Lusk, WY – TNA officials shocked the wrestling world last night by admitting that the company is, in fact, just a figment of a bored child’s imagination
The revelation, came during an in-ring promotion from TNA president Dixie Carter at their annual Bound For Glory pay-per-view. Carter was addressing the crowd, talking about how the company was working on staying television, when she began to slowly fade away. Startled by the Back To The Future-esque erasure from history, a panicked Carter looked right into the camera stating, “Timmy! Timmy please don’t stop thinking of TNA. We need you to keep believing! Please keep believing in TNA!”
The “Timmy” that Carter was referring to is 11-year old Timothy Nicholas Acton from Lusk, Wyoming. Using his imagination one boring Sunday in 2008, Acton created TNA wrestling. He gathered random wrestling figures, as well as old G.I. Joes and Pokemon characters and, using his initials, created TNA Impact Wrestling.
“It was really fun mixing in my old WWE figures with my other stuff,” said Acton, staring into a snowglobe. “I wuld just come up with these ideas for TNA and there it was on Spike TV the next week I was really into it. I had a ranking system, a bunch of tournaments, crazy battle royals. I’d kind of forget about stuff so that’s why a lot of storylines were dropped. My bad.”
As to why Carter and the company were experiencing the bizarre St.Elsewhere-style phenomenon, Acton said, “I just kind of got bored and stopped paying attention. I guess when you stop believing, things just kind of go away. Kind of like Eiffel 65.”
Fearing that he would suffer the same fate as TNA, WWE Superstar Roman Reigns has altered his “Believe that!” catchphrase to “Believe that, Timmy. For the love of all that is good, please please please believe that!”