Headlies: WWE Covers Seth Rollins In Bubble Wrap For His Own Protection

4 Submitted by on Mon, 26 June 2017, 08:00

Los Angeles, CA – WWE officials have taken the proactive measure of wrapping WWE Superstar Seth Rollins in protective bubble wrap before every match.

The controversial decision was made after Rollins had to receive stitches on his face after last night’s Monday Night Raw.

“It’s for his own safety as well as the financial safety of the company,” said Triple H. “Seth is a high-impact wrestler and he’s already suffered some serious injuries. We just can’t take that risk. I mean, we just unveiled the WWE 2K18 cover with his face on it! What is that going to mean for sales if he’s out 10 months with a broken whatever.”

“Lazy millennials,” continued Triple H. “They just want to sit in their hotel rooms and play video games and eat kale. Not like back in my day. We’d drink and eat red meat and never, ever get hurt. Guess we just have to protect them like the spoiled babies they are.”

Over the weekend, Rollins was seen wearing the bubble wrap during matches. The normally high-energy Rollins spent most of the time awkwardly waddling around the ring.

Fans in attendance said that Rollins appeared to be struggling with movement and was visibly upset when his opponents kept popping the bubbles.

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4 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Covers Seth Rollins In Bubble Wrap For His Own Protection"
  1. John C says:

    Jim Herd is probably weeping that he didn’t think of that back in 1991.

    • The Gold Standard says:

      You are probably right.

      I think I hear Jim Herd’s rusty wheels getting going again…..the pin heads (a tag team that nobody wants to touch because they are covered with thumb tacks) vs. the pin cushions (a team that can’t be hurt because they’re wrapped in bubble wrap).

      License to print free tickets to fill the arena right there.

  2. Caveman says:

    Good to see that they’ve taken Roman Reigns’ protective gear to the next level for Seth. This will greatly increase his potential bump card so he can still wrestle when he’s 80 years old.

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