too fresh for Austin and continues
to pound away on the "Bionic Redneck". After ÔTaker
has Austin where he wants him, he delivers a chokeslam for
good measure, then summons Paul Bearer to wheel the coffin
over to his side of the ring. ÔTaker rolls Austin's body
into the coffin, and Bearer shuts the lid. ÔTaker slides
out of the ring and begins to push it up the aisle, but
Austin kicks the lid open. ÔTaker reacts quickly, using
his strength to tilt the coffin off its gurney, spilling
Austin onto the floor. ÔTaker goes to stomp Austin, but
Austin catches his foot and kicks out the other, sending
ÔTaker crashing down to the concrete floor. Austin crawls
over to ÔTaker and slams his head into the coffin lid a
couple times before getting up. Paul Bearer tries to hammer
Austin in the back, but the ineffectual shot only serves
to irritate Austin. Austin grabs him by the head and drives
him into the protective barrier, spilling the fat man's
blood. Austin struggles but manages to wrench the gurney
from under the coffin, and when ÔTaker gets up again, Austin
drives him face-first into the gurney over and over again.
Austin dumps ÔTaker on the gurney—sans the casket—and
wheels him up the aisle toward the foreboding gravesite
erected to stage right of the entrance. Austin dumps him
on the ground and puts a few more boots to him, then returns
to the aisle for the dumped casket. Austin tries lifting
it, but can barely move it. Austin tries pulling, but doesn't
hear the Undertaker coming up behind him, and only realizes
it after the Undertaker has broken the shovelhead by hitting
Austin. ÔTaker picks up Austin's limp body over his shoulder
and carries it back to the grave, then takes the gurney
back to the casket. ÔTaker lowers the gurney and tries to
ease the casket onto the gurney, but to no avail. A look
to his manager—who was barely strong enough to pick
up a gallon of milk without wheezing on the best of days—confirmed
no help there; Paul is still leaning awkwardly against the
guardrail, not moving.
Then, from the locker room, Kane races down the aisle, colliding
with his brother in a monster shoulder block. Kane pummels
and beats on his older brother, slamming his head into the
floor, driving his fists into the back of his head. Kane
goes back to the grave and revives Austin, who is at first
startled to see the Big Red Machine—a hated nemesis
not so long ago—coming to his aid. Kane points back
to the aisle, and Austin follows Kane back to the casket.
Austin picks up the broken shovel handle and gives ÔTaker
a few whacks for good measure, then helps Kane guide the
casket onto the gurney. ÔTaker starts to stir, so Austin
gives him a few more hits to keep him stunned, while Kane
wheels the casket (teetering on the damaged gurney) back
to the grave. Austin gets the ÔTaker on his feet and beats
him back to the grave. Kane, having dumped the casket in
the grave while Austin "led" his quarry back to
the grave, grabs his brother by the throat and delivers
a chokeslam right into the grave and the open casket. Austin
reaches in and shuts the casket lid; both men get behind
the pile of dirt and start shoving with their bodies, sending
a cascade of dirt down into the grave, and, eventually,
giving Austin the win, and a spot in the Royal Rumble.
Dec. 14th, 1998: Raw
Raw kicks off Vince in the ring, microphone in hand, a sneer
on his face. Next to him is a brass tumbler full of white
balls. "As a result of last night," he begins,
"The Corporation has more issues—and more enemies—then
ever to deal with. For instance, that degenerate Triple
H trying to lay a hand on my son Shane last night during
the Tag Title match ..." The crowd starts cheering
and chanting "suck it!" "Are you people that
horrendous that you would wish harm on my son?" The
crowd responds with a rousing "asshole" chant.
Vince tries to tell them to kill the chant, but when it
grows louder, he realizes he has no choice but to talk over
it. "And another person who will pay is The Rock—I've
been to the chiropractor twice today because of the damage
he inflicted on me! Why, I was too sensitive to withstand
my Swedish massage!" The crowd shows no mercy or pity.
Vince lets them go on a bit, then saysl "Rather than
feed you animals any more reason to act like the buffoons
you are, I'm going to move on to other business, and that
is Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that he has qualified to
be in the Royal Rumble. Who would have thought that Kane
would be a part of the Funeral match? Well, let me tell
you something, Kane is here tonight, and Kane ... I have
a little surprise for you, and it involves your new friend,
Stone Cold. Austin is here tonight, and The Corporation
has devised a way to fix both of them for good ... because
tonight, in this very ring, there will be a no-holds-barred
match with Stone Cold Steve Austin versus Kane ... if Kane
can somehow beat Steve Austin, which I sincerely hope he
does and does without mercy, then Kane will keep his freedom.
But if Kane loses ... well ... his father has signed over
permission to me to have Kane committed. Good luck, Kane."
The crowd boos, but Vince, for once, is not only happy,
but very pleased with himself. "And now, to show you
the McMahon family never goes back on its word; Austin
has, much to my chagrin, qualified to be in the Royal Rumble.
Right now, we will determine the number that Austin will
enter the Royal Rumble." McMahon turns the tumbler
a few times, then takes out a number. "And the number
is ... Austin has chosen number one!" McMahon then
says; "All the of competitors have now been decided,
save one. That one last entrant be making his debut in the
Rumble, and, from what I understand, is the odds-on favorite
in Vegas to win it all. Ladies and gentlemen ... the final
entrant in the Royal Rumble is ... me!" The crowd boos
and Vince tries to calm them all down with consoling gestures.
"Now, now, it all depends on the luck of the draw.
Just to show you that this drawing is on the up and up,
I will draw my number, and for Austin's sake, he better
hope it isn't number two." Austin turns the tumbler,
then reaches in and pulls out a ball; the smile turns to
a frown. "I'm sorry, Austin ... I'll be coming in at
number thirty. And I'd so hoped to actually be in the Rumble with you. Oh, well, what can you do?"
"Oh, The Rock has a few ideas on what you can do."
Everyone's attention turns to the TitanTron, which is showing
The Rock, live and big as life. "The Rock would normally
suggest you take your tumbler ... shine it up real nice
... turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight
up your candy ass!" The crowd explodes, but The Rock doesn't let
up. "But see, that's what The Rock would normally tell you to do. Hell, The Rock would like nothing better then to do it
himself, but you'd probably enjoy it anyway!" Again,
The Rock talks over explosive cheering. "The Rock wants
you to know your role and shut your mouth, cause The Rock doesn't like to repeat himself.
The Rock has had enough ... and The Rock isn't the only
one ..."
The camera pans back to show the whole of D-Generation X
with him ... and, in between them, tied to a nice chair
in Vince's office, is Shane McMahon. "The Rock knows
you've got a big vocabulary, so let The Rock speak in terms
you'll understand, you piece of crap—" Road Dogg
holds up a hand and shakes his head, mouthing something
to Rocky. Rock nods, then says; "Make that, you piece
of excrement! The Rock plans to ... eviscerate ... and annihilate
... and obliterate ... and defecate and masturbate and whatever
it takes, to your special little boy until we get what we
want."
"It's real simple, Vince," says Triple H. "The
Rock and I, we may not see eye to eye on a whole hell of
a lot. Frankly, I don't wanna know why he's gonna masturbate
or defecate, but what he's trying to tell you is that we're
not gonna take this anymore! We're not gonna let you turn
this company into a living hell for everyone! We want Mick
Foley ... we want his World Title ... and we want your Corporation
dissolved!"
"Shane! I'll get you out of there—"
"No, you won't, Vince. We got the place fortified."
X-Pac slaps Shane in the back of the head a couple times.
Shane—his mouth covered with a rag—can only
moan and utter a muffled yell from underneath the gag ...
but it's enough to turn Vince.
"Fine, fine, what do you want?"
"We told you, Vince," Triple H says. "We
want Foley."
Vince is about to open his mouth when Shawn Michaels comes
out. "Vince, I think I have a solution. Hey guys ...
you want Mick? Fine ... here's the deal ... at the Royal
Rumble, Mick Foley will defend the WWF Championship ...
against the winner of tonight's main event, with Triple
H facing The Rock! Now, I know you're probably nervous,
Trips, since you aren't really main event—all you
ever do is hang out with the main eventers ... so, to help
you get the feel of it, I will be the special referee."
Michaels pauses long enough for Triple H to open his mouth,
but Michaels cuts him off; "I wasn't done yet, mid-carder.
As much as it pains me to put two good friends at each other's
throats, I gotta add something to sweeten the pot here ...
don't you think, Vinnie-Mac? How about ... how about ..."
Shawn snaps his fingers in mock inspiration. "I got
it! The loser is fired! How do you like that?" Vince
nods a reluctant approval, still in shock over his son.
Shawn takes no notice. "Now, someone hit my
music!" The D-X theme cues up, and Michaels escorts
Vince out of the ring.
The Kane/Austin match barely gets anywhere before descending
into chaos. The brawl ends up taking both men outside the
ring, where they continue the brawl. Kane ends up winning
the duel of the fists, sending Austin sprawling back to
the ring. Kane goes to give chase, but Ken Shamrock runs
out of the locker room and blindsides Kane. Austin is too
dazed to notice, and slides into the ring just in time to
avoid the ten-count elapsing. Kane's head jerks to the sound
of the bell, and the realization visibly dawns on him—he
has lost the match. Orderlies, led by the Boss Man, come
pouring out of the back, and Kane has no choice but to run
into the crowd for cover; the orderlies give chase, and
the whole group disappears into the crowd. Shane—freed
from his captivity—comes out to witness the chase
from the ramp, and is about to leave when Austin comes up
from behind and slams Shane headfirst into the metal structure
holding up the TitanTron a few times, leaving him bleeding
and unconscious.
The presence of Shawn Michaels as the referee causes unease
in both the audience and the participants of the main event
... especially with so much riding on the outcome. Triple
H and Rocky, no strangers to one another, go at it full
tilt, and naturally, the Commissioner is content to let
the two go at it, throwing the rule book out the window.
The crowd tries to cheer, but they know that the consequence
of one of their favorite wrestlers getting a shot at Foley
at the Rumble is that the other will be fired on the spot.
The match is a 10-minute back-and-forth classic, as could
only be expected from two men who have wrestled one another
so many times in the past. When D-X comes down to ringside,
it is not Shawn Michaels, but Triple H who shoos them away,
yelling that he doesn't want to win that way. Chyna hesitates,
but ends up leading the troops back to the locker room,
in time to turn around into a Rock Bottom. Rock makes the
pin, and Michaels goes down to count an arthritically slow
two-count. Rocky jumps up and argues with Shawn about his
slow count; Shawn argues back, reminding Rocky who the ref
is. Rock threatens to punch Shawn, who sticks his chin out,
daring him to swing and get himself fired. The crowd is
screaming for him not to, when Triple H clobbers Rocky in
the back, sending him sprawling forward into Shawn, crushing
him in the corner. Shawn crumples in a heap, and Rocky reverses
a whip into the ropes by Triple H. Rocky catches Triple
H in a spine-buster, then sets up for the People's Elbow.
The crowd is on their feet (even if it means cutting off
the head of D-X), and when Rocky throws the elbow pad, there's
a mad scramble for it. He bounces off one rope, then the
other, gives a crotch-chop to Triple H and one to Shawn,
then drops the elbow and makes the cover. Shawn stirs and
crawls over ... then signals to the timekeeper, and the
bell rings. Rock's eyes go wide with confused fury. Shawn
gets to his feet and stumbles over to the ropes to tell
the ring announcer what's going on. The official verdict;
Rock is disqualified for striking the referee, giving Triple
H the title shot, and Rocky a trip to the unemployment line.
Rocky snaps, whipping Shawn into the ropes and planting
him with a spine-buster. He doesn't even waste time with
the elbow pad for Shawn; Rocky signals, then runs and drops
the elbow. Triple H struggles to get to his feet, and offers
a hand to The Rock in consolation. Rock takes the hand,
then pulls Triple H for another Rock Bottom. Rocky gives
everyone around him a mouth full of trash as he backs up
the ramp, swearing revenge, but only the crowd has realized
the ramifications of Shawn's actions: The People's Champ
is gone.
To be continued ...
