Headlies: RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:16

Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds
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RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION
By Justin Henry

Las Vegas – Despite the proliferation of “FEED. ME. MORE” chants echoing through WWE venues, there are still those who mock rising WWE superstar Ryback with “GOLD-BERG” chants, in light of his physical and character resemblances to former World Champion Bill Goldberg.

After six months of such reaction, with little visible end to this mockery in sight, Ryback is now going to greater lengths to quell comparisons with the wrestling legend.

He’s going to prove he’s so not Jewish.

“He’s taking things a bit too far, I think,” said WWE superstar Jey Uso. “He’s been doing that emphatic stomp thing to get attention backstage, and he’s going to make sure we all see him eating an entire rack of pork spare ribs. All that BBQ sauce and loud chewing, it’s pretty gross. But the man’s determined to get his point across.”

As if devouring copious amounts of pork products isn’t enough to prove his status as a gentile, Ryback has also burned his entire collection of Billy Joel and Barbara Streisand CDs in front of his WWE co-workers.

The burning was caught on a two-part series of Tout videos: “Ryback Burns his CDs” and “The CDs are Still Burning.”

“I hear he’s even moving out of his condo in Tampa,” Uso claimed. “He overheard Heath Slater and Tyson Kidd acting out some South Park dialogue for the amusement of others, and Kidd said, “There’s no Jews in San Francisco!” in Kyle’s voice. Ryback’s now looking for homes in the Bay Area. It’s crazy.”

Ryback’s petition to change his ring name to either “Karl Von Ryback” or “Alex Wright” have been denied by WWE creative.

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
1 Response to "Headlies: RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION"
  1. Buy Lift and Glow Pro says:

    Touche. Great arguments. Keep up the good work.

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