WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week XXVIII

18 Submitted by on Tue, 30 July 2013, 14:06

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. MizTV with the Total Divas cast, complete with push of untrained Eva Marie (NR)

We’ve combined strychnine with this horse manure, and are serving up the two entities as one complete meal. WHY IS NOBODY EATING IT?

divasmiz
2. Kassius Ohno benched for purportedly not having a presentable physique (NR)

You can feel Hunter over his shoulder, going “Where’s your muscles? YOU CAN’T BEAT ME WITHOUT MUSCLES.” Explains why he never jobbed to Punk.

ohno
3. TNA releases Jesse Sorensen (NR)

Although most outraged folks couldn’t tell you what Jesse’s TNA gimmick was, they do have a point. Not good PR for Dixie at this critical moment.

sorensen
4. Dixie Carter gets leveled by snarky fans in #AskDixie Twitter Q&A (NR)

She’d have to be pretty naive to expect anything less than humorous venom during her PR session. But it did provide some genuine laughs.

dixie
5. WWE Total Divas (NR)

1.3 million folks watched Daniel Bryan’s dog take a piss, and Cameron’s boyfriend be a douche. WrestleCrap is no longer the worst in wrestling.

divas
6. Miz as a babyface (11)

28 for 28! Being part of that particular MizTV, and his Summerslam hosting announcement, only combine to further justify fan dislike of him.

miz
7. Miz announces he will ‘host’ Summerslam (2)

I don’t think I could have selected a more punchable photo of the man. I won’t be held liable if you uppercut your monitors at the sight of his mug.

mizss
8. Bully Ray’s lawyer (actually OVW announcer) demands TNA World Title back (NR)

Bully’s got a LOYA. He found em on TWITTAH. And it’s four time Kevin Nash Lookalike Contest winner Dean Hill! And that was the only fun part of this angle.

lawyer
9. Nikki Bella/John Cena proposal ‘selling point’ for Total Divas (6)

This segment totally ruined Cena’s image. Didn’t he say he’s proud to wear jorts and fruity shirts all the time? WELL WHERE ARE THEY?

nikkijohn
10. The Bella Twins (12)

WWE’s resident “professional celebrities” will probably soar next week, given the stupidity of Nikki using a duck call to distract Natalya.

bellas
11. WWE tried to re-sign Stacy Keibler after breakup with George Clooney (NR)

Because they’ll do anything to get on tabloid TV, where vidiots who obsess over celebs can be swayed to watch WWE. You’re welcome for the picture.

stacy
12. Brad Maddox (8)

Still one of the more unwatchable aspects of Raw, Maddox was excised from the Vince/Bryan segment without anyone noticing. Hint, hint, WWE.

maddox
13. Vickie Guerrero is now Smackdown GM (3)

If you think about it, Vickie’s been an on-air authority or manager for the past six years. That’s a lot of kneejerk channel changing for people with sensitive ears.

vickie
14. Bo Dallas as NXT Champion (NR)

Some feel they’re building to a heel turn for Bray’s kid brother. Seems logical to do, given that cheers are hard to come by for the heavily pushed youngster.

dallas
15. Sheamus as a babyface (5)

The Celtic Warrior nearly dropped off this week, and I wouldn’t mind seeing it. Hard working talent with a good look, but his booking does him no favors.

sheamus

Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
18 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week XXVIII"
  1. The Cabana Formerly Belonging To Carlito says:

    I would like to state that both strychnine and horse manure are extremely offended at being compared with The Miz. They are far above that.

  2. Stephen says:

    A creepy Miz picture and a sexy Stacy picture on one page. Only on WrestleCrap!

    • Bastard1 says:

      Still nothing on Dallas, though. I swear, that’s gotta be offensive to… SOME sort of ethnic group.

  3. Jimbolian says:

    Speaking about “punchable” pictures, that one with Bo Dallas certainly takes the cake.

  4. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I would find it strangely reassuring if Nipple H was revealed as the brains (or lack of brains) behind Total Divas…

  5. anoynomous says:

    I almost broke my monitor damn you miz

  6. Chris Hajdar says:

    You’re right about the #AskDixie thing. Maffew of Botchamania fame gave some hilarious questions.

  7. Jerichoholic Ninja says:

    At this point Total Divas (and the promotion of it) seems to be the Gooker favourite. It shows everything one would hope for in a Gooker winner: missed opportunities, the WWE mixing up their priorities, bad over-promoted TV shows, the WWE making fun of talented female wrestlers, the pushing of talentless individuals, dumb ways to debut people, stupid comedy, obnoxious Cena, the Bella Twins and the Miz.

    They had a real opportunity with this show to showcase their lagging division ad give fans a real glimpse backstage. Instead they excluded their current top names (AJ, Kaitlyn, Layla) for whatever reason and focused on unlikeable Divas (Bellas), unpushed Divas (Funkadactyls) and unknown Divas who probably won’t make it. This is while showing that their top two faces are romantically linked with 2 women shown weekly as despicable heels.

    The involvement of Natalya is good and if she gets a renewed push because of the show, maybe it will be worth it.

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      I’d disagree on Layla – she annoys me – but they have overlooked some up and coming talent such as Summer Rae, Emma and the most underrated star in WWE, Paige

  8. Luke(Not the Bushwacker) says:

    Funny how Nikki Bella is involved with almost a third of the Power Crappings this week (MizTV, Total Divas,Nikki/Cena segment and The Bella Twins).

  9. Brad Maddox says:

    Ha! Justin, you’re such a kidder. If I didn’t know any better I’d start thinking you really didn’t like me!

  10. TerrierChad says:

    I didn’t watch Total Divas. Reality TV shows like that just are not my bag. I remember watching an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta and it was one of the worst TV shows I’ve ever seen. The Millionaire Matchmaker may have been worse. Thing is though, there are people who watch this kind of thing… hell, a lot of people. Whether wrestling fans watch Total Divas is not really the point. These kind of shows seem to be popular with a certain (probably crazed) demographic regardless so despite whether us wrestling fans like it or not it COULD be a big money maker for the WWE. And heck, if it is successful in the long run then the ends will justify the means even if no wrestling fans can stomach it.

    • Eddie Mac says:

      That fact doesn’t scare me as much as this show alone will affect more of the WWE booking than many people think for the forseeable future.

  11. BeaverCleavage says:

    I do like the seemingly legit vitriol towards Miz as face, and then the hard working comment for Sheamus. Both as faces are utter abortions.

  12. PatmanForever says:

    My theory (and hope) is that Kassius Ohno was benched for a gimmick change after someone finally realized that Kassius Ohno is an idiotic name.

    • Zach says:

      Or, or, they just want him to put on some muscle so that they can give him the gimmick of “Knockout Murderman” without it being silly. Dude’s fucking lanky.

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