Headlies: Bray Wyatt Tries To Return Items To A Halloween Store

3 Submitted by on Mon, 06 November 2017, 08:00

Zephyrhills, FL – WWE Superstar Bray Wyatt attempted to return Halloween decorations to his local Spirit Halloween store to no avail.

Wyatt walked into the Spirit Halloween store and placed a box full of Halloween decorations and other assorted items on the counter.

“Yes, ahem, I would like to return these items,” said Wyatt, squinting at the worker’s name tag. “Can I do that, Karen?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but we do not accept returns after October 31st,” said Karen. “The store is only open a few more days for clearance and then we pack up until next year.”

“Oh, well, I actually didn’t get these for Halloween,” said Wyatt. “See, I was supposed to have this awesome wrestling match against Finn Balor a few days before Halloween and then I got sick and couldn’t use them.”

“What do fake tombstones, a fog machine, cotton spider webs, 5 gallons of fake blood, a collapsible coffin, a plastic devil pitchfork, and a glowing skull have to do with wrestling?” asked a confused Karen.

“Well, yeah, when you put it like that it sounds kind of silly,” laughed Wyatt. “You have to know the complex and well-planned background to really understand.”

“And what part of the background involves a giant Minion with Pumpkin inflatable?” asked Karen.

“Look, my boss won’t reimburse me for this stuff. Could I just get like a gift card or store credit or something?”

Karen sighed.

“Okay, you seem like a nice guy. Just give me your receipt and identification and I will help you out.”

“Great. Thank you so much. Here you go,” said Wyatt while handing her a crumpled piece of paper.

“Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I can’t give you a refund because these items were purchased by someone named ‘Sister Abigail’.”

“That’s…ummm…I’m…okay, you’re going to laugh, but I am Sister Abigail,” said Wyatt sheepishly.

“Is this one of those ‘background’ things again?” asked Karen incredulously.

“I’ll…I’ll just go,” said a defeated Wyatt who then drowned his sorrows in cinnamon sugar pretzel nuggets and lemonade from the Auntie Anne’s next door.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.

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3 Responses to "Headlies: Bray Wyatt Tries To Return Items To A Halloween Store"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Outstanding!

  2. Thomas says:

    As if to only deepen his frustration, Bray realized he’d forgotten to have the cashier at Auntie Anne’s scan the barcode on his Pretzel Perks app, thus depriving of the four meager points he needed to get a free Pretzel on his next purchase.

  3. #OPC says:

    I heard he was spotted walking around JOANN Fabric after this.

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