Fan Wants TNA to Die Just Because He Likes Seeing Wrestlers Lose Their Jobs

15 Submitted by on Tue, 23 July 2013, 22:10
dixie

 

Grand Rapids, MI – 27-year-old Sean Brethern was only fifteen when World Championship Wrestling went out of business, but he remembers it fondly.

Now, the cart-retriever at Sam’s Club is hoping the same thing happens to Total Nonstop Action.

“I have no idea why, but the idea of wrestlers losing their jobs excites my groin in ways that are hard to describe,” Brethern said during his fifteen minute break. “The idea of hard-workers like Christopher Daniels, Kazarian, and Gail Kim being forced to toil for irreputable indies for a fraction of what TNA paid them brings me this perverse joy.”

Brethern was one of many WWE (then WWF) fans who rallied lemming-like being the Stamford giant as WCW crumbled before its ultimate sale to Vince McMahon. But the mere sale of the company wasn’t enough to satiate Brethern’s glee.

“I loved watching WCW make mistakes, and I used to post “RIP WCW” on message boards and newsgroups back in the day. When it was over, and guys like Elix Skipper, Jason Jett, Dustin Rhodes, and others wound up in the indies, especially after Vince cut em, I was so happy, I could sing.

“I mean, why root for a company to die if you’re not going to piss on the ashes afterward? Only a moron wishes for a wrestling promotion to go out of business, and then feels bad for those who are out of work. You gotta be consistent with your thought process, and mock the unemployed. Not long after the Invasion, WWE cut Jerry Lynn loose. Brought me joy to laugh at Lynn when he did some indy shot here. That’ll teach him to wish for many spots for many hard workers.”

But what happens if TNA dies, and WWE invariably takes in talented workers like Kurt Angle, AJ Styles, Bully Ray, and Bobby Roode?

“Just like with the Lynn thing, they gotta cut guys. I’ll still be cheering for WWE, and be all “WOOOO! WWE RULES!” while Zack Ryder, Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, and Antonio Cesaro are booking indy dates without a solid #2 promotion to go to. I feel comfortable saying that this is the best outlook to have. Hurry up and die, TNA!”

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
15 Responses to "Fan Wants TNA to Die Just Because He Likes Seeing Wrestlers Lose Their Jobs"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    This post brought to you by nearly every commenter on Lords Of Pain.

  2. BaltoJim says:

    Whenever I see a cart retriever pushing a bunch of carts across the parking lot, I like to shout out to him, “Hey!!! Somebody might want to use one of those!”…

  3. hobu0 says:

    Why you gotta diss on my hometown homie? :-)

  4. bret_owen99 says:

    I was truly sad when WCW died, and didn’t even know about WWE buying it until that night. TNA, I used to be a fan of, but haven’t watched in years, ever since Hogan buried Roode and changed the plans for his character. Ever since then Bishoff has regurgitated the NWO invasion a couple of times (Immortal and Aces and 8′s are both the NWO to TNA), and it has done nothing for the company.

    I don’t want TNA to close, but I want it to change, and I’ll admit, selfishly, back to what I liked about it in the first place. The X Division used to be about no limits, not weight limits (like Bishoff has made it WCW Cruiserweight 2.0). TNA used to have the best tag team division on the Planet, now they have a couple. Let’s not even mention what has become of the Knockouts, who at one time had a roster almost the size of the men in TNA, with battles just as epic.

    I

  5. BeaverCleavage says:

    I do like how there’s no Headlies in the headline. Clearly this is a real story!

  6. Jacob Gunther says:

    Eh, I’ve seen some Crappers act like this, I’ve even acted like this before, so I can’t really talk. Still, TNA has been solid lately, but not great. Still needs something extra.

  7. Alan says:

    Jarrett, Hogan, and Bischoff are about to kill yet another wrestling company with their outdated, bad ideas. It’s not the talent roster, it’s the ineptitude of those three, along with Dixie Carter.

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      I’d say this is pretty much spot-on.

      • Josh Dionio says:

        Jarrett’s hardly involved up top anymore due to him getting Kurt Angle’s ex-wife so can’t blame him on that front. This is Dixie, Hulk, and Bischoff’s big fubar.

  8. MJA says:

    I’ll never forgive Hogan and Bischoff if TNA dies. If it happens, that will be 2 promotions they’ve taken from us.

  9. Peter says:

    Yeah, this Headlies is pretty spot on, on the wrestling forum I check every other thread in the TNA section is about them going out of business. If it happens, I won’t feel bad for Hulk, Dixie, or Bischoff, I’ll feel bad for the wrestlers, just like I felt about WCW.

    I just find it pretty amazing that one man and a handful of his employees are the only ones who can successfully run a national wrestling promotion. It’s not an issue of talent, like say for instance if you were to compare the NFL to the CFL, as TNA has many talented wrestlers, some who could be main eventers in WWE. It’s just the intelligence isn’t there in the office. It’s amazing, it truly is.

  10. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    #AskDixie is amazing. That is all.

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