Headlies: SOMEONE’S HAGGARD, DECREPIT GRANDPA SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT EDDIE GUERRERO

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:08

Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds
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SOMEONE’S HAGGARD, DECREPIT GRANDPA SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT EDDIE GUERRERO
By Justin Henry

Ponce Inlet, FL – An elderly, crippled, and mostly useless resident of Lush Meadows Nursing Home has gone on a controversial tangent about deceased professional wrestler Eddie Guerrero.

The gentleman, identified only as “Kevin”, has been annoying the staff and other residents at Lush Meadows with his recent comments.

“Most of the folks here don’t really want to listen to him,” said veteran RN Louise Freneck. “He has a history of wheeling himself into crowded rooms here, trying to get everyone’s attention with his hatefully uninspired performances. Most of the residents just leave, and that bothers his ego, I think. We had that one wrestler, AJ Styles, here last week to visit and cheer up some of the residents, and he drew a livelier crowd than Kevin has. People just don’t want to see Kevin, it seems.”

The comments that “Kevin” made about Eddie Guerrero have made it to the internet, where he’s earned the scorn of many fans of the industry. Freneck, however, doesn’t get the uproar.

“People say mean things on the internet all the time, don’t they? I wouldn’t worry about Kevin kicking that hornet’s nest too much, anyways. He’s only allowed nine minutes a month on the internet, for fears that typing too much will only flare up his arthritis even moreso. He got his fingers stuck in this one position, with the index and pinkie fingers raised and the others joined at the tips. Took a week of physical therapy to get him right.”

The time that “Kevin” has spent at Lush Meadows may be drawing to an end, as the other residents are tired of his lack of group spirit, and general laziness.

“We tried to get him to play Pictionary with us, but he refused,” Freneck explained. “We asked him why not, and he said, ‘I don’t know how to draw.’ Which is fine, I suppose. But then he sits there and mocks some of our shorter residents when they play, saying they can’t draw. It’s like, at least they’re putting forth an effort, and not just sitting around waiting for their unearned checks to roll in.”

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
1 Response to "Headlies: SOMEONE’S HAGGARD, DECREPIT GRANDPA SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT EDDIE GUERRERO"
  1. Ben says:

    I heard he tore his quad when he said those things.

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