INDUCTION: MTV Beach Brawl – Who Will Be KING OF THE BEACH?

39 Submitted by on Thu, 29 September 2016, 20:00

mtvwcwbb-0

WCW-MTV Special, 1999

When MTV first hit airwaves, I was a plucky twelve year old kid, and while I wasn’t around on day one for the initial broadcast, you can bet I spent hours upon hours with my eyeballs stapled to the set.  Those early days…man, those were some good times.  It’s there that I learned that I had but one goal in life, with “I want to be SIMON LEBON!” being my first ever-catchphrase.

Can you believe that didn’t catch on?

AJLee

Whatever.

Simon rocked it, especially in that white leather jacket he sported in The Reflex.

mtvwcwbb-01

In fact, he rocked it, ROCKED IT I SAY, so unbelievably hard that I literally begged my Mom to get me a similar jacket.  And because she loved her son for whatever reason, she went to the mall and asked folks at various stores to help her find one.

She never did.

But simply being willing to go to clerks and ask for something so unbelievably absurd (“See my fat kid over there?  Can you get him a white leather jacket?  He thinks it will turn him into the Rio guy or something”) is something that I remember vividly now, well over 30 years later.  I mean, I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night, but I can tell you it was right before I entered my freshman year of high school (I wanted so bad to wear that in the first day of fall!) and I was at Northgate Mall in Cincinnati when she attempted said purchase.  And I’ll always think she was the greatest mom ever just for trying to get it for me.

THAT is the kinda impact MTV made on my life.

Over the years, the network determined that just showing videos for 24 hours straight, day after day, year after year, wasn’t really something that was going to be feasible long term.  Whether that is right or wrong is all up to who you want to listen to, but over the years, MTV came up with some great stuff, goofball shows like Beavis and Butthead and Remote Control, which introduced Blade to his life long love, Kari Wuhrer.

mtvwcwbb-02

Hair like that needs to come back IMMEDIATELY.

MTV of course also had a history with pro wresting, being the location for the initial Cyndi Lauper/Lou Albano altercations.  I want to say that was likely my first real introduction to pro wrestling, and while I didn’t jump onboard fully with the WWF at that moment as a massive time drain on my life, it certainly got things moving in that direction.  Consider it a gateway drug.

SPEAKING OF drugs (because whoever came up with what we’re about to discuss was obviously hepped up on goofball), let’s jump right into today’s induction – WCW BEACHBRAWL!

mtvwcwbb-03

If you’ve never heard of this event, don’t you worry!  That’s what old Uncle RD is here for, to introduce you to absurd wrestling matches and characters that you never ever wanted to even know about it.  It’s a lot harder to find obscure crap than it was in WrestleCrap’s early days (when folks geeked out over a couple of screen grabs of the Shockmaster falling through a wall that a grabbed off a third hand VHS copy), but thanks to fine friends of the site such as Karlifornia Infiri on Facebook, I can still deliver such nonsense.

Nonsense such as WCW Wrestlers Battling for the KING OF THE BEACH CROWN!

And yessir, it’s WCW in the Nitro Nineties, and you know what that means!

THE NITRO GIRLS!

And it must have been during budget cuts, as we only get three of them.

On the plus side, they appear to be doing the funky chicken.

mtvwcwbb-04

YOU GO GIRLS!  CLUCK YOUR HEARTS OUT!

Over to the broadcast booth we go, and we are introduced to our commentators for the evening.  Those of you expecting Tony Schiavone, Larry Z, Bobby Heenan or any of the rest of the normal crew are in for a shock, as we get the trio of…

mtvwcwbb-04

Raven, Jimmy Hart, and KID ROCK!

Did Dusty Rhodes drag his old Battle Bowl Lethal Lottery Randomizer out of the mothballs to come up with this threesome?

Rock takes the lead commentator role, explaining that in mere moments, six of the fastest, most high flying tough guy wrestlers are going to get in the ring for a battle royale (“with cheese!” Raven adds).  He further tells us that the winner is going to be “the last mean mother…” standing when the music stops.  Before my mind could properly calibrate the awesomeness of Alex Wright and Disco Inferno in a no holds barred battle of musical chairs, Jimmy Hart introduces us to Fear Factory, a musical group who will be playing various songs while this pro wrestling match is taking place.

Well, that’s RD Reynolds’ version: “a musical group who will be playing various songs while this pro wrestling match is taking place.”

Kid Rock’s version was I think a bit more hip: “we got a slammin’ band who is going to lay down a beat while the wrestlers are taking a beatin’.”

mtvwcwbb-05

Silver tongued antics like that are why Kid Rock once fornicated with Pamela Anderson while I never did.

Word.

mtvwcwbb-06

Jimmy explains just what is on the line in this encounter, the coveted Beach Brawl trophy, which is right up there with the Bill Fralic Memorial Award (for the winner of the WrestleCrap Fantasy Football League) in the worst designed mementos in history field.  Jimmy tosses it to Raven to discuss what it’s like to be in a battle royal, and Raven blathers on about some forgotten Bruce Willis movie before just kinda going silent.

I am not one to cast any aspersions, but I think Scott Levy may just be totally doped up here.  Judge for yourself.

mtvwcwbb-07

Next up we get an interview with Fear Factory, the highlight of which is them giving the most noncommittal response to being wrestling fans you have ever, ever heard.  This is followed up with the announcer asking the guys who they think is going to win.  “Mysterio,” the Mexican looking member proclaims.  When quizzed why, he answers as you would expect him to: “because he’s Mexican.

ONTO THE MATCH!

mtvwcwbb-08

Kid Rock introduces us to the various combatants as the Nitro Girls paw all over him.  Wait a tick…isn’t that Whisper?  You know, Shawn Michaels’ wife?

mtvwcwbb-09

Why it sure is!  I’d like to think this is where Shawn first noticed her, on MTV while she was staring at Kid Rock’s junk while he drunkenly mispronounces “hurricanrana.”

Anyway, Rock tells us that the guys in the match will be Chris Jericho, Chavo Jr., Saturn, Hugh Morrus, Rey Mysterio, and Billy Kidman while Raven serenades us with 80s German pop synth karaoke.

What?  You thought I was making that up just to see if you were still paying attention?

Next you’re probably going to think I am making up him telling us how sexy Perry Saturn is or about when the first time he met Chavo they were shopping for underwear at Goodwill.  (I’d also point out that Jimmy Hart thought that Chavo and Eddie were brothers, but seriously, that’s like the last of the issues we’re facing today.)

mtvwcwbb-10

Again, I think ol’ Scotty may just be a bit tanked.

Finally…finally…it’s time for this pro wrestling match to begin.

Wait, sorry, that’s my lingo again.

Kid Rock: “Ok, Fear Factory, make like Jenna Jameson’s in front of you and hit it!”

Maybe I was wrong earlier and it wasn’t Shawn Michaels watching this but rather Tito Ortiz?

mtvwcwbb-12

Nearly immediately, we get high spots a plenty as Fear Factory plays a delightful ditty (read: screams unintelligibly into their microphones).  The most comical part is Jimmy attempting to call the action like a normal match while all this insanity is going on.  Pretty obvious that someone decided this was likely to get completely out of hand so they optioned in the poor Mouth as the chaperone.

And honestly, it’s less a match and more a video game.  Like, remember the first time you played WCW vs nWo World Tour’s battle royal mode with your buddy’s in four player action?  And you just kept running around doing flips and hitting Hogan with a power bomb 45 time in a row as you had thrash metal playing on your CD player?

mtvwcwbb-13

Same thing here.

And probably like Raven here, you probably also got bored at some point and asked your buddies what you were really going to do that night to have fun instead of wasting your life with this crap.

mtvwcwbb-14

Except, you know, you were talking to Phil from your accounting class and not Kid Rock.

mtvwcwbb-15

The match comes to a merciful end with Jericho eliminating Rey for the win as Fear Factory continues blaring with no end in sight.  If you are wondering why I don’t have a fancy animated GIF of the finish, well, Rey crotching himself on the top rope then kinda falling out of the ring didn’t seem worthy of my precious bandwidth.

So Jericho gets the award from, as Chris calls him, “Rock Kid” and then starts to go into a fantastic victory speech about Martha Quinn and Adam Curry.  I’m not sure if these tears I have right now are from me laughing so hard at that joke or the sudden realization that no one in 1999 probably got that joke, let alone now, 17 years later.  Man I am old.

And lest you be worried that a trophy in wrestling could be presented without being destroyed…

mtvwcwbb-14

…Saturn shows back up to not only demolish it but also throw it into the ocean.

Sadly Jericho doesn’t do a big cannonball dive into the water to save it.

Somewhere Kevin Nash was no doubt shaking his head.

 

Written by

Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
39 Responses to "INDUCTION: MTV Beach Brawl – Who Will Be KING OF THE BEACH?"
  1. Christian says:

    I thought this was going to be the WCW-MTV special where each wrestler was
    represented by a rock band, and instead of matches, fans were supposed to call in to vote on the winner, based on the band.
    It started pouring down rain, and Raven started telling fans to vote for his opponent so he could just go home.
    The finale was DDP (represented by Nirvana) vs. Raven (I forget his band, maybe Pearl Jam).
    That special really needs to be inducted! I actually watched that debacle.

    • Caveman says:

      I knew of the Beach Brawl, but not of that. What was it called?
      Also, there was another one of these, I think called WCW Snowbrawl. It was like the Beach Brawl just in some ski resort in the winter.
      Were there any more such WCW/MTV Specials? They probably all need to be inducted.

    • G.M.Spectre says:

      Other highlights of that show included Raven not giving a shit, Sick Boy successfully trolling Carson Daly (Sick Boy: “So David Bowie, what song does he play?” Carson: “…..”) a “Free Ric Flair” chant that rung out with horrible VJ Jesse Camp trying to join in (this was around the time Ric Flair was off TV for some reason, and that was a protest chant that was popular at the time)

  2. Unknown says:

    This is the moment when Raven decided to leave WCW; I’m sure of it. Jericho was probably thinking “Yeah, give me a trophy. Screw you guys; I’m going to the WWF.”

  3. Sean Bateman says:

    I call this induction and raise you the winter one that WCW & MTV did, Deal.

  4. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    The Jericho victory speech link appears to be down.

  5. Brian says:

    The WCW-MTV special that rained was from 1998. In Seattle. It rains often there.

    These two WCW-MTV specials should be on the next edition of The Death of WCW.

  6. C. Peter Roberts says:

    Simon LeBon’s jacket *and* Kari Wuhrer? You, sir, are a man after my own heart/demographic.

  7. mfm420 says:

    jimmy hart being here made sense for a couple of reasons:

    he did have a music background (even if it did predate mtv)

    they needed someone sober to call this (nobody has jimmy hart drug or booze story, guy’s just high on life, it seems. hell, its why according to lawler’s book, when jerry was making his album (that i think needs to be in here somewhere if it hasn’t already) he and jimmy got friendly since they were the only 2 in the studio not into drugs or booze)

    also, Somewhere Kevin Nash was no doubt shaking his head (and tearing a quad)

    hooray, lame nash quad joke 🙂

  8. Alexandru says:

    Kid Rock was involved? That automatically makes it terrible. Though I’ll give WCW for trying something different

  9. TheOneManChainGang says:

    Good induction as always. Its amazing that 15 years since going out of business, and 16 years since this site was started, there is still plenty of Wrestlcrap to be found within WCW’s, relatively short, history

  10. Paul Sebert says:

    Does anyone else remember that other WCW MTV special? The one where they were going to have a outdoor wrestling tournament but there was a rain storm so they had to cancel all the wrestling. So it was just two hours of wrestlers asking viewers to vote on their favorite videos. Including poor Ultimo Dragon who barely spoke English. “Please vote Salt and Pepper…”

  11. Geoff says:

    Beavis and butthead are the reason I stopped watching MTV. As good as it was, it didn’t belong. MTV isn’t MTV without music videos. I just couldn’t get enough. When I first saw MTV the first video I ever saw played was Dire Straits: Money for Nothing. I fell in love. Those were the days when MTV was really Music Television. Now what they have is all the millenial reality TV crap. Then came VH1. Then Vh1 got taken over by MTV. Then Vh1 went from music videos to reality TV crap. Need I go on and say more. Then there was The Bo and Much Music. It was the Bay Areas version of MTV because people needed more music and music videos. Then those too died. I was saddened. Now the only music videos you can get are on Youtube and called Vevo. There is also Vh1 classic but those play music videos few and far between. Good times my friends. Good times. How does the phrase go: I want…. my… M…T..VVVVVVV!!!! Wasn’t Jeannine Garafolo an early MTV VJ as well?

  12. Geoff says:

    Ooops. Meant to say The Box

  13. #OPC says:

    Is that Northgate Mall still open?

  14. Raging_Demons says:

    I think we got the origin of how WSX was created. All it needed was a Bling Ladder

  15. Mike M. says:

    I want Jericho to reference this in his promos. “I”m the first ever undisputed WWE champion. I’m the first ever WCW Beach Brawl champion…”

  16. Caveman says:

    The Rock sure looked like a skinny white guy back when he was a kid.

  17. Jimbolian says:

    Ahhh….the good ol’ daze of late 90s/early 2000s nu-metal. I’m a Fear Factory fan, but those songs they played are definitely not their best in their catalog. If there was a music version of Wrestlecrap, I would induct Fear Factory’s nu-metal phase.

  18. Philip says:

    Back when MTV at least pretended to have music on their programming…

  19. El Atomico says:

    tell you what, this was a helluva lotta fun at the time.

  20. Kev says:

    Kid Rock missed his true calling as a wrestling commentator.

  21. Erich says:

    “Silver tongued antics like that are why Kid Rock once fornicated with Pamela Anderson while I never did.”

    I’m sure it’s not too late for you to have a shot with either Pam or Kid Rock.

    Not judging either way…

  22. Deathedge says:

    Debating in my head if Raven just didn’t give a shot, was offered a some of Kid Rock’s stash and just couldn’t turn it down, or both.

    Kinda mind blowing seeing Kid Kash making a WCW appearance here, considering just a year later WCW was using a cover of Cowboy for Jeff Jarrett while WWF was using the actual American Badass song for Undertaker.

  23. whorefinder says:

    To me, Raven is one of the all-time “why didn’t he become bigger” guys.

    Brilliant in-ring psychology, unique gimmick that worked for him, charisma, and brains—Raven had a lot going for him. His “flock” in WCW and his feud there with Benoit were great viewing (at first, until it seemed like Benoit would never be allowed to beat them). But he seems allergic to doing what needs to be done for the main events of big promotions, and seems content to have been an indie star.

    • Don Townsend says:

      he’s a guy that needs to have creative freedom to make his character work at full potential. the perfect example is the mid 90s run in ECW. he was allowed to do pretty much whatever he wanted and he was by far the most charismatic wrestler in the company.

      goes to WCW, and they only wanted him because he was big in ECW. it looked promising at first but eventually he transformed into a joke character before leaving for WWF. once there, it was obvious they didn’t get what he was supposed to be about. relegated to pushing a cart full of weapons around like a homeless person.

      My cousin not having watched ECW thought Raven’s gimmick was that he stunk. As in never bathed. That’s the perception WWF was sending out about Raven. His ECW gimmick was perfect for the era and slightly ahead of the curve of the Attitude Era. But once the industry adapted to ECW’s style Raven didn’t stand out as much and almost not at all once he was shuffled off into the crowd.

      If handled right, Raven could have been one of the biggest stars of the Monday Night Wars. Could have been politics, could have been the fact he was an “ECW guy” that jumped ship before that became fashionable. Great gimmick, great talker, great mind for the business. Just didn’t get the proper push in the big 2.

      • Knyte says:

        Well, WCW never knew what to do with anyone not in the Main Event scene. And, I think Vince was still a bit bitter at Raven leaving a coosh backstage position with the company because he wanted to wrestle, and not be a suit. So, when there was nowhere left to go, they took him and let him flounder in the low-mid cards, and pretty much just be a curtain jerker, or warm body to fill pointless hardcore battle royal matches.

  24. CF says:

    Forget Fear Factory — they needed a repeating reel of Queen’s “Radio Ga-Ga”.

    Because let’s face it: WCW had the time, they had the power, they’d yet to have their finest hour….

    >;)

  25. KatieVictoriasSecret says:

    I love this induction!

    I watched this live back as a teenager and it was just as nonsensical and ridiculous as it seems. The camera work was awful and you could barely hear Jimmy call the match.

    Raven when he’s out there in mouthy shoot interview/Scotty Flamingo mode is the best, though.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Complete garbage.

  27. Barry says:

    I like wrestling. I like Fear Factory. But one or the other, please!

leave a comment