Curtain Jerker, 2/6/13: The Unthinkable

17 Submitted by on Wed, 06 February 2013, 08:00

Here’s your 2013 Impossibilities Realized Scorecard

The Rock is WWE Champion, 10 years after last winning it, and long after we’d thought he’d be used as merely a one-time attraction going forward.

Bruno Sammartino has forgone his bitterness toward WWE, agreeing to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.

TNA has said bon voyage to the Impact Zone, and will hit the road, performing for non burnt-out, actual paying fans.

And now you get to be regular Nostra-Dumbasses by answering this: what will be the next event to take place in 2013 that one would think wouldn’t happen ever (or ever again)?

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook ( and Twitter (
17 Responses to "Curtain Jerker, 2/6/13: The Unthinkable"
  1. Down With OPC says:

    You forgot WrestleCrap relaunching. 🙂

    Anyway, I think I’d go with something like Sting coming to WWE, for whatever reason, or something really weird, like a women becoming WWE/World Champion. Now that I think about that more, I could see TNA doing that. Maybe a female character could be created, similar in vein to CM Punk, who totally speaks her mind about the state of female wrestling. Though, admittedly, females not getting the same treatment as males goes far beyond wrestling, but something like this could definitely be an “impossibility realized”.

  2. patricko says:

    What’s left?

    Perhaps Cena will go on a losing streak, clean loss after clean loss…

    Except that would be bad for business, would result in fewer t-shirts being sold and there’s not a single decision that’s made in the WWE that’s not based on $$$$$.

    The Rock and Bruno, and you might as well add the return of Lesner….. are just huge illustrations and reminders that every decision is based on PPV buys and merch, and not about the long term good of your product.

    Bruno… deserves the hall of fame. hell he deserves it more than just about anyone that’s already been inducted. But what it means is that Vince is willing to spend any amount of money to stack the HoF for the New York / Jersey audience, and Bruno is, after all these years of being indignant and sticking to his morals – a whore.

    The only one you list that may be about the improvement of the product and short term risk to obtain long term gain is moving out of the Impact Zone.

  3. RD Reynolds says:

    Yeah, WrestleCrap relaunch! And The RD and Blade Show. 🙂

  4. Bone White says:

    World Of Sport will come back to ITV on Saturdays and Mick McManus will be WWE champ

  5. patricko says:

    It just came to me. I had a vision whilst sitting on the can a bit ago.

    The Warrior will return.

    To TNA. And enter into a program with the Hulkster. They’re tied at 1-1, this will be the war to settle the score, baby!!!! He’ll get paid an astronomical amount of money, not actually wrestle on any episodes of Impact, refuse to do house shows, and he and the hulkster will get a main event slot at one of the quarterly PPV’s, which will have the worst buy rate in TNA PPV history…..

  6. DeweyDTruman says:

    Maybe Zack Ryder will start getting a push again.

  7. Nick Sharpe says:

    One of the big news notes will be live attendance gates once TNA hits the road.

    Basically, totals will come back, and the results will be WWE #1 remaining #1 in attendance gates, but the surprise will be ROH drawing larger crowds than TNA. Hogan will not care, and Cornette will contiune to proclaim “Fuck this company”.

    • patricko says:

      TNA will paper heavily for live impact tapings, put a 1000 or so people in the room.

      My guess is they’ll tape 2-3 weeks at a time, like RAW used to do, so that they don’t have to come up with 50 cities in which they can draw…. RoH won’t draw better for TV….

  8. Adam Marin says:

    They finally turn Cena heel at or after WrestleMania, but he’s got to be champion first (don’t worry, they’ll still make a ton of money off of “Cena Sucks” and “I Hate Cena” shirts). He goes on a year-long Hongan-esque heel run; beating everyone that comes at him, barely retaining his title, getting intentionally disqualified, counted out, etc.
    This brings back Vince to wonder why Cena is being like this. Now we get a reverse Austin/McMahon storyline with Vince in the face roll. This also leads Vince to try and recruit anyone and everyone to dethrone Cena; HHH, HBK, Vince himself, The Rock again, maybe even Austin himself. But Cena manages to keep the title every time. This finally ends with Undertaker vs Cena at WrestleMania with ‘Taker beating him for the title and then retiring.

    What was the question again?

  9. Clifton says:

    Hopefully a Cena heel turn.

  10. Clifton says:

    I will gladly accept Cena as champ if he turns heel.

  11. The Last Doink says:

    El Generico will not lose his mask in WWE.

    Oh yeah I went big with mine.

  12. Liu V says:

    Only 3 come to mind:

    -Taker loses at Mania

    -Macho Man gets inducted into the HOF.

    -Cena turns heel.

  13. No Pants Mafia says:

    JTG continues to remain on the remain on the roster.

  14. LiveAtBirdland says:

    An ECW legend will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Most likely Tommy Dreamer, though I would mark huge for Sabu…if you bought the rights, you may as well acknowledge the talent.

  15. Walter Kovacs says:

    There was another shocking moment revealed on Raw recently:

    Paul Heyman paid off the Shield and Brad Maddox.

    Heyman paying his workers, apparently in advance even, seems to be another thing no one would expect.

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