Oklahoma City, OK – During a backstage segment with Renee Young, the supposed “voices” inside WWE Champion Randy Orton’s head were actually revealed to be a little green alien named Gazoo.
In the middle of one of his patented slow-motion promos, Randy Orton paused for a long time. While not atypical for a speech given by the Apex Predator, the awkward silence was shattered by Orton exclaiming, “I am! Stop bugging me! No, you’re the dummy, dummy!” to what appeared to be absolutely no one.
Confused and slightly frightened, Young tried to get Orton back on track asking about his upcoming contract signing with World Heavyweight Champion John Cena. When Orton stared at a very specific spot above his shoulder, Young broke character and asked, “Uh, Randy, are you okay? What are you looking at? Who are you talking to?”
As if on cue, a little green alien wearing a space helmet appeared and said, “Oh, you’ve really done it now, dumb-dumb!”
“Gazoo! How am I supposed to depend on you to help me win the Heavyweight championship when you keep calling me names!?” whined Orton.
“My dear fellow, not only am I not dependable, but I’m a bit of a kook,” said Gazoo while giving Orton a wet willy.
“Aaaah stop it, Gazoo! It’s not funny!” stomped Orton. “This is worse than the time I had to appear at Wrestlemania and at the Loyal Order of Water Buffalo’s Lodge in the same night! I hate it when you make me do crazy things!”
“This makes so much sense,” gasped Young. “Attacking WWE legends, befouling Diva purses, teaming up with Triple H and Stephanie McMahon even though you spent the better part of 2009 attacking them. It’s all because this Gazoo creature is making you do terrible things!”
“It’s true, Renee,” said Orton as Gazoo buzzed around his head. “I just want to be a good guy and have the fans cheer me. I’ve been saying for years that I hear voices, but no one believed me. It’s in my song, for crying out loud!”
Young interjected, “So it was Gazoo that forced you to call Kofi Kingston ‘stupid’ multiple times on live television, completely ruining his push and keeping him in the mid-card to this day.”
Orton and Gazoo looked at each other briefly before breaking out into hysterical fits of laughter and walking off-camera.