WrestleCrap Power Crappings Week XX

19 Submitted by on Tue, 04 June 2013, 13:00

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. Natalya loses on her birthday in Calgary (NR)

Did we mention it was also on a night where her uncle was honored? This is why observant fans get mad so often: they see things as being needless.

2. Curtis Axel’s push consists of fluke victories (NR)

I get that he’s a shady heel, but hey: how about at least a TAINTED pinfall victory over somebody major? No? Not in the cards? Well, aight then.

3. WWE App overpromoted (2)

It’s the new way of watching television! Perhaps people just don’t wanna watch TV these days, given how Raw’s rating can’t even beat a 3.5 anymore.

4. Bret Hart Appreciation Night relegated to the App (NR)

That’s like cooking prime rib and lobster, and then holding the dinner party at a toxic waste dump. Guess the App screwed Bret this time.

5. AJ Styles’ hairstyle (NR)

Some have compared him to Peter Dinklage. That’s not too far off, actually. They’re both probably too short in Vince’s eyes to merit a serious push.

6. WWE making a movie with The Flintstones (NR)

I only approve if John Goodman plays Fred again. Then he beats the holy hell out of John Cena for making him roll on Shabbos. SHOMER SHABBOS.

7. TNA doesn’t pay for Zema Ion’s medical bills (3)

Nothing’s come out to refute the reports, and Zema’s still seeking money, so it looks sadly true. Hopefully, he’s able to recover fully, at least.

8. WWE culling NFL roster cuts looking for possible superstars (NR)

Specifically, they want tight ends and linebackers because of the lean muscle and considerable size. You know, there’s a thing called “the indies”….

9. Miz as a babyface (7)

One more and he ties Undertaker’s streak. Seriously, if you can name a reason why anyone would like Miz, the floor is all yours. Take your time, we’ll come back.

10. Damien Sandow and Sheamus compete in intellectual challenges (13)

Combined this with the Gordian knot votes. I think we get the point: Sandow is smart, and Sheamus is a condescending dick. Lather, rinse, repeat.

11. Miz as an annoying referee (NR)

One day, WWE will create a babyface that all fans like, and they will push him correctly. The world will blow up the next day, unable to process it.

12. Tony Dawson (NR)

He’s baaaaack. And he’s better than ev-errrr. Actually, no, he’s worse than ever. Hence why he keeps ending up on the Power Crappings here and there.

13. Triple H sustains lingering head injury (5)

Unless he develops amnesia and winds up repairing bicycles in a Cleveland ghetto, count me out. You can even have Stephanie play Swampy.

14. Triple H buries Curtis Axel in first promo (1)

A meme I didn’t come up with said it best: the idea of putting new talent over makes HHH dizzy. Slapping new talent, however, makes him very happy.

15. Sheamus as a babyface (6)

And bringing up the rear is a unique man that’s been horribly booked, and rendered a stale, uninteresting hack. But such is life these days.


Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
19 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings Week XX"
  1. borekfk says:

    At least they havent screwed up Bryan yet.

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      It’s on WWE Creative’s “To Do List” – a feud with Ziggler would be ace but WWE think it would suck and would sooner gives us Michael Cole in a dance off

      • Fraser Buchanan says:

        They had Ziggler and Bryan face off once before and the ratings somehow sank during their match. It’s a shame though since I agree that it would make a great feud though.

  2. Raven7309 says:

    With regards to #4: At least up here in Canada, the Score, the network that carries WWE programming, had the decency to air the Bret Hart segment live after Raw went off the air, which is more than I can say for the USA network in America.

  3. patricko says:

    Glad Curtis Axel’s “push” made the cut this week. Yeah, he’s getting TV and ring time, and is able to show what he can do, but what a unispiring way to push him.
    Victories over your top guys, but not by beating them.
    How about the notion of a slow build? Have him work his way up…
    The kind of push he’s getting is telling me that they’re not looking at him long-term.

    Miz fills a void right now. smart ass face that you can pair with serious minded heels.
    He’s not virtuous, or a role model, or a bad-ass. or an anti-hero.
    How he can be singled out as particularly suck-worthy as a face, given the roster full of faces-you-don’t-want-to-get-behind, is a Miz-tery to me every week.

    see what I did there? I crack myself up.

    • John says:

      “Oh hello I’m Vince McMahon I get the Miz-tery joke you’re talking about how great my son-in-law is right. You know Triple H, Cerebral Assassin, King of Kings whatever other name he gives to himself.”

    • Superstarl says:

      I actually agree with you here. While I don’t find him to be the best, at least there is a character in there. Most faces just devolve to being white bread or pandering to everyone. Or both. Its tradition that he makes the list though!

  4. No Pants Mafia says:

    I’m surprised people still get upset about wrestlers losing in their hometown. It sucks but it’s been happening for years, it’s as cliche as Teddy Long making a tag match.

    • patricko says:

      It’s kind of a tradition at this point. Vince likes embarassing people in front of their home town fans.

      If Natalya wasn’t being treated shabbily already, we’d likely not have thought twice about it.

      • Thomas Moffatt says:

        Bryan Danielsson and Glenn Jacobs were ideal tag partners as they are two of WWE’s favourite punching bags – look at how DB has been treated by WWE since his arrival and look at how many craptivating fueds and Wrestlecrap inductions GJ has been involved in…!

      • Ewa Beach Boy says:

        Right! If you didn’t expect Natalya to lose in front of her home crowd you haven’t been paying attention to WWE. And after hearing it was her birthday too, I just knew she would be embassed to boot.

        Too bad WWE didn’t idisappoint me for a change!!!

  5. Alan says:

    Someone must like The Miz: “The Marine 3: Homefront” has sold the most DVDs of a WWE Studios release in history, and will most likely be the second top seller of the year behind WrestleMania. Just because a few folks of the IWC hate the guy means nothing.

  6. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Still think Cesaro being branded boring should be in there – plus Kaitlyn’s admirer and the whole “Let’s treat Natalya like shit” philosophy

    The WWE’s scouting criteria is “Must look muscular and give Vince McMahon a stiffy – genuine wrestling ability, passion and commitment not required”…

  7. AlexanAdru says:

    agree with most everything on the list though the App shelling should be no.1. It sucks Axel hasn’t gotten clean wins but in my book a win is a win. The problem is Axel should have been built -up a little more then go after top names oh well. Also I don’t particularly mind Miz as a face (even if WWE has no idea what to do with him) though his weekly ranking is clearly a running gag/tradition so it works though he is something of a draw as someone rightly pointed out his new dvd has sold really well and he did draw while he was champ.

  8. Porter "Budsgrand" Sultzbaugh says:

    “Seriously, if you can name a reason why anyone would like Miz, the floor is all yours.”

    If I may answer that quote with a quote…

    “I’m the MIZ and I’m awesome!”
    Mike Mizanin

  9. patricko says:

    And While I’m not heartless by nature – does WWE pay for medical bills of their independent contractors, for ailments un-related to in-ring injuries?

    Was under impression that they don’t. So while it’s tragic that Zema Ion’s ill, and is on the hook for his own medical expenses, since it’s not an in-ring injury – why is TNA NOT covering all of his bills so terrible?

    It is, right or wrong, how business is conducted.

  10. Paul R. from SpookCentral.tk says:

    The thing that irks me most is when WWE goes on and on about how their app was downloaded by a million people (or whatever the number is). Counting downloads doesn’t mean diddly. How many of the people who downloaded it are actively using it? How many deleted it already?

    Cablevision of Long Island says the same thing in their commercials for their app, and it makes me what to change the channel every time the commercial is on.

    Besides, we should all remember the words of the late great Curt Hennig and the West Texas Rednecks: THE APP IS CRAP!

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