Headlies: POLL: 78% OF AMERICA’S CHILDREN WON’T ALLOW THEIR PARENTS TO WATCH WWE

7 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:01

Text by Justin Henry and RD ReynoldsRD Reynolds
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POLL: 78% OF AMERICA’S CHILDREN WON’T ALLOW THEIR PARENTS TO WATCH WWE
By Justin Henry

Loudonville, NY – The Siena Research Institute recently conducted a survey of more than 12,000 American children between the ages of 9 and 14, regarding WWE programming, and whether or not they find it safe for their parents to watch.

The results may be of interest to Vince McMahon and World Wrestling Entertainment.

Of those surveyed, 78% said they refused to let their parents and guardians watch WWE programming, while 22% claim to have no problem with their mothers and fathers partaking in the child-like antics of John Cena.

“Look at what happened Monday with John Cena,” said Katie Dundel, an eleven year old fifth grader from Pine Bluff, AR. “He’s supposed to be really tough and a hero and he’s just yelling “LOSER” at John Lauradatis (sic). My mommy and daddy should be watching Game of Thrones or True Blood or Person of Interest, because those are for smarter grown-ups. I don’t want my mommy and daddy to be dumber from watching John Cena.”

“It’d be insulting to their intelligence to watch WWE,” said Blake McCorter, fourteen, from Glendale, AZ. “There’s a midget running around that used to be a leprechaun, a female manager who just screams a lot, and just really awful writing. Like, the dialogue that they speak is so stilted and awkward, no human being would ever speak the way they’re forced to. I mean, I can handle it because I’m fourteen and I’m prone to having low standards, but my parents should aim higher.”

Chris Presky, thirteen, of Newark, NJ, is among the minority, disagreeing with Katie and Blake.

“I’m cool with my parents watching WWE. Who’s to say that Raw and Smackdown are having a negative effect on them? Experts? Well, maybe they’re right, but my mom and dad are recovering crack addicts, and between Raw and Smackdown, that’s four less hours a week doing dangerous drugs, so I’m content with them rotting their brains in a legal way.”

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
7 Responses to "Headlies: POLL: 78% OF AMERICA’S CHILDREN WON’T ALLOW THEIR PARENTS TO WATCH WWE"
  1. Douglas Varney says:

    I for one have had enough of the PG era and the alienation is bring on the wrestling fan. Why is the WWE just for kids nowadays anyway.

    A lot of kids do not anything about pro wrestling and why should it pander to them and be so childish at it is at present. Most kids will grow out of the product and WWE will get nowhere. I understand that new kids will come along but how does that help WWE’s long-term investment.

    Pro wrestling is suppose to be a violent sport anyway, kids shouldn’t really be watching but a lot of them are forced to watch adult TV shows now and are into blood, cursing and the like so this child-friendly experiment is failing. It is just blocking the cause.

  2. D Grah says:

    what a load of shit. wrestlecrap is right, key word crap. i dunno if this was supposed to be a tongue in cheek article, but come on “I can handle it because I’m fourteen and I’m prone to having low standards” yea because every 14 yr old kid debases himselef like Conan O’Brian. This is a joke, not as in funny, as in pathetic. I woe the day any retard with a couple fingers can now go online and be a “journalist”, maybe just stick to your journal

    • Art0Donnell says:

      There ought to be some kind of warning in the headline that the content of the article consists of lies. In fact, you shouldn’t call them “headlines” at all, just “headLIES.”

      And cheer up, D Grah. Not all 14-year-olds are as self-deprecating as the one in the article. You’ll find out soon enough when you enter high school in a few years.

    • Justin Henry says:

      Even satire is still real to D-Grah

    • Matt says:

      YEAH! That’s why I only trust the Onion for my news and information, well that and Fox news but mostly the Onion!

    • John Nelson says:

      Maybe you should stick to crabbing about wrestling on skype instead of not catching the joke on a page called HeadLIES.

  3. James Mitchell says:

    In a way, this only shows how convincing the articles look – meaning that they have the look and feel of an actual newspiece. But, of course, it does help to read the words and consider what they mean, rather than be taken in by convincing presentation! Not that I am suggesting that Justin, Jordan et al mean to mislead since, as others have stated, the clue to how far one is meant to treat what they are reading as a serious piece is in the title of the column! It does make one wonder if the correspondent has been reading it for a long time, and thought lots of the articles were genuine, but has only spoken up now!

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