INDUCTION: Goldust as Baby New Year – 1997 Goes Straight Down the Crapper

39 Submitted by on Sat, 31 December 2016, 10:00

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WWF, 1997

For a guy who loves Christmas as much as I do, you’d think the week after the blessed day would be a rough one each year.

And you’d be right.

While my full on post Christmas depression doesn’t take place until I take the lights and tree down (the weekend after New Year’s Day, which should be a law), make no mistake I get gloomy starting at 12:01am December 26.

I mean, for a solid month, everything builds to that one awesome day…and then, just like that, it’s gone for another whole year.

Sigh.

Still, it could be worse.  After all, I could have to go back and revisit 1997’s week between again.

Which I do, thanks to my own stupidity.

See, tonight, I asked the crew if we’d ever written about what the infamous Raw wherein Goldust decided to celebrate New Year’s.  The answer was no.

So yeah, here I am again.

We were full into the Attitude era at this point, with Steve Austin raising hell, Shawn Michaels still in D-X, and various other assorted lunacy.  One casualty, ironically, was Goldust.  The bizarre gold statue gimmick had more or less run its course, and it was decided that a reboot was necessary.

So Goldust was dead…and The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust was here.

Make no mistake about it, this was a dark period for Dustin Runnels.  The idea was that since he was no longer Goldust, each week he’d come out and do something even more bizarre than Goldust ever did.  So we got stuff like this:

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That’s not a Photoshop job – that was actual ring attire.  So let’s see if we’ve got everything here: thong, neon green outfit, ball gag, pink hair, walker, dog chain, metallic pasties.

That’s all weird, right?

I have a better question:

Does this look like a good idea to anyone?

Seriously, ANYONE ON PLANET EARTH?

I guess in retrospect, the fact that he came out dressed like Baby New Year should be a blessing.

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But really, it wasn’t.

Confession: once, back in my RD Reynolds heel manager days, I lost a crybaby match and wore a diaper.  The crowd was thrilled to see me humiliated.  I should note, however, that the “crowd” was approximately 30 people, half of which were co-workers.

Conclusion: the baby thing is a low-rent indy gimmick.  That’s just common sense, right?

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Guess not.

I will say this however – no matter how idiotic a gimmick you give Dustin Runnels, he plays it to the hilt.  Baby bonnet, diaper that’s made to look “full”, sash reading “Baby New Year” on the front and 1998 on the back.

And just look at him go to town on that bottle!

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Hmmmm…I don’t think I should be applauding such effort.  It’s actually pretty bothersome.

Anyway, he’s here because he wants to wish us all a happy new year and is throwing his name into the hat for the Royal Rumble.  Also, he’d like to play Barbie to Steve Austin’s Ken.

As you can expect, Austin isn’t down with this, but hey, he has a PRESENT for him!  So let’s just lower it down from the ceiling!

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Why that appears to be a giant black box…and it also appears it’s not even close to where it needs to be.  I can only assume that the guy in charge of this was fired and then went to WCW to be in charge of the New Blood that they’d drop from the ceiling that never hit anyone.

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So Austin fights and fights to get it into the ring, which he eventually does.  And unveils it to be…

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Crapper 3:16!

Which sounds like a handle someone reading this right now would use on a message board.

(Or at least I hope they would.)

Anyway, Austin explains that he got this particular apparatus from a construction site, and all the workers had been using it all day so it stunk to high heaven.

So let me get this straight.

Austin went to a construction site, found a porta-potty that guys had been pooping in, had the WWF crew wrap it up in black fabric, raise it to the ceiling (still full), and then lower it upon his command.

Why did we not get footage of THAT?

I mean, we all know how awesome WWF construction site videos are…

OK indeed, Billy Graham!

But no, we don’t get that.  Instead we get this:

No Billy Jack Haynes choking on an apple.

No Don Muraco going bug eyed.

No Arnold Skaaland in a hard hat.

No Koko B. Ware smashing down half built houses.

Just Baby New Year being thrown in the can, and then said can being tipped over.  On the plus side, the segment was over quick…and wound up in the toilet, right where it belonged.

With that in mind, everyone here at WrestleCrap.com would like to wish you, our fellow Crappers (including you, Crapper 3:16!), a fantastic 2015…and beyond!

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
39 Responses to "INDUCTION: Goldust as Baby New Year – 1997 Goes Straight Down the Crapper"
  1. Anthony says:

    I admit it…I still laugh when Babydust stumbles out of the porta potty, Austin gives him the stunner and he stumbles right back in.

  2. Crapper 3:16 says:

    Crapper 3:16 says you just sat on me with your ass!

  3. Hulk6785 says:

    How has WCW’s blood not been inducted yet?

    • That Don Guy says:

      “WCW’s blood”? Was that the one with Flair and some fan dressed like Sting in the ring?

      I wouldn’t be surprised if that “fan” was really somebody who worked for WCW who was there just to tell Flair that the blood about to fall on him wasn’t centered on the ring quite right, and he needed to take a step or two backward.

    • WrestlemeElmo says:

      This. Next. Please.

  4. Bernard says:

    How is ‘Crapper 3:16’ even a legitimate wordplay? The least we could have had was ‘Ass-Tin’, or maybe ‘Potsin’ (probably misspelt ‘Pautsin’ by fans). Shows how lucky we are to have Goldust and Stardust at the moment, it might be a bit silly but at least it kind of makes sense and resulted in a tag title run.

  5. Crapper 3:16 says:

    Far be it from me to call Steve Austin a liar, but if the porta-potty was full of crap as he claimed, wouldn’t said crap be spilling or at least seeping out after it was tipped over?

  6. Mister Forth says:

    At least Austin found a way to avoid having to wrestle a man that was dressed like that.

  7. Down With OPC says:

    Big Show similarly did this, but it was dragged out over several years.

    • TheGreat31 says:

      The several years being the time it took him to make it to the ring.

      Legend has it, he flip-flopped between face and heel more than a hundred times along the way.

  8. John C says:

    It would really be an interesting psychological study on Vince to find out his fascination with all matters of fecal situations. Port a poopers, poop showers, bathroom antics galore. Should one man be all that interested in this subject? If only to explore the bowels of his mind and to find once and for all, what can brown do for you Vince.

  9. Anonymous says:

    How did I not remember this?

    Also, regarding the construction site clip, given McMahon’s reaction I’m going to have to assume that’s a dude because the only other time I’ve seen him make that face was on the WBF.

  10. Mike says:

    Has The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust been inducted? If so could we get that as a classic induction?

  11. Glen Notaro says:

    I was there for this. Was a hot crowd at the Nassau Coliseum. I miss those days where the crowd would be hot before and during the show.

  12. Ze Frenchie says:

    Arnold Skaaland in a hard hat? Isn’t it Humperdinck?

    • Matt S. says:

      Both I think. The Dink’s definitely there.

      Also, it was “red liquid.” As Tony “voice of WCW” Schiavone kept saying.

      ANYBODY still wonders why WCW died? Really?

    • Adam says:

      Humperdink’s in the blue helmet, Arnie got’s a white one.

  13. Gabe says:

    Dustin sold the shit out of this.

  14. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Poor Dustin. Poor, poor Dustin…

  15. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Vince is completely unconvincing in being impressed by that lady…

  16. Crapper 3:16 (Geoff) says:

    Crapper 3:16 says thats the bottom because Port a potty stinks so. There really is a better joke for this but I can’t think of one at the moment and it’s not because I’m full of it. Brown doesn’t do anything for me.

  17. M says:

    I just got done watching that Raw last Monday, and it was a solid show with a good Shawn/Owen main event. Can’t say that about most Raw’s today that just put me to sleep.

  18. John Q Occupier says:

    Didn’t GimpDust (for want of a better name for that awful green get up) turn up in one of the Acclaim WWE games as an unlockable?

  19. CF says:

    “Gimpdust”….

    http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/221/868/cannot_be_unseen.jpg …. 😛

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