Headlies: The Authority Suspends The Shield, Asks For Their Weapons and Badges

7 Submitted by on Fri, 25 April 2014, 08:00


Los Angeles, CA – Following the events of the past few weeks between The Shield and The Authority, Triple H called Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns into his office.

“You three have gone too far this time!” shouted a red-faced Triple H, sweat dripping from his brow. “You know how much trouble you’ve caused? The damage to public property? The miles of paperwork I have to fill out? I’ve got the mayor so far up my ass I can practically taste the Aqua Velva!”

Triple H threw down his jacket and loosened his tie.

Seth Rollins started “Chief, we…”

“Save it, Rollins!” cut off Triple H. “You think you can play by your own rules? Well you can’t! Not on The Authority’s watch! Disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct, property damage, broken tables, terrorizing the Legends’ House, illegal 3-on-1 maneuvers, curb stomps, spears, and whatever the hell it is Ambrose does! You’ve given this department the worst reputation in the country! What do you three have to say for yourselves?!” demanded an irate Triple H.

“What did you think you were getting when you brought us on to the force, Chief?” said Ambrose slyly. “You knew exactly what this is and what we do. Sure, it may not be clean and easy. Yeah, we don’t play by your rules. We are the hounds of justice and our bite is just as bad as our bark. It’s a full moon tonight. And you know what hounds do during the full moon. They get their just desserts.”

“What does that even mean?” Triple H asked.

“It means we get results!” said Rollins.

“That’s it! You three are suspended! Indefinitely! I want you to hand in your weapons and your badges! Now! You three are to go nowhere near Monday Night Raw, Friday Night Smackdown, Main Event, Extreme Rules, or even Superstars. If I catch you within 100 feet of the Performance Center, you’re gone from the force! Do I make myself clear?!”

“Actually, Chief, you can’t suspend us,” said Rollins. “You see, we’ve filed a grievance with the union. In order to be suspended, a committee including the 3rd circuit judge, the president of the city council, and Vince McMahon must determine if one’s actions merit a suspension. Well, either that or a Wellness Violation. That process takes months. Maybe even years.”

“We’ll be hanging on to our badges and weapons,” smirked Ambrose.

“Believe that,” said a triumphant Roman Reigns.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
7 Responses to "Headlies: The Authority Suspends The Shield, Asks For Their Weapons and Badges"
  1. Mr. Stanek says:

    Loved it, but it was missing “assault with a concrete dildo” in Triple H’s litany of offenses.

  2. Raven7309 says:

    I smell a “Lethal Weapon” reboot with Seth as Riggs, Roman as Murtaugh, and Ambrose as Leon Getts. 😛

  3. Roger says:

    HHH is getting too old for this $&@!

  4. RD Reynolds says:

    Just waiting for Ambrose to rename himself McGarnagle.

  5. RD Reynolds says:

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DF6Oz4KBww?version=3&rel=1&showsearch=0&showinfo=1&iv_load_policy=1&fs=1&hl=en-US&autohide=2&wmode=transparent&w=640&h=360]

  6. Smapti says:

    Dammit, Reigns, you’re a loose cannon!

leave a comment