| Did
you know that a huge part of WWE's, and in particular, Smackdown's
success over the past few years has been due to the hispanic
audience they've been able to capture. (Observer stat.) This
is primarily due to the popularity of Rey Mysterio, of course,
so it only made sense the company would attempt to bring in
more latino stars to grow that demo even more.
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Enter
Juventud Guerrera... |
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...and
Psicosis!
Now
longer-time fans remembered these guys and their high
flying antics from WCW and ECW. Of course, those older
fans probably wanted to remember only the matches, and
not 'comedy' like pinata on a pole matches.
But
in WWE, these guys were going to be cool. Not just cool,
but MEXICOOL.
And
how would they achieve such a lofty goal? |
By
riding lawnmowers to the ring, of course. And not
just any lawnmowers, but the best lawn mowers pesos
could buy: that's right, John, no, wait, scratch that
- make that JUAN Deeres!
So
yes these very hip young Hispanics made their way
to the ring in coveralls riding their yard tractors.
Apparently they were originally to be heels, but that
didn't last long.
After
all, who could boo a landscaper capable of moonsaults?
(Which
I'd assume would come in tremendously handy for those
hard-to-reach branches during pruning. A man who can
use gardening shears upside down is a man I want doing
my hedges~!).
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The
trio made their *official* PPV debut beating the bWo
in a six man match. The most memorable part of this
was Richards, Nova & Meanie all riding "Big
Wheels" to the ring to mock The Mexicool's lawnmower
entrance.
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Oh,
and of course Nova's bandana flying off in mid-match
revealing SIMON DEAN underneath, KAYFABE BE DAMNED~!
It
was kind of like seeing Batman unmasked as Richard Simmons.
Which
actually makes sense now that I think about it. Only
a gay man would make Robin prance about in a tiny pair
of green scaly underoos.
He's got BILLIONS, but can't spring for a pair of slacks?
COME ON! |
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From
there, Super Crazy & Regular Psicosis were mostly
working as a standard tag team while Juvi or "The
Juice" (a nickname I suggested better suited Batista
at that point..) wrestled for and won the Cruiserweight
title from Nunzio, in a match where heat and fan interest
was barred from ringside!
What,
WWE didn't invoke those stipulations? Oh. My bad.
On
a side note, I always found it odd that Crazy &
Psicosis had names that invoked insanity, yet Juvi did
not, and HE was the guy whilst in WCW, who got high
on Ex and stripped nude in the hallway of an Australian
hotel. My theory was that it was to debunk certain scandalous
rumors once and for all that he was in fact a 12 year
old girl.
Let's just hope Shannon Moore doesn't follow (birthday)
suit. (and when you already look like a chick anyway,
is rockin' the name "Shannon" really in your
best interests?). |
From
there, Juvi would reign as Cruiserweight Champion,
but soon rumors began circulating that he started
getting a chip on his shoulder, or in honor of his
Mexican heritage, a tortilla.
Apparently,
the dude started coming up with outlandish ideas for
himself to WWE Creative, but they were all rejected.
And not just because the guy had a vocabulary that
made Great Khali sound like fucking John Houseman
and no one knew just what the hell he was ever saying.
Not even.
After all that "heat", he eventually lost
the title to man who at least exhibited the complete
opposite documented drug and attitude problems...umm,
Kid Kash? Holy shit.
He
was then released. The Juice was indeed loose. There
was no ecstasy in the completely legitimate country
of Mexicool that day. There may have been ecstasy
in his duffle bag, however. :)
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As
for the other Mexicools, Crazy & Psicosis, they
continued teaming and feuded with MNM. My suggestion
that Crazy & Psicosis call themselves Smarties to
begin an all-out war of delicious hard-shelled chocolate
candy obviously fell on deaf ears.
Around June of 2006, Psicosis spontaneously turned heel
on Crazy and then...disappeared the next week completely
after doing a JOB for Crazy... and for only one third
of what an American gets paid! I'll be here all week,
ladies & gentlemen! Psi remained on WWE payroll
officially until November where he was *officially released*
after being charged with Grand Theft Auto in Mexico.
If only he was able to toggle through a slew of interchangeable
weapons or get the hot car to the Pay & Spray this
may have all been avoided. Ahem. |
On
a side note, my theory was that the only reason he got
caught at all was, because, really, how fast can a get-away
mower really go? I mean, really? |
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And
today, an increasingly fat Super Crazy (Super Hungry?)
can be not seen every week on Sunday Night Heat, where
he forms a heterosexual life-partnership with Hacksaw
Jim Duggan. It's USA and You, Esse!, making beautiful
music together.
And a better partnership I cannot recall. I mean,
wasn't Jim Duggan a coverall wearing custodian in
his last days in WCW? And yet, here he is, teaming
with another coverall wearing landscaper? Some partnerships
just make sense.
Even
if you can't really unclog a commode properly with
a two by four.
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And
yeah, that's all I can remember about Mexicools. Other than
apparently it's not a real country.
Next
thing you know, I'll be re-routed when I take my planned vacation
to Parts Unknown next month. Maybe I'll just go to Dudleyville
instead.
I
hear the weather's nicer there this time of year.
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