Headlies: Fans Mourn The Loss Of “Dashing” Cody Rhodes

7 Submitted by on Mon, 09 March 2020, 08:00

Salt Lake City, UT – The pro-wrestling community is currently mourning the loss of former WWE gimmick “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.

The gimmick, which focused on Rhodes’ handsome looks, was pronounced deceased minutes after Rhodes revealed a large tattoo on his neck. The tattoo, a red, white, and blue American Nightmare logo, received widespread scorn and mockery in and out of the wrestling world.

Fans of the “Dashing” gimmick gathered outside the Maverik Center in West Valley City to hold a candlelight vigil.

“So tragic,” said a misty-eyed Roberta Eda Abuov. “Dashing Cody Rhodes was so handsome. Now, he’s just…gone.”

“It was just so sudden,” said Dashing Cody Rhodes Fan Club president Harland Younger. “One day he was here and the next day he went to some tattoo shop in Atlanta. It really shows you just how fragile wrestling gimmicks can be.”

“This is what a Five Finger Death Punch song looks like,” said a disgusted Michael Ioane. “He took Sinistar, poured a Monster energy drink on him, and wrapped it in an American flag. His beautiful neck never saw it coming.”

After several speeches and ten-bell salute, those in attendance sang Rhodes’ old theme song “Smoke And Mirrors”.

Rhodes, who currently wrestles for and serves as the Executive Vice President of All Elite Wrestling, is still very much alive. He addressed the controversy this weekend.

“It’s just a tattoo!” exclaimed an exasperated Rhodes. “So it’s a little big and colorful. It’s not that bad! Right? Right?!”

At the urging of AEW President Tony Khan, Rhodes is considering adding a tiny mustache to the tattoo to appease “Dashing” fans.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
7 Responses to "Headlies: Fans Mourn The Loss Of “Dashing” Cody Rhodes"
  1. Thomas Moffatt says:

    In other news UNESCO has announced that the John Cena Heel Turn is officially extinct.

  2. Guy Incognito says:

    Well, it’s not like the blond dye-job didn’t look ridiculous enough by itself.
    Was better with the mustache.

  3. Alucard says:

    I sometimes think it’s impossible for Pro-wrestlers to get any good tattoos. Lesnar, Scott Steiner, Batista, Corey Graves, CM punk, Michael Cole, Aleister Black, Rhea Ripley, Undertaker and the list goes on.

  4. John C says:

    It’s all part of a future heel turn for The American Nightmare. He will change his name to Car Nee and run a crooked game booth in AEW parking lots where innocent marks will try their luck at guessing the weight of Dusty’s preserved splotch. After The Young Bucks ran away crying because they couldn’t win the stuffed Pharaoh dog a newly turned babyface MJF will steal the prize for The Bucks after kicking Car Nee low and calling him a bitch. It will set up an original concept for a match called a Dog Shelter From Heck and feature a steel cage surrounded by stuffed dogs and will receive the first ever, 7 Star Meltzer rating.

    • Jackwagon says:

      Meltzer already gave a 7-star rating for Okada v. Omega at Dominion 6.9 in 2018. Which makes perfect sense; the Dog Shelter From Heck match could turn out to be at least a 10-star match.

  5. Space says:

    Cody’s neck tattoo will unquestionably be the worst thing in wrestling in 2020. It must win Gooker this year

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