Headlies: Rusev Wins Canadian Heavyweight Championship

13 Submitted by on Fri, 21 November 2014, 08:00


Calgary, Alberta, Canada – In an impromptu match, current WWE United States Champion Rusev defeated Lance Storm for the Canadian Heavyweight Championship.

Storm, a former WCW and WWE Champion, was conducting his weekly appearance on Wrestling Observer Live when he heard a pounding on his front door. The burly Rusev burst through the door, attacking the semi-retired Storm.

“What’s this all about, eh?” said Storm curiously.

“We want your Canadian Championship and all your precious maple syrup,” proclaimed Rusev’s manager Lana. “President Putin has commanded it as part of a balanced breakfast!”

The two grappled throughout Storm’s house, knocking over several potted plants and tracking dirt on the carpets. After several minutes of solid fundamentals from Storm, Rusev was able to lock in his submission move, The Accolade.

“If I can be serious for a moment,” said Storm, “You can have the stupid belt and I would be more than happy to share my syrup.”

Lana gave the signal for Rusev to release Storm from his hold and removed the Canadian Heavyweight Championship belt off from Storm’s mantle.

The group then gathered around the kitchen table for a delicious breakfast of pancakes, Canadian bacon, Timbits, orange juice, and plenty of maple syrup.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
13 Responses to "Headlies: Rusev Wins Canadian Heavyweight Championship"
  1. John C says:

    Next up Rusev wants to destroy the team of The O’Days so he can qualify for the Pat O’ Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament. Or more likely he’ll be getting squashed faster than Cesaro after a interview with a non WWE source.

    • John C says:

      Squashed by SuperCena that is.

      • Thomas Moffatt says:

        Rusev’s first defeat will be to Cena in under 2 minutes during the build up to the Cena v Lesnar main event at WM31 – similar was done when Muhammad Hassan job out to Cena in under two minutes for his first defeat after months building a credible unbeaten streak

  2. Brandon says:

    What are timbits?

  3. Down With OPC says:

    Needs more hockey.

  4. Jerry says:

    “We want your Canadian Championship and all your precious maple syrup… President Putin has commanded it as part of a balanced breakfast!”

    Imagining this with Lana’s diction may be the funniest thing ever.

  5. Thun says:

    Next step, Mexico?

    • Stuart Ratliff says:

      That might be the downfall to Putins reign. He might get the same thing that happened to Big Show when he had those burrrritos. Arriba Arriba

  6. Raven7309 says:

    “Then Lance immediately got on the phone to Frenchy Martin and convinced him to be in be in Lance’s corner at the next failed revival of Stampede Wrestling. At which point Bruce Hart, as booker, changed the match to a ‘Triple Threat First Ball Shot Wins” match.’ ” Which of course Bruce won.

  7. Jerichoholic Ninja says:

    “After several minutes of solid fundamentals from Storm”

    Awesome line.

    You know, something like this wouldn’t be worst thing for Rusev. Not beating up Storm, of course, but going after wrestlers from various countries. Lana could declare that he has destroyed every American that came his way, so now he’ll go after wrestlers from other countries. So you could put him with someone like Kofi for a night and it would make sense storyline wise and it would give him something to do while keeping him away from the top names until the right time comes.

    So there you go, a great headlies and a good fantasy booking idea, all in one article.

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