Headlies: TNA Sold To A Giant Chicken

21 Submitted by on Wed, 28 September 2016, 03:01

impactchicken

Today’s Headlie was written by Crapper Paul Sebert. Thanks, Paul!

Nashville, TN – Following failed bids by Aroluxe Marketing, Billy Corgan, and Virgil TNA announced it’s new financial backer at a press conference on Wednesday.  Dixie Carter appeared at a joint press conference with a representative from a new investment firm called “Boo Industries.”
 
“It is with great confidence that I can say that Mr. Boo has precisely the fiscal knowledge and creative vision that TNA needs.” Dixie Carter said while standing next to mysterious feathered gentleman.  “This is precisely the kind of leader that we have been looking for.”
 
Response to the new investor has been mixed.  On an addition of Wrestling Observer Radio Dave Meltzer sounded confused.  “It was the strangest press conference I’ve ever seen.  It looked like Dixie announced that she sold her company to a chicken….”
 
“I wouldn’t call anyone who invests in this company chicken.”  His co-host Bryan Alvarez replied. “If anything Mr. Boo sounds recklessly brave with his money.”
 
“No… I mean  like a giant chicken.” Meltzer said.
 
“I think he’s pretty ballsy.” Alvarez counterd.
 
“No… I mean he was literally a giant chicken.” A frustrated Meltzer responded. “With feathers… and a beak.”
 
“Did you literally misuse the word literally?” Alvarez said.   “Whoever he is he’s not chicken.”
 
Meltzer’s comments drew an angry response from TNA Fans. “This is typical Meltzer. Making personal attacks simply because he’s biased against TNA.” Big Dawg, a writer for TNAMecca wrote.
 
Later that day a conference call Dixie Carter abruptly ended with what appeared to be the sound of Dixie shrieking and a bird clucking.
 
“I told you he was a Chicken…” an exasperated Meltzer commented. 

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown. If you like horror movies, check out www.365daysofhorrormovies.blogspot.com
21 Responses to "Headlies: TNA Sold To A Giant Chicken"
  1. Andrew says:

    Could be the Gooker’s dad, which we know who is getting a big push as TNA champion.

    So wished it would have said that Dixie was by a Giant Egg, and it hatched and Mean Gene said you must be the Gooker.

  2. John C says:

    When interviewed about this situation, a very cocky sounding Terry Taylor said, “I know I’ll be getting the job as head booker for the show. The other guys interviewed will just try to wing it but I can actually bring it. The Featherweight Division will lead us to the top of the sports entertainment industry and that’s a lot of feed.”

  3. DarthPitch says:

    Another bidder lost out to Boo at the last minute. He and his associate walked away from a broom closet marked “TNA H.Q.”

    Brain: “Hmmph! I thought we had it, but that Boo is certainly on a winning streak.”

    Pinky: “Is that what they mean by Nashville Hot Chicken? NARF! So, what are we gonna do tonight, Brain?”

    Brain: “The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky…TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! Or, if that fails, perhaps Ring of Honor…”

  4. TV's Mr. Neil says:

    Somehow, I knew it would be an Animaniacs reference before I even landed on the page.

  5. Hulk6785 says:

    Chicken Boo, what’s the matter with you?
    You don’t act like the other chickens do.
    You wear a disguise to look like human guys,
    But you’re not a man, you’re a Chicken Boo.

    You’re jumbo-sized and you wear a disguise,
    But you’re not a man, you’re a Chicken Boo.

  6. John C says:

    In a press conference on this topic, Roadkill looked out to the gathered media and said, “Chickens.”, he walked out of the room and wished it was 15 years ago.

  7. MistaMaddog says:

    “Brother Boo, I knew you would come…”

  8. Geoff says:

    Every good thing has been said already. Damn! And that’s no yoke!

  9. whorefinder says:

    Meanwhile back in Stamford, Vince McMahon was cackling madly.

    “I told you the Gooker angle would pay off eventually!” he yelled to a dark, empty room.

  10. Gerry says:

    Wonder how Dolph “Colonel Saunders” Ziggler will react to this.

  11. Joe says:

    TNA sold to Marcy Darcy, chicken at large. https://i.ytimg.com/vi/on_ffL3q91E/hqdefault.jpg

  12. Thomas Moffatt says:

    The new TNA owner will be main eventing the next TNA PPV with Peter Griffin…

  13. Geoff says:

    Tune in next week for a three hour special of Family Guy: Takes on TNA and Mr. Boo

  14. CF says:

    G’night, everybody! 🙂

  15. Chris O says:

    The irony is that this is probably nowhere near as strange as what’s actually happening to TNA.

  16. KatieVictoriasSecret says:

    Has anyone reached out to the Warner Brothers (and their sister Dot) for a comment?

  17. BigGoldBelt says:

    TNA will soon add a new heel to their roster. Sal Monella.

  18. Josh says:

    Good idea: Buying a professional wrestling organization
    Bad Idea: Buying TNA

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