Headles: Georgia-Native AJ Styles Given “Evil Foreigner” Gimmick

18 Submitted by on Mon, 08 February 2016, 08:00

ajstylesgeorgia

Seattle, WA – After much deliberation, WWE officials have decided to go a different route with newcomer AJ Styles’s character. The issue was discussed in a closed-door meeting with Vince McMahon.

“This AJ Styles kid is really something,” said McMahon of the 38-year-old, “But who is he?”

“Well, Vince, he’s wrestled all over the world with successful stints in both Mexico and Japan,” said Triple H. “Plus, he spent almost a decade with TNA.”

“Tee-En-what?” said McMahon. “No, no. No one cares about all that piddling crap. I mean who is AJ Styles? What’s his character? What’s his motivation?”

“He’s a talented wrestler that wants to become the champion of the greatest wrestling company on the planet. Isn’t that enough?” questioned Triple H.

“Maybe in the 1980’s, pal,” dismissed McMahon. “Perhaps he needs a job to give him some personality. How about a racecar driver or a hockey player? Have we ever had a snobby aristocrat character?”

“Yes, Pop,” said a perturbed Triple H, rolling his eyes.

“You’re right, that would never work. Say, where is Styles from anyway?” asked McMahon.

“He’s from Georgia, Vince!” said WWE’s television producer Kevin Dunn, clinging to McMahon’s back like a baby koala.

“Georgia, huh? Isn’t that one of those loser countries in Europe like Prussia or Austro-Hungary?”

“Technically, yes, but…”started Stephanie McMahon.

“Perfect! Grab a picture of his passport and let’s put him in some traditional Georgian peasant clothes. Maybe have him do some sort of weird Georgian dance. Then we put him in the League of Nations to replace the injured Sheamus or Alberto Del Rio. Done!” said Vince triumphantly.

“Wrong Georgia, daddy…I mean Vince!” said Dunn. “Styles is from Georgia in the United States. Y’know, from where WCW was. The South!”

“What?! S-Southern?! That’s just…I mean…how could we let this happen?” said McMahon, spitting on the floor at the idea of someone being from the South.

“Calm down, Dad!” pleaded Stephanie.

“Alright, alright. The plan goes as scheduled. Have him come to the ring in a broken-down pickup truck. Make him chew a piece of hay and take swigs from his moonshine bottle. Just really play up how different he is from the rest of us,” said McMahon.

“But, Vince, Georgia is part of the United States,” said Triple H.

“It’s foreign enough,” shuddered McMahon.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown. If you like horror movies, check out www.365daysofhorrormovies.blogspot.com
18 Responses to "Headles: Georgia-Native AJ Styles Given “Evil Foreigner” Gimmick"
  1. Geoff says:

    After the meeting went as planned, Vince went to Creative and told them to think of something “southern” and “Georgian”. When the next RAW aired, debuting was…. AJOG. AJ O Godwinn. A long lost cousin of Pig and Hog. The southern wrestling team back in the mid 90s. Accompanying him to the ring was the remains of the long dead Hillbilly Jim. Nobody noticed that he was dead and everyone thinks he is more articulate and animated now than before when he was alive.

    • Nicholas Nutter says:

      AJOG is great! (And God I hope it doesn’t actually become a thing.)
      [Full disclosure, so nobody gets the wrong idea: Hillbilly Jim is alive and well.]

  2. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    This must be how Al Snow got the Shinobi gimmick.

    • Brendan says:

      No,

      AL Snow got the ShinobI gimmick when Vince McMahon’s limo broke down in front of a Hooters in Pensecola Florida. There was a ShinobI video game between the claw machine and Frogger, by the John. Vince saw it, almost called AL Frogman, but decided to go with ShinobI while on the toilet. He figured “Hell! The youngsters still go for all that oriental karate, Mr. Myagi shit! What could possibly go wrong!” And with that, AL Snow was reborn!

  3. John C says:

    “I’ll make sure to remind Cole and the other minions announcing to refer to him as a wrassler from down South. And that he wrastles just like they did in Dubba-u C Dubba-u, the company that he, Vincent Kennedy McMahon put out of business. Oh and make sure The Miz is ready for a Hog Pen match at Fast Lane with AJ, cause wrasslers love rolling in hog crap and eating vittles with Granny.” Vince then began to cackle for the next 37 minutes and 16 seconds.

  4. Geoff says:

    Thus breaking his old record of cackling for 36 minutes and 59 seconds. With no interruptions

    • John C says:

      I believe the old record occurred when Vince heard the word, weiner on the air promoting the Westminster Dog Show on USA Network.

  5. Vealchop says:

    Now I’m going to have nightmares of a back clinging Kevin Dunn.

  6. MistaMaddog says:

    In Vince’s warped reality, the South was never re-intergrated with the Union and the US was always at war with Canada…

  7. Alexandru says:

    Wouldn’t surprise me if this was Vince’s reaction as he does, legitimately hate people from the south.

  8. Nicholas Nutter says:

    Actually, just this morning I was thinking about a Headlie where AJ was repackaged as Isaac Yankem Jr because he broke Miz’s teeth. This is funnier, though.

  9. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Suddenley, the geriatric McMahon quits cackling and springs to his feet, “Wait!”

    The room falls into silence as an expression spreads across his twisted face that looks like a combination of intense thought and a bid to overcome constipation without laxatives.

    “Wasn’t there some rich guy from Atlanta?”

    “Yes!” A gleeful Kevin Dunn nods, “Ted Turner!”

    Vince claps his hands together, “I got it!”

    Triple H edges away, “Got what?”

    “We’ll make him a multi-millionaire hick!!!”

    “That could work…” Stephanie has THAT look on her face.

    “Yes!” Vince begins to fiddle with himself as Triple H moves further away, “He’ll be a millionaire hick from Atlanta who is obsessed with Dubbu-a C Dubbu-a!!! We’ll bring back Chavo Guerrero to be his chauffeur… Jamie Noble to be his trainer… Regal can be Lord Steven Regal again and be his buddy along with that French guy they had. Remember him, Trips?”

    A groan is heard as Triple H buries his face in his hands, “I think I’ll go to NXT for a while…”

    “STING will be his hero… Madusa will be his squeeze… we can have DDP as his LIFE COACH… and when it is all said and done…”

    The foolish Kevin Dunn sniggers like he’s a teenager who’s drawn a picture of a penis in a bus shelter

    “We’ll have one of MY top guys knock off this Dubbu-a C Dubbu-a lover at ‘Mania!!! He’ll lose to… wait for this…”

    “Me?” Triple H’s head lifts up.

    “No.”

    Dunn’s head nods like that of a bum off his face on meth, “You?”

    “No. One of the top guys in the company, a man with a great record at ‘Mania…”

    Steph slams her hands down, “The UNNNNNDDDERRTAAAKKERRR!”

    “No…” Vince falls backwards into a chair almost squashing Kevin Dunn, “He’ll lose to…. MICHAEL COLE!”

  10. Jeremy says:

    I think we know what will win the next Gooker award if this comes true……or A.J. will just be repackaged as the Gobbledy Gooker instead, he does have experience dressing up as a turkey thanks to TNA.

    Or they’ll forget that A.J. Lee retired and just expect A.J. Styles to start skipping to the ring and hope no one notices the difference.

  11. Geoff says:

    AJ Styles as AJ Lee? Come on man! Don’t give Vince any more bad ideas. We want WWE to get better not worse, right? Right! Right? And now I’ll have nightmares for a week! (goes and sits in the corner and rocks back and forth continually saying to himself “Have a nice day!”)

  12. ChrisV says:

    “Wasn’t that AJ chick better looking? She really let herself go!” responded Vince to hearing that a wrestler with the name AJ had signed with WWE. “Still, AJ will really help this Diva’s Revolution. Book AJ and Brie Bella for WrestleMania!”

  13. Gabe Benson says:

    Vince sits back in his chair and has a flashback to Black Saturday and cackled, “I’ll get them Duke Boys if it’s the last thing I do!”

  14. TheDog says:

    Fortunately for AJ, when Vince went to pitch his ideas to the WWE creative department, they used their secret weapon: they threw a porn magazine at his head. The nudity-filled book quickly distracted the old pervert, who shambled off, flipping through the pictures and cackling to himself, his ideas forgotten.

    “Why’d you do that?” asked the newest writer to the team.

    “We do that whenever Vince tries to pitch a particularly stupid idea to us.” one of the writers said, patting a box of similar nudie mags under the table.

    “We’d do it for all Vince’s ideas, but we can’t afford that many magazines, so we have to save them for the really stupid ones. And AJ Styles the incestuous southerner counted.” Said another writer.

    “How did you know he’d have AJ Styles be a incestuous southerner?” asked the newest writer.

    “Because that’s his idea for EVERY wrestler from the South.” the first writer replied.

    “And several wrestlers not from the South. The man has a REAL creepy obsession with incest.” the second writer said.

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