Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains, CO – Last week, former WCW and WWE star Big Van Vader hosted his annual Halloween party at his White Castle of Fear. Unfortunately, the turnout was much lower than he had expected.
“I don’t understand it,” barked Vader. “I must’ve sent out like a hundred of these invitations and there’s only a handful of people here. I know that people like having a good time! I know that people like living on the edge! What gives?”
The other people in attendance, besides Vader’s bevy of skanks, included Harley Race, Tex Slazenger, Shanghi Pierce, Ice Train, Cheatum the evil one-eyed midget, and Tony Schiavone, who showed up 2 hours early.
“I guess I should have been more specific on my invitation,” said Vader. “Maybe I should have said ‘Party goes from 8pm until midnight’ instead of ‘Vader Time to Vader Time’. And maybe I should have been more specific with directions. I suppose ‘The Rocky Mountains’ are a pretty big place. Maybe I should turn the light on outside so people can see the house number. I mean, I thought Sting would be here by now. He specifically said that might come. I hope he’s not lost.”
“Check the phone! Check the phone!” yelled Cheatum, picking up the receiver to check for a dial-tone.
“Hang up, stupid! He could be trying to call right now!” said Race. “And get your feet offa the table!”
“Man, I went to all this trouble to have a great party. I went to Costco and got a Party-size bag of Munchies, a case of RC Cola, a new Twister mat, and then I had to drive all the way across town to get like 4 Crave Cases,” said Vader, munching on a White Castle double cheeseburger.
“Well, at least a few people showed up and seem to be having fun, right? Yeah, this is pretty great! Who’s the man?! Who’s the man?!” bellowed Vader.
“This is the greatest night of my life and our sport!” slurred Schiavone, drunk on the Peppermint Schnapps he brought from home.
“Stuff it, twerp!” shouted Vader. “And give me back my sack of chicken rings!”