WrestleCrap Power Crappings Week XVII

17 Submitted by on Tue, 14 May 2013, 13:10

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. WWE reportedly has no plans for inactive Christian (NR)

It’s been nine months since the charismatic and gifted veteran has been seen. Of course, nobody outside of Cena and the part-timers get actual storylines anyway.

christian
2. Jay Briscoe makes violent threat toward gay marriage advocates (NR)

Apology or not, it doesn’t speak well that Briscoe thought it’d be a good thing to tweet. Geez, you finally get to the top, and do something like that?

briscoe
3. Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman destroy Triple H’s office (NR)

Things we learned watching this: HHH has a small office, WWE has no security guards, and 10 straight minutes of Heyman can be quite boring.

brockoff
4. Jerkass Sheamus (1)

At the behest of several voters, I’ve modified the “tug of war” entry into this.  Forget Cena, the Celtic Warrior’s the worst booked face in recent memory.

sheamus
5. WWE Network, once set for 2012 launch, will launch ‘by end of 2015′ (5)

WWE does it to themselves. Their sense of smug gives many fans exhilaration when something blows up in their face, like those irritating Network ads.

wwenet
6. Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar at Extreme Rules (9)

There’s comedy, there’s high comedy, and there’s the flood of votes this got as Raw went on through the night. Anyone have a buyrate prediction?

brockhhh
7. Diddy promotes Be a Star (NR)

Yep. Because when you think good behavior, you think of a dude who fired his gun in a Manhattan nightclub, and bribed his limo driver to claim ownership.

diddy
8. Brad Maddox (6)

Brad Maddox is the Workaholics of wrestling: normal people don’t understand him, and the plebes pretend his great, creating their own cult of ownership.

maddox
9. Tony Dawson (14)

I can’t speak for myself since I don’t watch NXT, but a lot of voters are still sour on the man who replaced Jim Ross alongside William Regal. FOR THE WIN.

dawson
10. The Great Khali, Hornswoggle, Natalya Trifecta From Hell (NR)

I think this trio is merely a social experiment to see how long it takes for Natalya’s fake smile to fade into a gone-postal, murderous grimace. Maybe soon.

khalhornnat
11. Miz as a babyface (8)

17 weeks and counting! This one nearly fell off the chart, until his Raw appearance spiked the voting. But is he a worse face than Sheamus? You tell me.

miz
12. TNA hawks autographed Dixie Carter action figure (NR)

“Where’s Dixie”?  I don’t know, how about still sitting on the shelves at Toys R Us, next to the Bam Neely and Robbie E figures that no kid wanted?

dixie
13. WWE announcers shill Dominos Order Tracker (2)

It’d have been surreal if it was surprising. I can only imagine the WWE App votes next week. Why even bother HAVING a vote next week?

kingcole
14. WWE Total Divas coming to E! (15)

If the Bellas on commentary last not are any indication, the show will have as much personality as that hairball your cat’s currently choking up.

divas
15. John Cena makes fun of how Ryback talks (NR)

Protip, John: you’re not The Rock. Rock has energy and poise when he mocks the foibles of others. You sound like a bombing hack when you do it.

cenaryb

Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
17 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings Week XVII"
  1. Down With OPC says:

    How long until Sheamus vs. Miz is the main event of Raw?

  2. The Gold Standard says:

    Although I’m whole-heartedly NOT a fan of the constant shilling of tout, twitter, or any of the other useless crap that WWE wants to push that makes zero dollars….at least this is a good idea (in theory). Trying to book a wrestling match around commercial breaks is just a poor example of how to kill kayfabe even worse than it already has been killed. At least the App is meant to allow the boys to keep going instead of figuring out how to fall out of the ring and go into a double-down for 3 minutes. The App means that the boys can keep working and the crowd won’t as easily be able to tell that a commercial break is coming.

    The downside is listening to Michael Cole living the Rock’s tagline…..(in paraphrase)….I know my role, but I don’t know how to shut my mouth!

  3. Matt McGovern says:

    Christian should go back to TNA.

    • patricko says:

      Hey, it’s TNA, and that’s not a good thing, but Christian did enjoy a much higher profile there. But for far less money, I expect.

      He could show up, and get beat up by a fake motorcycle gang on his first day back, and then go home for four weeks, come back and get beat up again by same motorcycle gang. We’ll call it the Magnus effect…

  4. Jerichoholic Ninja says:

    I’m surprised Briscoe isn’t #1. I disagree with voting for reports, but oh well. I miss Christian too.

    Prediction for next week: Cena beating The Shield takes top spot.

  5. Jimbolian says:

    Am I the only one who sometimes mixes up Jay Briscoe being the son/nephew of Gerry Brisco?

  6. Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

    The Dixie Carter figure is exclusive to ShopTNA, so the only place they’re stinking up is the warehouse they’re laying in. Other than that, a good list (minus the two people who I like because I can tolerate them).

  7. taylortexas says:

    Eh, I enjoyed the Lesnar/Heyman bit. You don’t see WWE do promo work outside of the arena anymore, so I was happy to see a little throwback material. Sure, I’m over HHH vs. Lesnar and it didn’t exactly make me excited to watch that match, but I enjoyed it. Heyman had some good lines, the fact that he hit play outside the building and then proceeded to work that entire scenario in one take was impressive. I can’t really argue with the list outside of that, though.

  8. Tommy B Rude says:

    I’m annoyed that we probably won’t be seeing Christian anymore, and I know management (read HHH) was never a fan of his to begin with. But playing devil’s advocate he HAS been pretty injury prone since his return to WWE. It’s entirely possible that they don’t wanna take a chance on a guy who’s been on the shelf more than he’s been active. I mean, that’s Kevin Nash’s spot.
    I don’t want to see him go back to TNA though. Say what you will about their product, they just don’t pay their performers enough. The biggest hurdle wrestling as an industry needs to get over is workers’ willingness to, as Danny Doring put it, ‘play wrestler’ for next to nothing.

  9. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I’m not that fussed on Christian to be honest

    Good to see Tony Dawson back – part of me is expecting him to end up on Smackdown with Maddox doing colour – that would be Craptastic…

  10. Jimmy Lethal says:

    As soon as I saw the Dixie Carter figure, I thought back to a Vickie Guerrero figure from 2009 or something. Now who would by THAT, I have no clue.

  11. Deathedge says:

    My little brother got a Dixie Carter action figure for his birthday. The first thing he did, no joke, was throw it out the window. After my parents forced him to say “Thank you” for the gift and forced him to go out and bring it back in, he broke down crying. So, in short, Dixie Carter ruin my little brother’s B-Day… =/

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