WrestleCrap Power Crappings Week XIX

10 Submitted by on Tue, 28 May 2013, 13:12

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. Triple H buries Curtis Axel in first promo (NR)

Staples of Raw these days: Triple H showing us his purported dick size, and Triple H being one of few performers allowed to pander to the fans.

2. WWE App Overpushed (5)

Do you love Bret “The Hitman” Hart? Is he your hero? Well, unless you download the WWE App, you don’t really appreciate him that much, now do you?

3. TNA doesn’t pay for Zema Ion’s surgery, medical bills (NR)

After a tumor was discovered in Zema’s colon, the X Division star turned to online fundraising, as apparently his employer isn’t covering surgery.

4. Fans buy into WWE.com graphic, think RVD is returning (NR)

Because of that vivid image to your right, ‘RVD’ was the top trend on Twitter for hours last Monday. I played “Won’t Get Fooled Again” in your honor.

5. Triple H sustains head injury (NR)

I can see where this is going: a sympathy angle for a man a millionaire many times over, instead of a rising star who needs the rub. Kinda hard to buy into.

6. Sheamus as a babyface (6)

I believe Mortimer and Randolph Duke are engaged in a $1 bet over who can get him to rock bottom in sheer likability. Mortimer’s winning at last check.

7. Miz as a babyface (7)

I’m really running out of things to say about Miz and his persona. Kinda like how WWE has long since run out of new ways to present Mizcauley Culkin.

8. Reports that the WWE office finds Antonio Cesaro ‘boring’ (4)

If you watch Raw as much as we have, you begin to realize that WWE isn’t qualified to choose what they think is boring and what isn’t these days.

9. ‘Patching In’ of AJ Styles (NR)

C’mon, TNA may have dragged it out for approximately 9 years, but you kinda knew AJ was going to spurn the Aces in the end, didn’t you? Thought so.

10. Carlito mocks the physiques of The Shield on Twitter (NR)

This one’s pretty harmless, but Carlito has a tendency of being a flame-baited armchair quarterback on Twitter these days. Eh, that’s his prerogative.

11. James Storm reveals Gunner as his new partner (NR)

After Gunner was interminably used during the end of the Russo era, it’s easy to see why some fans groaned at the psychopath’s return Thursday.

12. John Cena survives 3 on 1 vs. Shield in elimination match (1)

Still infuriating to some 3 weeks later, especially since it was rendered moot. One week Cena’s dead, the next he’s fine, depending on the rating WWE seeks.

13. Damien Sandow and Sheamus’ ‘Gordian Knot’ segment (NR)

What’s the bigger crime: finding another way to make Sheamus look like a jerk, or involving Matt Striker for an extended time in any way, shape, or form?

14. WWE creative reportedly has no plans for Christian (8)

Maybe it’s for the best that “Captain Charisma” keep his distance. He’d just be rotating between beating Sandow and losing to Ryback anyway.

15. Jerry Lawler apologizes for insinuating that Triple H may have had a stroke (NR)

Why the apology? Seemed to be an apt statement. Ah, right, Triple H is far to mighty to be felled by a pesky stroke. How DARE The King say these things?


Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
10 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings Week XIX"
  1. Scrooge McSuck says:

    It may be because I ignore WWE.com and don’t follow them on twitter or facebook, but I never for one second thought RVD was showing up as the “Paul Heyman Guy”. I didn’t think it was Michael McGillicutty, either, but I knew it wasn’t a “Name” from the past.

  2. Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

    Replace “Body Guy Carlito”‘s gimmick of being the complete opposite of his actual thoughts with Tony Dawson and this list would be perfect… minus Face!Miz being on there.

  3. patricko says:

    Cesaro – foreigner who has mild disdain for the USA – not terribly original. Gosh, and since it’s been done to death, they now find it to be boring?

    Turn him face. Boring white meat babyface is an easier sell than boring heel.

    hell, WWE’s all bizarro universe at the moment, anyhow. Miz, Del Rio, Orton and Seamus are all faces,

    Makes no sense…

    • Noel Frey says:

      Plus, if he’s face, maybe they’ll let him use the UFO, which may be the greatest airplane spin variation ever!

  4. Raven7309 says:

    “Trading Places” & “Home Alone” references? Pinch me, I must be dreaming!!! 😀

  5. Thomas Moffatt says:

    What? No Tony Dawson!

  6. anoynomous says:

    The Rvd option is pretty fucking stupid and that sums up why the fans are also dumb for buying Rvd being the client it should not be here at all period

  7. JB says:

    What fans are really yearning for is even more HHH. Just ask HHH. He’ll tell you.

  8. Rocko says:

    The Wrestling Observer newsletter is reporting that WWE have been postponing the return of former World Heavyweight Champion Christian since WrestleMania when he was cleared to return so that creative can organize a proper angle for his return. WWE want Christian to help boost younger talents and feel he is an asset to the company, so keeping him injury free is a main priority.

    It is also being speculated that once Christian does retire he’ll be brought on in a backstage role as his experience would be invaluable to the company and its progression of younger talent, WWE is also said to be very happy with how he hosted their Ladder Match 2: Crash and Burn DVD released last year.

  9. Ewa Beach Boy says:

    And WWE wonders why they can’t build new main event guys. #1 tells you all you need to know about why!!!

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