Headlies: WWE Unveils New Poster For Wrestlemania

17 Submitted by on Fri, 31 January 2014, 08:00


New Orleans, LA – During a press conference promoting Wrestlemania 30, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon revealed a brand new poster for the event.

“I’d like to thank the members of the international press for joining us today,” said Triple H. “We saw an exciting Royal Rumble this past Sunday and we are now using that momentum to carry the WWE all the way to New Orleans. The Road to Wrestlemania starts now and what better way to get the WWE Universe excited than with a brand new poster?”

Stephanie McMahon, removed the velvet covering from the new poster, drawing gasps from those in attendance.

The artwork for the poster was unconventional to say the least.

“With this new poster, you can clearly see how we feel about our loyal fans,” said Triple H. “While the art may be minimal, it’s the simplicity that truly makes it special. The hand signifies the unity the WWE has with it’s fans. The upturned finger represents the number one, showing the world that we are the best sports entertainment promotion on the planet.”

“We are confident that this is going to be the best Wrestlemania ever!” said McMahon.

“That’s right,” said Triple H. “While nothing is set in stone, you can expect to see Batista, Randy Orton, John Cena, The Wyatts, The Shield, Brock Lesnar, Big Show, The Rhodes Brothers, The New Age Outlaws, Big E Langston, The Usos, The Real Americans, Damien Sandow, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Kane, Ryback, The Miz, The Great Khali and, of course, the return of the Undertaker. Am I missing anyone?”

Various news reporters began chanting “Yes!” in unison.

“Nope, you mentioned everyone, honey!” said McMahon.

“Great. This one’s for the fans!” said a smiling Triple H.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
17 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Unveils New Poster For Wrestlemania"
  1. Tommy B Rude says:

    To be fair, the Daniel Bryan thing has pretty obviously been turned into a work. With that in mind, this would most certainly NOT be wrestlecrap if it were to happen.
    Now, the inevitable squashing of Bryan by HHH as ‘mania? That will be wrestlecrap.

    • James says:

      Bryan is going to be in the title match, which will be a three-way. Or so I heard.

      (Hmmmm….smark favorite put in with two Kliq, er, Evolution members, where he has a chance of breaking the glass ceiling and winning the title? And at a WrestleMania numbered with a multiple of 10? What could possibly go wrong? [Run Brie, Run! You have 3 years, it’s not too late…])

  2. Third String Point Guard says:

    Triple H – “Am I missing anyone?”

    Nipple H – “Yes. Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, Brodus Clay, Tensai, Xavier Woods, Zack Ryder, Santino Marella, Justin Gabriel, Yoshi Tatsu, Alex Riley, David Otunga. And JTG – yes, he’s still employed! They’ll be in the pre-show battle royal.”

    Triple H – “Anyone else?”

    Nipple H – “3MB and Los Matadores with El Torito, in yet another rematch highlighting their epic rivalry.”

    Triple H – “Great. This one’s for the fans!”

  3. John C says:

    As Triple H continues on in his speech, “Oh that’s right I did forget to mention on the pre-event show which will be available only on the Blu-Ray release of WrestleMania we will have a battle royal featuring our NXT superstars, The Brooklyn Brawler, Matt Striker, a kangaroo, The Yeti, Teri Runnels, Jamison, a possum, Hillbilly Jim, Ken Patera, Slick, The Conquistadors, Head and of course the most popular star in the company Hornswaggle. Thank you very much and buy the Network package.”

  4. Scrooge McSuck says:

    Is that the same middle finger from the week after the whole “HHH bangs a corpse” sketch that Triple H defended on live television and told us all to get over ourselves?

  5. James says:

    That’s not PG…

  6. Thomas Moffatt says:

    One reporter says in a hushed voice, “No-one point out he left Hornswoggle off the list of stars at Mania!!!”

  7. Big wiggle says:

    Lookes really similar to wrestlemania 27’s poster

  8. BaltoJim says:

    The next poster will be a hand making the “world’s tiniest violin” gesture.

  9. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    It’s good to see Mae Young’s son finding steady modeling work.

  10. Jeremy says:

    A middle finger? So, uh, does this mean Austin will be there?

  11. mfm420 says:

    frankly, when i clicked the link, i figured if it wasn’t that pic, it was either gonna be:

    1, hhh doggystyle over a “fan” (suggesting wwe fans just shut up and take it)


    2. a pic of all the top guys, with stevie richards face superimposed over both cm punk and daniel bryan (which in that case, stevie gets 2 wm paydays? good for him)

  12. Peter says:

    Well considering Batista is going to be headlining and he flipped off the fans at the Royal Rumble, well played.

  13. Mr Maddog says:

    ‘Nuff said, no need to read the rest…

  14. Doc 902714 says:

    Mae Youngs son must have reached that awkward rebellious teenage phase.

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