NEWZ: According to Nipple H, Big Duthdee Committed a Pay-Win-Don’t

10 Submitted by on Thu, 03 October 2013, 13:12

nipdust

 

So Stephanie’s upset, apparently. It seems as though the “Bullada Wooooooods”, Dusty Rhodes, cut her off with an improvisational offering Monday night during the hard sell for the Battleground six man tag. Stephanie’s anger would seem to stem from not being able to deliver her pre-planned, well-crafted, linguistically-orgasmic line (so they’d have you believe).

Seems to be part of a greater issue here. Kevin Nash, in WCW, cut some of the funniest and most compelling promos as a jockular douchenugget who lazed with prestige and power at his side. In 2011, when Nash had his oh-so-memorable feud with CM Punk, that first promo after SummerSlam was more splintered than Pinocchio after Bondage Night at Rick James’ house. Because Nash had to memorize lines, rather than cut from the hip.

Therein lies the problem: outside of guys like Rhodes, Punk, Jericho, Undertaker, Rock, and even Cena to a high degree, a lot of the promos lack personal touch, because Stephanie and her menagerie of SoapNet writer rejects decide what a rising star like Dolph Ziggler or Alberto Del Rio or Wade Barrett says.

And who would be angrier about this than the pen-wielding puppetmaster herself, who’s sucked the life out of what should be a fun, compelling show with her ‘personal’ touch. (Though I’m certain she delegated the Braden Walker knock-knock joke to Brian Gewirtz or something).

Of course, Dusty is to Colin Mochrie what Stephanie is to a sack of nails when it comes to improvisation, so no wonder Stephers is mad: she got exposed as less than sharp.

If only Dusty had blurted out a non-sequitir like “HE GAWT A BAH-THICKLE”, just to watch Stephanie go cross-eyed and melt under the lights. I may even skip football to watch that. You think I’m kidding?

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
10 Responses to "NEWZ: According to Nipple H, Big Duthdee Committed a Pay-Win-Don’t"
  1. CaptainRon says:

    I want to see a free-form Dusty Rhodes promo every week.

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      They’re 100% better than the lame scripted promos WWE gives their wrestlers, that’s for sure.

  2. Frozen Banana Expert says:

    I just want to hear random Dusty-isms for the rest of my life. Like a Dusty of the Day calender or something where he says something completely inane that you could only imagine has nothing to do with wrestling out of or even in context.

  3. patricko says:

    She’s just jealous that Dusty wants to be Trips Huckleberry, and not hers.

  4. Michael Maiello says:

    I’ve wined and dined in Ted Turner’s cellars, now I’m working for McMansion dwellers.

  5. Big Jim says:

    Them boyth from the Shield better be ready to take a big-time clubberin’ from the Rhodeth family, IF YOU WEEEEEEL

  6. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I kept wondering why the faces are so unconvincing – Natalya on guest commentary a few weeks ago was shocking mainly due to what was coming out of her mouth…

  7. Charles belles says:

    Are you going to do a news about Saturday morning slam going off for good. WWE and the cw network come not come to an agreement to keep the show going any longer.

  8. nickety-split says:

    The Kevin Nash line was enough for tall-guy marks that take it up the ass to do 500 youtube videos with the title “CM Punk got owned”

  9. Noel Frey says:

    If they really wanted to get better people on the mic on the main roster, they should really bring up Enzo Amore from NXT. Even if they’re totally scripted promos (I doubt it), he makes it seem like they’re off the cuff. WWE needs more guys like him, he’s amazing.

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