Classic Induction: The Offices of the Hart Foundation: How Did Bret Leave THIS Out of His Book?

19 Submitted by on Wed, 19 November 2014, 15:00

WWF, 1987 

I’ve been on a Bret Hart kick of late.

That often happens when I start to find the current wrestling product a bit stale; I go back and find footage of the guy I consider to be the best technician I’ve ever seen. And with the release (well, in Canada at least), of his new book, Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling, it’s been amplified.

Oh how I love going back and watching those old matches. Bret vs. Austin. Bret vs. Shawn. Bret vs. Steamboat. When I go back and take those in again, I realize why I remained such a huge fan of the business even as crap was being shoved down my throat. Because when it’s done right, there’s nothing more entertaining than pro wrestling. And rest assured, Bret did it right.

But hey, when you are such a major wrestling star that you have a 23-story office building just to hone your craft, you probably SHOULD be the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be.

What’s that? You didn’t know that Bret, along with his tag team partner Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart and manager Jimmy Hart owned a skyscraper? Well, they did. In fact, the office of the Hart Foundation was the focal point of a “Special Investigative Report” in the first ever WWF video release of Bret’s exploits.

In charge of this in-depth look? None other than your pal and mine, “Mean Gene” Okerlund. As Gene made his way down the posh red hallway, he couldn’t help but remark that the walls were covered with “every major award of professional wrestling.” This despite the obvious fact that they actually had Broadway posters.

So either Gene is full of crap, or “Torch Song Trilogy” is, in fact, a major wrestling award.

Just as Gene Gene the BS machine is reaching his zenith, a young lady runs across the hall screaming.

Instead of perhaps following the young lass and seeing if she needs help, Gene instead just shrugs his shoulders and states, “This place is a little nuts.

Finally Gene winds up at the receptionist’s desk.

Wait, scratch that. He actually winds up at “The Bimbo’s” desk. And that’s not just me being mean – take Geno’s word for it.

Still, I guess Gene knows a bimbo when he sees one, as sure enough, she asks for Gene to spell his name.

Not Okerlund, mind you – she wants him to spell “MEAN GENE“. Maybe she thought it was Meen Jeane or something. In fact, that’s how I think I’ll spell it the rest of today.

While it would appear he doesn’t have an appointment, the bimbo is nice enough to hand Jeane off to another Hart skank.

“I’m Cherry,” she states, to which the lecherous Meen Jeane snorts, and again I quote, “Yes you are.

The pair head off on a walking tour in which he learns that the Foundation employs 200 secretaries. Jeane never bothers to ask what, precisely, 200 secretaries would do for the WWF tag team champions.

We do, however, learn that there is a shot on the wall of Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart’s father with WC Fields. Sadly, we never actually get to see the photo, but since I don’t want you to feel ripped off (especially since you are paying top dollar to read this), I’ve mocked one up.

Just call me Johnny Photoshop.

Down the hall we go, as another woman goes screaming across the hall way. Meen Jeane asks what the hell is going on, and Cherry no sells him.

Instead, she takes him to Ilsa, but not before she calls him “Mr. Green Jeans”, thus earning Cherry mad props with me for a Captain Kangaroo reference.

Ilsa, we learn, is in charge of “credentials”. Sadly, Jeane’s home made business card doesn’t pass mustard, and Ilsa escorts him back to the bimbo up front.

Undeterred, Okerlund snoops around, hearing the sounds of Jimmy Hart from behind a door. He barges in to find…

…the Harts and Danny Davis “playing with little dolls!!”

The Mouth has a conniption fit, explaining that Jeane has no right to come into their inner sanctuary. “You’re not even wearing pink!” Jimmy exclaims.

Yeah, Okerlund – what the hell is wrong with you?

Jeane finally calms the Foundation down enough that they can have a sit down interview. Jimmy explains that the Foundation isn’t playing with dolls, but are rather having a strategy session utilizing “action toys.”

Okerlund, though, is distracted by the minks around their necks.

As well he should be. That right there is a look that needs to be brought back immediately. Imagine the heat someone would get wearing THAT down to ringside.

Yet another woman goes screaming by, and Okerlund’s concern is no sold yet again. Realizing he’s getting nowhere, Jeane wraps up the interview, noting the fact that there are no workout facilities on “any of the 23 floors.”

The Mouth is quick to explain: the girls are not only secretaries, but they are “professionals”. Therefore, I guess we are to surmise that the boys stay in shape by…well…doin’ the nasty.

While Jeane is appalled by this, Bret explains that even Stu agrees with this type of therapy.

So there’s a suggestion for all you out there clinging to that New Year’s resolution – just sex yourself back into shape.

After all, Stu lived to be 88; and he did have 12 kids.

If it worked for Stu, it can work for you!

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
19 Responses to "Classic Induction: The Offices of the Hart Foundation: How Did Bret Leave THIS Out of His Book?"
  1. Art0Donnell says:

    Never mind the skyscraper office building. How many apartment buildings can the Hart Foundation own?

  2. BANG!BANG! says:

    Classic Awesomeness.

  3. No Pants Mafia says:

    Small request: I wish the article showed the original date of publication. This is one of the few Classic Inductions I don’t remember.

    The idea of the Hart Foundation owning a sky scrapper amuses me immensely.

    • Prashant says:

      I remember back then I was a huge E&C fan when they had that We reek of amesoweness gimmicks. They were easily one of the most entertaining tag teams I’ve ever seen and would always steal the show in those TLC matches.Later on when Christian got his hair cut, I started hating him for absolutely no reason at all, but around the beginning of 2005 he started to grow on me again like crazy. He had some of the best mic skills and solid good in-ring skill, but he was no Benoit or Angle. He was over with the fans just about everywhere. Especially when he was drafted to Smackdown.Why didn’t Vince ever give Christian the ball? Was it because he wasn’t built like Cena, Batista, and Lashley? Christian would’ve been a credible World Heavyweight/WWE Champion. The ratings would skyrocket. He was over with the mega-over with the fans. Vince seemed to push him, but it just faded away. Vince never gave Christian a chance with the title It just sickens me to even think about this all over again.I’ll miss Christian being in the WWE. I would always get so excited when he would cut a promo, but I’m glad he’s doing extremely well in TNA and getting the attention that he truly deserves.

  4. Adam Cota says:

    Given the later developments of the induction, I don’t think I wanna know why Danny Davis’s hands are under the table in the “playing with dolls” screencap…

  5. Mav says:

    Gotta love the Spaceball reference. And the Art Donovan induction is one of the funniest ever.

    Love the new site, RD. Really, really great. Thank you for keeping me sane every Friday morning.

  6. Shawn Doc Girt says:

    waiting for this to be on “Are You Serious”

  7. Alan says:

    This entire “Best of The Hart Foundation” Coliseum Video is on YouTube, & I love the line where Jeanne says that Danny Davis was suspended for life by Jack Tunney for “Total incompetence”. Thanks for posting this RD!

  8. John C says:

    They would sublet it to The York Foundation a few years later but sadly it was closed to the Wallstreet crash.

  9. Christopher Olsen says:

    I’ve never been able to look at Gene in the same way ever since I saw a shoot with a Diva I can’t remember, who said Gene’s way of asking for, umm, “sexual favors”, was to continually ask her if she “Wanted to smoke a fattie”.

  10. Drew says:

    Wonder if the employee cafeteria served Humpty’s Omelets?

  11. BaltoJim says:

    “Just as Gene Gene the BS machine is reaching his zenith, a young lady runs across the hall screaming. Instead of perhaps following the young lass and seeing if she needs help, Gene instead leaned into his (Mr.) Microphone and said, ‘Hey, good lookin’! I’ll be back later to pick you up!\'”

  12. Third String Point Guard says:

    Mean Jean Oakland. Hey, how old was I when I spelled his name that way? Six? Oh well, I think “Meen Jeane” is a better (mis)spelling anyway.

  13. Anonymous says:

    One of the all time great inductions.

  14. Mike says:

    Speaking of Mean Gene, has anyone here ever seen the old Supertape where he became the third Bushwhacker?

  15. Ray Cornwall says:

    Well, that set gender relations back 20 years…

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