INDUCTION: Finlay & Little Bastard vs. The Boogeymen – Yep, Just as Dumb as It Sounds

44 Submitted by on Thu, 20 April 2017, 20:00

WWE, 2007

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it, but of late, I’ve been rather disillusioned with pro wrestling.  WWE in particular feels amazingly bland to me; while I love to watch AJ Styles, everything else is just, for a lack of a better term, blah.  Promos are generally awful, feeling as though they are written and performed for third graders; commentary is arguably the worst it has ever been; and the in-ring action, while arguably more athletic than perhaps I’ve ever seen, just seems…inconsequential.  New characters aren’t connecting with me; if I never see another Baron Corbin match again, for instance, I’ll be a happy guy.  Wins and losses mean nothing, and watching a three-hour Raw isn’t so much enjoyable as it is a war of attrition.  

So I decided earlier this week to go back 10 years and see what WWE of a decade ago was like.
 

I got this.
 
Maybe watching Gallows and Anderson take on Enzo and Cass for the 45th straight week in a row wasn’t so bad after all.  Heck, they can even shove that stupid commercial where Enzo is acting like he’s going to fornicate with a bucket of KFC down my throat again if they want.
 
It has to be better than this.
 
Seriously, where to even begin.  
 
 
 
What?  Are you here to plug your new book?  The one where a WWE official told you that no one would find you attractive enough to sleep with (allegedly)?  
 
Anyway, you’re just distracting me from the task at hand.
 
 
Should I start by attempting to explain that Hornswoggle wasn’t always known by that name, but was originally dubbed “Little Bastard”?  Question: did that ever make it to an action figure status?  
 
 
I know when Austin Powers had their line at Toys R Us, the character known as “Fat Bastard” somehow became “Fat Man.”  I’d totally pay top dollar for a Hornswoggle figure listed as “Little Man.”
 
I’m far from a fan of JBL (and I cannot even fathom that we’ve been subjected to his horrible commentary for the last ten years), but it’s hard not to feel for the guy as he explains to the audience that Finlay’s small partner is a leprechaun, and that his parents were not named “Mr. & Mrs. Bastard.”  Further, he has a fear of midgets.  When Michael Cole says, “Listen to yourself” and you find your head nodding in agreement, you kinda know where we’re starting for this match.
 
It gets worse.
 
Seriously, I wrote that about a wrestler named “Little Bastard”, a midget with a fear of midgets, and I can somehow write “It gets worse” with no sense of hyperbole.  How?
 
 
Because THIS guy is involved in the match as well.  While newer readers may not know of the legendary Boogeyman, anyone who lived through his miraculous WWE run certainly does.  But question for those of your who witnessed it in all its glory: how, precisely, would you even describe the guy?  
 
Here’s my best attempt: “a gyrating muscle man who crawled out of the backstage area with a clock in his mouth, one which he smashed into his head.  Also, he was one of the dirt worst guys in the ring you ever did see.  Did I mention that he eats worms?  Because he did!  HA HA HA!”  
 
Think you can do better?  Give it a shot in the comments below and if anyone can top my synopsis, I’ll send you $10 Paypal.  I may even offer you a job, who knows.  
 
Amazingly, neither a dwarf with midgetphobia nor a clock smashing worm eater were the strangest (or stupidest, take your pick) entities in this match.  No no.  That would go to THIS MAN…
 
 
…Little Boogeyman!  Yes, an incredibly, amazingly paunchy midget dressed up in his best Boogeyman garb.  Someone thought this was a good idea.  For the record, it wasn’t me.  Still, looking at this screen grab brings me joy: you have the woman on the right who looks completely horrified; the guy in the white baseball hat completely gobsmacked; the dude over the midget’s right shoulder looking on lovingly; and the guy to his left, who is taking what is no doubt the first ever picture of the back of Little Boogeyman’s head with one of those old disposable film cameras.
 
My love for pro wrestling may have just been renewed.
 
 
To the actual match we go, and as was described, Little Bastard immediately hides under the ring, in abject fear of his equally diminutive competitor this evening.  That or maybe he’d seen Boogeyman actually wrestle before and decided that discretion was the better part of valor.  Can’t say as I blame him.
 
 
And poor Fit.  Man, the guy does his best but working with this big stiff there’s just not a whole lot you can do.  So he takes some awful looking chops and punches, a kick right in smack-dab in the face, and a body slam.  Just when he has to think it cannot possibly get worse, Little Boogey decides to enter the fray.
 
And let me tell you, he makes Big Boogey look like the second coming of Ric Flair.
 
  
First, he gives us an Earthquake splash so horrible that I nearly didn’t even post it out of respect for my late friend John Tenta.  I can only hope that as Quake is looking on from above he can at least chuckle sharing the same thought I have currently – that Little Boogey may have a full load in his trousers.
 
 
Now that I think about it, though, that’s not funny.  That’s just gross.  I can only imagine what a diaper full of worm feces would smell like.  
 
Sorry, Quake.  You deserve better.
 
 
Apparently Finlay feels the same, as he kicks the poor little creature in the head as hard as he possibly can.  I’m not one to condone stiff shots like that, but, well, if I were to ever make an exception, this here just may be the case.
 
 
Next we get some “comedy”, as Finlay unleashes a pun-filled attack.  We get a small package!  A short arm clothesline!  A short arm scissors!  Are you laughing?  You should be, because the announcers are telling us that they are having fun!  
 
Speaking of, is there anything more asinine than when today’s horrible WWE commentary crew tells you they are having fun or the WWE Universe is having fun or that the guys in the ring are having fun?  
 
Legit every time they say that I think to myself, “Do I REALLY have nothing better to do in this world than listen to people blatantly lie to me?”
 
 
So Finlay tosses Little Boogey as JBL gleefully cheers on what can only be considered as abject bullying.  Whodathunkit.  Once on the floor, Bastard drags Little Boogey under the ring.  Finlay goes out to get him, looks under the ring, and…
 
 
…full sized Boogey emerges.  
 
And I once more find myself asking if I have nothing better to do in this world.
 
 
Quiet you.
 
Finlay takes his foe back into the ring for more horrendosity.  You thought the chops and punches were bad before?  You ain’t seen nothing yet.  Boogey winds up trapped in the ropes, before emerging with this maneuver.
 
 
 
So yeah, if you ever wanted to know where Dean Ambrose came up with the WACKY LINE, that would be your answer.  I can only assume that someone in WWE just figured this out and that’s why he’s in the doghouse now.  That or they’re just ticked that someone they view as homely (Vince: “he’s no Jinder Mahal – that dude is JACKED!”) is married to Renee Young.  Take your pick.
 
 
Eventually, Big Boogey chases the Bastard outside the ring.  As much as he was afraid of little people, Bastard was apparently much more terrified of giant people, so he ran for the hills as fast as his tiny legs could carry him.
 
 
This distraction, however, was enough for Finlay to grab his stick and play Whack-a-Midget and KO Little Boogey for the pin.  Again, I’m not one to approve of wanton violence, but if it ends this awful match, so be it.  In fact, I dare say I could watch that 1.5 second loop for at least an hour straight.
 
Which is more than I could say for another Nia Jax match.
 
Congrats, 2007 – you just proved your superiority by way of one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen.  I don’t even know how that’s possible.
 
Oh wait, yes I do.
 
 
Thanks, Fit!

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44 Responses to "INDUCTION: Finlay & Little Bastard vs. The Boogeymen – Yep, Just as Dumb as It Sounds"
  1. John Silva says:

    So wait. NO mention of the fact that this match was on a PAY-PER-VIEW? The fact that on a limited three hour PPV, THIS match was on the card. Worse yet, this was before the Network, so people paid $40 to watch this atrocity……

    • #OPC says:

      And it was almost going to happen at WrestleMania 23 as well, as sort of an homage to Hillbilly Jim/Haiti Kid/Little Beaver vs. King Kong Bundy/Little Tokyo/Lord Littlebrook from Mania III.

  2. CF says:

    The only occasion I can think of where Midgets Actually Made Wrestling Better was when WCW aired an Eight-Man Masked Mexican Midget Wrestler event.

    I want to find a video of it, for no other reason than Larry Zbyszko delivering one of the best lines a commentator has ever delivered on such a patently lu[cha]dicrous match….

    • Adam says:

      There was also the Doink + midgets vs Jerry Lawler + midgets match at Survivor Series94. A real guilty pleasure and the only entertaining midget match in WWE history

    • Fire@thetime says:

      I know that the great Bobby Heenan had the line, when all the mini-luchas were flipping all around… “this looks like a riot in a day care center.” Bobby was the greatest ever!

  3. Will Black says:

    The Boogeyman, a creature of nightmares… just not the one’s Creative had hoped. The feel-good story of Tough Enough turned abysmal schlock character, The Boogeyman, whose diet consisted of live members of the Lumbricus terrestris species, would take to the ring on all-fours, bearing a Flava-Flav-sized clock in his mandible. Upon springing upright, The Boogeyman (or Boogey, if your cool) would smash said clock on his head and maneuver to the squared-circle in a way reminiscent of Mick Jagger in the throws of an epileptic seizure.

    Lo there, do I see my nightmare made flesh. The Boogeyman: the worst of both gimmicks and talent in wrestling.

  4. Fred says:

    Boogeyman: WWE promoted him as as the manifestation of all of a person’s fears. He was. He was everything a wrestling fan fears: terrible ring work, terrible comedy, a gimmick that people can point to when they ask “why do you watch that crap?” Yet somehow, despite being everything that a wrestling fan should revile, Boogeyman worked. Sort of. He was kinda over…maybe?

  5. Cpt SuckePunch says:

    How to describe boogeyman, he was the guy that made me ashamed that some people knew I liked wrestling.
    Was far from the only one. This is around the time of Julian Hall with the face growth, goddamn hornswoggle, Mordecai (thank god he fucked off quickly), Palmer Cannon introducing the juniors division (some of them were fine granted, the shame came from the thing about the juniors were that they were different, therefore meant to be laughed at), Kizarny. Geez did sd! suck hard at times.
    Then again, raw had Kevin Federline…So good god, sd! it is.

  6. Brownie_the_3rd says:

    As terrible as he was, I still have a soft spot for the Boogeyman. He was lumped with this truly terrible gimmick but threw himself 110% into it and I can respect that.

  7. Christopher Haydu says:

    “Boogeyman was kind of over… Maybe?”

    I think it all depends on what wrestling fans will tolerate. Triple H and John Cena have been over for fifteen years. Should they be promoted or should they be buried because smart fans generally do not respect them? I’m sure WWE will promote whatever they think will make money, which explains Boogey’s push, even though the guy was a walking emergency room bill.

    Nonetheless, I think the character was fun. Boogeyman wasn’t a stupid character like Hornswoggle, one that was easy to get mad at. I think if Boogey didn’t have so many injuries and had more time, maybe the matches could’ve gotten better. Either way, it wasn’t like a character like that was ever going to be world champion, and it isn’t like other guys were buried in order to get him over. So, it makes it easier to laugh at the Boogeyman instead of focusing too much on his wrestling ability.

  8. Cameron A. says:

    Boogeyman: Marty Wright debuted on WWE television in 2004 as one of eight finalists competing in the $1,000,000 Tough Enough. Wright blatantly lied about his age, was disqualified from the competition, yet ended up receiving a WWE developmental deal. Wright’s gimmick upon cracking WWE’s roster in 2005 was that The Boogeyman was a castoff from a UPN show. Boogeyman found his niche in angles not grounded enough in reality to feature Kane. Before Ryback and The Miz established themselves, Boogeyman was the most successful talent from $1,000,000 Tough Enough despite not doing much besides turning the lights red, gyrating, then eating worms and/or Jillian Hall’s mole. In sum, Boogeyman is the Bizarro World DDP.

    • Guest says:

      “yet ended up receiving a WWE developmental deal.”

      Which is still less bad than the guys (and girls) who did win Tough Enough and lasted less than 5 years in the company.

  9. Thomas says:

    In the last year, ive had lower back surgery to fix a ruptured disk. My level of physical activity is somewhat limited; I can’t really run very far, I can’t (or rather, shouldn’t) lift anything over twenty pounds, and I’m dealing with ongoing issues with my legs as a result of the pinched nerve from the bad disk.

    What does that all mean?

    It means that in my present physical state, I am confident that I could run the ropes far better than Little Boogey ever could.

  10. Adam says:

    I don’t know if “lovingly” is the right word for wide-eyed guy… maybe ‘high as a kite’. I tried the same thing, but it didn’t help watching the pay-per-view back in the day. (My own fault, No Way Out shows were predominantly garbage most years.)

  11. Mighty Vastardikai says:

    The Boogeyman was a guy who really wanted to get into Sports Entertainment. So much so, he lied about his age in an attempt to join Tough Enough. Despite the setback of his age being revealed, the fact that he’d do anything to get his dream job led to his gimmick. He took to the character like a duck takes to water. Unfortunately, he took to the ring work like a duck takes to fast drying cement. He is most fondly remembered in the front office for his tangential role in getting Cornette removed from WWE for over a decade. The Boogeyman, ladies and gentlemen: Nobody Loved Him. Everybody Hated Him.

    • Guest says:

      Santino had more to to with Cornette getting removed from WWE….though that would’ve happened at some point given the shit he had to put up with from Laurinitis and Stephanie McMahon (by proxy).

      • Mighty Vastardikai says:

        I agree. Boogeyman wasn’t the fire that caused the disaster at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory. He was merely the locked doors.

        What I’m saying is, his presence alone didn’t end the run of Jim Cornette. But it made a bad situation worse.

  12. Unbeliever says:

    When watching the Boogeyman I always had the feeling that some “creative” head tried to make him a totally twisted Bizarro version of Dennis Rodman the wrestler. Instead of being named “The Worm” he ate them, instead of coloring his hair he colored his face, instead of Flava-Flavs sunglasses he had Flava-Flavs clock, and so on.

  13. Sean Bateman says:

    This was a little worse than King Booker & his Nitro Girl wife Queen Sharmell vs Boogeyman.

  14. Caveman says:

    “I’d totally pay top dollar for a Hornswoggle figure listed as “Little Man.””

    Wasn’t that what he was referred to when he was a member of DX? D- Generation X members even mentioned him on several occasions around a decade earlier. I guess D-Generation X were really some sort of religious cult that believed in the prophecy of the one that would bring Balance to DX, thus I guess “Little Man” was the “Little Ani” of DX.

  15. Adam Wright says:

    The Bogeyman was like Memphis Wrestlings Hugo Simpson who somehow broke free.

    or

    The Schlock Master.

  16. Gerard Holden says:

    ya know something often wondered how the boogeyman broke clocks over his own skull and didnt you know hurt himself or break his damn head. remember watching him on smackdown pin somebody…dont even remember who the hell it was he had beaten…and he just hadto spit a mouthful of wormmeat all over the guy he had pinned down and i was like okayyyy thats enough of this s**t for me!! tried very hard after that to avoid watching any matches that involved boogeyman!!

  17. Enhancement Talent 3 Mark II says:

    Boogey Man: The guy who sucked so bad he made Jim Cornette slap Santino Marella.

  18. Gabe Benson says:

    So someone was watching MST3K and thought Manos: The Hands of Fate. Let’s have them walk around like Torgo

  19. Jerm says:

    Boogeyman: WWE’s answer to a question no one asked. Specifically, “What would Darth Maul look like after a months-long meth binge?”

  20. Si says:

    Thanks to that rebound… thing, the possibility now exists that the Boogeyman influenced Nigel McGuinness.

  21. Jason S says:

    Was it during this match that Finlay knocked out full-sized Boogeyman on the entrance way and gyrated over him? If so, shame on you for not using that bit of .giffy goodness!

    https://i.imgur.com/AgpiAap.gif

  22. Baron Von Chickenpants says:

    The Boogeyman is the product of Vince McMahon deciding that the reason Papa Shango didn’t get over was because he didn’t intermittently shove hermaphroditic invertebrates into hie pie hole between botched body slams.

  23. AK says:

    In respect to answering RD’s query as to how you would describe the Boogeyman, I think nobody genuinely can and I believe everybody genuinely can as well. Confused?

    I think the Boogeyman definitely would have fit in better during the New Generation if not the Attitude Era, especially if the character he became was the gimmick they decided to go with. However I ask everyone, when you think of the Boogeyman (not the wrestler but the actual um..creature I guess) does what the WWE packaged together come to mind? I’d like to think nobody beyond WWE creative would have created the Boogeyman character like they did. You could ask the late Ray Combs or Steve Harvey to survey 100 people about what a Boogeyman is and you would likely get 100 different answers.

    I see this as a missed opportunity as the WWF, referring to New Generation/Attitude Era times where they could have subtly asked the fans/general public what they thought a Boogeyman looks like. They could have created the character based on fan input. No idea whether it would have been better than what the Boogeyman actually became but I think it would have been a unique way to introduce the character.

    Plus who the WWF chose to play the character could have gone a long way in determining just how over the gimmick could get. I think Marty Wright was young enough in the 90s and I couldn’t imagine his wrestling ability being any worse than it was when he actually did become the character, so he could have been boogeying it up well before he lied about his age on a televised reality competition before getting a job anyways. I think before he became prominent becoming Kane, Glen Jacobs would have been my pick to be the Boogeyman but who knows if that would have been just another failed gimmick on his resume.

    As for Little Boogeyman, that’s much easier to answer. I’d like to think he was formed from the mole on Jillian Hall’s face. Would that make her its mother? Sure why not. She and Boogie would have made a good couple.

  24. Guest says:

    “I nearly didn’t even post it out of respect for my late friend John Tenta.”

    Not to ding you on this but this wouldn’t anymore disrespectful than the repeated use of “midget” in the induction.

  25. Guest says:

    “Do I REALLY have nothing better to do in this world than listen to people blatantly lie to me?”

    I would think they would unless of course the fans are paying their four bits to be miserable and in turn make a match or a show even just as miserable.

  26. BigGoldBelt says:

    He’s clock breakin’
    Body gyratin’
    Worm eatin’
    Leprechaun beatin’
    Woooo, son of a gun!

  27. Jeb Bush says:

    (Vince: “he’s no Jinder Mahal – that dude is JACKED!”) — huh

    I want to like every person who puts their body on the line to *try* to entertain us and I did like Boogey at the time, but good God was he awful looking back. The gimmick was even worse.

  28. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Hornswoggle made me embarrassed to be a wrestling fan… is he eligible for his own individual induction?

  29. Overdrive says:

    I think I was mildly amused by The Boogeyman once. Interestingly enough, it was another angle featuring Finlay and LB (although he might have been Hornswoggle by then). The “Who Is Mr. McMahon’s Son” deal, where he came up from behind Vince while singing (or making a hilariously bad attempt to sing while in his character’s voice) Cat In the Cradle.

    I’m not going to incriminate myself by disclosing my level of intoxication, but I might have laughed for 5 minutes straight at how ludicrous that scene was.

  30. Larry says:

    No one would find AJ attractive enough to sleep with? Was the WWE official blind or just nuts? I always thought she was hot and the crazy, carefree gimmick she had only made her hotter.

  31. Brad Ace says:

    The Boogeyman: a complete lunatic with a nursery rhyme and clock fetish who consumed living annelids for yours and mine pleasure and entertainment. A face painted, gyrating shaman who was entertaining as hell but couldn’t conjure a capable wrestling maneuver whatsoever. Also, he annoyed Donald Trump and startled my wife at a convention, so bonus points to the worm munching goof.

  32. Amanda says:

    The distant cousin of bray Wyatt and the eve further distant cousin of Kane. Pretty much that cousin you don’t talk to because he eats worms.

  33. Brad Ace says:

    He’s a face painted lunatic from The Bottomless Pit (located just South of Parts Unknown) with a clock fetish and penchant for consuming live annelids for yours and mine pleasure and entertainment. He couldn’t conjure a capable match but man, that shambling nursery rhyme spouting shaman was an entertaining bastard. Also he annoyed Donald Trump and startled my wife at a convention, so bonus boogey points

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