Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds
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SIR MO AWAITS PHONE CALL FROM TNA, “THRILLED” ABOUT ELEVATION TO KING
By RD Reynolds
Westminster, SC – Dixie Carter and Impact Wrestling stunned the sports entertainment world today by announcing the signing of King Mo, the first-ever pro wrestler who will also be regularly competing in mixed martial arts events for Bellator. And while pundits the world over were surprised by the move, amazing no one was more shocked than Mo himself.
“I won’t lie, I didn’t wake up this morning expecting this,” stated Robert Horne from his dilapidated trailer in rural South Carolina. “But I can’t wait to get back in the ring.”
Horne, 48, was a mainstay of World Wrestling Federation cards in the mid 90’s as half of the tag team Men on a Mission with his partner Mabel. The two ascended the ranks, eventually winning the WWF tag team titles. After a brief run with the belts, however, Mabel targeted the WWF World Title, becoming a king in the process and dubbing his partner Sir Mo.
“Yeah, Sir Mo,” Horne said, stroking his filthy beard. “I’ve been Sir Mo for almost 20 years. Didn’t think I’d ever move past that. Thought I’d die with that title. But then I got the phone call this morning and man…I don’t even know what to say. Just thrilled, I guess.”
The call came from his long-time confidant, Oscar, who told Horne that he had seen on the internet that TNA had signed “King Mo” to a deal where he would not only wrestle, but also do shoot fighting.
“I hadn’t heard of TNA or Impact until this morning when Oscar told me about it. I’ll be honest, it’s been years since I could afford cable. He also said something about Bellator, but neither of us have any idea what that even is. Sounds cool though, like something you’d order at a Shoney’s.”
Asked about his long term goals, Horne just shook his head. “Don’t know, don’t care. I’m finally a king.”
As a tear rolled down his cheek, he whispered it again.
“I’m finally a king.”