WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week VII

23 Submitted by on Fri, 01 March 2013, 12:58

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. Jerry Lawler shills Sonic restaurant (NR)

Wow, what are the odds that Lawler would get food delivered from a non-delivering restaurant, one that sponsors WWE, and then gladly shill it?

sonic
2. Jack Swagger’s DUI arrest doesn’t derail major push (1)

WEED. THE PEOPLE. And it continues, in spite of a very ugly black eye for the company. This forceful continuation included 3 segments on Raw!

swagger
 3. Donald Trump to WWE HOF (NR)

Guess the voters don’t much care for the “celebrity wing”. Trump proved to be a WrestleMania draw, but it doesn’t mean the constituency has to like em.

 trump
 4. The Rock spoils WrestleMania (NR)

What’s that, Rocky? You’re not going to be at Extreme Rules? Well, that kinda narrows down the list of possible match outcomes, doesn’t it?

 rocktired
 5. WWE jobs viable talents in pointless 3 minute matches (NR)

Remember when the program was called Raw SuperShow? If they wish to be so theatrical, why not just call it Holding Pattern Theatre?

 ortces
 6. Jack Swagger, Zeb Coulter break character to trash Glenn Beck (NR)

Oh no; the polarizing conservative pundit insulted our show, so we have to lash back, while our casual fans couldn’t care either way! ‘MURICA!

 beck
 7. TNA pulls bait-and-switch with possible Hulk Hogan match (NR)

Sure, the Hulkster’s bump card is full these days, but it’s not nice to tell your British fans he’s going to wrestle, and then renege via sneak attack.

 hogan
 8. HHH is as cool as Miles Davis (NR)

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE STAIN, AND HOW YOU SPRAY IT. LACK BLADDER CONTROL, AND MY BODY CAN’T TAKE IT. Is that Keanu in the white shirt?

 hhhspot
 9. Miz as a babyface (4)

Seven weeks, seven appearances for Miz in his hastily-done face turn. Sadly, for all he’s been forced on us, he was putting over Puff Puff Jack clean.

 miz
 10. Saturday Morning Slam to get a GM (NR)

The show where wrestlers barely make CONTACT needs a general manager. You’d think The Deal would know Crap before he steps in it with both feet.

 slam
 11. Team Hell No keeps Jumping the Shark (NR)

Wacky ideas on a weekly basis have diluted the appeal of the tag champs. And you guys thought losing in 18 seconds benefited Bryan.

 hellno
 12. WWE/TNA get in on Harlem Shake craze (11)

So WWE wants to break the record for “World’s Largest Harlem Shake” with the fans at WrestleMania. Looks like I can stop going to StubHub….

 harlemshake
 13. Hulk Hogan publicly states Jeff Hardy shouldn’t be TNA Champion (NR)

Hogan thinks the England tour needed a champion. I agree. Hogan thinks Hardy should have dropped to belt to Robert Roode. Bet Hardy felt great to hear that.

 hoganhardy
 14. Brad Maddox as Vickie Guerrero’s assistant (9)

Oooh, Vickie’s mad at James Roday Jr stealing her thunder! I can’t wait to (not want to pay to see) the blowoff fight between these two!

 vicmad
 15. Fandango (12)

The debut of the Ballroom Baron is upon us, and now WrestleCrap voters can judge him on something else besides his minimalist vignettes.

 fandango

Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
23 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week VII"
  1. Are says:

    I don’t necessarily think Rock spoiled anything. It’s definitely possible that he’ll be the champion without having a title match at Extreme Rules, instead leaving that PPV’s main event determining the #1 contender for a title match at the June PPV. Granted, the only PPV in the last 5 years to have gone without a WWE Championship match was when Punk was injured for TLC 2012, but I still feel that’s a possibility if Rock’s contract is for every two PPVs or something like that.

    • SentokSenSentoktok says:

      The Rock spoiled the results of this match by announcing he was going to be at Wrestlemania 29. Then he confirmed it by winning the belt from Punk at Rumble. Really, this is just another confirmation of something that most IWC fans have seen coming since Rock won at Wrestlemania 28.

  2. Peter says:

    World’s Largest Harlem Shake? As if the past couple of WrestleManias weren’t bad enough with filler…

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      Yeah, nothing like paying $60 to see something like that….

      • Peter says:

        Seriously. I’ve actually paid that these past 2 or 3 years too. I would actually still pay it if they cut down the PPV to 3 hours and cut all that garbage out. I’d feel like I’m getting my money’s worth more.

  3. Bill Richy says:

    I can appreciate that you didn’t like the way the Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus match was booked at Wrestlemania, but I think you have to consider that losing in that way actually *has* benefitted Bryan.

    First, I will concede two points:
    1) Daniel Bryan has not held a major singles championship since Wrestlemania.
    2) Team Hell No, at one time arguably the hottest act in the company, is quickly becoming staler than a week-old donut.

    That being said, I don’t see how Daniel Bryan’s year, post-18 seconds, was anything but the best year of his WWE career. He followed up Wrestlemania by challenging for either the WWE or World Heavyweight Championships at four consecutive Pay Per View events. He then segued into Team Hell No – an act so entertaining and popular, they were chosen to headline the TLC event when CM Punk went down with an injury. He and Kane have held the Tag Team Championship for several months now, and while the train has started to run off the rails on that angle, he’s still positioned as one of the top names in the company. Compared to the year before that, I’d say he’s doing pretty well for himself. I’ll take wrestling three stellar championship matches (and one damn solid triple threat) and a months-long Tag Team title reign over a losing streak and vague insinuations of being an abusive boyfriend.

    Would I have liked to have seen Sheamus and Bryan wrestle a 20 minute classic for the World Title on the biggest show of the year? Yes. But considering the path the outcome of that match set Daniel Bryan on, I’m totally fine with the way things went down.

    • Justin Henry says:

      you’re looking at it solely from one side. The other is that the squash didn’t benefit Sheamus, who received more lukewarm reactions, which was followed up with him turning into an unlikable jerkass character.

      It’s not about the Bryan perspective; it’s the man they were trying to get over.

      • Bill Richy says:

        I will agree that the booking hd the unintentional side effect of souring the fans on Sheamus and helped turn him into the biggest face who doesn’t seem to realize that he’s actually kind of a douche since John Cena … But the entry specifically said “And you guys thought that losing in 18 seconds benefited Bryan.” I feel it did.

  4. Peter Santellan says:

    Thanks to the Worldwide Leader in Pandering (ESPN), I had the misfortune of seeing the dance somehow “associated” with Harlem. All I have to say is somewhere, Stevie Ray weeps.

  5. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    I personally disagree with 8 & 13.

    I found Hunter’s stain to be hilarious, but that could just be schadenfreude.

    As for Hogan saying Hardy shouldn’t be champion, as much as I don’t care for Hogan, he’s 100% right. That washed-up (apparently now former) junkie should’ve been fired after Victory Road 2011.

  6. Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

    Here’s something that should be on next week’s: the replies to comments being in all caps. Seriously, wazzupwitdat?

  7. ReReallyrPeteGasW says:

    the rock ruining the outcome of the main event of the biggest ppv of the year should have been 1. trump once bought raw and sold it back to vince for a profit!!!… jack sw… oh, wait… lawler is in great health.. nevermind.

  8. TerrierChad says:

    If The Rock retains at Wrestlemania does this mean that Wrestlecrap claiming he spoiled the main event at Wrestlemania gets a spot in the Power Crappings?

  9. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I think WWE should be placed on there for not listening to what the fans want – three weeks ago on Raw Mark Henry performed the World’s Strongest Slam on Hornswoggle and there were people CLEARLY chanting (and I must say VERY enthusiastically) “One More Time!” – enough said…

  10. CarlMarksGuy says:

    I can’t believe the WWE didn’t supplement their announce team this week with the man who was perfect for the angle, who has done it before to great acclaim, and who’s just sitting on his hands back stage these days.

    Of course I’m talking about putting Santino Marella in the “Sonic’s” fast food segment. Marella should be the go-to guy any time they need the announce team to shill restaurants.

    Who can forget his cries of, “Hey, Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler, I have stolen your delicious subway sandwich!” back in 2005…or 2006, or whatever?

  11. IC says:

    Can’t believe this ridiculous column is still going on.
    Man, I miss the old site. :(

    • Justin Henry says:

      Well, given that more people vote on the Crappings than complain about them, I’d say you’re in the minority. :-)

      • Thomas Moffatt says:

        I’d like to see a page where we get to create Fantasy Crapfest which WWE achieved during 1996 Summerslam when four Craptastic Tag Teams fought for the then WWF Tag Team Titles…

    • Lyle says:

      You know, nobody is forcing you to read this. If you don’t like it, then skip it.

      • TerrierChad says:

        If people didn’t watch/read/listen to stuff which they didn’t like then we wouldn’t have Wrestlecrap. In fact, we probably wouldn’t even have the IWC if that was the case. Let’s face it, people like torturing themselves.

  12. Thomas Moffatt says:

    What’s the chances of the Hunter Stain picture being seen again during WWE Programming? Well at least it wasn’t Dookie…

  13. The Showster BROTHER! says:

    From a WWE Creative Meeting

    HHH: Sonic is sponsering Raw this week and asked to have a Superstar eat some of their product on live TV.
    Vince: Let Lawler do it. He’s basicly made of fried food anyway.
    J.R.: Didn’t suffer a heart attack recently?
    HHH: We’re still working that angle?
    J.R.: The heart attack was a shoot.
    HHH: Really? I didn’t check beacause I had to get a buzzcut to make me look like a bad ass.
    Vince: I thought that Stephine made you do it, beacuse you were leaving hair in the sink.

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