Headlies: TNA Signs The Ding Dongs To Multi-Year Contract

15 Submitted by on Fri, 08 August 2014, 08:00

tnadingdongs

Belleville, USA – TNA Impact Wrestling announced this past Thursday that they have signed WCW tag team legends The Ding Dongs to a multi-year contract.

Despite the announcement that Spike TV will not be renewing their television deal, TNA has been forging ahead signing several wrestlers, including Zema Ion and Army veteran Chris Melendez.

“TNA needs a real wake-up call. Or more like a wake-up bell,” said a smiling Dixie Carter to a roomful of stone-faced reporters. “The Ding Dongs have a lot to bring to TNA. They’ve got the experience, the skills, the, uh, ding and dong. They’ve got that certain ‘je ne sai quoi’ if you know what I mean. I won’t lie, whenever I’m feeling blue, I pop in my Clash Of The Champions 7 VHS and giggle my head off every time I see the Ding Dongs match. Yay bells!”

“Now, I admit, TNA has had some growing pains,” said Carter. “There have been some missteps along the way: The ‘Always Evolve’ Jeff Hardy Fitness App, having the Nasty Boys wrestle, barbed-wire Christmas trees, bringing Chyna in, letting AJ Styles go, Chris Sabin as champion, Andrew “The Punisher” Martin, Hulk Hogan and his magic ring, whatever the heck we were doing with Orlando Jordan, changing the night Impact airs multiple times, and giving Scott Steiner a microphone. But those days are behind us!

“Ring,” said Ding Dong #2

“Ring ring ring ringringringringring,” said Ding Dong #1

“TNA is about to get a huge dose of Dong!” said a giddy Dixie Carter.

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15 Responses to "Headlies: TNA Signs The Ding Dongs To Multi-Year Contract"
  1. Jacob says:

    I thought Dixie watched the Clash of Champions 7 using her WWE network subscription.

    • the14thlistener says:

      From the way things have gone, I didn’t think Dixie ever watched wrestling. I figured she just believed whatever people told her.

      • Jinx says:

        “Dixie, I’m telling you in order to save this company, we need some heavy duty star power. We need Mantaur and the Gobbledy Gooker! They were the best things happening back then!”

  2. John C says:

    If only they could be managed by The Bellas’.

  3. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Hang on! Don’t WWE own the rights to the Ding-Dongs after they purchased WCW?! Are they going to have be a shit rip off of a shit gimmick and call themselves the Ting-a-Lings or something equally as lame?

  4. the14thlistener says:

    Anyone else think that the mysterious, Havok (or however it will be spelt) introduction that TNA is doing right now is similar to the pointless return of Glacier at the end of WCW? Also would I be correct in guessing this is the above mentioned Chris Melendez?

  5. patricko says:

    Havok’s a knockout. Jessica Havoc, something like that…

  6. Jeremy says:

    I fail to see how giving Scott Steiner a mic was a misstep. I could listen to his nonsensical ramblings all day.

  7. BaltoJim says:

    Maybe her ears are still ringing after going through that table last night (TNA time; I know the show was taped in June). I don’t know about a huge dose of Dong, but last night’s show had plenty of head with Al Snow returning to the ring.

  8. Jericho Ricardi says:

    I know this site is humor-based and I’m a fan, but I don’t really enjoy the flack TNA as a whole gets on here.

    “Despite the announcement that Spike TV will not be renewing their television deal…”

    No announcement has been made yet, just a rumor that the internet is perpetuating. I’m not saying this isn’t the case or won’t be announced, but I -don’t know- and neither does anyone else.

    “Hulk Hogan and his magic ring, whatever the heck we were doing with Orlando Jordan, changing the night Impact airs multiple times, and giving Scott Steiner a microphone. But those days are behind us!”

    Why is it that every time I hear people bashing TNA, they’re citing things that happened 3+ years ago? Impact has actually been consistently very good for a while now.

    ” “TNA is about to get a huge dose of Dong!” said a giddy Dixie Carter. ”

    I’ll admit, this is pretty funny. The biggest issue with the company is, to this day, their dumb name. I bought an EC3 shirt from them and it showed up on my bank statement as a charge for “TNA Entertainment”. Yeah, have fun explaining that to your parents.

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      Yeah, the “TNA” name should’ve been jettisoned 5 or 6 years ago at least. Terrible name.

    • Jinx says:

      If you think Wrestlecrap is the only site giving TNA grief for the stupid crap they’ve done (and most likely will continue to do) you clearly haven’t seen any other websites coz there is a lot of flack out there. Granted the last few weeks have been better than what they usually put, but it’s possible it might be a case of too little too late. Although it does raise the question that if TNA could consistently put out something actually good like the Manhattan Center episodes, why weren’t they doing that before then? But yeah, I do agree that name is atrocious as all hell lol.

  9. Jinx says:

    “changing the night Impact airs multiple times” Yup, happening again… this time on Wednesdays. Let’s see, during their time on Spike, they’ve been on Saturday, Thursday, Monday, back to Thursday, and now Wednesday. Lottsa day changes there…

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