WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week XIII

21 Submitted by on Tue, 16 April 2013, 11:31

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. Randy Orton forgets his line [NR]

Forget improvising,  he’ll just ask Sheamus for the next line with no discreetness. Kinda wish Kofi woulda ran out and said to him, ‘STUPID, STUPID’

orton
2. The Rock walks out of WWE with mysterious injury [NR]

So Rock tears his abdominal muscle, flies home to see his doctor without notifying Vince, or anyone, until 3 PM Monday. Something doesn’t add up.

rock
3. TNA hawks autographed Dixie Carter action figures [NR]

What does Dixie do, other than make grand announcements that occasionally pay off? What Dixie fittingly needs is an in-action figure.

dixie
4. WWE announcers use hackneyed ‘bizarro world’ label to describe 4/8 Raw crowd [NR]

People not entertained by WWE and demand change, are therefore ‘strange’. Because Cole would never say, ‘These people are telling us how they really feel.”

crowd
5. Miz as a babyface [6]

Pretty telling that, a week after Miz loses the IC Title in front of a hostile crowd, he doesn’t appear on Raw at all. The NJ crowd can claim victory here.

miz
6. Not everyone whose WrestleMania stream failed got a refund [NR]

To be fair, WWE apparently did their best to satisfy each customer with a crashed stream. But for what it cost to order, some fans still got hosed royal.

wmslide
7. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton, 4/8 Raw [NR]

What a shock it must have been for WWE, in front of a crowd not filled with little kids and their bored parents, that two of their made men got dumped on.

sheaort
8. Stephanie McMahon spoils WWE2K14 announcement [NR]

In an attempt to cultivate a relevant social media presence, Nipple H jumps the gun on a major announcement. The creative force, folks.

wwe2k
9. Constant shilling of WWE App [15]

Promotion for the App faded considerably on the 4/15 Raw, but it looks like fans are a little shellshocked by the amount of commercial time on WWE.

mobile
10. Brooke Hogan and Bully Ray [NR]

To be fair, it hasn’t been that bad. Bully’s description of how he was going to win the ladder match was great, even if Brooke’s acting isn’t.

brookebully
11. TNA Knockouts reduced to being groped by Joey Ryan [4]

Ryan’s basically a hornier, mustachioed Brad Maddox, so I understand the hate. But hey, another chance to post Taryn’s awesome legs. Find that positive.

ryan
12. Tony Dawson [NR]

They stick Cole on Smackdown with Matthews, because Matthews isn’t ‘good enough’ to them. How long before Dawson’s the voice of Smackdown?

dawson
13. Antonio Cesaro yodels [NR]

Cesaro went from being a bad ass with brute raw strength to a caricature of the Swiss, because he apparently needed more ‘character development.’

cesaro
14. Soap opera writers sought out with no plans to put Paul Heyman on creative [5]

After last night’s Raw, this one will rise next week. Think Vince bringing him back to put Punk and Brock over is his way of saying, ‘my daughter can’t write’?

heyman
15. Brad Maddox [9]

He’s been quarantined to about 30 seconds of airtime a week, and that’s for the best. See, WWE knows how to minimalize SOME glaring problems.

maddox

Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
21 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week XIII"
  1. Sharpe Puppy says:

    That picture makes it look like Joey Ryan is being reduced to groped by the Divas.

  2. Falcdango says:

    ‘Nipple H’. That never gets old.

  3. Stephen says:

    I’m incredibly surprised Joey Ryan made the list again. It only happened one week, he got low-blowed by the Knockouts (and thanks to Spike’s unequal broadcasting policies, we’ll never see Ryan attack the Knockouts) and last week, he jobbed to Rob Terry. I don’t exactly see how the Knockouts are the injured party here.

  4. Cory Schibler says:

    Except that Brad Maddox has been filling the NXT air with his obnoxious commentary, including ruining a fantastic match between Regal and Ohno.

  5. Mister Forth says:

    Orton should’ve fallen back on going to the papers.

  6. AlexAlexaAndruanAdru says:

    Good to see Tony Dawson back on the list he’s just awful. Just imagine an announce team of Mark Madden, Michael Cole, and Tony Dawson, that truly is the announce team from hell. Also glad Randy’s and Rock’s lack of professionalism are 1 and 2.

    • Dan Sheldon says:

      None of those men are as bad as Dutch Mantell and Mario Savaldi were for IWA wrestling out of puerto rico. The WORST commentating team ever, even indy commentators were better than those two!!!

      • Thomas Moffatt says:

        Come on – Michael Cole with Art Donovan and Susan St James would be worse! And let’s not forget the dork off of Heroes of Wrestling

        The worst bit about the commentary is that when JBL was unavailable they inflicted more Michael Cole on us when they could have given us the superior William Regal…

  7. RD Reynolds says:

    Umm, Rock is really hurt.

    • AlexAlexaAndruanAdru says:

      that’s a fair point but he could have said something instead of waiting for so long. the whole situation could’ve been handled better

  8. John says:

    Just as soon as I could digest solids again that demonic photo of Buh..Buh..Buh Bubba Ray and Brooke reappears. It’s like when they discover the photo of Damien in the Omen movies only bad things can happen.

  9. Tony WIlson says:

    Hey, leave The Rock alone! So what if his matches have been pretty lackluster, and so what if he showed absolutely no signs of any injuries as serious as has been reported, and so what if it makes no sense that his injuries were so serious that he had to fly home immediately and miss Raw but not serious enough to require surgery, and so what of it’s impossible to reattach muscle to bone with just rehab, and so what if he only shows up when he’s shilling a movie, and so what if he still can’t properly apply a Sharpshooter after fifteen friggin’ years? The Rock is the greatest wrestler of all time! #Boots2Asses #JustBringIt!

  10. Peter says:

    Thankfully, I’m spared of Tony Dawson, as I don’t watch NXT. However, I do watch Impact Wrestling, and have to hear his equivalent in Todd Keneley. Somehow, he makes Taz and Tenay sound bearable, which isn’t saying much.

    • AlexAlexaAndruanAdru says:

      Kenely’s not very good but at least he knows the names to basic moves and isn’t shouting every 5 seconds, “For the win”.

  11. Jerichoholic Ninja says:

    The irony of Orton forgetting his lines is: Didn’t he once criticize The Rock for using a teleprompter during taped promos?

    At the very least Orton should have had a cue card boy out though. After all, he always sounds like he’s reading off of cue cards.

  12. Falcdango says:

    RE: The Miz not being on RAW.

    It seems the reason Miz lost the belt and wasn’t on RAW (or the smackdown tapings) is he’s filming a Christmas thing for ABC.

    So don’t worry, he’ll be back to his awkwardly face self in no time!

  13. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I WILL run this into the ground – Tony Dawson is only in the WWE to make Michael Cole look good – look at the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Awards which in recent years has been dominated by Michael Cole and then look at the years he DIDN’T “win” it…

  14. Bill Richy says:

    The first time Cesaro did the yodeling bit, it was almost kinda funny in a “WTF, did that really just happen?” way. But it just got depressing when he did it a second time and it became abundantly clear that this was going to be his new character going forward. Add to that his jobbing to everyone under the sun, being left off Wrestlemania, and abruptly ending his eight month championship reign in a throwaway match with zero build to it… It should probably all get lumped together under one all-encompassing header: “WWE’s (mis)treatment of Antonio Cesaro.” Personally, I think that’s even more crap than Miz’s terrible babyface turn.

  15. Paul R. from SpookCentral.tk says:

    Here’s the video of #1, Orton forgetting his lines. Audio is very low.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQfDJJuP4p0

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