Amarillo, TX – The J-Tex Corporation, also known as “Gary Hart International” announced today that they have purchased a stake in shares of World Wrestling Entertainment following the company’s catastrophic dive in the market last Friday.
J-Tex Corporation was a WCW stable under the tutelage of the late Gary Hart that brought together wrestlers from both Texas and Japan. Hart’s protege, former WWE creative member and current ROH member Court Bauer met with financial reporters at the Double Cross Ranch to discuss the purchase.
“This has been a long time coming for J-Tex,” said Bauer, flanked by Corporation members Terry Funk, The Great Muta, Dick Slater, The Dragonmaster, and Buzz Sawyer. “They say that revenge is a dish is best served cold. It may have taken over 20 years, but the J-Tex Corporation is finally taking over WCW. By proxy, of course,” clarified Bauer.
The news of the purchase caps off a very difficult past few months for WWE. The lower-than-expected numbers of network subscribers combined with the injury of their champion Daniel Bryan and a thin roster has led many to question if WWE would soon by following in WCW’s footsteps into the professional wrestling graveyard.
“We’re callin’ on the Board o’ Directors to fire WWE’s executive management and that coward Ric Flair,” said Funk in his unique warble. “You’re all in fer a fiscal nightmare!”
The Great Muta then spit green mist into the crowd of reporters, blinding several members from Business Insider and the Wall Street Journal.
Currently, WWE’s only hope of stopping the J-Tex Corporation is a combination of the newly signed Sting and an appeal to both the New York Stock Exchange and the NASDAQ.