These inductions are not live on the site. However, we will be posting them from time to time as Classic Inductions.
Should you wish to have them all, like RIGHT NOW!, you can view them by picking up an archive disc, which you can obtain for free when you purchase another WrestleCrap DVD by clicking here.
1995 WWF Spring Catalog: You thought the WWF put on bad shows back in the mid 90’s? Check out the stuff they tried to sell! All that plus Triple Kelly’s DOUCHE CHILLS!
At Home with Dr. D, David Schultz: Ever wondered where Steve Austin got all his redneck mannerisms from? Look no further! What is this? The city dump?!!
Bischoff vs. McMahon: Remember when Eric Bischoff battled Vince McMahon on WCW PPV in the late 90’s? No one else does either, because it never happened. Didn’t keep the Bisch from promoting the match, though!
Black Saturday: History lesson time! Vince McMahon actually bought out the prime Saturday night timeslot on WTBS way back in the early 80’s…and the audience roundly rejected his product. Probably would have gotten over if it had more Mel Phillips.
WrestleMania VII Blindfold Match: Hotly debated induction in which Jake Roberts and Rick Martel act like they can’t see, which causes them to be unable to wrestle as well. If you don’t think this is crap, consider this: RD decided to do this match during his indy career. The defense rests.
Braden Walker: Poor Chris Harris. He went from super hot prospect and TNA poster boy to seeing his career vanish in the span of about two weeks. Eh, WWECW will do that to ya!
Cyber City: Roddy Piper vehicle in which he plays a crazy priest. Sadly, he never winds up with a bomb on his genitals ala Hell Comes to Frogtown.
The Dark Side of Hulkamania: Wait a minute…this is where black and white Hulk Hogan was born? THIS? And they still did the nWo? And it was a SUCCESS?!!
The Denver Nuggets Fiasco of 2009: Vince McMahon gets in a pissing match with the owner of the Denver Nuggets over a booked date. Oh, and he does it on air for several weeks, using WWE Superstars. Ehhhhhh…yup.
Donnybrook Theater: A series of skits so horrible that even the WWF wouldn’t show them on TV. Try to wrap your brain around THAT.
The Dusty Rhodes-Honky Tonk Man Sing Off: If this induction teaches you just one thing, let it be this: pro wrestling needs more karaoke battles.
The ECW Preacher: An evil preacher who was neither Brother Love nor James Mitchell. Short-lived, but not short enough!
ECW Strip Poker: Beulah, Francine, and Kimona? Hardly. Instead, we get the most boring divas imaginable playing the most boring game of strip poker imaginable. Eh, at least we get Balls Mahoney! Wait, that’s a plus?
Latino Seed: Ever wonder how you could not care about seeing Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio? Howsabouts we put Rey’s kid on a pole?
Family Matters with the Bushwackers: Urkel versus the Bushwackers. I see no reason to expound upon those four words.
Finkel vs. Whippleman Tuxedo Match: Thrill(??) as Dr. Harvey Whippleman and Howard Finkel attempt to strip each other down to their tighy whiteys.
Fuji General: Don Muraco and Mr. Fuji swoon the lady folk in this awesome soap opera send up. Living proof that we don’t hate everything we write about!
The Good Housekeeping Match: There was once a time when Vince McMahon thought it was so crucial to have Chyna pin Jeff Jarrett that he paid $150,000 to see it happen. And yet, somehow this man is a billionaire. Go figure.
The Worst of the Halloween Havoc Costumes: Miss the old Halloween Havoc shows? You do? REALLY?! You won’t after reading this induction!
High Energy: Whoever coined the phrase ‘time to put your big boy pants on!’ as a motivational tool never saw Owen Hart and Koko B. Ware in these getups.
Hillary vs. Obama: If watching ‘Hillary’ and ‘Obama’ battle it out in the ring doesn’t make you want to run to Canada, I don’t know what will.
Jesse Interviews “Prince”: The Body interviews fellow Minneapolis legend Prince. Well, not really, because this Prince has WAY more charisma.
A Jobbertastic TNT: Mario Mancini AND Frankie Williams on the same show? License to print money!
Brock Lesnar vs. Bill Goldberg: The dream match that turned into a nightmare. Who wouldathunk it?
Captain Lou vs. the Lie Detector: Too bad they didn’t ask Lou if he wrote the worst wrestling book ever. I would have liked to have seen the lie detector burst into flames.
Macho Libre: Not sure what’s more shocking: that Vince McMahon still hates Randy Savage, or that he somehow knew there was a movie called “Nacho Libre”. Probably the latter. Nah, definitely the latter.
The Maestro: A dude decends from the ceiling while playing a piano. As exciting as it sounds!
Mancow: Pro Wrestler: Has there ever been a DJ who got over in wrestling? EVER?
The Mating Game, Take 2: The Anvil tries to redeem himself on the dating game, only to be confronted by CRAZY EYE LADY. All this plus GEORGE HAMILTON TALK!
Missy’s Manor: If you were a heterosexual male in the late 80’s, you wanted Missy Hyatt in the WWF. And it actually happened! Except it was so awful that it never aired. Oh well…
The Nasty Boys Go to the Science Center: So you read the words to the left and are expecting a description? REALLY?!
Pinata on a Pole: Luchadores battle for a pinata atop a pole. Gee, who could have booked this?
Roddy Piper vs. Robert Downey vs. Brother Love: VERY controversial induction as we tackle the Roddy Piper-Morton Downey Jr. showdown at WrestleMania V. We could understand people saying this wasn’t WrestleCrap, but well…no we can’t. This thing sucked balls.
Punjabi Prison: The Great Khali gets his own match! Apparently they were having a clearance sale at Pier One.
Rest in Peace Match: Did you think an Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez match wouldn’t end up here? We’re nothing if not predictable, you know.
The Rock Comic Book: The Rock may have been the most electrifying man in showbiz, but he sure made for a boring comic book character.
Dennis Rodman, Rapist: The Worm rapes Gorgeous George. Does this sound like a good idea in any way, shape, or form?
Just Another Romantic Wrestling Comedy: We’ve seen a lot of horrible wrestling movies over the years. And this would be another one, which apparently is romantic. Or something.
Rosie vs. Donald: “Donald Trump” battles “Rosie O’Donnell” in a match so horrid it made us long for the technical classic that was “Hillary” vs. “Obama.”
Santa Claus : Revamped, and much larger version of the original non-wrestling Christmas movie induction! Santa! The Devil! LUPITA! LUPITA! LUPITA!
Santina, Miss WrestleMania: Remember that one time Santino Marella WASN’T funny? We do, and this is the induction.
Shelton Benjamin’s Mama: Shelton Benjamin’s mama was so fat…eh, nah, too easy. So easy it took WWE creative about three weeks to kill this gimmick dead.
San Francisco 49’er Match: Have you ever seen a title match in which you open boxes containing pictures of Scott Hall? You have now!
Spirit Squad: Gimme an “S”! Gimme an “H!” Gimme an “I!” Gimme a…nah, better not!
Rick Steiner Loves Robin Green: If you are ever looking for dating tips, Jim Ross is probably NOT the guy to turn to.
Sting’s Moment of Truth: We have nothing against religious movies. Unless they are terrible. Like this one.
Superbrawl Stretcher Match: Sid. El Gigante. Stretcher. Do any of those words go together?
The Marine: John Cena movie in which a bunch of stuff blows up. You know, the one not named “12 Rounds.”
A Day in the Life of Tim White: WWE celebrates all its way too young dead wrestlers by having a retired referee continually attempt to kill himself. As funny as it sounds.
Tiny Tim vs. Jerry Lawler: Sadly not a match, unless you consider Jerry Lawler vs. a Ukele a match.
The Eric Young-Traci Brooks-Robert Roode Triangle: TNA’s never won a Gooker Award, but they sure came close with this one!
The WWF-WBF Tug of War!: Pro wrestling needs more tug-of-wars. Even if they suck. Like this one.
Vince McMahon vs. God: Somehow I doubt this is what will happen when Vince reaches the pearly gates.
Vinnie Vegas: Kevin Nash rolls the bones…and comes up snake eyes.
The Warrior Battle Goldust: You know what Warrior always needed? A pimp hat!
WWE on The Weakest Link: Featuring Booker T, the World’s Dumbest Man!
The WWF Wild Kingdom: We demand that every time WWE goes to Omaha, they reenact these bits.
World War 3 1997: It’s a three-ring circus! And we mean that literally – there are three rings, and it’s WCW!
You Can’t See Me: It’s a John Cena rap album. Did you expect it to be good?
Piggy James: Because WWE can’t tolerate a size 2 Diva.
Silent Night, Bloody Night: Four simple and very Christmasy words: Barbed. Wire. Christmas. Tree.
The Grinch: The movie that almost drove RD to HATE Christmas!
Small Wonder featuring the Body: A robotic little girl befriends the Body in a show so horrible it would make you long for the witticisms of Learning the Ropes.
The Wedding Gown Match: Stacy Keibler and Daffney battle over David Flair. Yes, that David Flair.
2007-2008 Inductions (all others below):
2007 Action Figures: Want a Johnny Rodz action figure? How about a Brent Musberger one? We didn’t either, but that didn’t keep us from writing about ’em!
Big Show vs. Akebono: It’s Big Show…wearing a thong. Someone thought this was a good idea. It wasn’t us.
Bill Kazmeier: And you thought the World’s Strongest Man was Ken Patera. Or Mark Henry. Or Ted Arcidi. Or Dino Bravo. Or…
Brawl for All: Ever wanted to know who was the legit toughest guy in wrestling is? If I told you it was Bart Gunn, would you still care?
The Death of Paul Bearer: Concreticide!
December to Dismember: And um, yeah…here’s the death of ECW. The least they could have done is had Paul Bearer come back and bury Paul E. in concrete.
Dinner with Mantaur: Triple H + Mantaur? For Polo’s Sake, that’s MONEY!
It’s a Diva Halloween: Maria’s a cat! The Deever’s a cop! But they all pale in comparison to Mickie James as…Tatanka?
Embalming Fun with Paul Bearer: Lord Alfred’s a stiff. And has a stiffy!
Fake Kane: He’s just like regular Kane, but with 80’s mall hair and played by Festus.
Freddy vs. Jason: Ever see the big budget version of this? How about the no-budget version, created by your friend and mine, Mr. Blade Braxton?
Fuji Bandito : We honor the Fabulous Moolah the only way we know how…with an induction!
“Gator” Scott Hall: It’s like if Jerry Reed and Razor Ramon had a kid…a kid who liked to annoy alligators by poking them repeatedly with a stick.
The Great Debate: Wrestling needs more debates, and more specifically, debates involving Scott Steiner.
Gross Out Tommy Dreamer: The hardcore icon drinks toilet water, eats floor dogs, and then goes home and bangs Beulah. What a life.
The Offices of the Hart Foundation: Yes, an induction featuring the HART FOUNDATION. How bad must this be?
Hervina: Harvey Whippleman wins the WWF Women’s Title. And no, that’s not a typo.
The Hogan-Russo Shoot: I don’t care how many people email me…this angle SUCKED.
The Hog Pen Match: Triple H + Pig Crap? For Polo’s Sake, that’s MONEY! Wait, did I already use that joke? Oh well!
Illegal Aliens: Yes, someone thought making a cheap sci-fi movie starring Anna Nicole Smith and CHYNA was a good idea. It sure as hell wasn’t us.
Instant Replay Debate: Paul McGuire and George Steinbrenner square off…at Wrestlemania?!!
Iron Circle Match: Two guys fighting in the middle of a circle of cars, and the winner is the one who runs away the fastest. Huh?
Jack Frost: As is our Christmas tradition, we induct one completely non-wrestling related movie into the Crap, and this year, the emphasis is on CRAP, as we get Jack Frost: Killer Snowman. Thrill as he penetrates Shannon Elizabeth with his carrot nose!
Jameson & the Pumpkin: It’s just like “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”, except with a nerd and no Snoopy. So I guess it’s not really like it at all.
Jesse Interviews “Prince”: “The Body” goes one on one with Minnesota’s second biggest celeb, but doesn’t ask him about Under the Cherry Moon. For shame, Jesse. For shame!
A Jingle With Jillian: Sorry, Bing. No dice, Burl Ives. We’ve got a new king of Christmas crooning: Jillian Hall!
The Ken Patera Story: The sad story of a man so hungry he wound up in prison.
Kerwin White: See, it’s a Mexican who wants to be white. Except that he’s not Mexican, and is already white. But hey, his music RULZ, so all is forgiven.
“Last Call” Scott Hall: Scott Hall has a substance abuse problem…I know, let’s make that an angle!
Macho Man’s Bachelor Party: Have you ever been to a bachelor party where a dude is trying to feed a fish to another fish? Us either.
The Mexicools: Because all Mexicans ride around on lawn mowers. Well, at least according to Vinny Mac!
Mole Girl Jillian Hall: Looks like somebody on the writing crew just watched Goldmember!
Mordecai: If Colonel Sanders and Conan the Barbarian had a sword wielding child, it would be MORDECAI!
Mr. America: It’s The Midnight Hulkster!
Mud Match: Did you ever think you’d see an induction with the Shiek, Stacy Keibler, Tylene Buck, and Tiger Jeet Singh? We didn’t either. And we sure didn’t think they’d all be rolling around in mud.
Pac-Man Jones : What do you call a wrestler who doesn’t wrestle? Pac-Man Jones!
Paul Christy: The greatest man in the history of ever asks the eternal question: “How many apartment buildings can YOU own?”
“Pirate” Paul Birchill: If only Vince McMahon knew what Pirates of the Caribbean was. ~sigh~Kane in a horrible movie. Oh wait, I mean HORROR movie. Nah, a horrible movie. But it does have CANADA DRY!
Shawn Loses His Smile: Apparently it was found in a bowl of chili at Wendy’s.
Thanksgiving Tatanka : Thanksgiving? Thanks for NUTHIN’!
Tony Schiavone, HEEL: This is truly the greatest night in the history of our sport.
Vince’s Son: The 2007 Gooker Winner!
WCW Superbrawl : This game may have sucked, but rest assured – it’s NOT RICK STEINER’S FAULT!
Will Sasso : Who would have ever guessed that Alfred E. Newman hated Bret Hart?
Wrestlemania Challenge: It’s on like Donkey Kong, Brother!
World of Wrestling Rocks: Never thought I’d hear a worse wrestling CD than WCW Slam Jam, but here it is.
WOW Unleashed: The first – and last! – induction by Mrs. Deal!
Das Wunderberlyn: Shield your eyes – Blade Braxton is doing Das Wunderdance!
WWE on The Weakest Link: Featuring Booker T, the world’s DUMBEST MAN!
Yoshi Kwan: Ninja Turtle wrestler turns Japense and wears a funny hat. Yay!
The Zombie: The legendary ECW Original hits the Crap!
Adam Bomb: Following a nuclear meldown, mild mannered Bryan Clark becomes the Creation of Devastation!
“Adorable” Adrian Adonis: Talented tough guy Adonis gets on Vince’s bad side and is forced to prance about in women’s clothing.
Akeem: Chicago tough One Man Gang becomes a black man in the Slickster’s parking lot voodoo ceremony.
Aldo Montoya: The Portugese Man o’ War who, for some unknown reason, wore a bright yellow jockstrap on his head.
Al Wilson: Elderly man marries smoking hot Dawn Mrie, whose sole goal is to lure Torrie Wilson to bed. Then she proceeds to kill the guy on their honeymoon by sexing him to death. But not before they get married in the nude. Is there any question why this won the 2003 Gooker Award?
Amanda Ultimate Warrior: Behold the Destrucity of Ultimate Love!
Ted Arcidi: World’ Strongest Man who moved with all the speed of a tectonic plate.
Art Donovan: King of the Ring 1994’s guest commentator asks the eternal question: “How much does this guy weigh?” Then he hasks again, 10,000 times.
The Barbershop: Brutus Beefcake is given a talk show for no good reason (well, except for that fact that he’s Hulk Hogan’s best friend).
Rob Bartlett: Unfunny funny man who did commentary during the early days of Monday Night Raw.
BattleKat: Break out the kitty litter for the WWF’s wrestling feline.
Battlemania: WWF comic book featuring Ted DiBiase doing a Scrooge McDuck cannonball into his vault and Undertaker getting a visit from the neighborhood Welcome Wagon.
Beaver Cleavage: A hyper sexual take on the TV classic Leave it To Beaver. Well, someone thought it was a good idea. (Not me.)
Becoming the Dragon: A 1985 skit in which Ricky Steamboat, new to the WWF, beat up midget ninjas. Of course I’m not joking.
Berserker: John Nord puts on wacky viking helmet and swings a sword at his enemies.
Berserker Throws a Party: Oh yeah, then he throws a horrible party. Thankfully, we’re around to liven things up.
Bertha Faye: Talented woman’s grappler Rhonda Singh is stuffed in a pair of fishnet stockings and becomes the queen of the trailer park.
Big Show’s Dad Dies: The Big Bossman ruins the Big Show’s daddy’s funeral by stealing his casket. You can’t get much more evil than that.
Big Show’s Poop Problem: Look out! Big Show’s got the poops, and hilarity ensues! Ok, maybe not so much. But hey, Big Show’s got the poops!
Bikini Blast-Off: All the top WWF superstars sunbathe indoor as wrestling plumber TL Hopper investigates what appears to be a turd at the bottom of the pool.
Billionaire Ted Skits: As WCW Nitro began to pull away in the Monday Night Wars, Vince countered by making fun of TBS owner Ted Turner in a series of increasingly tasteless skits.
Billy & Chuck Wedding: Weddings are always big ratings draws – just imagine how huge a GAY wedding could be!
Buddy Rose Blowaway Diet: Playboy Buddy Rose loses weight the old fashioned way: by dumping laundry detergent on himself and turning on a fan.
The Blonde Bytch Project: Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie finally get a chance to shine in WWE, and it all falls apart because Vince has never heard of the Blair Witch Project. Yikes.
Blu Twins: The Harris twins in the third of 713 failed personas.
The Bodydonnas: Simon Dean, just 10 years earlier and with two guys instead of one. Yikes.
Bastion Booger: Mike Shaw is crammed inside a dingy gray singlet and told to belch, fart, and eat stuff from a garbage can.
“Boring” Lance Storm: The braintrust in Stamford believes the way to get Lance over is to make him BORING. Hey, it worked for Hunter.
Ludvig Borga: Evil Finn who hated America because of the pollution. Shouldn’t that have made him a babyface?
Big Bully Busick: Straight out of the 1890’s comes Big Bully Busick, complete with handlebar moustache accessory.
Can You Take the Heat? The WWF Is Cooking!: Ever wanted some Test Tostadas? Me neither, but you can have them with this official WWF COOKBOOK!
Chainsaw Charlie: Terry Funk becomes a chainsaw wielding maniac, all while wearing panty hose on his head.
Chaz, Woman Beater: Getting rid of the Beaver Cleavage character was a good idea. Doing a domestic violence angle wasn’t.
Chyna and Sable Comic Books: If you thought they were annoying in real life, just imagine these two egomaniacal bimbos in comic book form.
Cloudy (or Kloudi): After being dumped by Sunny, the Bodydonnas introduce their new cross-dressing manager – Cloudy. Get it?
The Coach: Former legend John Tolos blows a whistle incessantly to the annoyance of everyone. Jeez, they should have just brought in Bill Alfonzo.
Crybaby Match : As my good friend Trash Losagain would say, “Crybaby Nightshirt Winner Takes the Bottle.” No, I have no idea what that means. Nor do I understand why Razor Ramon and 1-2-3 Kid had a “Loser Gets Diapered Match.” That sounds like something Trash would have booked. Anyhoo, here it is…complete with bonus “Potty Time” induction that has nothing to do with wrestling. But it does have a creepy clown and a grown up Urkel. Enjoy!
Damien Demento: He’s not just crazy, he’s demented! But don’t feel bad – these days, he hosts a KID’S SHOW!
Dean Douglas: Shane Douglas becomes Dr. Noah Tall and experiences the full wrath of the Clique.
Dink the Clown: Doink’s friendly Mini Me. Please note that the original evil Doink was an AWESOME character, and would never be inducted into WrestleCrap, but once he was made a good guy and given a half-sized clone, it was all over.
The 2004 Diva Search: WWE finds a way to make 10 beautiful, voluptous women boring. That takes talent.
Divas in Hedonism: Half naked gorgeous women…and then they talk, and your erection goes bye bye.
Divas Undressed: You’d think there would be no way to screw up a beauty contest with WWE’s hottest ladies. And you think wrong, as Mae Yong and Rico crash the party wearing bikinis.
Doink Survivor Series Curse: Doinks on a Mission, DoinkWackers, and no less than six midgets take over the Thanksgiving Night Tradition.
Double J: A controversial induction, but think about it: an aspiring singer (Jeff Jarrett) is going to use the WWF to take over Nashville. Just trying to decipher that logic makes my head hurt.
The Dragon: Ricky Steamboat hits the WWF after countless ****+ matches in WCW, and the announcers are told to act like they have no idea who he is. Oh, and he now breathes fire. Whatthehellever.
Duke “The Dumpster” Droese: Fan friendly garbage man from Mt. Trashmore. Next!
The Exploitation of Eddie Guerrero: The 2006 Gooker Award Winner and the hardest induction I’ve ever had to write. Thrill Vomit as WWE exploits one of their greatest performers ever!
El Matador: Veteran Tito Santana is getting boring, so he is sent to Mexico to train to fight bulls. This will help him in the wrestling ring, since the two sports are so similar. Or something.
The Patterson-Brisco Evening Gown Match: Couldn’t these two have done this in their hotel room instead of on a PPV that people paid to see?
Fake Diesel and Razon Ramon: Glen Jacobs and Rick Bogner are given the unenviable task of duplicating Kevin Nash & Scott Hall’s personas.
Farooq Asad: A pre-APA Ron Simmons wears a powder blue Nerf gladiator helmet to the ring.
Fatu: Sadly, I would rather watch Rikishi venture to the hoods warning kids to stay off of drugs than shove his ass in other guys’ faces.
Flash Funk: Too Cold Scorpio becomes a kinda-sorta-maybe pimp, and dances in a manner most funky.
Freddy Joe Floyd: Tracey Smothers gets his shot at WWF glory as a do-gooding country bumpkin.
Frenchy Martin: Evil monocle-wearing French Canadian whose motto was that “USA is Not OK!”
Friar Feguson: Mike Shaw’s first WWF gimmick was that of a holy water splashing monk. Sadly, it was better than being a guy that ate his own snot.
The Gang Warz: Puerto Ricans, blacks, and white redneck bikers beat the crap out of each other to the delight of no one.
Gene Okerlund Wrestles!: Mean Gene and the Hulkster team up to tangle with Mr. Fuji and George Steele. That in itself would have been bad enough, but the quasi-homosexual training sessions were even worse.
The Genius: Everyone says Vince McMahon is a genius, but the Crappers know that it’s really Lanny Poffo who is the World’s Smartest Man.
The Godwinns: Henry O. Godwinn (HOG) and Phinneaous I. Godwinn (PIG), evil hog farmers.Shoot me now.
Giant Gonzalez: The world’s worst wrestler, El Gigante, now designed to look like Bigfoot.
Gobbeldy Gooker: The most popular request at WrestleCrap, and with good reason: a turkey man hatches from an egg that has been carted to WWF events for months. Quite possibly the worst payoff to an angle in the history of pro wrestling.
Good Guy Kamala: Ever hear of a baby face cannibal? Well, how about one who bowls?
The Goon: Evil hockey player, complete with boots that are designed to resemble ice skates.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan Video: Hacksaw versus Dino Bravo! Hacksaw versus Andre! It’ll be You Versus Brain Damage if you dare watch this tape!
Hawk Commits Suicide: Road Warrior Hawk becomes a drug addict thanks to LOD newcomer Puke. Hawk decides that life just ain’t worth living and climbs the Titantron to throw himself off. Yikes.
Heidenreich: He may have sucked in the ring, and his portrayal of a Road Warrior had poor Hawk doing cartwheels in his grave. But he also anally raped Michael Cole, and we have to give him props for that.
HHH vs. Ultimate Warrior: The match the Game would like you to forget ended with him getting creamed by the Warrior in under 2 minutes. And people wonder why poor HHH is so protective of his spot.
Hulk Hogan’s Rock n’ Wrestling: Cartoon show starring Hogan, Roddy Piper, Iron Shiek, and countless other stars of the mid 80’s WWF. Proof that anyone could get a cartoon in the mid 80’s.
The InVasion: The war that fans longed for 20 years finally happens, as WCW invades the WWF – and gets totallyobliterated. The so-called “lost” Gooker 2001 winner, and one of the very few inductions that actually made RD angry! Tons more on this one in the upcoming Death of WCW book.
In Your House: Horrific WWF videogame in which the Undertaker hurled ghosts at his hapless opponent.
If They Only Knew: Chyna’s biography, in which she reveals that she hates pretty much everyone on the entire planet earth.
Irwin R. Schyster (IRS): Controversial induction as Mike Rotundo was awesome in his role as an evil tax accountant. Still, that I just typed the words “evil tax accountant” should give you an idea of why this is here.
THAT Jackie Gayda Match: Apparently this was an Albino Leopard Match. You know, because of all the missed spots.
Jameson: Nerds are funny, especially ones who ejaculate into couch pillows. Ewww…
Jean Pierre Lafitte: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me. Quebecer Carl Oulette isn’t a mountie, but rather an evil swashbuckler intent on stealing Bret Hart’s bounty. Arrr, matey!
Dusty Rhodes, the WWF Years: An NWA legend becomes Vince McMahon’s human joke butt. Gotta love those polka dots!
Dog Poo Match: The object of this encounter was to throw your opponent in a big pile of dog feces. WrestleCrap, quite literally!
Jimmy Jack Funk: The long lost Funk brother who wore a Lone Ranger mask and rang a cowbell. No wonder Terry left the company so damn quick.
Justin Hawk Bradshaw: Yet another stupid cowboy gimmick, this time with the APA’s Bradshaw wearing the chaps.
The Jynx Brothers: You may not know this, but before they became famous, Matt and Jeff Hardy were jobbers dressed like Japanese puppets. Yep.
Katie Vick: Just what pro wrestling needed: NECROPHILIA! Winner of the 2002 Gooker Award.
The Kings of the WWF: From Harley Race to Mabel, the WWF crown was basically a makeshift title that meant nothing, and was feuded over by those without anything better to do.
King of the Ring 1995: Like Savio Vega? Here, have FOUR matches of his in one night!
King of the Ring 1995 Magazine: Vince Russo scores the WWF lead booker position by writing about Sparkplugg Holly’s ancestor, Sir Stockcard Car. Man life is weird.
Knuckleball Schawarz: Evil baseball player who longtime fans will recognize as Steve Lombardi, the Brooklyn Brawler.
Kwang the Ninja: Vile ninja…direct from Puerto Rico?
Lex Express: How do you get your new number one babyface over? You stick him on a bus and send him all over the country!
Lo Down: Beaver Cleavage and D-Lo Brown put on turbans and are led to the ring by the human heat vacuum, Tiger Ali Singh. Not that this was racist at all.
The Lost Hillbilly Jim Tape: Footage of our favorite Mudlickian wrestling his coon dog as granny drinks moonshine in the background.
The Machines: Andre the Giant puts on a hood and becomes the Giant Machine, and no one can figure out who he is. And um…yeah.
Mae Young: Role model to horny seniors the world over, Mae strips naked and gives birth to a hand. As hilarious as it sounds (which is to say not at all).
Mantaur: Half man, half bull – all crap.
Matilda: Let’s see…we have two of the greatest technical wrestlers on the planet. How can we ruin them? I know – let’s give them a dog to walk to the ring, and then have the dog stolen!
Max Moon: Spaceman from the outer reaches of Uranus, complete with jetpack accessory.
Meat: Sex slave for the Pretty Mean Sisters who once wrestled with a boner. Seriously.
The Million Dollar Chance: The WWF is giving you a chance to win $1,000,000! Hell, actually it’s just a chance to win a chance. Or something.
Charlie Minn: Stereotypical asian announcer from the mid 90’s WWF. Hmmm…perhaps he should sue Funaki for stealing his gimmick.
The Model: Rick Martel not only carried around a giant atomizer, but he also wore fancy clothes and a large button that read, “I AM A MODEL” just in case someone didn’t pick up on the subtlety of his gimmick.
Molly Holly: Fat Ass?: Hey, look – she has a giant ass! Well, actually she doesn’t, but let’s not let the truth get in the way of a good bad story.
Moppy: Perry Saturn gives up on Terri Runnels to date a mop. I think that’s called “trading up.”
Men on a Mission: Rappin’ fool trio that made life a living hell for anyone who had ears within a ten mile radius of WWF events.
Mr. Run In: Following a parasailing accident that left his face in pieces, Ed Leslie returned to jump heels from behind for about two weeks. Also known as Mariner and Hair Face, despite the fact that he had nothing resembling a pelt anywhere near his noggin.
Muffy: Nipple H’s personal trainer, who was shown the door after someone figured out that if Nips needed a personal trainer, that meant at some point she was, you know, FAT. You can’t write comedy like that.
Nailz: Convict who was allegedly beat in prison by Big Bossman, and who also allegedly pummeled Vince McMahon behind the scenes.
Naked Mideon: Just what the world was waiting for: a nude male wrestler!
“Narcissist” Lex Luger: Did you know that Lex Luger was in love with himself? Or that he had an unhealthy fascination with mirrors? Yup, it’s true.
“The Natural” Butch Reed: Black man who dyed his hair blonde. Get it? He’s NOT really Natural at all! Oh, the IRONY!
Needles the Tailor: A whiny little man teaches us the fine art of tailory as he jabs guys with a needle. There’s a joke to be made there, but the Wellness Policy forbids us from making it.
New Midnight Express: Jim Cornette’s flagship team is pissed upon by a bitter Vince Russo in an angle that no one save Russo, Cornette, and their immediate families would understand.
New Rockers: Marty Janetty gets a new partner in the form of teen idol Leif Cassidy. Poor Al Snow just never catches a break.
The Oddities: Sideshow freaks lead to the ring by the Insane Clown Posse. Giant Silva actually became only the world’s second worst wrestler, thanks largely to John Tenta’s best efforts.
Oktoberfest: Seasonal shenanigans as the Bushwackers cut the cheese (literally) with Gene Okerlund and Lanny Poffo is introduced as the world’s foremost expert on stuffing sausage.
The Original Demolition: Remember when Demolition consisted of Ax and Pizza Face? Be glad you don’t.
Outback Jack: Friendly Aussie that hung out with aboriginies and drank beer with cows. Hyped for nearly six months before finally making his first WWF appearance; disappeared approximately 1.3 seconds later.
Papa Shango: Voodoo master who hexed Gene Okerlund and caused Ultimate Warrior to vomit on WWF TV.
Phantasio: Magician wrestler whose finisher was to remove his opponent’s underwear.Seriously.
Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2: Sometimes love feels like an ar-gew-ment, it feels just like a piledriver. If Koko B. Ware says it, it must be true.
The Pillman-Austin Gun Angle: Steve Austin breaks into Brian Pillman’s house, causing the Loose Cannon to fire shots and announcer Kevin Kelly to piss his pants.
Sparky Plugg: Friendly Nascar driver Sparky Thurman Plugg (STP, how clever) races his way into our hearts, but crashes into wall three on the way there.
The Polish Sausage Festival: Ivan Putski yanks weinerschnitzel off a plastic tree as a crazy old woman dances around in an attempt to lure Lord Alfred into bed.
Quakeburgers!: Nefarious Earthquake squashes Jake Roberts pet snake and makes a sandwich of him as Lord Alfred Hayes throws up. As fun as it sounds.
The Raw Bowl: Wacky football style bout in which the goal was to…I don’t even remember. But it sucked.
The Real Double J: Jessee Jammes croons to the ring after Jeff Jarrett is proved to be a phony the level of Milli Vanilli.
Real Man’s Man: Steven Regal is all man and nothing but man as he chops wood and squeezes oranges to make juice.
“Rebel” Dick Slater: Yee haw! We love that Rebel Redneck Song – Hit it, Mr. Fuji!
Reo Rogers: Bruce Prichard (Brother Love) doing a horrible Dusty Rhodes rip off that lasted about three weeks. MAN did Vince hate Dusty.
Repo Man: Barry Darsow is back once again, this time as the Repo Man, a thief in the night who made you pay, and pay dearly, for getting in your car payment late.
Reverend D-Von: Following years of greatness as a tag team, WWE inexplicably broke up the Dudleyz and made D-Von a preacher. Did this suck? TESTIFY!
Ringmaster: Steve Austin’s first WWF gimmick wasn’t quite as successful as his second…
Rhythm & Blues: Greg Valentine attempts to duplicate Honky Tonk Mania and falls short.
Rocco: In the early 90’s, the Legion of Doom was stuck in a rut. Thankfully, Vince had the cure: a wooden puppet named Rocco!
Rockabilly: Further proof that Billy Gunn has always sucked.
Rocky Maivia, the Blue Chipper: “You can’t smile enough!” is what Duane Johnson was told as he entered the WWF as a babyface. Signs reading “Die Rocky Die” seem to indicate that this statement was false.
The Redneck Triathlon: Finally, Steve Austin squares off with Eric Bischoff…in a BELCHING CONTEST?
The Red Rooster: Terry Taylor sees his career flushed down the drain as he portrays a chicken, complete with spiky red hair and cock-a-doodle-doo entrance theme.
Saba Simba: A down on his luck Tony Atlas is given a job by the WWF in which he portrays an African warrior, complete with spear. Fortunately, the watermelon was nixed at the last second.
The Sad Saga of Good Ol’ JR: WWE fires their lead announcer. Yes again. And they humiliate him on the way out. Yes again. And then they hire him back. Yes again.
Salvatore Sincere: Yet another ethnic stereotype invades WWF rings, this time as Sal Sincere teaches us all the true meaning of irony. See, kids, he’s not really sincere at all!
Sammy: Mark Henry attempts to satiate his unquenchable sexual desires with Sammy, whom he finds has…wait for it…a PENIS! Family fun for all!
Saturday Night’s Main Event: Halloween Style!: Iron Sheik as Batman and Nikolai Volkoff as Robin? We are SO there.
Septic Sludge: WWE toy accessory. Not only is it slime, but it smells like stuff: burnt rubber, stale water, and dead fish. I so wish I was making this up.
William Shatner, Pro Wrestler: Yes, believe it or not Captain Kirk actually got in the ring and took on WWF stars like Jerry Lawler and Road Dogg. Ah well, at least he didn’t sing.
Sisters of Love: Before they were the Headbangers, Mosh and Thrasher dressed as nuns under the tutelage of Brother Love. Luckily for the boys, this didn’t last long. Unluckily, one would later become Beaver Cleavage.
Slammys (1985): Hilarity abounds as Mean Gene breaks kayfabe and Vince tells Gorilla that his fly is open.
Slammys (1987): Hacksaw Duggan and King Harley Race fight for 27 straight hours, while Vince McMahon sings and dances (!!) for your enjoyment!
Skinner: The Alligator Man! Jerry Reed would be so proud.
The Snake Pit: Yet another Piper’s Pit copy, this time featuring Jake Roberts.
The Stalker: Barry Windham invades the WWF wearing camouflage. Not sure how that was supposed to help him blend into a wrestling ring, but hey, if Li’l Blackjack thinks it will, more power to him.
Stalker DDP: Diamond Dallas Page gives us hanging out with his drop dead gorgeous wife Kimberly to hide out in the bushes and look at Undertaker’s pony faced old lady.
Stuttering Matt Morgan: B-b-b-b-oy d-d-d-d-d-d-did this s-s-s-s-s-suck!
The Sultan: Yet another failed persona for the man who would become Rikishi. This time everyone’s favorite fat Samoan wears a big Hershey’s Kiss on his head.
Sunny’s Sex Video: You’d think anything starring Tammy Sytch, who was smoking hot back in her WWF days, couldn’t be all bad. But then her bedmate is revealed: Fondle Me Elmo!
T&A: Test and Albert. How Trish Stratus survived this I will never, ever know.
TL Hopper: Evil wrestling plumber. I’d write more, but just putting “evil wrestling plumber” should be all the explanation you need.
Turncoat Sgt Slaughter: America’s favorite hero turns his back on all of us, then asks us to forgive him. Sorry, Sarge, you ain’t getting this country back.
TNT Show: Tuesday Night Titans (TNT) was the WWF’s answer to the Sonny & Cher variety hour, as superstars danced, told jokes, and basically made asses of themselves.
Todd Pettengill & Stephanie Wiand: Worthless announcing duo who knew nothing about wrestling but a whole hell of a lot about being annoying.
Tugboat: Toot toot! That was either supposed to be a boat whistle, or he has gas.
Undertaker Resurrection: During a casket match at Royal Rumble 94, the evil Yokozuna stuffs the Undertaker in a coffin with the help of 43 men. He would later be reborn, however, and float up to heaven in a scene that everyone watching would like to forget.
Undertaker vs. Underfaker: Stupid twin angle in which Ted DiBiase brought in a phony Undertaker to combat the real one. Fans reacted so violently that the program was scrapped after one match.
The Val Venis Castration: Evil Wally Yamaguchi decides to deal with his wife’s infidelity the old fashioned way: by chopping off the weiner of her porn star boyfriend!
Warlord: Musclebound oaf whose only redeeming quality was a metallic wand he carried to the ring.
The Ultimate Giant: Andre proves that the Warrior isn’t the most unintelligible man on the planet by donning the face paint himself.
The Ultimate Warrior-Jake Roberts Training Session: The Snake teaches our hero how to be evil by burying him up to his ears in dirt.
The World Bodybuilding Federation: Vince McMahon’s first real attempt to branch out beyond the wrestling ring ends miserably as wrestling fans don’t want to watch bodybuilders, even if they do act like wrestlers.
Well Dunn: Timothy Well and Steven Dunn are proof positive that bow ties and thongs do not match.
Who: The Vince McMahon Players try to revive a 40 year-old Abbot and Costello bit by putting poor Jim Neidhart under a mask.
WrestleMania: The Album: Musical mess that features Bret Hart singing a love song while Randy Savage begins his rapping career by reciting the order of the solar system.
WrestleMania 2: Horrible crap eminating from three – count ’em THREE – venues! Plus more Susan St. James than you can shake an “UH OH” at!
WrestleMania IX: Giant Gonzalez! Papa Shango! The Narcissist! JR in a toga! It’s Wrestlemania!
WrestleMania: The VCR Game: Thrill to playing the world’s most boring board game, interrupted by watching 20 second clips of WWF Superstars like Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and Dusty Wolfe.
WrestleMania: The Video Game Video: More fun with Bret, who this time programs videogames by driving a forklift while wearing a tie. I’d try to explain, but I think I’d just wind up getting dizzy and passing out.
WWF Bleeps, Bloopers, and Bodyslams 94: Supposedly a tape featuring all kinds of wacky, zany behind the scenes WWF hilarity, yet all I can remember about it was a spread eagle shot of Hillbilly Jim. Very disturbing.
Worst WWF Games of All Time!: Special three part induction in which I documented the worst WWF games ever made: WWF Betrayal, WWF Wrestlemania on the NES, and WWE Crush Hour. Did I mentioned these all sucked?
Xanta Klaus: Santa’s evil twin brother who steals presents from good children every December 25. Did I mention he lived at the South Pole? The WWF did.
The XFL: Vince’s much maligned football league was a good idea on paper, but in practice turned out to be the biggest bust ever on network TV.
Isaac Yankem, DDS: Wrestling dentist with bad teeth. Need I say more?
Zeus: Hogan’s co-star in No Holds Barred, who thought the film was real and was pissed that he lost in the climax of the movie. Don’t ask me – someone thought this was a good idea.
That 70’s Guy: Bedecked in a leisure suit, gold chains, and feathered back hair, Awesome looked as though he had just hopped off the dance floor with Tony Manero.
American Males: As if Marcus Bagwell and Scotty Riggs as Chippendales weren’t bad enough, they had the worst song in the history of man for their entrance music.
Guardian Angel: Big Bossman defects to WCW, but he can’t use that name, since the WWF holds the copyright. After several “that’s still too close” names, he joins the Guardian Angels and is the upholder of truth and justice – for about a week.
Arachniman: Brad Armstrong puts on his Spiderman underoos to become a crime fighter from Web City.
David Arquette, WCW Champion: Vince Russo’s idea was to garner mainstream pub by putting the company’s top belt on the 1-800-Collect guy. It worked so well that WCW went out of business less than a year later.
Asya: Did the world really need a Chyna clone? WCW certainly thought so…
Backstage Assault: Horrible WCW videogame that featured all the top stars of the company and no ring whatsoever.
Judy Bagwell: WCW tag team champion and role model to annoying loudmouths the world over. Who knew that Buff would wind up as only the SECOND MOST hated wrestler in his family?
Beach Blast 93: One of the unholy trinity of mini-movie driven PPVs in 1992-1993, this one featured Sid Vicious in flip flops, orphans playing volleyball with Sting and Davey Boy Smith, and Cheatum the one eyed evil midget blowing up a boat while wearing a shark fin. Quite possibly RD’s favorite induction of all time.
Big Josh: A pre-Doink Matt Borne is a lumberjack escorted to the ring by dancing bears.
Black Blood: Masked jobber (Billy Jack Haynes) who came to the ring with a hatchet. This lasted about a month.
Black Scorpion: Evil wrestling magician who tortured Sting with mystical magic powers, like the ability to turn a man into a tiger. It was all worth it for his final appearance, however, when he landed in a space ship. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the ultimate in stupidity, this scores 178.
Booty Man: Possibly Ed Leslie’s most revolting gimmick, as he shook his fanny at women who were paid to swoon. Yikes.
Buzzkill: Road Dogg’s brother is told to “get a personality” and start acting exactly like his more famous sibling.
The Catch as Catch Can Match: Dean Malenko takes on Kidman in a match in which you lose if you hit the floor. Unfortantely, Dean forgets, and the match ends 90 seconds in. Whoops!
Captain Mike: Captain Mike Rotundo (or Rotunda, depending on the day) leaves the Varsity Club but keeps his name, with explanation being that he is no longer the captain of a wrestling team but rather the captain of a boat. What?
Chamber of Horror: Bizarre cage match in which the competitors tried to electrocute their opponents in the CHAIR OF TORTURE.
Chucky: The Child’s Play puppet wins a debate with Rick Steiner. Is that so hard to believe?
David Crockett: “Look at him, Tony! Look at him! He’s a bald…headed…geek.”
The Desperados: Dutch Mantell, Black Bart, and Dead Eye Dick go looking for Stan Hansen in a series of idiotic clips set in the Old West. They never find Hansen – or a wrestling ring, for that matter.
The Ding Dongs: Unable to convince booker Ole Anderson that wrestling hunchbacks will get over, Jim Herd gets the go ahead to have a tag team that rings a bell – for the entire length of their matches!
Dunegon of Doom: Kevin Sullivan’s assembly of misfits included the likes of Zodiac, the Leprechaun, Shark, The Yeti, and countless others. Almost like a roll call of WrestleCrap.
Doomsday Cage Match: Triple Decker Cage handicap match with Hogan and Savage versus eight men. And Ric Flair still does the job.
The Dynamic Dudes: Shane Douglas and Johnny Ace are cool surfer dudes who everyone hates.
El Gigante: Jorge Gonzalez proves he is quite possibly the worst grappler of all time as Argentina’s tin foil wearing pro wrestling representative.
Evad Sullivan: I’m not sure which is dumber: the idea of a dyslexic wrestler that insults everyone who has that affliction by being an idiot or the thought that he wants to be Hulk Hogan.
Evad vs. DDP: Imagine Randy Savage vs. George Steele. Then add a dead rabbit.
Finger Poke Title Change: Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan swerve everyone by swapping the WCW title in a bogus match that infuriated everyone who saw it. One of the top five causes of WCW’s downfall.
Gary Spivey: Pro wrestling psychic who apparently garnered his super powers by attaching a giant brillo pad to his head. Find out more right here.
GI Bro: Booker T was just hitting his stride in WCW when he reverted to his first persona in the business, a lame ass military gimmick.
Graveyard Match: The KISS Demon and Vampiro battle through the darkness of a cemetery, hitting each other with tree branches and plaster tombstones.
Halloween Havoc Hoax: Sid pins Sting for the WCW belt, only to discover that Sting has put on 40 pounds and 4 inches and isn’t really Sting after all.
Halloween Havoc Hoax 2: Yes, because we needed THAT repeated.
“Hole in One” Barry Darsow: Evil golfer who was originally scheduled to work under the name “Stewart Pain.” A double bogey for sure.
Human Torch Match: Yes, let’s set guys on fire for our amusement!
Glacier: Perhaps the greatest build up WCW ever did, all for a character that really, really sucked the meat missle. Maybe if he’d have come out to the old “Freeze Mizer” song…
Jimmy Graffiti: Formerly known as one half of the Heavenly Bodies, Jimmy Del Ray entered WCW and began spray painting everything in site Ð a year before the n.W.o. stole his gimmick!
Johnny B. Badd: Marc Mero gets tuity fruity and emulates rock legend Little Richard as close as humanly possible.
The Juicer: Art Barr in his ghoulish recreation of Beetlejuice.
Junkyard Invitational: Almost every participant of this 20 man hardcore match was legitimately injured. The saddest part? The match still sucked ass.
King of the Road Match: A battle like no other Ð Blacktop Bully and Dustin Rhodes duke it out in the back of a moving semi, as day turns to night and night turns to day. Shockingly, this was the first and last match of its type.
KISS Demon: According to his biography, Kiss and Make Up, Gene Simmons landed a fatty contract from WCW to create a wrestler based on the band. Despite shelling out all that money, WCW never pushed the guy. You know, WCW should have just put all the money in a big metal barrel and burned it in the ring. Or better yet, given it to me.
Lazertron: Everyone’s favorite 1980’s toy becomes everyone’s most forgotten 1980’s jobber!
Jay Leno, Pro Wrestler: Yes, THAT Jay Leno, who teamed with DDP to put the hurting on Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff in one of the worst matches of all time.
The Leprechaun: Evil imp who was searching for a pot of gold at the end of the WCW rainbow.
Loch Ness: A member of the infamous Dungeon of Doom, the big man known in the UK as Giant Haystacks was brought in long past the time he even remembered what the term “mobile” meant.
Lost in Cleveland: Cactus Jack loses his memory (or was that his dignity) in this series of idiotic sketches. Highlight is Jack, who thinks he’s a sailor, making poor Jenny’s bike seaworthy so she can run her paper route.
The Mark Madden-Gene Okerlund Feud: Just what the world was waiting for Ð the return of Gene Okerlund to the ring. And this time he’s bringing Mark Madden with him.
Steve McMichael: “This place is apropos, and that don’t mean you’re digging around the dirt with farm implements, baby!” Yeah, what he said.
The Midnight Rider: Hmmm…fat, blonde hair, splotch. No, I have no idea who that could be.
Monster Truck Sumo Match: Grueling Greco-Roman technical encounter featuring colossal monster trucks battling atop Joe Louis Arena. End came when Hogan knocked his adversary, the Giant, off the roof. Don’t worry, he came back in time for the main event of the evening.
Mr. JL: Talented Jerry Lynn is thrown under a mask and given the clever nickname of “Mr. JL” by the WCW braintrust.
The New Breed: Time travelers from the year 2002, when Dusty Rhodes it the president of the USA. Thank God THAT didn’t happen.
Norman the Lunatic: Mike Shaw as an escapee from a mental institution. How sad is it when that’s your BEST role?
Nuthouse Ric Flair: Yes, someone had the bright idea to take WCW’s top draw and make him an patient at a mental institute. And get this – it WASN’T Vince Russo!
nWo Nitro: Ever wanted to see how the set of a wrestling show is built? Then this is the show for you! Thrill to Buff Bagwell yelling at the ring crew! Gasp as Scott Norton spends ten minutes trying to knock over the WCW sign with a sledge hammer! And warm your heart as Eric Bischoff sings CHRISTMAS CAROLS! It doesn’t get much more bizarre than this!
Oklahoma: Upon entering WCW, Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara’s first order of business is not turning the promotion around but rather ridiculing their former boss Jim Ross in an angle that maybe 5 people on the planet got.
Oz: Kevin Nash was the great and powerful wizard, who came to the ring with the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and a trained monkey. Yes, a trained monkey.
The Patriots: Firebreaker Chip and Todd Champion as a worthless tag team hailing from the greatest town ever: WCW SPECIAL FORCES.
PN News: Rapping fatman who bebopped to the ring with no less stars than Salt n’ Pepa.
Ready to Rumble: Just what the world was waiting for: a WCW movie starring David Arquette as a septic truck driver. Watch for Gene Okerlund hitting on Jimmy King, and a rare cameo by Scott Farkus of A Christmas Story.
The Renegade: Hulk Hogan’s Ultimate Surprise winds up being the biggest knock off this side of Mr. Pibb.
Dusty Rhodes’ Gorilla Match: Dusty takes getting funky like a monkey too far by teaming with a guy in a gorilla suit. And then a woman in a gorilla suit. It was BANANAS, I TELLS YA!
Robocop: The Future of Law Enforcement clanks down to the ring to save Sting from the clutches of the evil Four Horsemen.
Dennis Rodman, Pro Wrestler: The Worm takes to the squared circle and the results are exactly what you’d expect: disasterous.
Se7en: Dustin Rhodes channels the spirit of the Undertaker, dips himself in white paint, then stares in little boys’ windows with a pale horse named…umm…Pale Horse. Then he says it’s stupid and kills the gimmick. Well, can’t argue with the guy there.
Shark: Our old pal John Tenta did his best, but even his threats of biting all the little Hulksters didn’t save this gimmick from a one-way ticket to Davy Jones’ locker.
Shockmaster: Speaking of Tenta, here’s his buddy Typhoon (Tugboat), who burst through a wall and into our hearts. Bad luck or no, one of the worst entrances ever.
Skins Match: No, not a golf tourney, but rather a toughman showdown between Tank Abbott and former biker buddy Big Al. Highlight of the match is Tank putting a knife to Tank’s throat and threatening to “f***ing kill” poor Al.
Slam Jam: Taking a page out of the WWF’s book, WCW releases a musical CD that is chockfull of crap, including a song in which the words “fun” and “Windham” are somehow rhymed.
Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal: Jake Roberts takes on Sting in a seedy bar with the seediest patron of all: Cheatum the evil one-eyed midget. Part Two of the Unholy Trinity.
The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea: Lame ass jobber Prince Iaukea is reborn as the purple one himself…and still sucks.
Trucker Norm: Mike Shaw in failed gimmick 413, this time portraying a fun loving big rig driver.
Van Hammer: Heavy metal superstar who couldn’t play the guitar. Ummm…
Viagra on a Pole Match: Booked by Vince Russo. What, you’re surprised?
Ultimate Warrior, the WCW Years: In a quest to stop the ratings slide, Eric Bischoff brings in the Warrior. Unfortunately, Warrior apparently believes he is the second coming of Batman, urging viewers to “tune in next week, same Warrior time, same Warrior channel!”
WCW, The Comic: Laughably bad Marvel Comic starring Sting, Johnny B. Badd, and the other top stars of WCW in the early 90’s.
WCW Readers: Presumably, readers are books designed to encourage kids to read. I’m thinking any child who had the misfortune of reading these will probably make a vow of illiteracy.
White Castle of Fear: Vader invites Stinger to come to a party at his White Castle of Fear. Inexplicably, no tiny hamburgers are present. Part three of the WCW Unholy Trinity.
Wildcat Willie: Did you know WCW had a mascot? Are you shocked that it sucked?
The Worst of the Horsemen: Think the Horsemen always rocked? Then let us show you just how horrid they really were!
The Yeti: Mummy who emerged from a block of ice to dry hump Hulk Hogan. I don’t think I need to say anything more than that, do I?
The York Foundation: Computerized clique who wrestled according to a computer program that calculated the weaknesses of their opponents. They never lost, except when they did, which was all the time.
Zan Panzer: Masked jobber who was apparently the master of the Pan Flute.
Zodiac: Ed Leslie yet again, this time with his face painted to resemble a yin-yang sign. Did he suck? Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
1 Night in Chyna: What could be worse than a Joanie Laurer porno? A Joanie Laurer porno featuring SEAN WALTMAN. Egads, man.
AWA Team Challenge Series: Eric Bischoff gets his start in the wrestling business by booking the end of the AWA in a series of gimmick matches that culminated with a Turkey on a Pole match.
AWA WrestleRock Rumble: Larry Zbysko, Jerry Blackwell, and Verne and Greg Gagne RAP inthis promo piece for a 1986 Metrodome show. Well worth watching, just to see Ken Resnick attempt to dance.
Backyard Dogs: HORRIBLE movie in which two dudes and some skank make big bucks in the lucrative field of backyard wrestling. Featuring the guy who was the BLACK POWER RANGER. Woohoo!
Body Slam: Goofy film starring Roddy Piper, Lou Albano, and CHARLES NELSON REILY that also features midget legend Billy Barty repeatedly calling Dirk Benedict a faggot.
Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pro Wrestling: Lou Albano and Burt Sugar give you all the low down on the wrestling industry, including real names. Did you know that The Rock’s real name is Rocky Melvin? I didn’t. I bet he didn’t either.
Christmas Creature: Glen Jacobs becomes an EVIL CHRISTMAS TREE. What more needs be said?
ECW Hardcore Revolution: Super crappy wrestling game that is anything but hardcore.
Carmen Electra’s Naked Women’s Wrestling: Warning: Carmen Electra does not appear nude. Nor do the women actually, you know, WRESTLE. Time to file that class action false advertisement suit, fellow Crappers!
Hell Comes to Frogtown: Roddy Piper must impregnate women – or have his nads blown to smithereens! How did the Academy overlook this one?
Heroes of Wrestling: The idea of an old timers’ night in pro wrestling isn’t that bad, but this PPV sure is. Highlight of the show is Jake Roberts facing his personal demons and usingDamien as a surrogate penis. One of the five most requested inductions ever.
Hulk Rules; The Hulkster’s in the House, and invading your eardrums with the force of a class A killstorm. Highlights include every song mentioning Hogan by name (no egotism here) and Jimmy Hart singing with a clothespin on his nose.
Be a Man vs. Hulk Rules: Randy Savage raps again, this time forgoing a listing of the planets of the solar system and instead dissin’ Hulk Hogan old skool.
The Jesse Ventura Story: Did you know that Jesse was an intricate part of the Bret Hart-Montreal screwjob? Or that Gorilla Monsoon was The Body’s WCW co-host? You would if you saw this mostly fictious TV movie detailing the Gov’s life.
The Johnsons : Tag team dressed up as penises. NEXT!
Learning the Ropes: Sitcom starring Lyle Alzado in which the Rock & Roll Express taught us how to love again.
Three Ninjas on Mega Mountain: Hulk Hogan stars as an aging Kung Fool who teams up with three annoying kids to tackle the evil that is my aunt, Loni Anderson.
Mr. Nanny: Yet another Hulk Hogan disaster of a film, this time with the Orange Goblin being tortured by nerdy children.
NASH: Kevin Nash comic in which Big Sexy prances around naked. Like I needed to see THAT.
No Holds Barred: Oh yes…the Hulkster’s first starring role! Why couldn’t it have been his last?
NWA-TNA – The Early Years: By popular demand, a look at the first few months of TNA, featuring wrestling penises, skank battle royals, and MIDGETS BEATING OFF IN TRASH CANS!
OJ The Movie, Starring Wrestlers: Oddball article from an old Apter mag in which the OJ Simpson trial is made into a movie starring, among others, Ron Simmons as OJ and Brian Pillman as Kato Kaelin.
Pasta Mania: Hulk Hogan restaurant that served such delicacies as Hulk-U’s and Hulkaroos.
Rambo Greg Gagne: Just when you thought he couldn’t get MORE boring, Greggles goes through training camp with Sgt. Slaughter! One of RD’s favorite inductions.
Santa with Muscles: Hulk Hogan gets amnesia and believes he’s Jolly Ol’ St. Nick. At one time voted the number one worst movie ever by the readers at the Internet Movie Database, and I ain’t about to argue.
Simpsons Wrestling: I love wrestling. I love The Simpsons. And I hate this piece of crap game so much that it makes me want to hate them both. What does that say?
The Star Wars Holiday Special: Because nothing says “Happy Earth Day” quite like Wookie ejaculate!
Tag Team: TV pilot starring Roddy Piper and Jesse Ventura as wrestlers blackballed from the business who become cops. Bad, but I’ve seen far worse. (See above…or below, for that matter.)
Thunder in Paradise: Hogan once again hits TV screens, this time piloting Knightboat, the crime solving boat.
Thunder in Paradise 2: Just when you think RD can’t take anymore…well,it turns out he can’t.
Warrior, The Comic: The Ultimate Warrior explains “destrucity” through the magic of a comic book.
Exposed! Pro Wrestling’s Greatest Secrets Revealed! Two words: STUNT GRANNY.
The Young and The Wrestling: A PRO WRESTLING PORNO?! I covered this in the book, but by popular demand, I also inducted it. A classic!
The Young and The Wrestling2: The Wildman is back in this smut sequel, and he’s ready to blow his opponents away. No wait, that was Penelope’s job.
Yukon John Nord: Nord the Barbarian becomes an axe wielding Bible thumper. And you thought Jehovah’s Witnesses were bad.
John Tenta: The former Earthquake shows amazing wit and ability to make fun of himself.This interview led indirectly to him writing the foreword for the WrestleCrap book. This was the original interview. He was also on WrestleCrap Radio shortly before his passing.
Oscar: Men on a Mission’s rapping manager takes RD to task for mocking the trio’s abilities in the ring.
Specials and Non-Wrestling Entries:
Babes in Toyland: Non wrestling entry. Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves, and Pat Morita star in this holiday film which teaches us the true meaning of Christmas – that we should all believe in…TOYS! If you ever want to see cutie Drew confronting her personal demons, this is the show for you.
Catalog War, Volume 1: T-shirts, hats, and other items duke it out for the WWF and WCW.This was so popular that I expanded the idea into a weekly column, “Someone Bought THIS!”
Revenge of the Scorpion: Blade Braxton stars as the Black Scorpion, lusting for revenge in this sequel to Starrcade 90. Winner of the 2002 “Create Some Crap” contest. A special MAKING OF induction is here!
Headlock on My Heart: Hulk Hogan in a duet with…DOLLY PARTON?!!
Santa Claus: Weird Mexican movie that has absolutely nothing to do with wrestling, but everything to do with crap. In this flick, Santa spies on the children of the world (and also holds some captive) and fights Satan with his magical parasol. Hey, I couldn’t make this stuff up.
He-Man – She-Ra Christmas Special: Just when you thought this He-Man holiday special couldn’t get worse, let’s lay three words on ya: SKELETOR FACE TURN!
The 2004 Workout War: Chyna, the Warrior, and Richard Simmons battled for superiority in a video showdown for the ages. Unfortunately for Chyna and the Warrior, Richard got the duke.
The 2007 Workout War: Back for more, with the Bushwhackers, Power & Glory, and Mean Gene and the Brain!
WrestleCrap Halloween: Don’t dress up as a lame ghost or witch this October 31 – dress up as a lame wrestler instead!
Eddie Guerrero: Inducted as an April Fool’s joke. Ha ha ha…ok, we admit, this was a bit weak.
Vince Russo Buys WrestleCrap: Another April Fool’s bit, arguably much better. Plus, we built it up for a couple of weeks, so it had that going for it.
2004, 2005, and 2006 Gooker Award Ballots: See all the stuff that wasn’t bad enough to win!