Headlies: Nikki Bella Unimpressed With John Cena’s Valentine’s Day Efforts

9 Submitted by on Mon, 12 February 2018, 08:00

Tampa, FL – Despite his best efforts, WWE Superstar John Cena was unable to impress his fiancé Nikki Bella during their Valentine’s Day celebration.

Bella entered the palatial mansion owned by Cena and was met with a long trail of rose petals imported from Ecuador. She rolled her eyes as the petals crunched beneath her Skechers. The scent of Bella’s favorite perfume, “Midnight Fantasy” by Britney Spears wafted through the air thanks to industrial humidifiers Cena bought and set up in various locations in the house.

Cena, wearing a finely tailored Armani suit, greeted a smirking Bella and led her to the dining room. Celebrity chef and Food Network star Bobby Flay prepared a five-course meal for the two consisting of all of Bella’s favorite dishes and flavors. Nikki casually picked at each plate throughout the meal while checking Instagram on her phone.

After the meal, Cena than carried a visibly-bored Bella to their bedroom where fellow WWE Superstar Aiden English serenaded the two with song written by Cena himself. The song recounted the couple’s first meeting and Cena’s deepest feelings for his soon-to-be-wife. English’s tender, soulful voice was interrupted by several exaggerated sighs from Bella.

“Nicole,” said Cena, ignoring the fact that his fiance’s first name is actually Stephanie. “What’s wrong?”

“You didn’t even notice that I’m wearing a different backwards hat, John,” said Bella. “It’s like you don’t even pay attention.”

“It’s a very nice hat, Nicole,” said Cena. “I know you worked very hard putting those rhinestones on yourself. The lettering on ‘Future Mrs. Cena’ is wonderful. Please make sure to put it in the dirty hats hamper when you want it washed.”

“Ugh! That is so like you!” shouted Nikki. “Next, you’ll be telling me we’re not getting married in the main event at Wrestlemania!”

“Um…should I keep singing or…?” asked English awkwardly.

“I paid you for the whole hour. Sing louder and maybe she’ll forget!” commanded Cena.

English belted out various pop music hits from the 90’s for 55 more minutes as the couple argued in front of him, before adjourning to separate rooms for the night.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
9 Responses to "Headlies: Nikki Bella Unimpressed With John Cena’s Valentine’s Day Efforts"
  1. Caveman says:

    Poor Nintendo John.

  2. CF says:

    Reading this: I think the hand gesture Cena is making in the front-page banner-crawl *might* be a little more Suggestive than the site editors anticipated…. >;)

  3. KatieVictoriasSecret says:

    Next season on Total Divas….

  4. Sawney says:

    Kinda nice to know that someone’s having a worse February than me. Wrestlecrap does it again!

  5. raging_demons says:

    Looks like normal behavior of Nikki Bella to me. Maybe if Cena gives her more money she’ll be happy again?

  6. Christopher Haydu says:

    This post should’ve ended with a dog party like in “Go Dog, Go.” After all, that book is basically about one dog not liking the other dog’s hat (just like this entry!) “Go Nicki, Go” even has a nice ring to it.

  7. AK says:

    one..two..three..he got her!

    oh no he didn’t.

  8. WhateverNameYouWant says:

    She’s STILL his fiancée? Feels like it’s been years.

  9. Lycanthrokeith says:

    So I could hire Aiden English to sing the greatest hits of the 90’s to me for an hour?


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