Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds
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AIR BOOM TO OFFICIALLY DIVORCE, FIGHT FOR CUSTODY OF BREATH-TAKING OFFENSIVE MOVES THAT WILL ONLY GET YOU SO FAR IN WWE
By Justin Henry
New York, NY – After five months of bliss, followed by two months of legal separation, the tag team of Air Boom, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne, are officially divorcing.
Kingston filed the motion in Richmond County Superior Court on Tuesday, citing irreconcilable differences.
The duo officially came together on August 22, 2011, with early happiness and success. However, after several run-ins with illicit drugs for Bourne, as well as Kofi’s desire to be single again, the two have agreed to legally end their union.
“It’s tough, but you know that Kofi deserves to be happy,” said Bill Eadie, whose 1990 divorce with Barry Darsow, after nearly four years together, stunned the world. “Barry, like Kofi, could have been so much more. Barry wanted to do different things, like see Brian (Adams), and start up that collection agency. He just didn’t want to put on make-up and studded sado-masochistic attire with me anymore. I had to learn to accept that, just Evan needs to learn that Kofi doesn’t want to watch him destroy his life with fake drugs.”
One linchpin in this split involves Kofi’s involvement with Ron “R-Truth” Killings, causing some to feel bad for Bourne.
“He says he wants to be single, and now he’s going with Ron? That’s just not right,” said Mike Rotundo, survivor of many divorces. “I can tell you from experience that trying to “upgrade” never works. I left Barry Windham in 1985 for a blonde serial killer-looking guy, and then what happens? I go through an identity crisis! Am I a ship captain? A college jock? A tax collector? Kofi needs to decide what he wants, if only because Evan deserves only the best.”
As the two continue their divorce proceedings, Kingston is seeking full custody of his breath-taking, management-repelling offensive moves, while Bourne is just hoping to be able to use them on the weekends at PWG events.