Salem, MA – To help promote this next week’s release of the Scooby-Doo!: Wrestlemania Mystery DVD, Vince McMahon has sent several WWE wrestlers around the country to solve various mysteries.
The group of amateur sleuths consist of sparingly-used Superstars Justin Gabriel and Curt Hawkins and Divas Eva Marie and Layla. They have been traveling to various haunted spots in a rented van dubbed “The Mysterio Machine” with their faithful Great Dane, Regaly-Doo, who was really just a man inside a well-worn, second-rate Scooby-Doo costume.
“Me and the gang have been having a lot of fun over the past few weeks,” said Hawkins, adjusting his ascott. “Let’s see: in Albuquerque, we handled ‘The Case Of The Misbooked Indie Show’, in Lexington we took care of “The Haunted Locker Room”, and in Philadelphia we solved “The Mystery Of The Masked Jobber’. That one turned out to be an evil promoter trying to scare up some business!”
“Like, zoinks, man! It’s just nice to be doing something! Plus, we’re in a van that was once used by the band moe. Good times, dude! ” said a red-eyed Gabriel.
“I don’t remember any misbooked Indians,” said Eva Marie. “And why are they called “fingers” if they don’t ‘ger’?” asked the star of Total Divas, staring at her hands inquisitively.
“Jinkies,” sighed a bored Layla, checking her phone to see if her contract had run out yet.
The group has been joined by several notable names in their quest to solve mysteries and promote DVDs. The list of celebrities include the starting lineup of the Harlem Globetrotters, Batman and Robin, and the very nervous ghost of Don Knotts.
“We’ve just one more case to solve,” said Hawkins. “ It’s called, ‘The Case Of Dolph Ziggler’s Missing Push’. Gee, that’s a tough one, gang. I guess we better head into that old abandoned amusement park and get started!”
“Ugh, this suit is absolutely ghastly,” said the ghetto Regaly-Doo, whose voice sounded eerily close to that of WWE Superstar William Regal.
“Like, be a Man’s Man, Regaly-Doo!” laughed Gabriel.
The group joined in laughter as Regaly-Doo covered his eyes and shook his head in shame.