Kansas City, MO – At this week’s Smackdown and Main Event taping, WWE fan David Bach tried and failed to start a “We Want Aksana” chant.
Holding a fluorescent pink sign with a picture of Aksana that he printed off of his desktop, the 29 year-old summoned all of his strength to will the crowd into shouting out their desire to see his favorite WWE diva.
Unable to contain his excitement, Bach began his well-rehearsed serenade immediately following the start of Main Event. Initially, a few people surrounding Bach laughed at what they assumed was an ironic joke. Encouraged by the perceived support, he began to hold up his sign every few seconds, blocking the view of those behind him, despite being nowhere near where the hard camera was pointing. The laughs soon turned to jeers and thrown popcorn as he refused to stop.
“Oh man, the things I would let her do to me,” said Bach to a scared 11 year-old sitting next to him. “WWE has no idea how to push her. She’s just so hot and totally different from the rest of the cookie-cutter women they have. I mean, I don’t care about one Bella, let alone two of them. Give Aksana the belt and watch rating rise.”
As the main event of Smackdown began, Bach’s arms had grown tired and his voice had become sore. A wave of fear crashed over him as he began to fear that his beloved Aksana would not appear on the show.
“She’ll be in the dark match,” he tried to convince himself. “She just has to be!”
As the dark match featuring CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Kofi Kingston vs. The Shield finished, a crestfallen Bach left the arena.
“That’s it, I’m done with WWE,” said Bach as he downloaded the WWE app on his phone to see if he missed an Aksana-heavy segment.