So October 1 is the expiry date for the contract of one Terrence Bollea, Thunder Mixer Enthusiast/1-800-COLLECT Shillmeister. As of this moment, the Hulkster has not re-signed with the company. The financial situation appears to be part of the impasse, as with Brooke Hogan and Mickie James gone, Hogan’s watched the company part ways with a singer and his biggest crush. I’ll leave it to you to determine which one’s which.
The doomsayers happy to watch TNA shrivel like the Hulk’s present-day physique are perhaps the most intriguing part of this whole development. With Hogan possibly leaving, many are singing death knell ballads (to the tune of Hulk’s warble-stained nWo theme that TNA created for him), mostly to the effect of “Ding dong, TNA is dead!”
Wait, I thought TNA was dead when they *signed* Hogan? Or when Jarrett was champion? Or when they rushed Angle vs. Joe? Or when they formed Immortal? Or when Jeff Hardy showed up more wasted than his brother’s 2005 revenge angle? Seems to me that TNA could find profit in releasing a “Many Deaths of TNA” commemorative shirt, much in the vein of classic “Many Deaths of Kenny” South Park shirts fifteen years back.
If Hogan does indeed go, will those who ‘swore off’ TNA because of his presence begin watching again? I happen to know a couple of folks who refused to buy Destination X 2012 (that of the Roode/Aries World Title match, second or third best match in TNA history) because “I refuse to support any company with Hogan.” Hey, the orange boogeyman may be slain! It’s now safe to come back!
With “Hogan’s there” being removed from the TNA Wheel of Excuses for Lack of Patronage (along with “Russo’s the booker”, “they never leave Orlando”, “Karen Jarrett’s voice”, “The Claire Lynch angle” and “Sting thinks he’s the Joker” being removed in the past year), what remains are:
-Dixie owns it
-I’m not home Thursdays
-I’m forever enslaved by WWE’s superior production values, because prettiness is akin to greatness, which is akin to godliness.
-I don’t mind Stephanie and Hunter inserting themselves into a Daniel Bryan storyline, but Claire Lynch shrieking at AJ Styles is horrible, and everyone in TNA should die because I said so.
-They upset Punk in 2004. I gave up Coca Cola and rooting for the Red Wings so Punk, Conqueror of Worlds, wouldn’t kill me in my sleep.
TNA: we can’t create a decent theme song, consistent buzz for ourselves, or a viable place for Hogan and Bischoff’s kids to shine, but we can help you come up with reasons not to watch the best parts of us.