MAN WHO “ALMOST NEVER” WATCHES WWE OVERJOYED FOOTBALL SEASON IS STARTING
By RD Reynolds
Knoxville, TN – The end of summer has long been viewed by WWE with considerable sadness, as the return of the NFL and the long-standing Monday Night Football inevitably takes a bite out of Raw’s ratings.
Case in point, self-professed “very very very casual wrestling fan” Dale Trudeau.
“Thank GOD it’s finally back,” cried Trudeau. “I honestly didn’t know how many more of these horrible three-hour Raws I could take. I mean, it’s not like I watch it that much anymore. I seriously doubt I could even name four guys on the roster or any of the storylines. So I am thrilled to be getting back to my first love, football.”
Indeed, Trudeau reportedly “can’t wait” until Monday night this week. Instead of watching Raw as he very rarely has, he will instead be switching to ESPN at 7:00pm EST.
“Bengals versus Ravens, that should be a pretty good match up. I’ll be cheering for Cincinnati, because Andy Dalton looks like Sheamus. Then, when that is over, we get San Diego at Oakland. Phillip Rivers could really teach Dolph Ziggler what being a bad guy is all about. #heel, what a joke!”
“After that,” Trudeau continued, “we’ve got Broncos at Falcons. Peyton Manning is making his comeback, kinda like Brock Lesnar did. I mean, sure, Manning has only been gone a year, and Brock was gone from WrestleMania XX until the April 2nd Raw this year from Miami, but you can definitely see the similarities.”
“Packers are at Seattle after that, and I think that Aaron Rogers…man, he reminds me of CM Punk. Really good, starting to come into his own. The Seahawks are that team that always should be good, but never are. I often call them the Seattle Swaggers; it has double meaning, when you think about it. The Seahawks are birds, and Jack Swagger had a bird. Although that was an eagle, so maybe it should be the Philadelphia Swaggers.”
Trudeau concluded by saying that this season looked really good, and he doubted he would even flip over to Raw starting next Monday night. “I mean, it was pretty rare I watched it before. Now with MNF back in full swing, I probably won’t have any clue what is going on. I mean, maybe to see what’s happening with Jinder Mahal and Ryback, but that would really be about it.”