Classic Induction: Big Show’s Poop Problem – Sometimes These Things Just Write Themselves

14 Submitted by on Fri, 31 May 2013, 09:15

WWE, 2003

There are times when working on this site just isn’t fun. Times when, as I look at the calendar, I realize that our new monthly deadline for new inductions is fast approaching, and I scramble to come up with ideas to present to you, my fellow Crappers. Times when, following a long day at my “real job”, I’d rather just collapse into my warm, comfy bed than scour through old stupid wrestling tapes, hoping to come up with something comical enough to post.

And then, there are times like this week, when I unearthed a big ol’ pile of WrestleCrap I couldn’t wait to write about. After all, how often do wrestling and crap really collide in a literal fashion?

Well, kids, they do this week!

It wasn’t all that long ago, but odds are, you might have already forgotten about it. The human mind tends to do that to images that it finds especially bothersome, you know, and trust me, this was MOST especially bothersome.

The setup was simple enough in a pro wrestling, racist kind of way. The villianous Big Show bumped into Eddy Guerrero backstage, and informed Latino Heat that while everyone else loved him, he didn’t like him one bit.

Let me restate that – he didn’t just not like Eddy, oh no.

He didn’t like his KIND.

So it should come as no shock that when a mild mannered BURRITO DELIVERY BOY (named Jose (last name Ole, I bet)) came to the door looking for Eddy, Big Show would give the poor guy a rough time, going so far as to knock the sombrero right off his head.

Hey, I don’t write this stuff – I just report it.

Anyway, it would appear that Jose was just trying to deliver some food to Eddy.

And that gave Big Show an idea.

An awful idea.

The Show got a wonderful, awful idea!

What he would do is spit in a burrito, and have poor Jose deliver it to Eddy. That’s right, he hocked a big old loogie right in there.

Because then, you see, EDDY WOULD EAT IT!

HE WOULD EAT BIG SHOW’S BOOGERSPIT!

Har har!

And then, just to be a true meanie, Big Show would eat the rest of the burritos!

By God, with this build up, we might have the next Hogan-Andre on our hands! Book the Silverdome now!

Show was in a delightful mood following his dastardly doings. But then…

Then he not feel so good!

Show doubled over in the ring, and ran for the shitter!

Cue the laugh track!

Cut to the CRAPPER CAM, as we see Big Show’s feet dangling beneath a stall.

You know, there are things in my life I never needed to see; Big Show’s underwear around his ankles would be amongst them.

There are also things I never needed to hear; this clip would be amongst them. 

Wow – how smart is Eddy Guerrero? Not only did he NOT eat the hocker burrito, not only did he give Big Show the poops, he also stole all the toilet paper!

Think all that is funny? Well then buckle yourselves in, because this calvacade of crap is just starting!

Next up was a wacky skit in which Eddy came down to the ring driving…get this…a SEPTIC TRUCK!

Eddy, crap hose in hand, approached his nemesis.

The poor, poor Big Show was trapped in the ring. Yes, he had NOWHERE TO GO. He couldn’t just, say, crawl out of the ring and leave through the crowd, oh no.

You see, Show had a much better idea than that. His brilliant plan was to walk TOWARDS THE TRUCK and the hose that Eddy was waving at him!

Screw you, Lanny Poffo – the Big Show’s the REAL Genius around here!

Sure enough, Eddy hosed down the Show with EXCREMENT!

Oh, the HILARITY!

Yeah, kids, sometimes I get worn out, tired, and don’t want to work on this site.

But seeing Big Show sprayed with feces makes it all worthwhile.

Written by

Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
14 Responses to "Classic Induction: Big Show’s Poop Problem – Sometimes These Things Just Write Themselves"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I love this one especially because it literally is WrestleCrap.

  2. Scott "The Man" Matias says:

    Someone should slow down the video and score it to that shitty song “tell me a lie”, that they do for every “retirement”

  3. Brian says:

    Jose Ole was in WWE? You gotta be shitting me.

  4. Mike says:

    Borrowing an appropriate quote attributed to Jim Cornette: “they had to get their shit in, even though the shit they had gotten in so far in was some pretty shitty shit!”

  5. Greg says:

    Wonder who Show pissed off to land in this predicament. Maybe he called Nipple H a slut or something and she went to daddy.

  6. Nolo King says:

    The audio clip of the Big Show and Eddie Guerrero sounds like a really fun porno, lawls!

  7. Falcdango says:

    Knowing Vince, I have to wonder what Show did to warrant this angle. Did he take a huge stinking dump, and Vince walked into the toilet, saw Big Shows shit, and said “Hey! There’s our next big storyline right there! Oh, and we’re also gonna do an angle where Eddie sprays you with shit too.”

  8. The Duke says:

    First they fake kill his father and then this.

    What the hell did Paul Wight do to deserve either of those things?

    I mean the worst thing that happened to him in WCW was being Jackhammered by Ryback…sorry, Goldberg.

  9. John Darc says:

    Man, they sure have gone to the “Big Show is a racist” well a lot over the years. I remember finding it hilariously comical when he started feuding with Sheamus, who is just the whitest of white, and Big Show still made it racial.

  10. John Darc says:

    Wait, you guys never updated from RealMedia files to something I can listen to in my browser?

  11. Lee W says:

    One of those times when wrestlecrap just gets little too literal

  12. Chris Hollywood says:

    First it was Austin and a beer truck. Then Angle and a milk truck. Then Eddie and a shit truck. Who says WWE is out of ideas now-a-days. Clearly they ran out in 2003,

  13. The Fox says:

    This is quite literally the crappiest induction on the site!

    *crickets chirping*

    … I’ll show myself out.

leave a comment