Kansas City, MO – Current WWE Superstar JTG has spent the past few days avoiding several WWE officials in an effort to keep his job with the company.
Once one-half of the tag-team Cryme Tyme, the seldom-used wrestler has managed to stay on the company payroll despite lacking any sort of push or character growth. This past Friday saw several Superstars receive their release from the company, which is commonly referred to as being “Future Endeavored”. Seeing the writing on the wall, JTG has taken to hiding, wearing disguises, and even running away from any high-ranking official that might remember he’s still employed and therefore fire him.
“Son, it’s been real stressful these past few days,” said JTG. “I’ve had it easy for the past couple of years. A few house shows here, an appearance on Main Event there. I stay in shape and get a good paycheck. I’m like the modern Funaki. My slogan has been: ‘Show up. Not be used. Cash check.’ Ch’yea! Let a playa not play, you know what I mean? But every year, right after Wrestlemania, the firings start to roll and I have to make myself scarce. If someone like Vince or Stephanie see me, it’s over.”
In order to stay under the radar, JTG has taken to hiding in the locker room showers. When he is forced to leave the safety of the locker room, JTG has worn several costumes to conceal his identity, including a pirate outfit, clown makeup, and even Pete Rose’s old San Diego chicken costume from Wrestlemania XV. “Yo, that thing stunk like a mixture of puke, Funyuns and Brylcreem. C’mon Pete, a little dab’ll do ya!”
JTG’s plan almost came to a crashing halt this afternoon. JTG ventured from his locker room fortress of solitude without a costume to get some lunch at catering with fellow barely-used Superstar Yoshi Tatsu. While waiting in line, JTG noticed that none other than Vince McMahon himself had walked into the room. Thinking quickly, JTG put on a caterer’s jacket, jumped to the other side of the table, and began serving prime rib. JTG breathed a sigh of relief when McMahon did not recognize him.
Tatsu, who has less fear of being released, warmly greeted the Mr. McMahon. McMahon took a bite of a protein bar, smiled and said, “Looking good, Tajiri!”