Headlies: Shane McMahon To Lead Team TNA At Wrestlemania

16 Submitted by on Mon, 29 February 2016, 08:00

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Nashville, TN – In a move that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling community, the newly-returned Shane McMahon revealed on Monday Night Raw that he will be leading Team TNA at Wrestlemania. The surprising announcement came in TNA’s own home town of Nashville, Tennessee. This marked the first time that the rival wrestling company has ever been mentioned on a live WWE broadcast.

While the announcement at last week’s Raw of Shane taking on Undertaker left many fans confused, the “fruit of Vince McMahon’s loins” set the record straight during a passionate promo. After spasticlly dancing to his theme song, Shane McMahon confidently strode to the ring and addressed the WWE Universe.

“It feels great to be back!” said McMahon slightly out of breath. “But unfortunately, a lot has changed since I’ve been gone. You know it and I know it. That’s why I am here to make a difference. I am here to upset the status quo of the WWE. My father and my sister have grown too lazy and it’s time for a change. I hereby announce an open season on the WWE…and I am not alone! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the force that will take over the WWE at Wrestlemania….Team TNA!”

Former TNA talents AJ Styles, R-Truth, who wrestled as Ron “The Truth” Killings, and Goldust, who wrestled under the name Black Reign in TNA joined McMahon in the ring. The three Superstars posed behind McMahon as he continued. “Don’t call this an invasion! Don’t call this an insurrection. You can just call us Team TNA. And Dad, you may have the Undertaker, but I’ve got something even better…Sting!”

A deafening roar rose up from the crowd at the former TNA Champion walked out to the ring and carefully stepped through the ropes.

“Now, Sting can’t wrestle due to injury, but he is more than capable of hitting people with a baseball bat or challenging them to a beach volleyball game!” yelled McMahon. “Bring your army, Dad! Game, set, match!”

The fearsome foursome then did Shane McMahon’s signature “Here comes the money” dance in a most menacing manner.

For the use of TNA’s name and likeness, TNA President Dixie Carter said, “Well, it just sounds like such a good idea, I couldn’t say no! Yeah, it hurts that some of my boys left, but I’m just so happy for them.”

Carter continued, “WWE was very kind and gave me a crisp $100 bill. Impact Wrestling will live another 3 hours! Plus, I got two free tickets to tonight’s Raw. Dang, I’ve never seen so many people at a live wrestling show in my life! Look at all the pretty fireworks and videos. And the hot dogs here come with buns! I can put ketchup and mustard on them! Yummers, ya’ll!”

Carter was last seen filling her purse with sugar packets from the concessions stand and removing copper wiring from the production truck.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown. If you like horror movies, check out www.365daysofhorrormovies.blogspot.com
16 Responses to "Headlies: Shane McMahon To Lead Team TNA At Wrestlemania"
  1. John C says:

    Vince in a secret meeting with Nipple & Triple H in the back in front of live cameras smiled at the announcement and with his trademark sinister grin said, “Don’t worry about that, this is about to get Global.” A shot of a guitar with the words Slap Nuts passes in front of the screen as the picture goes to black and a horrifying commercial for Chrisley Knows Best airs on tv.

  2. Thomas says:

    Read Dixie’s lines as “Dixie” from WrestleCrap Radio and it becomes ten times funnier. You’ll even subconsciously end her speech with the word “Sugah!”

    Great article.

  3. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Outstanding, Jordan!

  4. 80's Guy says:

    What, no borrowing of talent by bringing over Beer Money, Angle, and a returning Crimson???

  5. 80's Guy says:

    P.S. Change over to Disqus! THAT COMMENT SYSTEM HAS A FAMILY, DAMMIT!!!

  6. Dan Sheldon says:

    What about TNA Hall Of Famers TEAM 3-D???? The tag team TNA made!!

  7. Geoff says:

    They were in the original WCW/ECW Invasion back in 2000 (which was already inducted into this here site) so it makes sense that Dudley Boys wouldn’t be included. I’m not sure why R Truth would be part of this team since he has more ties with WWE then TNA.

    In other news, as Vince goes to bed that night, wavy lines appear (dream sequence, jazz hands) and he dreams that he not only beats Shane’s team but he now owns TNA as well because that was the stipulation for this match. If his team loses, AJ, Sting, Goldust and Truth get to keep their jobs. If his team wins, he manages a not so pleasant corporate takeover from Shane/Dixie and fires 3/4s of the TNA roster only to hire them back within the year sporting all new gimmicks. That is except for Angle and James Storm. Angle he permanently fires and Storm he will add to the roster 10 years from now ala Sting keeping the memory of TNA alive and kicking until he himself beats Storm in a WM appearance match (41, 42? perhaps?) which nails the last nail into the TNA coffin. He hires Dixie as his own personal fluffer girl. Noone is left stunned or surprised by this hostile takeover except maybe Dixie herself. No one mourns the loss of TNA and everyone groans that WWE just got even crappier. Possible name changes include: WWETNA. TNAF, FAWN, WAFT (sometimes said as DAFT by those in the know), WANT.

    • Adam says:

      R-Truth’s just filling the “Austin/Angle/Test/Ivory/Christian/Everyone else who jumped to the Alliance for no reason” spot from the Invasion.

  8. Geoff says:

    In reality (wavy lines appear, jazz hands, dream sequence ends). Team TNA almost wins over Team WWF. Two people are left on team WWF, that being Triple H and Undertaker but given their history, Taker walks out on his team and Triple H goes on to beat what’s left of Team TNA (Styles and Sting) with a little outside interference from Nipple H.

    The stipulation was the same and now TNA is owned by WWE. He manages a not so pleasant corporate takeover from Shane/Dixie and fires 3/4s of the TNA roster only to hire them back within the year sporting all new gimmicks. That is except for Angle and James Storm. Angle he permanently fires and Storm he will add to the roster 10 years from now ala Sting keeping the memory of TNA alive and kicking until he himself beats Storm in a WM appearance match (41, 42? perhaps?) which nails the last nail into the TNA coffin. He hires Dixie only to fire her on the spot in front of 10 million viewers who boo and cheer him at the same time. Noone is left stunned or surprised by this hostile takeover except maybe Dixie herself. No one mourns the loss of TNA. Possible name changes include: WWETNA. TNAF, FAWN, WAFT (sometimes said as DAFT by those in the know), and WANT.

  9. RD Reynolds says:

    I like that the bill was crisp. Those McMahons, always class acts.

  10. Gotchism For Life says:

    Awesome headlie.

    I wonder if The Product of Vince’s Semen will be able to gain control from the evil family that banished him to the Orient.

  11. #OPC says:

    I just love how R-Truth is smiling.

  12. Rodolfo Rodríguez (That Lucha Guy) says:

    No Team 3D? Consequences Creed? Christian Cage as a manager at least?

  13. Mark Smart says:

    you know what’s funny is, this is actually better than what WWE actually has planned for WM32. Did I say funny? I meant sad.

  14. Gabe Benson says:

    good god almighty, please don’t bring back the “Genetic Jack Hammer” Vince stuff. No one wants to hear about his semen and his daughter never, eeeeeeevver Aaa-GGaaain

  15. Al says:

    I’m hyped for InVasion 2: The New Alliance (hey you gotta admit that was pretty clever)

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