Headlies: TNA Just A Figment Of A Child’s Imagination

22 Submitted by on Mon, 05 October 2015, 08:00

dixiesnowglobe

Lusk, WY – TNA officials shocked the wrestling world last night by admitting that the company is, in fact, just a figment of a bored child’s imagination

The revelation, came during an in-ring promotion from TNA president Dixie Carter at their annual Bound For Glory pay-per-view. Carter was addressing the crowd, talking about how the company was working on staying television, when she began to slowly fade away. Startled by the Back To The Future-esque erasure from history, a panicked Carter looked right into the camera stating, “Timmy! Timmy please don’t stop thinking of TNA. We need you to keep believing! Please keep believing in TNA!”

The “Timmy” that Carter was referring to is 11-year old Timothy Nicholas Acton from Lusk, Wyoming. Using his imagination one boring Sunday in 2008, Acton created TNA wrestling. He gathered random wrestling figures, as well as old G.I. Joes and Pokemon characters and, using his initials, created TNA Impact Wrestling.

“It was really fun mixing in my old WWE figures with my other stuff,” said Acton, staring into a snowglobe. “I wuld just come up with these ideas for TNA and there it was on Spike TV the next week I was really into it. I had a ranking system, a bunch of tournaments, crazy battle royals. I’d kind of forget about stuff so that’s why a lot of storylines were dropped. My bad.”

As to why Carter and the company were experiencing the bizarre St.Elsewhere-style phenomenon, Acton said, “I just kind of got bored and stopped paying attention. I guess when you stop believing, things just kind of go away. Kind of like Eiffel 65.”

Fearing that he would suffer the same fate as TNA, WWE Superstar Roman Reigns has altered his “Believe that!” catchphrase to “Believe that, Timmy. For the love of all that is good, please please please believe that!”

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22 Responses to "Headlies: TNA Just A Figment Of A Child’s Imagination"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    This actually makes quite a bit of sense…

  2. Josh says:

    I never thought I’d see an Eiffel 65 reference on this site. Or…anywhere else, for that matter.

  3. John C says:

    So that’s how WCW did the whole storyline reboot of 2000.

  4. Andre R. says:

    I actually liked Eiffel 65 when they were first out. Their first album was a hit in the States, but their second was an import from Europe that I had to order from Germany. As for their third, by that time they were so washed up it was only available in Italy. And it was sung almost all in Italian. It has eluded me to this day. Oh well. Good Headlie, Jordan.

  5. Andre R. says:

    I actually liked Eiffel 65 when they were first out. Their first album was a hit in the States, but their second was an import from Europe that I had to order from Germany. As for their third, by that time they were so washed up it was only available in Italy. And it was sung almost all in Italian. It has eluded me to this day. Oh well. Good Headlie, Jordan.

  6. JSWH says:

    VERY good!

  7. Raging_Demons says:

    How St. Elsewhere of today’s Headlies.

  8. SlipperyPete says:

    Way to steal my friends joke that he posted to Twitter a year ago.

  9. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Shame he never had Michael Cole and the Miz join TNA…

  10. TR says:

    really good.

  11. John Q Occupier says:

    Shame the kid never dreamt of Lawler commentating his dream-fed…

  12. Patrick says:

    Haven, the show on ScyFy that Edge was part of, had a christmas episode with this plot. It’s popped up in various shows over the years.
    Clearly, little Timmy is a victim of the re-surgence of “The Troubles” and needs to be sent away.

  13. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Wonder if he ever imagined something as being Poopy…

  14. James says:

    Is TNA going to end with a panda being hooked up to life support throughout the end credits, and flatlining as the show goes off the air?

  15. Adam says:

    I suspected as much, I just figured the kid was Russo. Turns out he a figment of someone’s imagination.

    … His whole existence was a swerve!

  16. Balls says:

    Honestly, if this company is the limits of his imagination, he might need a bit more stimulation in his life. Tell him to think of a promotion that doesn’t suck.

  17. Gabe Benson says:

    Soemthing, Something… Panda Energy

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