Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!
Away we go.
John Cena’s Raw-Ending Promo (Last Week: NOT RANKED)
When hyping the biggest gimmick match of the year, trying to tie the whole thing together with a rant about playing video games and hangovers may not sit well with the fans. It allegedly didn’t even resonate with fellow wrestlers backstage either.
That’s right kids; words are painful. Particularly when the biggest star around calls someone’s advocate “Twinkie tits”, and insults a woman’s looks. Outside the ring, who could forget the times Vince has referred to Ted Turner as a lithium addict?
Burly indy wrestler gets stiffed viciously by an angry opponent, and then calls the cops after the show to report the assault. Those who mock Steelhorse don’t realize he’s got 15 minutes of fame to cash in on now, if he’s smart about it.
Zack Ryder’s Burial Continues (Last Week: 5)
Ryder’s 45-second squash job by Big Show on Monday was about 5 times shorter than an episode of his now-defunct internet series. As of now, Ryder isn’t even booked for the Rumble match. Well hey, one less chance for him to be buried.
Raven once told a story of David Flair being unable to do a Figure Four, but at least young David was barely-trained. Miz is an experienced performer, and WrestleMania headliner, whose Figure Four had all the smoothness and polish of Chi-Chis diarrhea.
Make no mistake, Rock’s promo work on Monday was far, FAR better than the tripe John Cena spit out. Although Monday was a national holiday honoring one of the most strident civil rights advocates in world history, he shouldn’t be a selling point for a PPV.
Although the fervor from their wedding has died down a bit from last week, it’s still TNA’s lamest aspect, no matter how expertly Bully tries to sell it. The day that Brooke, the Hulkster, and the entire Hulkamania freakshow leaves Orlando will be for the best.
The Great Khali/Hornswoggle/Natalya Trifecta From Hell (Last Week: 2)
Hey, with Eve gone, and Beth Phoenix long since history herself, you’d think you’d move the technically proficient Natalya into the lead heel role against Kaitlyn, right? Well, so far, she’s happy twirling around like a demented princess to no one’s amusement.
Kaitlyn seems game in the champion’s role, but the losses of Eve and Beth have left few good opponents. Layla doing the inevitable heel turn seems fine, but while Nattie dances away, and AJ is wasted, Kaitlyn’s been fed Aksana, Alicia, and (soon) Tamina.
To be fair, Aces and Eights needed a decent mouthpiece, and Taz, when he’s not rambling mushmouth-style about pigeons, makes an effective voice for wherever they’re going with this. That said, Taz did utter the doomed phrase, “Higher Power”.
Shrilly screams of The Rock’s catchphrase, and being the one who introduced Rock’s entire concert from the week before (and I do mean “entire”) earned WWE’s resident stilted-voice, one-trick-pony a 4-spot-shot up the Power Crappings ladder this week.
Vanity, thy name is Vince. A Houston Press scribe shared a story about serving as a “seat filler” during Raw’s 20th anniversary. Go figure, he was brought in during the Divas match, which is prime concession time. Leave it to WWE to pretend to be the Oscars.
You mean he was still in WWE all this time? In modern times, the lowest tier is almost never seen on flagship programming, and a number of fans (not to mention wrestlers like Dolph Ziggler) are maligning the loss of this bright and eager young talent.
Either other options were more tempting to vote for, or adding Taz has given them some (if fleeting) direction, but the Aces seem like they’re moving in some direction. Of course, by next week’s voting, they could be just as unnecessarily irritating as before.
Man, talk about holding a grudge. Ziggler and Cena didn’t even cross paths this week, and some voters are still bitter about how their cage match on January 14 turned out. Guess it’s appropriate that WWE’s cash-cow bookends this edition of the Crappings.