Devoted Crapper Chris Morgan writes:

Macho Man Randy Savage was a garish gentleman, but he was a man with a simple dream. He wanted us to enjoy juicy beef. He wanted us to enjoy spice. He wanted us to put snooty community theater directors in their place. And if that all could be done by somebody snapping into a Slim Jim, so much the better.

Alas, Macho Man’s dream never came true. For starters, you couldn’t really snap into a Slim Jim. Those greasy tubes of forced meat were even difficult to bite through cleanly for starters. Secondly, they did not taste of beef nor spice. It was a taste that has no comparison to any other food. It was a taste that, perhaps, has no comparison within the parameters of this universe.

You don’t have to apologize to us Macho Man. The world needs to apologize to you.

I think Randy was taking notes on how to make an entrance from the Kool-Aid Man.

Thanks for another awesome submission, Chris. They’re always appreciated!

You can check out Chris Morgan’s e-Book, his Podcast, and, if you are feeling particularly generous, his Twitter.